Feeling Lonely - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community


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Old 04-26-2009, 05:18 AM   #1  
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Hey Ladies,

With the stress of an extremely challenging new job and not having much of a social life anyway, this week was hard since I didn't have time to talk to the few friends i have, am having problems with my best friend, had no chance to see family, and am single i'm starting to feel very lonely. this was one of the hardest weeks of my life and i wish there was someone (a guy) that i could just go to who'd tell me that everything would be okay. im so tired of holding it all in and carry it all on my shoulders. hear me out, im a strong woman but damn! every now and them the strong arms of a man can be very comforting. my recent weight loss success has really helped in boosting my confidence even higher and helped me tap into a sexiness that i never knew i had. im embracing my womanhood!

anyway, getting to my question, how do you ladies go about meeting guys. my problems: A.) i don't have many friends, associates yes, friends outside the work place, no. B.) I don't have many female friends, it's not like i can get a group of girls together for a night out on the town. C.) the girl friends that i do have are not single that means no man-eating nights out...on that im flying solo.

i live in LA, there's no shortage of men, but im having trouble getting anyone im remotely interested in to notice me. i mean im 22 and haven't had a single boyfriend. im starting to seriously think there is something wrong with me and that i'm destined to be alone.

I NEED ADVICE FROM YOU GUYS! young women who know what they're talking about. im tired of being single, i need a little excitement!

in other news, haven't had a chance to get to the gym in about 2 weeks but my weight loss has been steady because i've been keeping my diet in check, which im very proud of. seems like we're all having some difficult moments we're struggling through but im glad we're all moving through are struggles and not staying stuck in them. thank God for 3FC!

holla!
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Old 04-26-2009, 09:30 AM   #2  
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Hello-

I can relate to be lonely. I moved to a new city about a hour away from friends and familly about a year and a half ago. I am awesome now but it was lonley at first.

My suggestion to you for meeting guys is to try online dating. I hope you don't think there is any kind of stigma associated with online dating. I my my DBF online and since the first day we met we really clicked. We dated for about a month before he asked me to be his GF... We celebrated our 1 year anniversary 2 months ago... I also know he is going to ask me to marry him... Soon I think if his hints are anything to go by....

If you want to try it out I suggest plentyoffish.com. It is a free site so you do have to be selective cause there are some weirdos on it... but there are weirdos on all the dating sites even pay ones. You could also try Match.com, or eharomony.com I have friends that used those with some success. I love online dating only because I met my boyfriend who I love dearly!!

Also you could try voluneteering in your community as a way to meet more people in general. You might meet nice men that way! (I don't know how much time you would have for this though) or take a community ed class: photography or gardening? I am not familiar with your area, but I am guessing you have the same types of things to do as in MI.

Good Luck!!
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Old 04-26-2009, 11:21 AM   #3  
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I can't give you much advice, since I'm 23, and the only guy who has ever been interested in me only dated me because he was desperate for a relationship, and then discovered that as desperate as he was for one, he'd still rather be alone than with me. So at the moment I can completely relate to the lonely feeling. Though I'm not going out to meet guys since the universe/God has made it pretty clear to me that I'm not supposed to be in a relationship ever.

But I'll have to throw my advice in for online dating. That's how I met my ex, and therefore how I met the only guy I'll ever date. :P I used okcupid.com because I didn't have the money to pay for a dating site. You'll definitely have to weed through some creepy guys, but that's something you'd have to do with meeting guys face to face anyway.
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Old 04-26-2009, 11:41 AM   #4  
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Honey - I think you are on your way.

Just keep loving yourself and taking care of yourself and I promise "he" will find you.

I know it is lonely - but you are making some wonderful steps to love yourself and that is the first step.
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Old 04-26-2009, 12:53 PM   #5  
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I agree with checking the online sites! That is how I met my fiancee and he is by no means a creepy weirdo. I had been in 2 previous long term relationships that fizzled out due to various crazy reasons. When I met my fiancee, I was upset because I had just 'wasted' almost 10 years of my life trying to make failed relationships work. I decided to join Okcupid just to see what the dating pool was like in my new city. I contacted him first because he seemed like someone that I would love to hang out and maintain a friendship with. We clicked really well and the rest is history. It is really nice being able to 'shop around' on profiles. When I was searching, I already knew what didn't work for me, so I knew that guys with those quirks might spell another disaster so I didn't contact them.

So, essentially the point I want to make is: Join an online dating site and spend some time filling out an accurate profile. When I join, I wasn't looking for people to date long term, I was looking for friends and casual boyfriends. This might help you to broaden your circle of friends and it is kinda fun pawing through profiles..lol!

