Online dating trepidation
 

Hey all!

SO. I just returned from living in Uganda for 4 months (and now 8 months out of a LTR) and my friend convinced me to join an online dating site - Plentyoffish.com. I have been sending emails with this one guy for about a week or so and now he wants to go on a date this Saturday which is great! But I am so nervous to meet him, not because of safety concerns, but because I am afraid he will look at me and be repulsed or unattracted. I put up about 8 photos on my profile including several full body shots etc. They are all pretty flattering but I made sure to put ones up that weren't hiding my weight (though I definitely did not put up the horrible fat photos - you know, the ones that show every roll and double chin even when they don't exist!).

Am I just being paranoid? Why do we think that being fat is a reason to instantly write someone off, and why do I feel unworthy for it? It is crazy how many insecurites have popped up in my mind while doing this and I am not a normally insecure person. ugh.

Oh well. Any tips? Past experiences with online dating or blind dates?

I've never been in that situation, but i would think it is natural to feel nervous and a bit insecure, you're thinking about putting yourself in a situation where you might be rejected so it would be unusual to not feel those things. Since your photos have been relatively honest (probably more honest than most people on that site!) he is bound to have looked at them before wanting to organise a date. So I wouldnt be overly paranoid there :) I would just try to relax and enjoy it. And of course be safe!

I agree with Iconised Ghost. I've never been in a similar situation however if I were you I'd just go and be myself. He knows what you look like from the photos he wants to get to know 'you' better... So be yourself and go for it. Good luck! :)

I say go for it!
 

The worst thing that will happen is he doesn't like you or you don't like him... Not the end of the world....

I am biased thought because I met my Fiance on Plentyoffish 2 years ago.... We are getting married on 11/7/09! We would have never met without POF!! :) Thing I will say is it is better to meet in person before having a long email/phone relationship.... What if you aren't attracted to each other... That does play a role as well. Good Luck!:hug:

I have met a few guys from online dating and I always assume they dont like me because I'm fat...and I think that my pictures never do the fat justice... However I have found that most of them like me.... The last one really liked me and I loved talking to him but once we met it was miserable...he was so boring in person and I just wanted to go home...ugh... taking a break for a while :)

i'm coming up on my 2nd anniversary with my DH, whom i met on match, when i was about 20 lbs heavier. the best advice i can offer is, don't worry so much about if he likes you or not. he either will or he won't - you are who you are. i'd spend more energy on having a nice time and starting to figure out if YOU like HIM!

I wouldn't worry about it, just go and have fun. I've done online dating for years, and I kind of proceed the way you are - I put up pictures, some full body, some not (I mean I do get rid of the double chin ones, but whatev) and the guys that I've gone out with seem to have an idea before hand, and even when I was heavier, liked me for who I was (physically).


Just have fun :) Someone once told me to look at every date as if it were a potential job interview - even if it doesn't work out, you've learned SOMETHING from the experience :)

I wish you luck!!

I have met a couple guys from POF, the first one was just looking for booty call, the second one is still one of my good friends (I just didn't see him as boyfriend material) Him and I talk daily :) That was a really good experience.
I know a few couples who met on POF. I say GO FOR IT! If he is not interested because of your looks, there will be other guys that will be!. Life is short! Let us know how it goes :D :D

I met my husband on Yahoo personals in 2004. Married 2006 and we are coming up on our 3 year anniversary on 10/21. We have crossed paths about 100 times in our lives, but never met til the personals. Same college, same friends, same classes, his dad even taught at my elementary school!

My point is, you never know who this person is until you give him a chance, just like this guy is doing for you. He's seen your photos, so he really shouldn't be that surprised. And if you are worrying about yourself throughout the entire date, he will pick up on that! Be yourself, and you will find your fish!

I've done many online dating things, and I think I had only one guy who wasn't into me. (I wasn't into him either so I wasn't too stressed) Te first time I ever did something like that the one only wanted you know what.

But none of them ever saw my weight as an issue.
Im currently with my finance who i met online. He's the best thing that ever happened to me to be honest.

and I must say he probably is 99.9% sure what your body looks like since you said you have full length pics post. Is it such a bad idea to think he likes you no matter what?

I think confidence is what ever guy wants, so give it to him. Have fun. and if he isn't into you then just move on.
:hug:
hope this helps you out!

wow i'm having similar thoughts right now! i'm talking to a guy, and i'm also really nervous that i don't look as good in real life as i do in my "good day" pictures. the one person i did meet online seemed to like me okay, but i'm still nervous about the guy who i'm chatting with right now...at first i only had a head shot, so i sent him a body pic just so he would know...idk, that i really am CURVY lol. anyway, i hope things go well for you (and me lol)!! i'm sure he'll like you just fine : )

I went out with a guy from POF for about 4 months. I see you're from BC too so if it's the same guy BEWAAAARE lol. I'm sure it's not though :p

Anywho, you put up honest photos so don't worry about him finding you unattractive or something. They may be your more flattering photos but I don't think anyone pudgy or not puts up gross photos of themselves so it's to be expected! I'm sure he put up his better looking photos as well.

