Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-02-2009, 02:48 PM   #16  
Just keep breathing!
Thread Starter
 
GradPhase's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: East Texas
Posts: 1,071

S/C/G: 191.7/191.7/145

Height: 5'5

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainy View Post
Well, if it is an emergency you'd more likely call 911 or the emergency number in your country than your sister.

She lives a six hour flight away - of course I would call 911 if it was a medical emergency. However, if it's a family emergency or something else where she has information I need, and time is of the essence, it would be nice if she would at least answer the freaking phone.

In THIS instance - I was at the post office to mail a box of stuff she asked me to get, to HER. She's 8 months preggo and wants some baby stuff just from Alaska - and yeah, I'm happy to help. But I'm moving on Monday so the only time I had to mail it off was then. I noticed when I was almost at the counter that she misprinted her address when she emailed it to me, but I didn't remember exactly what it was supposed to be from when I lived with her - I just knew it was a number typo. So I took the time out of MY day, to waste MY gas money, during FINALS week to do something SHE asked for - and she can't even answer the @$#[email protected]#$ phone the first time I call. I still am completely convinced it is terrible phone etiquette. Especially since it's expected *every* time I call her! And I don't call her very often! Maybe once or twice a month tops - but if she has that much disregard and disrespect for the people trying to get ahold of them - that's totally fine, I can't change that - so I'll just stop calling.


Star2Be - that totally sucks about your "friend"! SUPER disrespectful! I would be SO mad too!! BAD phone etiquette! Eughhh!
GradPhase is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2009, 03:26 PM   #17  
Senior Member
 
NishKitten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: East Coast
Posts: 534

S/C/G: 194/139/125

Height: 5'8"

Default

LMFAO!

I'm a phone snot, I admit it. I NEVER answer my phone. I hate talking on it, and save for two people (my two besties who also hate the phone and any telephonic correspondence is 10 words or less. To the point. Easy. Done) I straight up will not answer it. If it's important, leave a voicemail and i'll get back to you.

Otherwise, if you want an answer right away you need to text me. And even then, don't expect me to write you back more than is absolutely necessary.

I know it pisses EVERYONE off, but I just don't have the time to discuss the f*$king meaning of life or the weather when i'm trying to paint my toenails, get laid, or coordinating my panty drawer.

I don't know wtf is up with the 20 rings though, I know that has to be obnoxious. I set mine to go to voicemail after two. Maybe you could ask her to at least change her ringer setting?

Last edited by NishKitten; 05-02-2009 at 03:29 PM.
NishKitten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2009, 11:16 PM   #18  
Senior Member
 
tkm256's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Bloomington IN
Posts: 333

S/C/G: 145/ticker/125

Height: 5' 2"

Default

Quote:
Especially since this friend is notorious for using this as a tactic of breaking plans with people: if he changes his mind and doesn't want to hang out with you after all, instead of having the b*lls to actually TELL you, he just completely ignores you.
I had an almost-friend who did the same (never made it to the full-time-friend status for just this reason). To your face, she'd be 100% up for anything: ask her after class if she wants to board a space shuttle to Mars on Saturday and she'll be all smiles and enthusiasm. Then when you email or call later in the week to confirm she'd just ignore you until the event had safely passed, then say "Oh, sorry, I had this and that crisis and didn't get your messages until yesterday." Then she'd start sneaking around to avoid you because she knew you knew that was a b*tchy thing to do--dashing out of the classroom so she didn't have to talk to you, taking new routes to class so she didn't accidentally bump into you, and being painfully obvious about it. It's really aggravating because it was like I was a mean, threatening person who was persecuting her or something, when if she had just come over to say "hi" I would've just pretended it never happened.

I know such people have conflict avoidance issues, but it's more than a little cowardly.

Last edited by tkm256; 05-02-2009 at 11:21 PM.
tkm256 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2009, 01:07 PM   #19  
Maintaining ~6 years!
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,306

S/C/G: 263/Maintaining/150

Height: 5'8"

Default

^ Yup, that pretty much describes my friend to a "T"--right down to the fact that, like your friend, he is not a very close friend, for essentially this reason! He actually used to be one of my absolute best friends, but I just got so fed up with him treating people this way that now I can really only handle him in small doses, heh. It's a shame though--he really is a lot of fun to be around whenever we do manage to make plans, and we get along so well, but it is extremely frustrating to try to maintain a relationship with someone who is so unreliable... And you are dead-on about the conflict avoidance issues: he just seems to be entirely incapable of confronting "unpleasant" things, and for some reason most of his friends seem to be totally fine with turning a blind eye to all of his rude tendencies and acting like it never happened - something I will never understand - yet I'm somehow the "mean" one because I expect common courtesy from him (or some kind of explanation when he doesn't give it!). I guess I can't help it that I want to be treated with respect!

