I've been contemplating making this post all week. But today is the lowest day I've had all week.
I had been fooling myself for months, telling myself I was trying. But it was never more then a half hearted attempt. If I'm being completely honest I haven't given this my all in years. Yes I lost 20 pounds but it was from the times that I put effort into taking care of what I ate. When I did it was often a drasting measure(ie under 1000 kcals).
But over the last few months I have been building up to this and now I am mentally ready to do this. And I am in it 110%. I'm putting my all into this. I went to thy gym 3 times this week. I've kept my calories low(but not too low
). I'm strict with myself in terms of eating, I only eat when I plan to. I'm not drinking. I'm quiting smoking. I'm even changing the quality of all the foods I'm eating. There have been so many moments this week where I just wanted to throw in the towel. When I was working hard at the gym and couldn't breath I thought to myself "Just give up this is too hard". But I didn't. I pushed myself more then I ever have. Which tells me that I can do this.
I've struggled a lot in the last few months with my self worth, I just feel my life is going no where. But I feel fantastic when I've been to the gym. I feel like I've really done something with my day. But here I am only one day out of the gym and I feel like I'm wasting my life. How ridiculous is that?
So it boils down to this, the scales HAS NOT moved all week. First couple of days I just said to myself "Stick it out and see how things look at the weekend. Still no change. What bothers me is that I put myself through **** and back this week and NOTHING. And the last couple of weeks I did nothing, didn't watch what I ate, ate too much and did NO exercise and I still lost weight. WHAT THE ****?
It just makes me want to throw in the towel. Which is pathetic because thats the last thing I want to do. I want this more then ever. But I'm just exhausted. What am I doing this for if it's not going to pay off.
I KNOW it's only been a week. But I've done it for less amount of time and seen results.
I'm just really frustrated.