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Old 11-08-2008, 12:31 PM   #1  
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Default Is it REALLY so hard to understand?! *little rant*

Gah! Ok, small-ish rant coming up here...apologies in advance!

My fiancé took me out for lunch to a restaraunt today, which was nice as we don't go out very often. It wasn't a good menu for people who are trying to watch their weight but I decided on scampi with boiled potatoes and peas. He wanted a starter, which is fine and then he asked if I wanted one. I said no and then he suggested the potato wedges with onion rings, cheese and sour cream. He knows I'm trying to lose weight so I just looked at him with *that* look (I'm sure you know the one ). He then said that it's just once and I should allow myself to cheat. Right, ok, well first of all it's not just once, about 3 times a week he offers me chips with cheese, pizza or some other crap you buy from a take-out place. I'm getting sick of saying no now, how many times will I have to say it until it sinks in?!

Secondly, I wasn't hungry enough for it, I didn't fancy it and just didn't want to undo all the hard work I've already put in losing weight. After explaining this in the nicest way I could he then went on to tell me how if I don't treat myself I'll get fed up dieting, give up and start pigging out so I may as well eat it now. He said that's why I've always failed to lose weight in the past. I was pretty p.o'd by this time so I just shut up. Really, if I wanted to eat it that badly I'd have already thought about it and worked out a way to fit it into my diet without going over my calories.

Who does he think he is to tell me how to diet and that I'll end up failing anyway? He doesn't support me at all when I try to lose weight, all he does is offer me take-aways! He refuses to try losing weight with me, he says he knows I'm on a diet but he's not going to stop eating what he wants just because I don't eat it. That's fine, I don't mind that but he seems to really rub it in my face. Just now he came in with a massive bowl of toffee ice cream with chocolate sauce, sat right next to me and ate it making all those stupid 'yummy' noises. Is it really necessary? Really?? The thing is, he probably doesn't even realise he's doing it but it's really winding me up now and I'm fed up being in a bad mood. I wanted to put my hand in tha ice-cream, grab the whole lot and wipe it all in his hair

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant here, I think getting it off my chest is probably what I needed to calm me down I'm feeling a bit more chilled out already.
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Old 11-08-2008, 01:02 PM   #2  
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i too have a boyfriend like this....
it is tough....
its only now he is coming round to my eating habbits....
i think he can see that not all healthy food tastes revolting....
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Old 11-08-2008, 01:04 PM   #3  
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Oh, I'd bet he realizes he's doing it. But consider it from his point of view: He used to have a mate to enjoy food with, and now he's eating all of this unhealthy stuff on his own. It doesn't sound like he's ready to lose weight, so he's trying to get you to go back to your shared habits. Besides, if you lose all that weight, maybe you'll go find someone who is thin and who doesn't eat poorly all the time.
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Old 11-08-2008, 01:14 PM   #4  
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Yeah, it sounds like an insecurity issue on his part.

I know it's hard for men in their 20's to grasp this sometimes, but you might try explaining it a bit differently to him. Try telling him that you are losing not just to look better, but to be healthier so that you'll be around for each other for a long time.

I would also talk to him about how offensive his behavior is. It's not his place to tell you that you'll fail and it's quite childish to rub things in your face (regardless of whether it is on purpose or not.) Call him on it! You're adults, he should act like one.

Last edited by zenor77; 11-08-2008 at 01:15 PM. Reason: punctuation
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Old 11-08-2008, 01:16 PM   #5  
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... he then went on to tell me how if I don't treat myself I'll get fed up dieting, give up and start pigging out so I may as well eat it now. He said that's why I've always failed to lose weight in the past. ... Really, if I wanted to eat it that badly I'd have already thought about it and worked out a way to fit it into my diet without going over my calories.
What he said has a lot of truth for some people. But I think your comment is a good sign that you're doing what's right for you and not setting yourself up.

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I wanted to put my hand in tha ice-cream, grab the whole lot and wipe it all in his hair
Oh, you made me laugh out loud.

My only suggestion is that the calmer you can stick to your guns and ignore his provocations, the faster it will become reaaallllly boring for him, and he'll eventually give up. But be prepared to ride it out first. Don't "reward" him with a reaction when he pokes at you.
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Old 11-08-2008, 01:47 PM   #6  
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sounds like he needs a good talking to about how to be supportive about your weight loss. i know you've mentioned it to him, but have you sat him down and said "look! i want to lose weight and if you're telling me i'm going to end up failing anyway that is not going to help! you are welcome to your take-away foods but stop offering me, or we're going to have a problem."

i'm glad you got it off your chest
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Old 11-08-2008, 04:05 PM   #7  
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Thanks so much for your replies guys

I think I'll have to sit down with him and try to have a proper chat about it...I'm feeling better now though, thanks for letting me rant
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:19 PM   #8  
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Default Lol!!!!!!

Oh sweetie, I know you're about as mad as a hornet, but I laughed so hard as I was reading this...