While I agree with kaplods that it's not fair to expect your friends to be available to you 24/7 (and that is certainly a consequence of the prevalent technology right now--cell phones, internet, etc), I think it is extremely different circumstances when the person is fully aware that they should be expecting a call from you, and yet doesn't make any effort to make sure that they can receive it. You are not obligated to answer every chatty, "just-wanted-to-say-hi" call you might get from a friend, but if you have plans (like with my friend), or you are otherwise fully aware that the other person might need to reach you at a moment's notice (like with Eskinomad doing a favor for her sister), I still maintain that it is extremely rude not to answer your calls. In my case, I put off making alternative plans for last night because I was expecting to spend time with that friend, and ending up having nothing to do because he couldn't take just a few minutes to tell me that we would have to reschedule... Likewise, for Eskinomad, she was essentially stranded at the post office - a place where she wouldn't even have chosen to be, but had gone as a favor! - until she could get ahold of her sister to iron out the details of the address and such. I don't think it's a good enough excuse for a person to claim that that's "just the way I am"--what? You're just... Rude? You're just... Special, and exempt from having to exhibit normal phone etiquette? I don't mean to sound melodramatic, and I suspect this opinion won't make me incredibly popular, heh, but I have gotten very weary of this kind of behavior from having to put up with this.
Star2Be is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2009, 01:20 PM   #20  
Just keep breathing!
Thread Starter
 
GradPhase's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: East Texas
Posts: 1,071

S/C/G: 191.7/191.7/145

Height: 5'5

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star2Be View Post
In my case, I put off making alternative plans for last night because I was expecting to spend time with that friend, and ending up having nothing to do because he couldn't take just a few minutes to tell me that we would have to reschedule... Likewise, for Eskinomad, she was essentially stranded at the post office - a place where she wouldn't even have chosen to be, but had gone as a favor! - until she could get ahold of her sister to iron out the details of the address and such. I don't think it's a good enough excuse for a person to claim that that's "just the way I am"--what? You're just... Rude? You're just... Special, and exempt from having to exhibit normal phone etiquette? I don't mean to sound melodramatic, and I suspect this opinion won't make me incredibly popular, heh, but I have gotten very weary of this kind of behavior from having to put up with this.
Preach it, sister!!
GradPhase is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-2009, 02:02 PM   #21  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 256

S/C/G: 318/294/Healthy

Height: 5'8

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star2Be View Post
Ooooh, it's so funny that you would post about this just now, because I am having the exact same problem with one of my friends for the past couple days! He goes to a nearby school, and I *thought* that he and I had been planning for me to come visit and go out with him tonight, but I have been calling and texting him since like 4-5 PM yesterday, trying to solidify the plans, and he has not responded to a single one of my attempts! That is just SO irritating to me--and such a completely inconsiderate and just RUDE thing to do! Especially since this friend is notorious for using this as a tactic of breaking plans with people: if he changes his mind and doesn't want to hang out with you after all, instead of having the b*lls to actually TELL you, he just completely ignores you. I find that so childish! I'm like, Um, no, you're not actually going to be able to convince me that you just "didn't get" all of my 3426 messages! Grrrr...


OMG my sister is the exact same way and she is 48 years old!
If she changes her mind which is often about doing something with you she just wont take your call and then later when you ask her why she didnt show oh I had to take the kids or I had to do this or that. And its rarely true.
I also have a friend who is the same way and its like I know she has the phone attached to her at all time bc when Im out with her shes constantly on it. Well that goes for both of them actually.
Which I find that more rude than anything people who use their cel phones constantly while out with someone else.
I understand picking up to see if somethings wrong or if its your baby sitter ect. but just chatting is rude.


I get irritated by people who constantly ohh I gotta go so and so is beeping.

If its my mom or my husband calling then I will finish the conversation and then say I have to go. I dont say I have to go b/c so and so is calling.