Good luck!
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Old 04-26-2009, 01:04 PM   #6  
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I just wanted to add there is NOTHING wrong with you

As to finding guys, do you go to church? Involved in volunteering? Go to flea markets? Play a sport? Part of a book club? Have a dog that you walk? Take him to a dog park!

If all else fails just strike up conversation with random people and start going out more with your friends and associates. I know easier said than done but if you really want to meet someone you have to put yourself out there. Sacrifice a little sleep or down time to get out there- and you never know where you will meet someone. I met my husband on a city bus lol. My friend met her's while grocery shopping, it does happen
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Old 04-26-2009, 01:30 PM   #7  
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I can understand how you feel. I felt the same way when I was finishing up grad school a few years ago. I was 24, living in a dead-end city and never had a relationship but I was ready! I wasn't going to leave it to serendipity for him to find me. My plan was to move to NYC after graduation, makes some new girl friends to hit up the town with, and be talkative wherever we went and be as non-lame as possible. The other part of my plan was to aggresively pursue online dating with guys living locally. My pool of potential guys I could meet was small because I wanted him to be the same religion as me so I knew online dating was the way to go since I could easily screen for religion on there. Many of my friends have met their spouses online - match.com, j-date.com (Jewish), shaadi.com (Indian).

Fast forward to five years later - I did end up meeting my fiance through the hit-up-the-town part of the plan within the first few weeks of my moving there. I guess there was a little serendipity there since we both happened to be at the same lounge the same night. I did the online dating a little, but I got so involved with my fiance (then BF) that I let the online dating go. BTW, I had seen my fiance's online profile on a site I didn't really use much before I moved to the city. I remember thinking "I wouldn't mind meeting this guy, he sounds normal." Lo and behold, I did.

Last edited by orthodiva; 04-26-2009 at 01:34 PM.
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Old 04-26-2009, 02:35 PM   #8  
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i wish i had the equation that i could give you to help you find someone, but i've thought long and hard for a long long time and i too can't figure it out! i have some friends like you--- awesome women that deserve an awesome guy-- and they havent met him yet.

i'm also from l.a. so i also know how many ho's live in our town. firstly, be glad that you arent one of those-- the girls who are at the clubs every night acting like skanks just trying to get someone. i know that you arent trying to get someone you are trying to meet theone.

to discern that guy from all the losers is going to take a bit of time. i say, focus on your "bucket list"-- all those things that you say you want to look into or do before you die. life is precious, so remember that and make the most of every chance you have-- if there are no chances, make some. learn something new! help out at a charity! referee baseball!

you work hard, and you deserve to have fun. sometimes its when you start thinking out of the box and finding more chances is when you open yourself up to new people...
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Old 04-26-2009, 02:54 PM   #9  
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AKa - love the volunteering idea. congrats on the anniversary and good luck on the proposal, fingers crossed.

spike - I've been exactly where you are right now, feeling like dating is not for you and you're destined to be alone. i know i said it too but i was exagerating, it's bull****! there's somebody for everyone it just takes time, i'm just asking for advice to speed up the process. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and deserve happiness. you are not a consolation prize, don't allow anyone to make you feel that way. every girl should be treated like a gem.

taylor - great advice, thats something i work on everyday. i strongly believe that you can't receive or give love without first loving yourself.

dig - seems like online dating may be a possibility but i'm really feeling...

beer's advice - i do have a dog, a huge dog that attracts a lot of male attention...time to milk it! a church would be an option if i wasn't related to every male that attends...gross and gross.

ortho - crazy story...all signs point to "soul mates"!

jay - word up on the ho's! you know how it is, it's hard to find women friends you can trust. im lucky to have some great girl friends just not enough single ones!

Everybody - THANKS!! You guys rock.

and spike, seriously, don't get down on yourself, it sounds cheesy but it's not you, it's them. you are extraordinary! every woman is and there's nothing anybody can do about it!
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Old 04-26-2009, 05:04 PM   #10  
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Since you asked how "we ladies" (me) met some boys... I'll tell you what I did but it may not be for everyone.

I met my current boyfriend on http://www.plentyoffish.com. Yes, I know the dangers of online dating, but it seemed right at the time. We talked on MSN messenger for a few weeks and decided to meet at a public place (Starbucks). And the rest is history....

If you do take the route I did, just make sure it is in a very public place, prob in daylight. And have your cell on just incase. I wouldn't go over to the guy's house on the first date either... give it time.
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