OT - Lonely
 

I moved away from my college town where my family lives and I had a large group of friends and 3 close girlfriends to a small town where my boyfriend goes to school. I hit a low point today. I have lived here for a year now. I just had to sign a new lease. I have no friends here. My boyfriend is wonderful, caring, attentive. He has 2 brothers that live here, and they're great too. But they're boys, and we don't really want to do the same things. They want to play video games... and I want girls that will plan and plot and drink wine and talk and discover our personalities and do improv baking and decorating with me. That's what I had at home. I had a great girlfriend here that I kind of met by accident here, and then she moved away. I can't really make close friends at work - I manage students that are very close to my age, and I already struggle between being their friend or their boss. And I had to choose boss to keep my job. Hanging out with them on a social basis would change that in the wrong way.

So I'm lonely as all get out. I don't know how to make friends really, I guess. In college it was so easy - you had classes or whatever with them, you would hang out with them and go out and it was all good. I have tried taking (aerobics) classes here, and the women are all much older than I am and in very different situations than my own. I tried cooking classes, same result. I've knocked on my neighbors doors, no luck. I am friendly when I take my dog out... hasn't led to new friends for anyone but Bear.

So after that superlong rant... how do you make friends as an adult? I need girls back in my life...

i don't know sweetie! i really feel for you though, once i started having kids all my close friends well... one thing or another happened to them. i have family here and one BEST friend but not everyone is free all the time so i know. i still love to go out and party and have NO trouble meeting people but they aren't the "lasting friendship" kind of folks.

on that note, everybody's going out of town this weekend- wanna hang in dallas? :D

I'm in the same boat, almost all of my friends are guys but I've never had much luck with the female friend department. The only ones I've ever been close to have either moved away, or lost touch with or both. And when they move, its to other countries so that makes it even tougher. I work with some great ladies at work, who are mostly all about my age but they've got their own little social circle and aren't really interested in moving beyond the co-worker circle. But that's a great question, how do you meet people in the 20s for friendships? I would love to just go shopping, or to the movies or for coffee with a friend that my husband isn't freaking out about because its with another guy lol.

That really sucks! I agree that keeping the "boss" role was probably the right thing to do. Since you're dieting and on this site, do you ever go to a gym? It might be easy to meet someone there. If you have the same schedule as someone else you could strike up a conversation. I've only had one really close friend my adult life, but we've been friends for forever. I usually get along better w/ guys. Anyway, how far away did you move? Would it be possible for you to get in tough w/ your old friends through email or phone calls? I know it's not the same as hanging out w/ someone, but it's something. Good luck!!

Sounds like you are in a similar situation as myself. I moved away from my friends to be with my husband. All I can suggest is maybe taking up some kind of class or something where you can meet people. That's what I am going to try to do... latin dancing. Maybe if you could join a meetup group or something where the people there have similar interests, you could make friends that way. Good luck sweetie, I know just how you feel.

i dont have any friends either. and i pretty much moved to this town to be closer to my bf. im kinda used to not having friends near me, but i've never been this far away before. im pretty self sufficient. so i've learned to just do things by myself. i go to movies alone. i get coffee alone. i go shopping alone. i even go to concerts and stuff alone. sometimes i meet ppl. sometimes i dont. but its always worth it in the end.

What are your interests? Do you have any hobbies that you feel strongly about? I've had really good luck in the past with library/museum events and cafe/bookstore open mics because they are really low key environments but people are already open and engaged and socializing. I've also just joined a bunch of women's social clubs on Meetup.com for this very reason. I move a lot so I'm used to having to make new friends quickly, but it's been harder here than it has in the past so I figured I'd give this a shot. So far so good, I already belong to a bunch of outdoors-y groups and just added 3 groups of women around my age who don't have a strong circle of friends and want people to do girly things with (shopping, movies, wine tastings, etc.).

My cousin actually posted an ad for friends on Craigslist when she first moved to San Francisco. I wouldn't recommend that for everyone, but she screened them really well and it worked out for her.