Id agree that 20 rings before the machine is extreme though.
LookingForMeAgain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 06:09 PM   #22  
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

What I don't get is how your sister could have anticipated that you would be calling her - if she made a mistake with the address, how could she know that and expect your call? What evidence do you have that she was screening, and not just away from her phone?

My husband and I have had accusations from family that we "ignore" their calls, when the fact was we just weren't home or near the phone.

If she SHOULD have been expecting your call, because you had agreed ahead of time, that's another matter.

You and your sister seem to have different expectations of what is and isn't acceptable, so you need to talk about it. If you're doing her a favor, does it mean she has to be 24/7 accessible, until the favor is completed - maybe you shouldn't do her any favors. You have a right to say "no," as much as she has a right to decide when and whether to answer her phone.
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 06:33 PM   #23  
Come on Spring!
 
Ruthxxx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Delta, Ontario, CANADA
Posts: 26,840

S/C/G: 232/170/150

Height: 5'0" on a tall day

Default

Yes, we do have the right to answer or not but 20 rings is excessive and rude.
Ruthxxx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 06:46 PM   #24  
on my way to satisfaction
 
Shannon1983's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Eastern, Pa
Posts: 338

S/C/G: 245/230/160

Height: 5'6"

Default

I totally agree with the call waiting thing.. I dont ever switch over when i am on the phone and the call waiting is beeping.. That is totally rude.. If you didnt have call waiting it would just beep that your phone line was busy and they would have to call back later. SO let it beep and let them call back later.

My husband gets mad if i dont answer my cell phone for other people.. I dont get that.. It is MY phone and if i want to answer MY phone i will.. I dont have to answer the phone just because it rings...

To many people these days think that you should just answer your phone because they are calling and i dont agree with that..

We go to our cabin every other weekend starting on Thursdays- Sundays...

There is NO cell phone service there and when we get back into range i have a full mail box from people.. Leaving stupid messages every 20 mins.. I feel like i am being treated like a child when people call and say " Call me back i want to know where you are" or " I already left you 3 voice mails.. this is the 4th. Why aren't you taking my calls"" AHAHAHAHA so annoying...

SOrry to vent but this whole thing drives me nuts and i think it is rude that people expect you to answer your phone no matter what..

That is just my opinion and i am sorry if i offend anyone!!
Shannon1983 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 09:35 PM   #25  
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eskinomad View Post
In THIS instance - I was at the post office to mail a box of stuff she asked me to get, to HER. She's 8 months preggo and wants some baby stuff just from Alaska - and yeah, I'm happy to help. But I'm moving on Monday so the only time I had to mail it off was then. I noticed when I was almost at the counter that she misprinted her address when she emailed it to me, but I didn't remember exactly what it was supposed to be from when I lived with her - I just knew it was a number typo. So I took the time out of MY day, to waste MY gas money, during FINALS week to do something SHE asked for - and she can't even answer the @$#[email protected]#$ phone the first time I call. I still am completely convinced it is terrible phone etiquette. Especially since it's expected *every* time I call her! And I don't call her very often! Maybe once or twice a month tops - but if she has that much disregard and disrespect for the people trying to get ahold of them - that's totally fine, I can't change that - so I'll just stop calling.
This made me think - your sister still has a month to go with the pregnancy, so why did you choose to try to complete the errand during finals week? You had a choice to make, and you could have chosen to do the errand at YOUR convenience (or not to do it at all).

You certainly do have the right to just not to call her or have any contact with her, and to do no favors for her, but I still don't understand why you think she has the obligation to pick up immediately whenever you call her?

If the phone rang 20 times, before going to voicemail, are you sure she screened the call, and didn't just not get it (people do walk away from their cellphones, or turn them off during inconvenient times)? Are the 20 rings something she chose or something that came with the phone? (Maybe she doesn't know she has the option to reduce the number of rings before a call goes to voicemail)? How do you know she wasn't doing something that made answering the phone inconvenient for her, or even rude to someone else such as washing dishes, talking to someone else..... I personally hate when I'm talking to someone face-to-face and they answer a cell-phone and instead of asking "can I call you back," carry on a long, obviously social conversation while I'm standing there. Once I had this happen in a store, and the cashier was making plans with the caller for the weekend while I stood there. I couldn't even decide to leave as she held my credit card in her hand.

