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Old 05-05-2009, 02:35 PM   #1  
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Default Be honest... would this have made you mad?

Sitting at a horse show with a group of people I know... my father-in-law was standing in front of us all... I was telling a lady about my weight loss, etc. He all of the sudden says "Are you loosing weight so you can get pregnant." I replied "Do what? What do you mean?" He says "Well you know, are you loosing weight so when you get pregnant you arent extra big?" I said "No, I plan to enjoy my weight loss for a while.... and we wont try to have a baby until we have a house." And I just kind of changed the subject... but the more I think about it the more it ticks me off.
See, my inlaws are dying for a grandchild, but we've only been married for 11 months. They are also not hurting for money but are very stingy... especially since my husband is thier only child. Neither my husband or I make very much money and are no where near being able to buy a house. That was my reason for adding that comment back to him. Anyway, that's not really the point.
The thing that made me mad was that #1 he even said that, and #2 it was in front of a bunch of people.
Of course my female confidants are going to agree with me... my husband said it was no big deal and that it shouldnt have made me mad. I'm just asking for a non-biased opinion, just for my own sanity. I dont plan to bring it back up to my husband, I just need to know if it was me getting too easily offended or not.

Thanks!!!
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:38 PM   #2  
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The "so you won't get extra big" would have made me mad!!!

If he would have just asked "are you losing weight to get pregnant," I would have been ok with that!

uggh. men.
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:45 PM   #3  
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Yes, I would just chalk it up to a poorly-worded question. I agree with the above that the part that would have bothered me is the 'so you won't be extra big" part, but at 5'6 197lbs, you weren't 'extra-big' anyway!! He probably just assumed you were comfortable talking about your weight/weightloss since you were discussing it with that woman and if they are dying for a grandchild, it makes sense that he'd try to make that connection. I'd let it go, especially if this isn't something he does all the time.
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Old 05-05-2009, 02:52 PM   #4  
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Most inlaws were that way. Right after we got married, my husband left for deployment, right after he left they started with 'so, when yall gonna give us a grandbaby?" I had a 2yrold when he and I married and we weren't planning on having any. I told my MIL, "you have one, her name is Makalya, I think you've met"...lol I emailed my husband to let him know what they were saying and he handled it. I wish for your husband to do the same.
Needles to say I did change my mind down the road we added 2 more children to our family.
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:09 PM   #5  
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Yes, I think you have a right to be offended. In general, I wish people would stop making any kinds of comments to anyone else about their plans to have babies. It's none of their business. On the other hand, I would still answer the question politely because that's just how I am. (I wish I could be more assertive most of the time!).
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:11 PM   #6  
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Well, I would be horribly offended by the idea of me having children in general. Ever.

LoL, but since it's about you and you like kids and want some eventually, I think you might be upsetting yourself over nothing. I don't think he thought he was being rude, I think hearing you discuss it actually got him excited and he was just posing a question in the hopes it would be true. The 'extra-big' comment is questionable, but we also must take into account that your FIL is from a generation where it was perfectly acceptable and expected that women would gain lots of weight during pregnancy. It's only been in the last few years with the celebrity baby boom that the 'eating for two' mantra fell out of favor.

I wouldn't stress out over it, but you might want to tell him to keep his dumb comments to himself next time and that you'll have a baby when you're good a ready.
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:14 PM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LizzieBee View Post
The "so you won't get extra big" would have made me mad!!!

If he would have just asked "are you losing weight to get pregnant," I would have been ok with that!

uggh. men.
ITA!
The extra big was rude but since you brought up the weight loss and they want a grandchild I dont find it rude at all.
Not really appropriate but if you plan on having kids ever you might as well get use to that It starts like this with couples
So when are you getting married?
So when are you guys gonna have a baby?
Once the baby is on its way look out! Are you gonna breastfeed? Um what I do with my breast not really anyones business especially male friends/family but theyll ask too....and this pregnancy questions go on and on....
Then after you have the baby when are you going to have another one?
It doesnt end.
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:19 PM   #8  
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I totally would have been mad... Dont you get mad when the inlaws medal in??

I totally had that problem and it would drive me nuts...

I hope that things look up for you. I know that medaling inlaws and parents in general can make for a rock beggining of a marriage if they are not told from the start to keep there nose on there own face... I wouldnt be mean about it but i would make it known that when you are ready to have kids and when you have money and a house then and only then will you consider having kids..
I would tell them now before it gets worse..

Best of luck to you!!
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:28 PM   #9  
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I think that's just the lack of tact that most men have, but I'm sorry you had to be at the receiving end of his tactlessness.
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:48 PM   #10  
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I would have definately gotten annoyed at the extra big comment.

I'm single and I have to deal with the "so when are you getting married/having babies" and it seriously irks me. I think its extremely rude to ask those types of questions, so I probably would have been annoyed.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:14 PM   #11  
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This is very stereotypical "inlaws". I cant tell you how many times my mother-in-law has asked an inappropraite question or made an inappropriate compliment. I.e.: we went on a cruise and got dressed up for the Captains Ball, I walk out of the bathroom and she's in our room, she says "oh wow, what a beautiful dress, you look absolutely beautiful", I smile, thank her and proceed to escort her and my husband out of the room, she THEN says "wait, arent you going to put on your girdle before you leave, you surely arent going out like THAT". Grrr...still a sore subject to this day. Point being, you are completely in the right to feel that it was inappropriate and YES, especially in front of someone, HOWEVER, because this really is standard (according to my girlfriends who have had the same issues), I would just shrug it off and someone who does not have common sense.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:20 PM   #12  
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blargh.

this is why i live several hundreds (and in most case, thousands) of miles from any of my immediate family members.

and i don't even have to contend with inlaws.

they're called boundaries. some people need to learn about them.

isolde
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:24 PM   #13  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShutterK View Post
I think that's just the lack of tact that most men have, but I'm sorry you had to be at the receiving end of his tactlessness.
Bingo!


Males, especially male in-laws, seem to lack tact. At least in my family. I would shrug it off. You sound like you are in control and know what you want.
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Old 05-05-2009, 04:31 PM   #14  
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I would have been more mortified that he was talking about my weightloss to people! I hate it when people do that, i can feel their eyes examining my body, and the person telling them doesnt know the whole story anyway! But thats just me, the question about getting pregnant probably wouldnt have upset me as much if it was in private, he was probably genuinely interested and worded it pretty badly, but in front of many people i might have been a bit miffed too. So i think you have the right to be at least slightly ticked off :P
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Old 05-05-2009, 05:58 PM   #15  
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Yes, it would have made me mad. It was completely inappropriate. The appropriate time to comment on someone having a baby (trying or pregnant) is when they tell you about it, or they show up with their baby .
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