It's been hard for me to see myself as not a disgusting beast. I know I can't be that horrible but some days... I wonder how my boyfriend can love a thing like me. : (

As I read this, I am very disturbed by the fact that you guys are throwing a lot of *your* emotions and thoughts onto the men around you.

It leaves me wondering where did this fear come from? Why do you feel vulnerable? Why are you not carrying yourself in such a way that you are commanding respect? And why are you getting so bent out of shape about someone talking to you? Not every man who speaks to you is trying to sleep with you or take advantage of you. They're just talking. Relax.

This is especially geared towards the OP, but all of you would benefit very much from learning how to fight or shoot or something. Something that would give you some assurance of your physical abilities and make you realize your strength. Something that will give you some power, or restore the power that you lost and let you feel safe again. You aren't helpless, and not every man is out to get you. That sort of thinking is what will get you used up and in bad situations to begin with because you start thinking of yourself as this dainty thing that needs to be protected. Heed my warning -- The man that steps in and plays protector will eventually turn it around on you because he himself will begin to objectify you in the same manner. Be mindful of how you present yourself.

Shodan here ^__^ Best thing I ever did/am doing

I have no idea what you mean by me throwing my emotions and thoughts onto men around me.

I really don't think you understand at all what I mean. All I'm saying, is that I don't like being hit on at bars, and it makes me uncomfortable, and I'm scared that when I lose weight, it'll get worse.

I have no idea what you mean by "commanding respect" either. You can't "command respect" with drunk people.

And yes, in the college bar scene, when you're drinking and everyone else is drinking and getting drunk, pretty much any guy that talks to a woman wants to hook up with them. I'm 24, I've been living in a college town for six years, I know how men here operate. And maybe I don't want them to talk to me. And maybe it's because I'm in a relationship.

I don't understand, you say to be mindful of how you present yourself, and then say to just relax when a guy is talking to you. You don't think a drunk guy would get the wrong impression by you talking with him? And then saying that we should learn how to fight/shoot? I don't understand.

I just honestly don't know what you're talking about.

i think if it happens @ bar, you know, then stop going there, or just go there with your boyfriend. You said so yourself, they are drunk. If so, stop hanging around those places. You don't need to go there unless you have a job there (!)
If it's a normal place, then Nishkitten's words make perfect sense.
Good luck :)

I'm also awful with male attention i actually get quite verbally aggressive if any come near me because i'm sure they are coming near me to be rude or mean. I'm also scared of the vulnerability sitch too erghhhh mannnnnn issues. Can't really help as in same boat :)

I just want to say that I too have been assulted sexually and I can relate completely.

I too have a distrust of most men. I did not gain my weight however because I didn't want the attention, but rather because I became very comfortable with my dbf. I am worried about losing weight and gaining more attention, the wrong kind of attention. It doesn't matter where I am, I have had uncomfortable situations at the grocery store. I can protect myself, I can shoot, but it doesn't take the fear away. I do constantly have pepper spray with me to make me feel safer, but until those feelings are resolved there will always be an inklinh of fear. Just know that all guys aren't out there to hurt you like the others. I have to remind myself of this, but they really aren't.

I can't offer much help except to say that I understand. :hugs:

@Annita: The thing that sucks is that I currently live in a small town and there really isn't any where else to go, especially at night. The only night life is at the bars. We have one movie theater, and they stop showing movies around 10, and restaurants close at 10. It just sucks.