Weight loss is not a "magic bullet"
 

Dear Ladies,

Something I realized today, during my morning run (yay), is that weight loss is not the cure for all of my problems that I thought it would be. Silly, I know, but stick with me. I think that some of us, myself included, think of weight loss as a "magic bullet" and say to ourselves, "When I get thin, life will be so much better, easier, etc." but the truth is that when you lose the weight, that's all you do: lose weight.

I was under the impression that when I lost weight I would go through this complete transformation of body and mind, and come out in the end a completely different/happier/better person. While I am pleased to say that with the support of 3FC and my moderate dedication (lol), my body is in the best shape of my life, my mental condition hasn't really changed.

I am more confident when I look in the mirror and feel better wearing clothes but I still have "fat" days where I look in the mirror and am sure that I managed to gain 8 lbs over night (lol). I still have the same insecurities that I did 20 lbs heavier. While better controlled, my anxiety (which I have mentioned before) is still there, all thought better controlled, I still fear the my bf might leave me for someone prettier or just get bored with me, etc.

Sorry for the really long post. I was just wondering if anyone else has felt this way. Even reading my own post, it sounds silly but I guess I could just use some support. Thanks and hugs many times over!

Audra

/raises hand

Only recently have I realized that losing weight is NOT going to cure my anxiety, body issues, or just general uncomfortability with myself.

Don't know how to work on *those* issues, but for the time being I'm going to continue to work out, eat correctly and see the scale #'s drop.

Its true! Losing weight didn't solve any of my problems, if it had, I wouldn't keep losing and gaining again.

It helps to know that I am not alone. :hug:

Hi digging deep. I can absolutely sympathize with what you're talking about. I'm at the lowest weight I can ever remember being at and still have days where I feel fat and gross and just want to cry. But I also have days where I feel beautiful, fit, strong, healthy, and maybe even sexy! How many of those days did you have before you lost weight? I would guess that the good days outnumber the bad days now, whereas maybe it was the opposite before. I actually was always a pretty confident, happy person, even at 170 pounds, but the past 4 months have showed me a whole new side of myself - a drive deep down that I never knew existed, the determination to run for 60 minutes straight and feel great, the willpower to stop eating when I know I'm full, and those accomplishments are mine and mine alone. When you have those bad days, just think about how far you've come and how much healthier you are these days. You know have the tools to keep up this lifestyle forever, and while there will most definitely be challenging and crappy days, you will move on and use them to help you get even stronger! Congrats on the progress so far!

TakingCharge: Thank you for your kind comments and reminding me that there is definitely an emotional component to accomplishing weight loss. I do have days where I feel damn sexy (yes! lol) like I never did 20 lbs ago. A healthy BMI is very satisfying as well.

I guess, I just assumed that because everyone talks about endorphin release during workouts and self confidence that comes from weight loss, I expected a greater impact on my mental health, in addition to the obvious pluses to my physical health. :)

I mean, I feel like I can take on the WORLD right after a work out, but it doesn't last me all day. Which sucks.

Hmm I can see where you are coming from, although I have had a different experience. It's true that some of the things that still bother me are the same even though I am 50 lbs lighter. However, I have a LOT more confidence at 163 than I did at 213 lbs. I'm not afraid of speaking up or being assertive... I think it has some to do with losing weight, yes. But also, my goal from the beginning was more than just losing weight... it was to become a runner. So a lot of my confidence/identity/who I really was underneath layers of fat was discovered during one of the many daily runs (and continues to be discovered!) :)

Also, I have GAD and OCD and I have found that daily exercise has REALLY alleviated a lot of my symptoms. Of course I still practice therapeutic techniques when needed, but instead of becoming anxious over things, I find I am less stressed, more calm and generally even-keeled on the emotional level than I was before. That's not to say that I'm still not challenged at times, but a big part of me wonders why I suffered with anxiety problems/rumination/obsessions when 30 minutes of daily cardio has seriously made a huge impact on my ability to cope.

I absolutely agree that exercise is MANDATORY for me to control my anxiety as well as I do. I manage my anxiety disorder(s) without medication. :) Running has been a huge blessing in my life that I was not prepared for but am immensely grateful for. (I'm doing C25K right now and am halfway through.) I have to say that specifically running has helped me more as far as anxiety goes than say lifting weights or the 30DS did. It's about the kind of exercise you do, so I think it makes sense that we both benefit from reduced symptoms because of running. (Whoo. Go runners. Lol.)

