Ugh, forgive my rant, but I felt that maybe if I let out some of what's been bothering me I'll somehow gain some positive energy and climb back on the wagon.
This past Friday I broke a major OP / Binge Free streak (10 days) I know that it sounds like a short time, but for me it was a big deal. I'm not quite sure what triggered it - probably a combination of boredom & loneliness - but I'm having a super hard time getting out of the funk. Ate off plan and in huge amounts Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Good grief.
Prior to that I was religiously tracking my calories on Fitday, working out every day, and eating well. I was doing so well!!! My husband (who could stand to lose a few pounds himself) said that I was an inspiration to him. And then it somehow all fell apart.
Compounding the situation is the fact that on Monday I went to the Doctor. The sesamoiditis (ball of the foot pain) that I've been dealing with since September has not gotten any better with the orthopedic inserts he had made for me. I was still in pain, not as bad as before, but it was still there.
His solution - surgery to remove the sesamoid bones. Great! I read all about that on-line and it scared the sh!t out of me. I'm pretty sure that all of our bones are there for a reason, but I'm no doctor. Despite the doctor's assurances that he performs the surgery in a different manner and has had nothing but great results in the past 16 years I'm still terrified. I've never had surgery in my life and the thought of it terrifies me. Not to mention the fact that I will be immobile for 2 weeks AND the fact that I will have to take 2 weeks off of work (a GREAT idea in this economy/environment) after I already took 2 weeks in June/July. Ugh, why??!?!?
Also, my other foot has been bothering me in the same area. I'm wondering if it's the same thing. I have been putting more pressure on that foot since I've been more ginger with the other one. I could have exacerbated the condition, but who knows. It's not like there's a test they can perform to find out. Basically all they do is take an x-ray/MRI of your foot to confirm that it's not a sesamoid fracture and if it's not they label it sesamoiditis. I asked the nurse about just getting both done at the same time - why be immobile and out of work for a total of 4 weeks instead of 2, but apparently that's a no. The doctor agrees that I'm probably just putting more stress on my "good" foot and that it should go away after I recover from surgery and am walking normally. BUT, what if it doesn't??!?!?! I'm sure that I can wait a couple more months (the surgery is scheduled for late February) until Septebmer when I get more vacation/sick days to have another surgery (if need be), but that will just SUCK and mean no summer/winter vacation.
All of this has meant that it's been very hard to work out - can't really do high-impact anymore. Walking aggravates it and that was one of my favorite non-exercises (more pleasureable than exercise in my opinion). Yoga has the same affect and I LOVED that. Thank goodness I have an exercise bike! Most of the time I can exercise on that without pain, but there are off days. The Wii Fit is mostly out (the exercises that involve lots of ball of the foot stuff) as is DDR which involves lots of hopping around (a definite no-no).
I guess overall everything has been happening has left me with a "Why bother it's hopeless" kind of attitude that I have to somehow snap out of. It's making me SUPER cranky - my husband needs a halo just for putting up with me! Losing weight is challenging enough without additional obstacles! I'm only 26 and not a marathon runner or anything, so I guess my thinking is why/how could this have happened?!?!?!
Sheesh! Sorry for the uber-rant!
Fallen Off the Wagon & Run Over By One of the Horses