It isn't that I don't understand your frustration, but even if your sister was a person who instantly picked up every phone call, there would still be no guarantee that she would be available when you called - she could be in the shower, or have her phone turned off for a good reason. So, you still could have been standing there in line, not being able to get her on the phone.

I do think you need to consider that your sister may be unlikely to change (especially if you don't discuss it with her, and come to a solution together), and you may have to choose whether to change your expectations or make some choices of your own.

Certainly doing no favors for her is an option, and another is to know that she will not likely be available at a moment's notice, so you could have planned ahead (checked the address before you left, decided to do the errand at a more convenient time....)

Even now, you could call (leave a message if you have to) and calmly tell your sister that you were unable to complete the favor because she had given you the wrong address, and because she was unavailable when you called from the post office, unfortunately you're not sure when you'll be able to send it, but it will have to be after finals week, when you get a chance.

Maybe if your sister has to wait a few weeks to get what she requested, she'll see there may be advantages to picking up the phone immediately when it rings, at least from you. But, if she's screening all of her calls, or just letting them all go to voicemail to deal with at her convenience, there's no way she's ever going to know if a call is important or not. At least doing a favor for her, only at your convenience is a place to start. If you feel she needs to understand what it's like, the next time she returns YOUR call, say "I can't talk to you right now, can you call me back later?" and repeat until you feel better (let her chase you).
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 09:46 PM   #26  
Closed
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,811

S/C/G: 244/165/137

Height: 5' 7"

Default

No matter how you slice it, 20 rings before messages kick in is ridiculous. It is rude and disrespectful. Period.
If you choose to screen your calls, like I do, I set my answering machine on 5 rings. I listen to the message and return the ones that need my attention. I don't have caller ID on my phone. This is reasonable. behaviour.
It is incredibly frustrating to be doing a favor for someone, be in a rush, and then be put off with rude telephone behaviour. I don't think there is an expectation of being available all the time. But it IS reasonable to wish to leave a message in a timely fashion. And to have a call returned in a timely fashion. Especially from family if it concerns something that is urgent.

Kira

Last edited by kiramira; 05-04-2009 at 09:48 PM.
kiramira is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 09:47 PM   #27  
-.-K!M-.-
 
ShutterK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 151

S/C/G: 258/253.4/145

Height: 5'4"

Default

Ugh, I hear you! My mom does the exact same thing! Of course, I do it back on occasion, but it aggravates me to no end.
ShutterK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-04-2009, 11:06 PM   #28  
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

A lot of people don't know that they CAN change the number of rings before voicemail picks up (or don't know how to do it), so before assuming it's rude, I'd ask that question.

As to what is a timely fashion, there's a lot of disagreement on what that is. Is it 15 minutes, one hour, one day, two days? Not everyone agrees on what "prompt" is and the etiquette on the matter is hardly well-established. Heck, I think wedding ettiquete books still give a person six months to a year to give a wedding gift. Etiquete changes, and isn't universal. There are regional and cultural differences.

There are times when my husband and I don't check our messages every day. For example, I've been sick with pneumonia, and haven't checked the phone at all in the last couple weeks (usually hubby checks once a day, and I check once a day). Hubby has been running errands and taking care of the house chores and me. We went three days without answering phone calls, and some of our family went ballistic. We had told them that I had pneumonia, but was not in any immediate risk because it was "only" in one lung, and the medications were working. I understand they wanted regular updates, but really do they think that I would be hospitalized without my hubby calling them? I understand them wanting instant gratification, and "timely" replies, but they also know that we often are incommunicado for a few days.

I think the problem is that people have very different ideas of what the etiquette "should" be, so really it needs to be discussed and negotiated, before anyone decides someone is "wrong." I know some people choose long rings before voicemail, because they only want important messages to get through (only from people who know the answer machine or voicemail will eventually pick up - anyone else will hang up assuming there is no voicemail or answering machine) so as to eliminate telemarketer calls. Is that rude, or is that a choice? There are even some people who only have old-fashioned land line service (no call waiting, no voicemail, and no answering machine). Do they not have a right to live as in the past, if they wish to? And if a person has a right to old-fashioned service, why do they not have a right to decide how many rings before the voicemail or answering machine kicks in? And there are even people in this day and age who decide either for economic or personal reasons to have no phone at all.

My husband lived for years without a telephone at all, and it drove his family nuts! They "demanded" that he get a phone so that they could reach him whenever they wanted to. He refused (giving the same answer we now give, if you want me to have a phone, are you willing to pay for it? If not, sorry you'll just have to deal with it).

