Okay so this has been bothering me lately. So I am 19, and have been with my bf for a little over a year now, even though we've known each other for 4 years. Anyway, different family members have been asking if we're planning on getting married? Or if we are "serious"? I don't even understand what that means. I'm only 19!! Please don't be offended, I'm not saying that getting married at 19 is a bad thing. But for me personally, I feel like I have a lot more growing up to do.

However, not one person has asked my boyfriend this. I mean his family might ask how we're doing but thats it. The same is true for my cousin (who is 20) and her boyfriend. Her family actually pressures her. Her mom is always asking when she is going to get a grandchild

Anyway, it makes me realize that people see their female family members much differently than their male family members. They see the boys as growing up and becoming successful with a good job. But they see the girls as growing up and marrying a successful man .

I don't know.. its not really a big deal. But it just bothers me. Especially since I've been asked numerous times if we're "serious" whatever that means...Luckily my mom is on my side.

I think a lot of people say stuff like that because they think it's cute. Also, people like to put things in pretty little boxes so they can identify them. Having you and your BF going merrily along just being BF/GF may be difficult for people to identify with and that's their way of trying to "figure you out".

At least I hope so, because no one was pressuring me to get married at 19!

I think it's kind of true about family members relating to male/female members. My DH's family never asked him about our "status" or when they were getting grandchildren. My family was a different story.

Haha, I have noticed that. I did get married young, 19 but ALMOST 20!!
We got asked "are you serious" a lot, haha, what DOES that mean?

People are so weird when considering 19 to twenty somethings in relationships. I don't think they know how to deal with us, often. I had a similar problem with my last boyfriend, when I worked in a daycare nursery- everyone kept asking me when I wanted to have kids! We weren't married or engaged at the time, and I was about 20 (and probably looked younger). I told one of the moms this when she asked, and the conversation continued onto me looking into adoption from china websites.

Very odd.

I definitely see the gender disparity in the way people treat the "are you serious?" question to me v. my bf. We're in our early '20s (I'm 22) and have been together for three and a half years; my mom constantly badgers us as to when we're getting married, and has even told my boyfriend that if he doesn't propose, I'll "wise up" and break up with him. His family, on the other hand, even though they really like me, sometimes pressure him to consider taking a hiatus with me b/c I'm his first serious girlfriend and they're afraid he'll propose to me too young.

Argh. Friggin' families. Apparently it doesn't occur to them that he and I are perfectly happy living together in a loving relationship and just taking things one day (or one lease) at a time.

Looking back, I think my husband and I got equal amounts of pressure. We started dating when we were really young (I was 17, he was 20) and it definitely seemed like people were asking us too early.

I got many more of the comments about how I SHOULDN'T get married so young -- I suspect that's because I was in college and he wasn't, so people were more concerned about my career. I got a lot of "you should wait until after graduate school," but no one could give me a reason WHY. That's why we didn't even tell most people we were getting married, just did it and told them after.

I've gotten some questions about children, but mostly people who are honestly curious about whether we plan to have any (we don't seem like parent types, lol), whether I'd want to start a family during grad school or not, etc. When people ask in that nosey, pressuring way, I tell them straight up how incredibly rude it is. What if we were trying but unable to have kids? What if we wanted them but couldn't afford it? What if we were carriers for some devastating inherited disease and had just made the tough decision not to have biological children? It just seems like a private thing to me.

Haha. I can kind of relate. I'm older than you...27...but I just started seeing someone about 2 months ago and sooo many people ask about me marrying him. I'm living in China, so there's a bit of a cultural aspect at play, too. My chinese girlfriends constantly ask me when I am going to marry him. Hahahaha. I laugh when they ask this. I think it is the same in the states. The natural progression is from boyfriend/girlfriend to marriage. At least that is what we are taught and that is what is considered socially acceptable and comfortable. And even though women have gained more equality than previous times, we are still objectified to be "mamma baby makers". That's a horrible way of saying it, but that's all I got. Don't let it bother you. Enjoy what you have. Others will always have something to say about everything you do. But it's your life...no one elses. Let them talk. A little controversy is fun.

My husband was almost 20 and I had just turned 19 when we got married. We had our first son the week before I turned 20. We weren't really pressured into getting married, but I feel that we were pressured, by his mom and his mom's mom, to get married months before we had planned to. We planned to marry in May, and ended up getting married in February because we moved to a different county and were living together. We definitely weren't planning on having kids right away, that was a BIG surprise! We had actually planned on waiting about 5 years...now 5 years later, we have two boys.

mayness thats the part that gets me the most, because I'm in college and my boyfriend isn't yet I'm still the one getting questions. I am a sophomore at a school 100 miles from my boyfriend and yet they still ask

I feel like where I live (right outside of nyc) it is generally viewed as "too young" if you get married before 25. Personally, I feel like I'm ready to be married now (I'm 27, my boyfriend is 32 and we've been together for a year and a half) but never thought about it before now and have grown up by leaps and bounds since 25 even, nevermind 19! That's just me though..

I have this problem too! I am a little older as well, 29, and the bf and I have been together for 9 years. We aren't getting the pressure from our families, but it's all our co-workers! My bf has been told by his co-workers that he HAS to propose to me within 3 months, which I do NOT want! We are happy, marriage doesn't have to happen.. so why push, right? Plus, I want the surprise!

DRose - are you in college? If so, try telling everyone that you plan to drop out so you can find someone to marry you, so you can start pushing out kids , and that you plan to have at LEAST 5 kids by 25. Everyone I know would have a heart attack if I said that.. lol...

-Aimee

My dad was asking me when I was going to give him grandchildren when I was 13 lol.

But then he's absolutely gagging for grand kids...I haven't met anyone so clucky. It's funny!

I'm 25 now and my boyfriend is 27, we've been together 2.5 years and only moved in together July this year. I definitely get the "when are you going to settle down" spiel from my Dad (not my mum...she thinks she is way to young for grand kids).

The quickest and easiest way to rile my Dad up is to tell him I am going to be a career woman and never have children because they will get in the way of making money.

He goes OFF

I am mean.

Yes I intend to have kids but we're (my boyfriend and I) both on the same page when we say we want to enjoy our 20's and grow together a bit first as well as set up a stable home environment (house, secure jobs etc) and then have kids in our early 30's.

My youngest sister on the other hand who is 20 in three days says she would quit her job tomorrow and start popping out babies if she met the right guy today. :P