Grandmothers mind games with food - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community


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Old 03-22-2009, 06:05 PM   #1  
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Default Grandmothers mind games with food

So,

My grandma is sort of a crazy women- She is constantly cooking and baking the most unhealthy types of foods. She fries everything in oil and all her cooking is greasy and bad for you. She also makes enough for an army and is always trying to push food on the rest of the family. Literally all she does it ask if we are hungry and make us feel guilty for not eating her food.

On the one hand she does this while talking about people she saw at the grocery store ex "I saw Mrs. White today, boy is her daughter getting fat! If I ever get that fat I would kill myself! Here have another piece of cake, oh and have you noticed how chubby your cousin Craig is getting?"

So on the one hand- you must eat her food in large amounts but you should be able to do this without gaining any weight.

I love my Grandma but sometimes I think she is the devil sent to play mind games and screw the rest of the family up.

Anyway- Lately I have been avoiding her food when I visit. I make sure I come away from mealtimes so I can say I have already ate. If I have to eat her food I eat a small amount really slowly so she thinks I have taken seconds or I firmly say no, I can't eat anymore.

Well she continuously mocks my diet attempts by saying things like "ohhhh look our little girl is dieting. Haha are you sure you don't want any cake? hmm?" or she will make something she knows that I like a lot so that I will lose will power and eat it.

I have been really good and have not given in in months and months. I was visiting the other day and she told me that I am too thin and my face is sinking in and that I look terrible and she KNOWS that I am starving myself.

Well I am not starving myself! I am in the best physical condition of my life! I am fit, I am toning and I eat way more fruits and vegetables than I have ever eaten and I enjoy them!

I explained that I am very healthy and she need not worry- for my height I am in a healthy weight range and she doesn't need to worry. She turned to me and laughed this maniacal little laugh and said "Don't you think you are fooling me! I know you are starving yourself, you'll be sorry!"

I was so furious! The truth is that I am not starving myself I am avoiding her cooking because it is really unhealthy and I have never liked it! It is terrible!! I can't say that to her though because she is my grandmother and all **** would break lose because she prides herself on her cooking, she honestly thinks she is really good. Also she is not the type of person who you can explain anything to. I cannot tell her what she does hurts me, I have tried before.

If I were to say "Grandma, I am being healthy and when you imply that I am not it hurts me. I am an adult and you need to respect that." She would say "Oh I am such a bad guy, I know I am a horrible person and no one in this family loves me, I know what you think about me, one day when I am gone you will be sorry!"

So I know there is nothing I can do about her and I don't live with her or anything, but I just needed to vent about her insanity. Her mind games are unreal!
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Old 03-22-2009, 06:15 PM   #2  
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grandmothers gotta love them. mine is similar in the fact that just about everytime i am there she tries to feed me. (her food is usually burnt and very dry.) or she will send it home with me and then there is the guilt factor if i throw it out. but over time i have gotten over that and it will more than likely hit the garbage guilt free.
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Old 03-22-2009, 06:42 PM   #3  
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Any possibility you could maybe offer to fix something (healthy!) for her and see if she likes it? Of course you don't criticize HER cooking, just make a friendly offer to try what you can make? Or is she just gonna ¶!$$ and moan about it ?

Last edited by ANOther; 03-22-2009 at 06:44 PM.
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:04 PM   #4  
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The little devil in me says, tell your Grandma her cooking is awful!
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:25 PM   #5  
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I am sure this is frustrating. I have had the opposite problem. When I came home from college and had gained a few pounds, my grandpa (he's the unhealthy-food-pusher, not my grandma) kept offering things to everyone else and ignoring me. A couple times he even went so far as to say "Well, you reallydon't need any." I don't think he realized how much it hurt so maybe your grandma also doesn't realize she is upsetting you.
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:49 PM   #6  
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Are these trips to your grandmother's always necessary? How often do you go see her? The greatest blessing about going away to college for me was that now I only see my grandmama every couple of months- she has a "we" and "us" complex; "I heard we shouldn't be eating this", "this is bad for people like us", etc. She was overweight until she went away for a few months to visit her other daughter. I would try, if you aren't being forced, to cut down on the trips out there- plead schoolwork if you need to. And what she says is just words- they have no real impact. My strategy is to shake my head and smile, that drives mine nuts. ^_-
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:50 PM   #7  
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Kofarq-LOL!!!!
Arent famalies fun??????
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Old 03-23-2009, 06:24 AM   #8  
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Oh my GOSH! I think that you must have mistaken your grandmother with mine!! She used to hint at my gaining weight all the time... AND THEN would be sure to say something about my not so clear complexion. At one point, she asked me if I even bothered to wash my face at night?!?!

Finally, I stepped in and told her that if she didn't have anything nice to say, don't say it. So for the past year, she has refrained most of her comments.

I think in the end, they mean well, but just don't know how to say it other than bluntly.

OH! And my sister called today and told me that my grandma had been telling her she was too skinny (which my sis is like 5'1 and looks almost aneorexic) and that she needed to eat more. Which I laughed at cause my sister is a walking garbage disposal of junk food. Anyways, so she has put on a little weight from not being on her Adderall anymore, and when she went to visit grandma, she asked my sister if she was pregnant cause she had gained all of like 5 or so pounds.... LOL

Ah, crazy relatives....
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Old 03-23-2009, 08:49 AM   #9  
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I was raised to just deal with it. My grandma would say horrible things, and my mom would just tell us that was how she was raised and it wasn't going to change, so saying anything would just start an argument. I'm glad I never said anything, because she's now gone and we weren't unhappy or holding grudges when she died. I took her comments as a character quirk that I couldn't change, just like she couldn't change mine.
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Old 03-23-2009, 11:12 AM   #10  
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I have relatives like that, they are very manipulative! If you can't take it anymore, tell her what you think!! Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean they can treat you like crap. So I suppose, until you set some boundaries she will keep doing it.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:16 PM   #11  
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That's like, really mean of her.

You should ask her why she criticizes people for being fat and then expects you to eat her fattening food, and gain weight.
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Old 03-26-2009, 04:26 PM   #12  
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I would go with what Gypsy said--just smile. Grin, even. When she says something rude, just grin like you're amused by her. I think that would probably piss her off.
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Old 03-26-2009, 05:15 PM   #13  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by futuresurferchick View Post
I would go with what Gypsy said--just smile. Grin, even. When she says something rude, just grin like you're amused by her. I think that would probably piss her off.
This can work amazingly well, both on the person being rude (they give up) and on the person being insulted (it stops getting to you).
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Old 03-26-2009, 07:10 PM   #14  
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That's ok...when I had my son's baby shower I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and hadn't seen my grandmother in YEARS. She comes over to say hello and the FIRST thing that comes out of her mouth is "Boy you look FAT"! GRANDMA IM PREGNANT....anyways she's a total BIOTCH...and i dislike her immensely.
The joys of family...I just avoid mine
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:19 PM   #15  
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@Blcarter: That's so mean! Yes, let's tell the emotional pregnant woman that she's fat, and your own granddaughter at that.
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