I just read this post, and I'm pretty new here so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I met this guy back when I was 16, he was what I termed an alcoholic everytime I saw him he was drunk. It was obvious he was into me (definitely not full of myself-quite contrary) but he was always hitting on me showing up where I was etc....My sister and her bf at the time were trying to set us up.

Sorry long story short. I finally pulled him asside and said as nicely as I could but I don't think it was very nice, "Look, I don't know if there will ever be something between us or not, for all I know it could be fate workin on us right now BUT I don't like drinking, or being around drinking, especially drunks. If you want to even consider "us" as a possibility you're gonna have to stop drinking."

No exaggerations here. The very next time I saw him he was sober....and everytime after that. We've been married 7 years now. Seriously how could you not give him a chance after completely changing a huge part of his life (good or bad) just on the chance that he MIGHT get to date you?

Sorry my long story isn't getting very short. Back to you...I would pull him aside and say just that "you know what I don't know how I feel about you yet, but I do know how I feel about the smoking/job etc. If you want to try us out, you're gonna have to stop smoking (all substances) and take your life a little more seriously." If he's really that into you he will, or atleast make an effort, if he's not he won't. That'll be your answer if it's even worth the stress and anxiety of trying. Just my 2 cents.

I appreciate your input. I thought about that, but there are other issues besides the smoking. He has no life ambition, and he's very insecure. I dated someone like that before, and its not something I want to re-visit.

do you need me to come over and slap him with my jandel?

Seriously, I'd take him aside and tell him you appreciate his friendship but that you don't want to date him. Telling guys they feel like a little or big brother tends to get the point across. ;)

As for the girl trying to set you two up, I don't think I'd worry about being mean, just tell her to back off and that you already told him you're not interested so she can find him another match if she's intent on matchmaking.

Icon, I heart you :)

My friend Jessie is about to get on the b*tch slapping bandwagon.

He hasn't bothered me since Sunday, but we'll see what this weekend brings.

And for her, you're right, I do not HAVE to be mean, but I've been nice about it for the past 3 weeks and she hasn't quite gotten the picture. We'll see what happens this weekend. I'm hoping everyone stays away and I can have a quiet weekend of school work.

i'm not a 20-something, but just had to say this...stella, it is NOT b*tchy or rude to not be romantically interested in someone, and for letting them know in clear terms that you're not interested. there is absolutely no reason on earth to feel "guilty" for turning someone down, or for defending your perfectly reasonable boundaries when someone (a friend, say) oversteps them repeatedly.

that's all i wanted to say!

tell her to use her jandel! It makes a statement that says "I am so unimpressed with your behaviour I had to slap you with my jandel"