Men are high in calories. I had the same complaint when I started my diet -- my husband is ALWAYS trying to feed me something! This is the common complaint of a lot of us here. Most of us would not be the +30 lbs that we are without our wonderful SO's.

My hubby has explained it to me that the male desire to feed a woman until she is plump is a natural masculine instinct. It ensures that she will be able to bear healthy children and also serves as a visual cue to the male that he is doing his job keeping her well fed.

I don't know WHERE he came up with that, but he is notorious for inventing stupid theories. He also claims there is an unspoken treaty in place that guarantees that I can not get angry at him for simply acting on his instinct when he offers me chocolate covered pretzels and the like.

I've decided i'm just going to start throwing shoes at him.

Last edited by NishKitten; 11-08-2008 at 05:20 PM.
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:37 PM   #9  
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My bf will ask if I want some take a way and if i say no he's pretty much ok with it.....sometime he will insist I take a bite and I have come to control myself and just take a nibble to shut him up...thankfully he's also good with eating pretty much whatever I make him.....here and there he will make a little comment about how he thinks i'm gone crazy with it all and I will have the occasional treat..simply for the both of us...not everyone can do that.

You really need to have a serious talk with him and tell him that you're doing this because you're not happy with yourself and you're making yourself healthier whether he wants to be a part of it or not.
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:46 PM   #10  
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My hubby has explained it to me that the male desire to feed a woman until she is plump is a natural masculine instinct. It ensures that she will be able to bear healthy children and also serves as a visual cue to the male that he is doing his job keeping her well fed.
Nish, Sorry but your husband is right. Historically, full figured women were considered the norm and were desirable for the exact reasons your husband mentions...especially as a reflection of his affluence. "Rubenesque" women are still more desireable in many cultures, such as Egyptian and many African nations. For example, in the Islamic nation of Mauritania, female obesity is a measure of wealth, power and fertility and most Mauritanian women will do anything to gain weight, including gavage, which is basically force feeding, to put on the pounds.

Last edited by Arlene Dallas; 11-08-2008 at 05:46 PM.
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:52 PM   #11  
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Nish, Sorry but your husband is right. Historically, full figured women were considered the norm and were desirable for the exact reasons your husband mentions...especially as a reflection of his affluence. "Rubenesque" women are still more desireable in many cultures, such as Egyptian and many African nations. For example, in the Islamic nation of Mauritania, female obesity is a measure of wealth, power and fertility and most Mauritanian women will do anything to gain weight, including gavage, which is basically force feeding, to put on the pounds.
Let's hope no man ever lays eyes on this passage, otherwise women as a species will NEVER hear the end of it. God forbid a man ends up right about something and they know it. Everybody shhhh....
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Old 11-08-2008, 05:56 PM   #12  
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Trust me my hubby is the same he laughs every time he see's me doing the 30 day shread ( because i look funny doing it he says) it really brings you down but thankfully i have enough faith to bring myself right back up.
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Old 11-08-2008, 06:11 PM   #13  
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yes do not let any man read that........thats why my bf insists i have a bit of this and that.....damn men!
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:10 PM   #14  
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I am single now and I find my weight loss goes much easier than earlier attempts, in relationships. Of course this has to do with my ability to plan better without having to count on somebody else, but it also had to do with boyfriends that buy 20 $ worth of snacks for one weekend. That was why I started to put on weight in the first place. I even had this serious attempt, 1,5 years ago, where we decided together that we would cut on the snacks and take walks in the evening. Know what he said first night? "Well, actually I'm a bit tired... I don't really feel like walking. Oh, and I discovered some crisps in the back of the cupboard. Want any?" Of course, I can't blame him for my not doing anything about it. But it certainly didn't help.

I heartily support all people advising you to have a good talk about it. Maybe he does not really have to understand or agree with you on everything, but it would be nice if he would stop offering you junk food.
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:00 PM   #15  
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Anti, you can probably assume that it's nothing but a bout of insecurity on his part that's making him behave the way he is. A) He feels like you are better than him, because you can control how you eat and B) He might be afraid that once you lose weight, you will be more desired by other men, and you will leave him. Now, I'm not saying you WILL, I'm just offering an explanation based on human psychology.

I, am on the other side of the fence (the grass ISN'T greener, trust me.) than alot of you. My boyfriend has always been insanely healthy and has huge "fat-kid" issues from when he was a kid in school. He's extremely fit, he has a great body, but it's never good enough because he carries this teeny, tiny little paunch, no matter what he does.

He's always on some sort of bulking/cutting regimen. He's always training for something, he fights in brazillian jiu jitsu and he's a cop (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) so when we are together, we eat very healthy. He has the strongest willpower I've ever seen, and I've eaten ****-food infront of him, and tried to tempt him. It's an a-holeish thing to do, but the only reason I tried to tempt him was because I felt he had this huge superiority complex with me. We've since communicated and we are dedicated to live healthily together. Actually, I'm his trainer and nutritionist. But, we have one cheat meal with dessert, once per week and MAN, it's even better when you can share that with someone who appreciates the cheat meal as much as you!
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