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Old 05-05-2009, 09:43 AM   #31  
Backpedaling!!
 
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My BFF does something like this. Rarely answered the phone for like six months, always claimed she was in another room or at a relatives house (BullS&*. She was smoking marijuana and didn't want me to know), and never called me back. When I was able to get ahold of her, she would never have listened to the message I left saying why I needed to talk to her, and these were all things that she had told me I could call anytime to get info, and she would insist that she never listens to voicemails because they're "annoying." What she means, and I have gotten her to admit this, is that she's too lazy and inconsiderate to sit there for five minutes and find out what the last five people (usually me and her mother) wanted to talk to her about. Then she excuses herself with "Oh well, when I see the missed call log and it's you, I can just call you back and find out what you needed, so it's not rude!" Uh, Newsflash: YES IT IS IF YOU REFUSE TO CALL ME BACK! This is a very intelligent woman. I have asked her if she would at least try to find out if she can disable her voicemail since she refuses to check it, and she said it would be too much bother. I 've asked her to change her voicemail recorded message to reflect the fact that she has no intention to listen to her messages at any time, she says it's too much bother. This heifer has NO EXCUSE for being so inconsiderate and just doesn't care. We get along much better via email and instant messenger LOL.

I agree that no one is obligated to make themselves available for a stranger 24/7, but there is a different standard of behaviour for people who are related to each other or consider each other to be best friends. I'm not a bill-collector or solicitor or salesperson: I'm her best friend, and I have NEVER, not in seven years, failed to be available to her when she needed me. Three years ago, I got diagnosed with a pretty significant illness that I'll have for the rest of my life. I was devastated (I'm ok with it now) and needed my friend more than I'd ever needed anyone, and she was the last person to know because she couldn't be bothered to answer the phone, call me back, or listen to the messages for three days.

Last edited by freshmanweightorbust; 05-05-2009 at 09:46 AM.
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Old 05-05-2009, 03:51 PM   #32  
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I'm very close with my family and friends, but it doesn't mean I don't love them, if I'm not available to them 24/7. This was a revolutionary concept to my family. Because THEY were always within a few feet of the phone and always answered, they felt I should be also. My parents (and one sister who lives with them, and another who is there every day) have a land line, and everyone has a cell phone, so if I wanted to reach any of them, I had four phone numbers I could call, and would inevitably get my message to them in a few minutes. They felt that their accessibility meant that I was obligated to return that obligation.

For all of my life before and during the first few years of our marriage, I did make myself accessible 24/7, because it was they way I was raised. Then my husband and I experiences serious financial difficulties, and had to cut off our phone service in order to pay for medications. Then my husband was injured which worsened an inherited bone condition, and now we're both on disability and fixed incomes. We're not in a position to afford both a land-line and cable television (not to mention a 24/7 cell phone, when not at home), and so skype is our only option. My family through a pretty big fit about going from being able to reach me in 15 minutes to an hour max - and having to wait up to 3 days to have a call answered. Because you pay seperately for incoming and outgoing calls, there were times when finances were so tight, we could afford incoming but not outgoing calls. Incoming calls we pay for quarterly, and outgoing calls we buy minutes for as needed. If we ran out of outgoing minutes, we might be able to recieve calls but not be able to make any outgoing calls until pay day.

It was a BIG adjustment for my family to make - but after years of telling them what we were paying for phone service did inspire them to get rid of THEIR land-line, and now only use their cell phone. Now they are no longer available 24/7 (though yes, their callbacks are likely to be a bit more prompt than ours. That's unfortunate but it doesn't mean I love them less than they love me).

At first I felt that it was only "ok" because we couldn't afford to be as accessible to them as they were to us, but as our financial situation eventually improved a bit, I realized that not being "on-call" didn't mean that I don't love them, and I had the right to choose to live a lifestyle in which my phone accesss was atypical.
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Old 05-06-2009, 12:07 PM   #33  
Backpedaling!!
 
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I think the thing that I object to the most is that a lot of the people who do this just act very rudely about it; lying about why they don't answer, or otherwise letting it be known that they just don't care what you have to say, which is rude. I wouldn't be the least bit offended if my friend only had a land line and was rarely home. I have a problem with being lied to and made to feel unimportant by someone who is supposed to be my best friend.
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