I think what I was/am trying to say is that weigh loss does not equal therapy, which I guess, is pretty obvious, but I truly thought that I would lose the weight and wake up one day and think, "I'm obviously so freakin' hot the my boyfriend can/will never leave me" LMAO and then that anxiety would magically disappear. I'm such a dork but a part of my really wanted to believe that would happen. :p

HAHAHAHA. I totally have the same thing happen to me. If only it would last all day! :D

lol, yes, I know exactly what you mean. Running -or daily exercise- not only gives a place for all of that anxiety to go, but it just generally improves my mood and makes me feel better emotionally all around. But I agree, there are things I learned in therapy that I will always have to use in order to manage the difficult times. You're not a dork for thinking that one day your anxiety issues would disappear. My OCD started so suddenly that I thought that it would leave just as suddenly, so I spent several years hoping it would just go away as quickly as it came. Of course it never did, and eventually I had to go to therapy to learn how to deal with it. Funny thing is, one of the first questions my therapist asked me was do I exercise regularly?

I also manage it without medication - I've found that running IS my medication, and only now that I know how to deal with things when they get a little hairy... running is therapy for me. But it wasn't always that way and it took some time to be able to get there. Now I am able to deal with my anxiety through running - and hey, it's a lot less expensive than a therapist. ;)

HAHAHAHA. Running is waaaay less expensive than therapy!

Therapy was a great thing for me and really has allowed me to have the quality of life that I do. It's another thing that I am super grateful for. I think that I realized my battle with anxiety would be an uphill one, really from the very beginning.

Many of the issues that supposedly triggered my anxiety have been "resolved" (as much as they will ever be) through therapy. Now, that I am past all of those issues, including my weight/body image stuff (which the weight loss has obviously helped) I feel like there are a whole bunch of new issues staring me in the face that I never had the opportunity to pay attention to before.

It's a bit discouraging to be honest. First weight loss is not the "cure" I thought it would be and second, now I have a new set of issues staring me in the face. GRREAAAT. Lol.

BTW, :hug: Thank you for understanding.

I hope that one day maybe running will be my "medication" too. :)

I never feel differently about myself. Felt the same at 230 that I did at 150. It's not a good feeling, but it's the same. I think that it's a frame of mind. Your brain needs to loose mental weight while your body looses physical weight. (Sounds cheesy, but you know what I mean :) Hopefully anyway...)

I know exactly what you mean. There was a great thread that someone posted today from MSN about this very topic. I completely agree and it took awhile for me to get used to being 20 lbs lighter. It actually really helped that I plateaued (never thought I'd ever say that. lol) for roughly 6 months where I currently am because my brain had a chance to catch up!

Our minds are very powerful...if only we could always wield them the way we want to! ;)

Author's Note: I haven't weighed in for a month now and won't weigh in for another month (until I have completed C25K).

I've been to therapy only a few times, right after my mom died, and I didn't get much from it - what really helps me is exercise. I'm a worrier. Always have been, and I think I always will be, but exercising daily, especially cardio, really helps me and alleviates the symptoms and decreases my panic attacks.

I want to start the C25K program - bought running shoes and everything! But my weeks have been all broken up lately. When I move (and don't have a gym anymore) I'm definately going to start it, but I hope that happens before then. I am currently headed to the gym to "fake run" on the elliptical :)

Stella: I highly recommend C25K. Despite playing 10 years of competitive basketball, I was never a runner and conditioning was always my biggest weakness. Now, I love running. I do it for me and it really helps with the anxiety/stress management as we all have been discussing. :)

Therapy is all about finding the right therapist. If you don't like/don't feel like you can trust your therapist, try someone new. I literally went through 4 or 5 therapists until I found the one who worked for me.

Also, if you ever feel like trying again, I recommend searching for a cognitive behavioral therapist, specifically. It's (arguably) the best form of treatment for anxiety disorders.

I have a slightly different opinion on this. I of course don't think that weight loss is a magic cure all by any means but when I started my journey I decided that I wanted to work on myself as a whole...inside and out. I felt like I was missing out on life and I really wanted to change that. I work everyday on having a positive outlook on life and it has greatly improved my day to day living. I am more willing to go out and try new things and with the weight loss I feel like I can now. My confidence level as skyrocketed and I feel wonderful about the way I look and I can't wait until I reach goal and see all my hard work pay off!

