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Old 11-08-2008, 07:02 PM   #16  
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I think that one cheat meal you guys do together is SOOO CUTE!!
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:13 PM   #17  
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While I'm a pretty easy-going person, this thread got me pretty riled up. I found it disturbing somehow -- like people were saying boys will be boys, ha ha ha, look what we have to put up with. The things is that noone should have to put up with the kind of emotional coersion and disrespect that the original poster detailed. It is not even remotely OK. I cannot imagine my husband EVER trying to force food in my face or telling me I'll fail. Once I explained what I was doing and how important this whole weight loss thing was for me, he has been nothing but supportive. In fact, after I had been at it for a month, he also began working out and is down almost thirty pounds himself.

While I recognize that her boyfriend is feeling insecure -- basically that she might get thin and leave him -- his behavior is still well outside of the range of what a partner should act like. He is responsible for his own emotions and for controlling his behavior. While it might help if she makes it clear that she loves him for who he is and not for the exterior package, it is equally important for him to love her enough to be supportive of an incredibly difficult thing she is trying to do for herself. Men are not children, and I wish women spent less time treating them as such -- therefore, expecting almost nothing of them -- and spent more time expecting them to act like equals...and grown-ups.
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:16 PM   #18  
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My husband did the same thing to me when I first started my diet. We went out to a chinese buffet with a friend and I decided to eat a salad before we went cause I knew there would be nothing there I could eat. So we go & I just had a water and he's like flashing chicken fingers in my face going "I know you want to eat it, it's ok, just eat it." SERIOUSLY? Are you two, waving chicken fingers in my darn face?! So I got really mad and was like look, I'm going to do this with or without your support so if you want to act like a jerk, keep it to yourself. It has now been almost 3 months & I've lost 35 lbs. he realizes now that I'm SERIOUS about losing this weight this time. Now he's super supportive.
Maybe he's doing these things too you to make himself feel better maybe he knows he should prob try to lose a little too. I would be willing to bet that your success so far is hard for him to handle, cause he can't do it. Don't let him get you down. He'll be sorry he doubted you when you reach your goal & feel & look amazing!
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:19 PM   #19  
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While I'm a pretty easy-going person, this thread got me pretty riled up. I found it disturbing somehow -- like people were saying boys will be boys, ha ha ha, look what we have to put up with. The things is that noone should have to put up with the kind of emotional coersion and disrespect that the original poster detailed. It is not even remotely OK. I cannot imagine my husband EVER trying to force food in my face or telling me I'll fail. Once I explained what I was doing and how important this whole weight loss thing was for me, he has been nothing but supportive. In fact, after I had been at it for a month, he also began working out and is down almost thirty pounds himself.

While I recognize that her boyfriend is feeling insecure -- basically that she might get thin and leave him -- his behavior is still well outside of the range of what a partner should act like. He is responsible for his own emotions and for controlling his behavior. While it might help if she makes it clear that she loves him for who he is and not for the exterior package, it is equally important for him to love her enough to be supportive of an incredibly difficult thing she is trying to do for herself. Men are not children, and I wish women spent less time treating them as such -- therefore, expecting almost nothing of them -- and spent more time expecting them to act like equals...and grown-ups.
So well put Schumeany! AMEN TO THAT SISTER!!!
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:25 PM   #20  
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I think that one cheat meal you guys do together is SOOO CUTE!!
We workout together too, so it's a nice balance!
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Old 11-08-2008, 07:36 PM   #21  
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Schu, I can relate and appreciate what you are saying. I don't think the "boys will be boys" mentality is what's going on here, rather an acceptance that males react/act differently than females. Men are highly competitive and react when they percive a threat. It's not about controlling the behavior, because it is not as simple as that, but about opening the lines of communication here. Something like, "Babe, I get what you are saying about setting oneself up for failure by maintaining too strict a diet, and I totally agree with you. For me, I like to plan my meals, and what I ordered is what I planned." Maybe they can arrange a meal out together where they can both enjoy a splurge. But ultimately, he's feeling threatened and how he's acting is not abnormal. Perhaps he doesn't have the tools to cope with his feelings, because he's always felt secure in his relationship...
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:06 PM   #22  
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Schu, I can relate and appreciate what you are saying. I don't think the "boys will be boys" mentality is what's going on here, rather an acceptance that males react/act differently than females. Men are highly competitive and react when they percive a threat. It's not about controlling the behavior, because it is not as simple as that, but about opening the lines of communication here. Something like, "Babe, I get what you are saying about setting oneself up for failure by maintaining too strict a diet, and I totally agree with you. For me, I like to plan my meals, and what I ordered is what I planned." Maybe they can arrange a meal out together where they can both enjoy a splurge. But ultimately, he's feeling threatened and how he's acting is not abnormal. Perhaps he doesn't have the tools to cope with his feelings, because he's always felt secure in his relationship...
I was trying to come up with how to say it, but this is perfect. My husband doesn't mind me losing weight or anything UNTIL he gets a look at my meals.

