So I posted an online dating ad, and got a loooooad of responses. I singled out one guy that seemed the most interesting, and it turned out that he was a doctor doing cancer research at one of the big universities around here. Anyway, as if that wasn't enough, he was almost exactly me wrapped up in boy form. We spent a week emailing and chatting, then another three weeks on the phone for hours every night before we even met.
In my ad, I was sure to mention that I wasn't a skinny-type girl, and that if the guy was looking for that, he should look elsewhere. After emailing the aforementioned guy a bit, we exchanged photos, and he said he thought I was attractive.
So the big night comes where we meet. He came to my place (I know, I know, that never leads to anything good, but it had been a month of talking! come on!!). We talked for a while, and were already so comfortable with each other from talking on the phone for so long. So one think lead to another, and you know how it goes. We didn't get any sleep, but it was such a comfortable, fun night, and I felt like we had known each other much longer.
A few days passed, and he didn't call. I called him and left a message saying hi and to call me when he could. Nothing. Later that week I got an email from him saying that he had been busy doing blah blah blah, and that he was going to be busy doing blah blah blah, and that he was feeling a little off, and that he needed time to get his bearings back and that he would TRY to call me when things settled down. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I emailed him telling him to take as much time as he needed, and to call when he could. I still haven't heard anything from him, and it's been over a week and a half.
What? Having grown up as the chubby girl, I always center things around my weight, and now I'm thinking that I scared him off because I'm a little fluffy. I mean, you don't get to know someone for a month just to sleep with them and leave, do you? And nothing went wrong while he was here. So what's the deal?
Any thoughts, ladies? I've been moping a little bit lately, and I'm trying to get over it, but I don't understand it.
I don't think it's your weight. I mean, it *could* be, and it could be so very many other things. I think you should just move on. Either he's just not interested in more, for whatever reason. Or he is, but is still treating you like this (making vague excuses), so that's a bad sign. Or he's going to show up again in a few weeks when he wants some booty. *That* may or may not be OK with you, only you can decide . But don't emotionally vest yourself in it when he will not.
It's probably a combonation of factors, did you sleep together? Maybe he only wanted one thing from you, and whether it was you, or some other female, he would have done the exact same thing.
Main thing is, you don't want someone who doesn't want you. The man you deserve is the man that adores you, feels nervous about calling you "too soon", sends you flowers out of the blue, and tells you how beautiful your body, mind and soul is. A man that is willing to create these feelings in you, isn't worth your time. You deserve everything you envision!
Oh, girl. I know how you're feeling all too well. Boys/men can be complete idiots sometimes (although I'm sure you knew that.) It sucks to feel lead on and then used.
However, I would encourage you to try not to assume your weight was the reason. The actual reason is that he was a not-so-nice guy who was looking for one thing - and when he got it, he figured he had no reason to stick around. This is his problem, and it has NOTHING to do with you.
The problem with bringing your weight into it is that you convince yourself his mistakes are really your fault. I know you may not feel comfortable or assume that men will be turned off by your weight, but this isn't true. A guy who really loves you won't care if you're a few pounds heavier, lighter, whatever. The reason relationships don't work out because sometimes two people just aren't compatible- not because one person is fat.
Even if you're hurting now, eventually you'll feel better and start to realize that this guy is not worth it, and that a girl like you can do better. You deserve happiness - remember that!
I'm sorry it hurts and it is definately a kick in the stomach when a guy seems to go out of his way to use someone. Maybe he's completely honest with how he says he's busy and has to take some time. In which case, let him go be busy. But regardless of whether he is or isn't, I would recommend that you just move on. Save youself the extended feeling of heartbreak and remember that it's not about you as a person. Skinny-mini girls go through this too -- so ultimately don't believe that it's all centred around weight.
Reading "He's Just Not That Into You" helps. You are worth a guy falling on his face trying to do anything for you, just as any woman is worth. This just wasn't the one.
(p.s. who really wants to be with a doctor anyway... lol)
I'm with the other girls - it's probably not your weight.
It is possible he was just after the chase. You never know. And, I know you feel like you've known him for a long time, but you just never what you're getting... especially online. Some people are very manipulitive and can bend their personalities to match whoemever to get what they want. Some people are secretly very, very sick and can hide it well. I'm not pretending to know what's going on, just tossing some possibilities out there. I think you should move on though. If he's interested he'll come back. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Hey, I´m sorry you had to go through this... men like him are simply not worth it... It has absolutely nothing to do with you or your appearance, if it had, nothing would have happened in the first place, if it had he wouldn´t be talking to you for a month. He was attracted to you, he was interested in you, period. As a very good male friend once told me, men are pretty basic, it´s quite obvious if we´re attracted to someone.
IMO, it sounds like he´s just another player. Definately not worth it .... I don´t think this was a decisive factor, because I have friends who have slept with their boyfriends/husbands on their first date... but specially for safety reasons, I would leave the home invitation to the second or third date... it gives you a chance as well to really see how the person is in "real life" scenarios, and make it clearer what you´re looking for...
for me, the best way to move on is first remember why I´m great, think about all the things you like in yourself, out with the negative in with the positive, second a trip to the hair salon, as shallow as it may sound it does wonders to my self-esteem, then is take advantage of the load of responses you got, and give the next guy a chance... the line has to start moving again... There are tons of single, interesting men out there... al they need is a chance... Don´t waist more time on the jerk, he doesn´t deserve it !!
I'm sorry you feel this way. I agree with everyone else. It's not about you're not attractive, because if not, he's not gonna talk to you for months, or even agree to meet you after seeing your photos. He's just a player.
Usually, to save myself from heart breaking, i always tell the guy i date before he leaves "in 3 days, if i don't get a call from you, I'll think that means i'm not attractive enough to you. I'll move on and you'll be in the past baby. Remember that".
Ok, that might scared him off. But i don't really care. If he doesn't have courage to call me, or afraid of something like that, then i don't want him. Right
Well, even if it was about your weight (which I don't think because you already told him about it etc etc), then he is definitely the wrong person to be with. Alltogether, you're probably better off without him.
Sounds like the guy is just a straight up jerk. There could be a chance he is not who he told you he was, not a big doctor, he probably works at McD's! Or there is always he's got a girl and was a jerk & went out looking for a piece of someone else and now that he has gotten it, doesn't feel the need to keep you around. I seriously doubt it has anything to do with your weight, don't even think that! I'm sure if it was your weight, you would not have had a wonderful night, cause he prob would of come up with some lame excuse to leave as soon as he got there if he didn't like what he saw. I would just chalk it up to the guy being a complete jerk. You don't want someone like that in your life anyways
guys are weird, i don't think it's a personal thing and i don't think it's to do with weight. things to do with attachment and commitment spook guys, so just when you are feeling comfortable they're like a horse who hears a loud noise...off and running for absolutely no reason.
OT - So there was this guy....
. But don't emotionally vest yourself in it when he will not.
guys are weird, i don't think it's a personal thing and i don't think it's to do with weight. things to do with attachment and commitment spook guys, so just when you are feeling comfortable they're like a horse who hears a loud noise...off and running for absolutely no reason.