I think it has a lot to do with your mind set going into losing weight. I never expected the weight loss to fix all my issues. I decided to work on them just as I worked on my body and I have noticed improvements in both aspects.

I agree with Kswood, I know that weight loss wont solve everything, but it will solve some things for me- i dont have to worry about the health repercussions of being overweight for example

I absolutely can appreciate the benefits of weight loss and obviously there are many including being healthier, feeling healthier, assisting the control of my anxiety, lighter TOMs, confidence, being a good example for future children, feeling of accomplishment, this list goes on and on. My intention was not to diminish these aspects of weight loss at all.

I was just foolhardy enough to think that the act of losing weight would somehow revolutionize the way I thought about myself. I completely over-estimated the impact that physically weighing less would have on my mind/mental well-being. Also, my weight loss is and was always motivated by shallow goals. My health was never particularly threatened, I was never at risk of not being able to have children, my life was never severely impacted my by weight, I was never "obese" as medically defined.

There are ladies, probably like you, would come to weight loss with deep motives and goals beyond the superficial. This probably makes weight loss more fulfilling for you because there is substance behind it. I never had substance, thus my results are equally superficial as my goals.

I hope that made sense to someone. I admire those individuals who have deeper meaning in their weight loss.

I've always had a pretty healthy self-esteem, though I was "taught" by my mother (watching her battle her weight) that all these wonderful things were going to happen me when "I finally lost all of the weight," and all these wonderful things that I couldn't do until "I finally lost all of the weight." Things like date, and get married, and swim, and dance.

In the mid-90's, I discovered the "fat acceptance movement." There were and are a lot of controversial opinions in the movement, but the one that changed my life was the idea that at any size, a person is entitled to make as much of their life as they are able to, without apology. I did not owe the world an apology for having to put up with the sight of me. I didn't have to wait until I weighed a certain amount before I could date, swim, dance, walk or hike in public, get on a roller coaster, socialize, go to college, go to graduate school, get a great job (all things I've done while weighing between 250 and 394 lbs, and things I've seen people on this site list as things they're going to do when they reach their goal weight).

I have a great life - even though it isn't the same life I'll live when I'm at my goal weight, but if I had postponed all of the things I've enjoyed and accomplished until "when I get thin," or even "when I get under 250 lbs," I wouldn't have done any of those things. I'd be 43 and still waiting to do all of those things.

I think that being happy is a lot like weight loss. The both are largely choices, even though they don't always seem that way.

Digging Deep -

Yeah, I'm a tennis player, I never had to run. I'm good at quick bursts of speed, not prolonged. I think I always shied away from running b/c of this (and my lovely shin splits). I even downloaded the C2K app on my iPhone, I just want to have one week where I can consistently do it, and that hasn't happened. Maybe next week, but I'm going to Seattle.
As for therapy - I'm very fortunate to have a best friend who's a therapist. While I know its not the same thing, she's actually helped me a lot with behavior modification - at least in controlling my attacks.
Over the past 10 years I've learned to control stuff through modification, as well as exercise.
My problem is just that I worry too much, then I get nervous, and it goes downhill. I'm actually really awesome in a crisis situation, I don't panic if I don't have time to think about it, I just do. Its the anticipation that will have me hyperventilating or not eating.
I also grew up in a house where we didn't talk...about anything...so I kind of don't know how, that's why the therapist didn't pan out. I just didn't know what to say - I feel the way I feel, but I don't know how to verbalize it well. Apparently after my mom died, my dad was the most worried about me because I just don't say anything (as opposed to my sister who says EVERYTHING) and he was freaked out by it. My response was - okay, for 26 years we don't talk about sh**, now you want me to pour my heart out? Doesn't work, buddy.

But, I'm also with kswood - when I started this it was more to fix myself as a whole, not just weight loss. My mom, grandmother, and great grandfather (all in the same line) died of cancer - so my main goal is to be a healthier person in general. Not being obese, eating healthy foods, and all of that (I expected) will contribute to me being a little big saner. Not totally, but maybe just a little bit :)

I really, really appreciate your insight. It was wonderful to read your thoughts.