He's in excellent shape... never ever struggled with his weight. Army S.F., and roundabouts 6'5" and a *very* lean, muscular 235lbs. He seriously has to consume about 8,000-12,000 cals a day just to maintain his weight and he honestly doesn't understand. What I eat compared to what he eats looks like a starvation diet, but he doesn't get that i'm not lugging around tree trunks for arms and legs! I don't need five pieces of texas toast, a dozen eggs and an entire package of turkey bacon to 'tide me over' until lunch. He's not being unsupportive, he's worried that i've totally lost my marbles and that i'm potentially hurting myself.

He was perfectly fine after I explained it to him, and even though when he asks me what I had for breakfast/lunch/dinner/whatever he still sighs sometimes and I can tell he's concerned, he's getting better.

Anti, the other ladies are right. Once you address his concerns and assure him that everything will be fine he'll get over it. I don't think he's trying to discourage you or be disrespectful, he just doesn't understand why you're doing it and it's concerning to him. You have to break it down Barney style for them sometimes.
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:12 PM   #23  
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Nish, Sorry but your husband is right. Historically, full figured women were considered the norm and were desirable for the exact reasons your husband mentions...especially as a reflection of his affluence. "Rubenesque" women are still more desireable in many cultures, such as Egyptian and many African nations. For example, in the Islamic nation of Mauritania, female obesity is a measure of wealth, power and fertility and most Mauritanian women will do anything to gain weight, including gavage, which is basically force feeding, to put on the pounds.


I think the key word here IS, "historically." I don't live in Egypt or Mauritania so I guess I will venture on.
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:14 PM   #24  
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I think the key word here IS, "historically." I don't live in Egypt or Mauritania so I guess I will venture on.
Can I quote this the next time DH and I have this disagreement?
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:40 PM   #25  
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I actually feel sorry for some men. (some.)

The media tells them one thing (Skinny is sexy, and associated with high status and weath)

But thier primal instincts tell them to be turned on by a female who looks like a female, with round hips, arse and breasts. And, I mean, this isn't just some bs shovelled out by a obese activist group, this is results proven researched. Tested, studied and observed ad nauseum.

So, dudes are confusing.

Do they want a girl who's going to be the star in the wet dreams of young men? Do they want a girl who, apparently, doesn't take orders from a cookie? Or how about a nice mix of inbetween? :-) I always say, I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you. (to my man) And he loves me the way I am. He knows I'm happy when I'm well-fed, well-exersised and well-loved. To have a 6-pack abs, I'd have to live very strictly, and frankly, it's just not worth it.
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Old 11-08-2008, 08:45 PM   #26  
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The same thing happened to me when I first started losing weight. I got really frustrated and eventually had a long talk with my BF about my goals. Turned out he just didn't want me to think that HE wanted me to lose weight.

Now he's totally supportive and congratulates me when I share my accomplishments with him. In situations like this, communication is key.

Where the heck is Mauritania???

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Old 11-08-2008, 08:49 PM   #27  
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The same thing happened to me when I first started losing weight. I got really frustrated and eventually had a long talk with my BF about my goals. Turned out he just didn't want me to think that HE wanted me to lose weight.

Now he's totally supportive and congratulates me when I share my accomplishments with him. In situations like this, communication is key.

Where the heck is Mauritania???
li'l country in North Africa. Nice place to visit, the women have absolutely gorgeous posture.
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