If you lived anywhere near me I'd totally do some improv baking with you, as long as you wouldn't mind being poisoned by my lack of baking skills :)

Same here!

I moved to South Korea with my bf (from US) and this is a friend mecca--just not for me. There are a TON of people who could be my friend but I haven't a clue how to make that happen. It appears the best way is through church or bars and I don't really go to either. We came in the fall and through the winter, we rarely went out. We just have each other and I love him, he's my best friend, but it sucks having no friends. I almost feel so used to not having friends, I can't remember how to have them.

This girl who has routinely canceled plans to hang out asked me to go out with a group tonight for all you can drink. I don't really want to drink all I can and I'm so TIRED. I think I'm going to pass on the evening but then I think, was that my only shot at friends?

I have gone out of my way with some people I've met. I've met them, made Facebook friends, sent them messages like "Wanna go for a beer or coffee?" and been ignored. The stupid thing about FB is you can see them messaging other people like "Last night was so fun!" or "Let's go xx this weekend!" I feel like such a freak!

My friends back home can't believe I haven't made friends. I was complaining today to someone and he said "That's impossible you have no friends--you're effervescent!" (had to look up the word-ha!).. everyone knows me as an outgoing and friendly person, I feel like I have some Traumatic Personality Injury that prevents me from making friends.

I've had one other friendless streak in life--when I was a nanny in Connecticut. Really, I lived in a tiny town where everyone moved away at 18 and moved back at age 40 with their kids. I filled my time doing volunteer work, going to the gym, etc. I did an internship at a tiny magazine and ended up finding some cool people there. My plan in Korea is to start doing EVERYTHING.. sailing lessons, climbing gym, volunteer at an orphanage, go to bars, just go out. Hopefully I make some friends but if not, well, at least I wasn't home feeling bad about myself--I was on a sailboat feeling bad! ;)

Aw I'm sorry. :( Try to go to big events. Like we have the rodeo here in Houston. I think that is a good place to socialize. Do you know of anything similar to that? Hopefully some type of fair. Maybe your boyfriends friends throw parties and you can socialize with their friends and family.

I am in the same boat, i mostly have guy friends. I do have 2 female friends, but one just got married so i dont see her at all. Just like the other 1 she is married w/ kids. I want to meet new female friends, I miss the girls night out.

I feel your pain. I was born and raised in Ohio. After college, I moved to NC for a teaching job. I have made a couple friends through work, but we never do anything outside of work. Plus I feel like all we talk about is our school and our students.

I miss my college friends SO much!

I can completely understand. My fiance and I split up a few days ago and have decided to live together until our lease is up. I noticed most of my friends moved away or we just don't talk anymore. I also live in the city and don't have a car because there's no need for one here. I can't just up and go see someone. It's frustrating since I barely have friends in the city. I didn't want to leave work today, honestly. So now I am stuck in on Friday night, being all mopey.

sounds like we've all been there- I'm in MN where people all are still friends with the same people they went to kindergarten with and live within 10 miles of where they grew up SO many of my friends are other transplants.

Some ideas for you:
1) many cities have "transplants" groups- google it and see if there is one near you and GO. You'll meet lots of people who are new and need friends, too. You might have to drive a ways to your nearest big city but do it anyway.

2) Volunteer for something that will get you working one on one with others in your age group. That way you have a common interest already.

3) how about a wieght watchers meeting? I've never been but my mom went for years and still has friends she made there.

4) YOU have to be the one to make the move- if you meet someone who seems interesting say something like "have you been to that new coffee shop? I hear they have great music there and think I might go- want to join me?"

5) if your BF brothers are decent you could go on a girlfriend hunt for them! Offer to set women up with them that you think are nice then go out on a double date- even if they don't hit it off maybe you'l have a new friend.

6) Yelp.com- there are groups that go out to at, dance, wine tasting, knitting, etc.