I think it's actually quite unfortunate that the MORE options we have for communication, the less tolerance there is for anything other than instant and continuous access to people. There is often an expectation of 24/7 access (not just socially, but for jobs as well), that I don't think is reasonable. I think a person has a right to decide for themselves what a reasonable response time is - and they have an obligation only to tell people what that is. If you want to be out of contact with the outside world (or an individual) for a certain period of time, I think you have a right to, whether that's an hour or a month - your choice. It would be nice if you let people know what that time frame is for you - giving people an estimate of the response time they can expect, for example. We've told our families that there are times when we might not get or return a message for a couple days - that's the reality. They may not like it, but I don't think they have a "right" to expect access to us instantly 24/7. Or even to demand that our voicemail pick up after the number of rings they wish. If we don't want voicemail or an answering machine, I don't think we should be expected to have one for other peoples' convenience. And if we decide that 20 rings is appropriate (because we don't want messages from people not willing to wait), I don't know that that is necessarily rude, either (because the intention may be to have few if any messages).

I'm tired even of the "obligation" to call people back, because we've gotten so many sales calls from people who leave their first name in such a familiar tone that it sounds like they are posing as a friend and a number to call them back (making it seem like they are a friend). We've told friends and business associates (such as medical offices) that they need to leave a message with some detail, if they want us to call them back. We got tired of calling back "Sue at 555-5555" to find out it was a sales pitch (as we pay for all calls local and long distance at the same rate, every outgoing call costs us money).

I just don't think it's rude to spend your time as you'd like to, with or without access to the outside world as you choose, as long as you make it clear to others what your personal rules are.

Last edited by kaplods; 05-05-2009 at 09:44 AM.
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 08:37 AM   #29  
Ruth
 
Primm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 529

S/C/G: 98.0/95.5/69.0

Height: 173cm

Default

I screen my calls. I don't have an answering machine, so I check caller ID before I answer. And if it's a private number (which is either a telemarketer or work calling me to do an extra shift) it won't get answered unless I want to.

I have a home phone and a mobile for my convenience. Full stop. Not for everyone elses. So if someone rings me and the phone rings out, then they ring straight back, I won't answer on principle.

Rude? Probably. But my life doesn't revolve around being at other people's beck and call.
Primm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2009, 09:06 AM   #30  
No longer super size!!!
 
grneyedmustang's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 1,371

S/C/G: 282/ticker/190

Height: 6' 0"

Default

Firstly, I do think that the amount of ring time your sister has is excessive. If you've made plans with her or you're trying to organize something for her, then I think she should answer your calls. But there's two sides to every coin...

I know people who will avoid you/not take your calls/emails/etc. if they make plans with you and want to break them - so instead of breaking them, they just avoid you until the time has passed.

I don't know why they do this - my guess is that they think you will be mad at them for breaking plans, usually just the opposite is true! My feelings will not be hurt if you break plans with me. In fact, I'm more likely to be pissed off because you didn't respond and then avoided me. I could have made plans to do something else!

Now if you keep breaking plans, I'm going to stop making them with you.

With the phone call thing, I do have certain times of day where I might not answer the phone if I know it's just a "hi how are you doing" conversation. First thing in the morning and when I get home from work are prime examples. I'm not exactly a morning person, so I really don't want to chat it up before 8am. When I get home from work, I need some time just to "unwind" from the day, so I may not get on the phone and chat it up if I've just walked in the house. It's one thing if I've made plans with you - but if not, I think that technology has made people feel that they are entitled to have access to you at any given point in the day.

If I'm at work, that's another time I don't often answer the phone. I think it is extremely unprofessional to chat it up at work, so I don't talk on the phone to friends while at work very often. I also think that people at work should not be privy to details regarding my personal life, which is why I'd rather wait until having some "personal time" to talk to my friends. Lastly, I may actually be working so I don't always have time to talk.

As far as call waiting goes, I often don't answer call waiting because I think it's a bit rude. I don't like when people put me on hold for extended periods of time (in fact, if I'm on hold over a minute, I hang up -- they can call me back when they're done with their conversation) - and I try not to do people the same way.

Last edited by grneyedmustang; 05-05-2009 at 09:07 AM.
grneyedmustang is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:47 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.