I think people look better in person even then their best photos usually because you can see them smile and their personality shining through.

Good luck on your date! Remember to meet somewhere public and take your own vehicle.

Thanks guys! The date is tonight.... dun dun dun.

I'll let you know how it goes!!

I hope your date went well, and if not there was at least something learned from it. I've had a few online dates, and I always have the same thoughts. I'm get really nervous because I don't try to hide my weight at all, but I also do pick the pictures that I look my best in. I haven't met anyone off of POF yet, but it's a pretty awesome site.

I'm registered on POF, and have been for several years, and I have had no luck. I've met one from there and found out he is a fruitcake and acts like he's high on life, not to mention he goes to pig roasts and well, he's just not my type and he called my family white trash cause we do "white trash" kinda things.. and I did not go for someone calling me white trash, so we haven't spoke to each other since.
But ya, I always thought guys thought I was ugly or fat on that site cause I've had no luck, even emailed alot of guys and I see they read their email and don't write back. Another guy I've talked to online from there sent me a nude photo of himself from his IM and right then and there I decided I wasn't interested in him because if he has nude pics of himself on his computer he must show them to women other than me and I didn't want another guy like my ex (he was the same way).
There are alot of fruity, sex obsessed guys on dating sites. I'm not so sure I wanna go on them anymore.

I'm curious to know how this went! I've met about 15 guys over the last few years online dating and so far none of them worked out in the long-term, but about 50% were positive experiences. I'm no longer on the dating site, but I'm still talking to a guy who found me on it about five months ago. We haven't met yet, but I'm really anticipating doing so soon. Anybody ever feel like you need to lose five more lbs before you meet? I know I do. But do you girls ever think that maybe the guy has some insecurities too?

I am actually meeting someone for coffee in about an hour that I met on an online dating site. We've talked both through email and phone for a couple months now, so hopefully it will be a positive experience. I'm a little nervous, but we'll see how things go!

Ugh... I used to hate the stupid "coffee" proposition.

It's just an excuse for a guy to see what you look like and decide if he wants to see you again BEFORE he committs to a full priced date.

B**turds.

RN:
Hmmm. I see what you mean, I'm sure some guys definitely do that intentionally.

But for me, coffee is just a safe bet. I've done the coffee date a few times off of POF, and I'm often just shockingly grateful that the date is SHORT and SWEET if it turns out that I have absolutely no interest in the guy's personality. To be honest, after 15 minutes, if I'm staring at him, listening to him talk and TRYING to convince myself to be attracted to him (personality AND looks), then I know it's not happening. And I'm glad that the date is just a coffee, and not a whole night where a guy who I KNOW I'm not interested is paying for a whole meal for me!

Soleil... I've done the online dating thing, and it is really horrible to try to find that delicate balance between pics that make you look gorgeous, and ones that you think are "realistic," especially if you (like me) think that the double-chin ones might be more realistic.

Yes, attraction is important, but a good guy won't stress over you being a bit overweight. A good guy will be looking to find someone who he enjoys being around... so be yourself, get the conversation flowing, and worry less about what he thinks of you... and more about whether you think this guy could be right for YOU! :) :hug:

I've done it too. I'm dating someone right now off a site :) If it doesn't work out - so be it, it wasn't meant to be


try this site though, it's WAY better then POF.


http://www.okcupid.com

it's free, witty, and there's better people :)

okcupid is where I met the guy that I went out with earlier today. I'm not quite sure what to think yet. We were there for 2.5 hours, talking about tons of different things....but I don't know. He didn't even offer to pay for my drink, which normally I don't care about, but it just seemed odd. There was less awkward silence in person than there is sometimes when on the phone.

It was nice and although I was kind of indifferent about it earlier today, I had a nice time. We'll see what comes of it.

I'd say go for a date two, maybe you were both nervous and what not?

Thanks for posting the other site. I've been using POF since shortly before I moved to San Diego however it seems like all of the guys I talk to are just looking for a booty call which I'm not looking for. So I'm still going to try but I'll try that too.

okcupid was what i was using also. there are a lot of creepers on there though... well, i guess you get that with any dating site.

Especially on free dating websites... but I guess just like "real life" dating (don't know what else to call it, lol) you have to sift through a lot of frogs online as well before finding a prince.

Well, first of all I think you should be safe! Go to a public location and make sure your friends know where you are and check in with them every 20 minutes or so.

Secondly, that's good that you didn't try to hide your weight on your profile pics for the dating site. I think you should go on the date...what's the worst that could happen? He decides he's not interested? Oh well, his loss!

Good luck!