My main frustration is that some days he's friendly and wants to hang out and do all this stuff.. and then another day he doesn't want to do anything and makes excuses not to.
This really effects my diet because I get soo frustrated that I'll drink, or I'll smoke.
Any thoughts? Just get over it? Lose him? Or is that just the way men are?
You should never let someone else control your emotions like that. Man Women Child Pet no one always remember you are in control. Try not being so available to him, if he is really intrested he will make an effort if he does not don't waste your time. A person will show there true colors to you when you meet them but it is up to you to pay attention to see them for who they
really are.
From experience, don't absorb yourself so much in one person...you shouldn't revolve your plans around him. If he's available, then great, if not, that's fine too. Just don't forget about your other friends! It's not good to push them away because you're so into a boy!
It comes down to this - if someone is into you, they make time to consistently see you. They consistently are nice to you, talk to you etc. If you like someone, don't you want to uh see them?
Sometimes they might be insecure so seem to blow hot and cold, but if thats the case they wouldn't be man or woman enough for me anyway and arn't ready for a relationship.
in my experience, those are the ones that i should've gotten rid of long before i actually did. the one relationship that has worked out is the one where he is always warm, all the time.
(but i'm just high maintenance enough to demand that. lol)
Ya, i think most of them are like that .... "ON" one day, "OFF" the next. And they say us women are bad! LOL! Next time he's having one of his "ON" days, act like your not into it, or just too busy maybe, and see what happens.
Last edited by misspiggy408; 01-15-2009 at 07:34 PM.
It comes down to this - if someone is into you, they make time to consistently see you. They consistently are nice to you, talk to you etc. If you like someone, don't you want to uh see them?
Sometimes they might be insecure so seem to blow hot and cold, but if thats the case they wouldn't be man or woman enough for me anyway and arn't ready for a relationship.
AGREED!
Quote:
Originally Posted by misspiggy408
Ya, i think most of them are like that .... "ON" one day, "OFF" the next. And they say us women are bad! LOL! Next time he's having one of his "ON" days, act like your not into it, or just too busy maybe, and see what happens.
Nope not all are like that and next time he is having one of his "OFF" days, don't let him have an ON day again. Move along and find someone that is worth your time.
I have this same problem with guys. I always let THEM get the upper hand. We are raised as women in this society to seek approval from men and to cater to them and their emotions. I think it's complete b*ll****! They would be catering to US!
I just bought that book "He's just not that into you". I don't know if you have seen the movie trailer for it. It's supposed to be a self-help book for this exact thing.
You have to stop letting him have the upper hand. If he flakes on you, or your plans together, then stop talking to him. Show him that it's not okay for him to treat you that way. Show him that he needs to start treating you better or you're over it. And if he doesn't, be over it!
If he is not returning your calls, not wanting to hang out with you or treating you crap, then he's just not that into you.
Whatever you do, I'd seriously think twice about turning it in to a power struggle. It's fine to be unavailable to him if you really do have other plans or want some time to yourself, but trying to provoke a reaction in people usually backfires. My mom used to tell me to pull away from people, make myself unavailable, do little things to plant suspicion in their minds, etc. She called it the "rubber band theory", and it got me NOWHERE with men. Honesty is usually MUCH more effective. Why not just tell him how you feel, and ask why he keeps canceling on you without a phone call?
Keep in mind too that some people might have a different social level than you. Unless I'm living with someone, if I spend more than 2-3 days a week with anyone then I get burned out really easily. I know this about myself now and am able to say no to things when I feel like I'm approaching that limit, but in the past I'm sorry to say that sometimes I ended up flaking out or avoiding phone calls, because I didn't know how to assert myself. I'm sure he DOES like you if he spent time with you in the past, but the lack of regard for your time is what worries me.
If this is someone you're looking for a long-term relationship with then I'd say that it sounds like it's going to keep causing problems. It sucks, I know. I'm sorry. But I agree that you should never let anyone have that much control over your emotions. One person is never enough for anyone socially, because eventually they'll be unavailable sometimes. It's a good idea to have as many friends as you can maintain, and to also take a good look at why you turn to those bad habits when you are faced with a night to yourself.
One final thing - This is not something that all men do, it's something that people in general do. I've had more girls flake out on me than guys. The first time I chalk it up to a potential miscommunication, but after 2 times I start to think they're just flakey and stop trying to make plans with them.
1. Communication. As mentioned earlier, bring it up, straight up. "Why are you friendly one day and cold the next?" With my bf, the only way it works is for me to put these annoyances out there. Sometimes I feel like it's an annoyance a day (and then I have to think what's the real problem, him, me, or the relationship?), but if you don't get in that habit of communicating, it will only be harder to ask for what you want and need.
2. Your own life. I don't know you and don't know how social you are but if your guy is your EVERYTHING, a cancellation here or there is totally devastating. I'm in my own co-dependent relationship and after 2 years we are kicking ourselves that we didn't hold tighter to our friends (and friends-making skills).
Seriously, I do both--talk to him AND think of other ways to fill in your time more. "If you love someone, set them free" is SO TRUE. Relationships need breathing room... that said, if you already have a lot of space, maybe he just can't give you what you need.
my BF used to be like this. i think eventually guys grow up and somewhat get past their "me!me!me!" stage.
my BF's roommate is another story. he and his gf/fiancee have been dating for over four years. they lived together for two, he moved out for a year "for some space", and now they're engaged and moving back in together next month. she was just casually bringing some of her stuff to their place, and he freaked out, saying that "these were his last two weeks of summer vacation," and she's "making him go back to school early." Horrible, eh? i think guys just don't understand what women want/need/expect of them.
OT Hot and cold boys