Stella: I totally relate to the sports thing. For me, it's so much more rewarding to work out for myself rather than to do it as a part of a team or something that is mandatory. It also makes me shy away from workout partners, but hey, that's just me.

It's awesome that you have the support of a friend that you can talk to. I think that therapy has made me too willing to share my feelings. Lol. Although, I'm finding it difficult to articulate my thoughts to everyone as accurately as I would like...

ME TOO. The most I can do is have a "gym buddy" - just someone that I can go to the gym with, but then we go our separate ways. The biggest hurdle - for me - is getting in the door.

But I must say, this site has done wonders for motivating me to get my butt to the gym :)

HAHAHA. This site is more inspirational for me than anything. This is only the second thread I have ever started but getting to comment and hear everyone's stories, especially their successes is so much fun. I get excited for other people. Lol. So, everyone, chances are if I congrats you on something, I am typing while bouncing around in my desk chair, being excited for you. :high:

Again, Agreed!

Stella - We are kin. Lol.

Weightloss might not be a cure for all our problems but it is a cure for ONE problem. And that's our health .

I learned 2 things today that are kind of in the same theme of this thread:

1. As some of us have discussed, repetitive motion (biking, running, walking rather than yoga, weightlifting, aerobics) is super effective for assisting in relieving anxiety. No wonder us anxiety disorder people get hooked on running. :)

2. Most people with anxiety also have blood sugar conditions. (I'm hypoglycemic.) And monitoring your blood sugar can actually be vital to success in controlling anxiety and weight loss.

I knew there was some reason I attended college! (HAHAHAHA.) :p

Really....maybe something to discuss with my doc in November...

I totally "forgot" about my hypoglycemia until my prof mentioned blood sugar disorders that are often related to anxiety disorders. I was like "Holy crap! That's me!" Lol. I'm a really big nerd. :)

Anyway, I am going to be more vigilant about my eating habits. My bf and I have committed to getting back to eating clean again but it also is about eating regularly, etc.

Yeah, you know, to use a tired analogy, it is kind of like peeling back the layers of an onion. When you take care of one issue, you move on to another one. When I was at my lowest weight thanks to an ED, I still had several issues (including anxiety). After gaining weight, and then losing it the right way this time, I knew that being thin would not take care of some of my problems... had been there before and like marbear24 said, still felt the same. You know what though? All you can really do is tackle the issues one at a time. And appreciate all the hard work you've done in the meantime! :)

There is a study that links OCD to hypoglycemia. I have a friend with severe OCD that swears by the hypoglycemia diet (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/artic...emic_diet.html) that relieves her symptoms. I take B complex vitamins every day and it REALLY helps not only with energy but with my mood.

The scariest thing about where I am in my onion is that I have dealt with my past so now I am staring straight into my soul and realizing that maybe there are some things that I don't like so much about myself that I want to work on. I told my mother that dealing with my past was EASY compared to the battle that is to take place within myself now. It's about fundamental changes within myself (not getting over what someone else has done to me) and that's HARD. There's no one to "blame" but yourself. YIKES!

Thanks for the link. I am going to check it out. My hypoglycemia is mild so I haven't really given as much focus as perhaps I should. Also, I have had a **** of a time getting good information about it. I actually went to a nutritionist when I was first "diagnosed" who sat there are just showed me the same plastic pieces of food that I was shown in grade school and high school health classes. Wasted one hour of my life and never went back to the nutritionist. Lol.

My boyfriend has me taking vitamin B complex as well. I agree that it helps with the energy level but not much else. But hey! I'll take energy any day! :) I also take Iron and fish oil. I think the fish oil helps a lot too. I have never tried any herbal anxiety remedies, despite there being some very effective and psychologist-approved ones on the market, because, well, I just got off of medication, and it's hard to know if they are really "working".

Fat Pants:

CONGRATS ON YOUR SUCCESS SO FAR!
HOLY COW, WOMAN! YOU ARE FANTASTIC ;)

:carrot:

I know EXACTLY what you mean. And to be honest, once I finally got the OCD under control I really had to confront some not nice things about myself. You know, us anxious types... we hate confrontation, we want people to like us, we're people pleasers, and think we are generally good people (which we are!) But just because we don't have aggressive personalities doesn't mean there aren't things about ourselves that aren't negative. I know something that I had to confront and am still working on is gossiping about my coworkers! When I realized this stuff was affecting my mood and emotions is when I really had to do something about it. It's not easy, but just think of how much of a better person you will be once you do confront these aspects of yourself.

