First Time Ever
 

So I had been doing good for a few months over the summer and went from about 260 to 240 I have pretty much stayed around that amount fluctuating a bit.

When I was about 10 is when I started to put on weight. I think in a big deal to my parents getting divorced and I turned to food for comfort. Before that I was a twig. I met my best friend when I was 11 and I was probably about 135lbs heavy for a sixth grader. She was heavier though probably 160 but taller too I am a shorty. Our entire middle school and high school lives I have always weighed less then her always. I even went up to 175 Freshmen year of high school and by Sophomore year I was back down to 140 and stayed there through out high school while she was already in the 200's. After graduating I took a break from school moved in the my boyfriend of 4 years so I was very comfortable and went all the way up to 215 in a matter of 2 years. Then I got pregnant and went up to 260 UHGG.

So now I am 240 and for the first time in my life since my best friend and I have been friends (she is watching how much and what she is eating) she weighs less then me. She weighs 230lbs. I feel like crap. I actually am jealous and I feel awful for feeling that way. I should be happy for her but I don't want her to be thinner then me I have always been the skinnier out of us. It sounds awful because I really should be happy for her. I guess I just feel so bad about myself though I am having negative feelings towards her. I asked her to do weight watchers with me but she says she doesn't have the time I was thinking we could do it together.

As awful as this might sound I kinda of want to jump back into eating really healthy so that I can lose some weight and throw it in her face I know it sounds awful. Is it so wrong of me for that to be my motivation?

Kayla

I think she it is great motivation. But I might be wrong:-) But I would go with it! If it helps you eat health and exercise. You can do it! Go kick her butt:)

Haha, we can't help what we feel:P I think part of my motivation is that I have always been smaller than my sis(even just a little bit) but i caught up to her, now I want to lose weight because of it, amongst a million other reasons. Don't feel bad.

hmm..I don't know what to say as far as your motivation..I will only share what I do know is right..

weight is only a number on a scale...healthy living is just so much more than that and while you ideas regarding your friend aren't novel, they aren't likely to contribute to your physical or mental (long-term) fitness...you must want this FOR YOU--not to throw in someone else's face but because you want to be strong, healthy and feel beautiful inside and out....

Lol, when I was 13 years old, my cousin (same age as me) was on the phone with a BOY. I was sitting on the floor, flipping through a book while she talked.

Convo:
"No, I can't, my cousin's here."
*pause while he talks*
"Jessica."
*pause while he talks again*
"She looks like me, only fatter."

It was like being slapped in the face. I will NEVER forget that moment. And ever since then, one of my primary motivations for family gatherings is to look better than her. When I was about 18, she gained a pile of weight, and I'd lost. She was being particularly snooty and rude about something, and I subtly worked that scenario into the conversation somehow... "remember when you said this--" type thing. Her older brother, bless him, snickered and said loudly, "Gee, look who's fatter now."

It was horrible. It was. Sure. But I enjoyed every moment of it, and I won't feel guilty about it, lol. ...at least your competition isn't malicious! :lol:

My point is, there are always going to be people you're competing against, and sometimes you can't help but want to rub their nose in it, because it builds you up a bit. It's only human. My advice? USE it, honey. You've got an opportunity here. Feel sad, and frustrated, and crushed that she's doing a bit better at the moment? Or throw your efforts into kicking her butt. :D 10 lbs? Honey, you put some effort behind it, you could be down that in a MONTH.

I have ABSOLUTE faith in you, I know you can do it! Once the two of you are on-par, you can kick-*** together. ;)

BTW, I do applaud the honesty of your post! Refreshing actually to find someone "keeping it real."

i think a lot of us have those feelings, and sometimes ;) we feel guilty about it. my sis has always been thinner than me. she's pregnant with her second baby, and i'm so excited that after it's born it will be the first time ever that i weigh less than her. i'm sure she will eventually lose that weight like with her first baby. but by the time she does, i will be down to that weight too, and we'll be about the same.

it may not be the best motivation, but at this point i'll take what i can get! lol

Kayla, welcome to the site. It's normal to feel jelous of other peoples weight loss. But use it as motivation to get your weight down. It can be a great motivator. Keep up the good work. You will find a lot of wonderful support around here.

no, i dont think its wrong (as long as you dont actually do that lol). My motivation is often jealousy- i wanted to make my ex wish he had never dumped me, i wanted to get away from certain people so i used exercise as an excuse, i didnt want to be the fat sister anymore, i wanted to have abs so when my skinny friends said they felt fat i could say they werent, just flabby- i hope its not wrong or we're both screwed :P anger/jealousy/revenge is just a good motivation i guess

You can not help what you feel or think! So try not to feel bad about it. As long as you're not nasty to your friend or pursue unhealthy diets to slim faster than her I don't see any problems :)