One mantra from therapy that I LOVED is that you can't control your thoughts or feelings, but you can control your actions. I.e. you can't control the random thoughts that pop into your head or feeling anxious but you can control how you respond to them. I can choose to entertain the negative emotions or thoughts or I can use therapeutic techniques or go for a run or generally choose a more positive way to respond to the issue. I find that this helps far beyond responding just to anxiety!!

Hang in there. The hard work will pay off, and you will be amazed at how freer you feel once you get there. There are several times I look back and say "Why did I wait so long to get the right help?" I lost several years of my life just living in anxiety and fear and I finally feel like the "old me" once again. It sounds like you are making a lot of progress in therapy... it only goes up from here. :hug:

LOL thanks, lost it all from running! Just another reason why I'm a huge fan of it! ;)

You hit me on the head with your description. I will (1) lie to you and/or myself and (2) cry and cry and cry to try to avoid confrontation. Inside, I know I am a people-pleaser and want everyone to like me. Obviously, not everyone likes anyone. When I run into someone I don't get along with, I automatically focus on their lesser qualities to make myself feel better about them not liking me. Which isn't fair at all.

The first step for me is definitely being honest with myself (semi-colon) about the characteristics that I dislike. Then, making an effort to identify and deal with those issues. I have to say that I did a good thing today with all of this in mind. Unfortunately, the whole story is way too long and involved to discuss (had to do with being honest with self and others even though it might upset both parties. lol) but it was definitely there. :)

My anxiety level has been particularly high for whatever reason this week, usually so, I might add. I need to get back in focus and remember to do my "coping exercises" and deep breathing (and all that jazz) to not allow the "spiraling thoughts" or negative "what ifs" get out of hand. (They have been this week.)

Sharing always helps. This thread kind of just became a anxiety and weight loss support thread but I am very, very okay with that. ;)

I think that I'm finally starting to deal with things. I've been in therapy on and off since I was 11, anxiety/depression related, weight and body-image related, ED related, etc. I used to be such a people pleaser that I could never get around to being a fully-formed human being; one who is strict in who she is and doesn't take anything from anyone.

On the reverse side, I spent so long vilifying the "popular kids", the ones everything seemed to come so easily for. I also tended to blame everything on my weight and appearance, choosing to believe that the only reason these people didn't like me was because I was unattractive. As I'm discovering that that is not the truth, I've started making big changes in my life.

This summer I went home and did a major overhaul on myself. I quit smoking (my anxious habit... gives you something to do with your hands, so you seem cool instead of insecure), took time off from drinking, started exercising, starting eating healthy and fresh foods, started meds for my depression, and lost 20 lbs. I feel much, much better. It's not all due to the weight loss, though. It does make me feel wonderful and attractive, but that definitely is not the only reason I've been feeling better. It has to come in a package for weight-loss to really change your life.

First of all, thank you for sharing your experiences with me/us. :) I think that I finally figured out, basically, what you said about weight loss and some other contributors to this thread have said. Weight loss is only life-changing if you make it life-changing. It can be an open door to other things but only if you notice that it is in the first place.

I feel like I need to start therapy all over again to deal with my "new" set of issues. :o

I think it's about time for me to make some goals! :D

Goals: (in no particular order)

1. To be life-giving
2. To be comfortable in my own skin
3. To not take on other people's issues
4. To be a ray of sun shine
5. To not fear making mistakes
6. To be emotionally responsible for only myself
7. To be in control of my thoughts
8. To allow myself to be a human being
9. To own all of my desires, even the ones the make me uncomfortable
10. To not live in fear that one day everyone I love will hurt me
11. To forgive my father
12. For my body to feel healthy and strong
13. To believe without a doubt that perfection is a myth
14. To own my sexuality and wield it in any way that I desire
15. To lower the demands that I have of myself and others
16.To be less judgmental
17. To treat my body like a temple
18. To partake in all that life has to offer
19. To acknowledge that fixing everything is not my role in life
20. To not fear new experiences
21. To be nicer
22. To give love more freely
23. To feel the sun on my skin daily
24. To smile more
25. To live a healthy lifestyle
26. To be artistic
27. To find happiness in every single day