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-   -   By losing weight are you losing part of your old identity? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/155008-losing-weight-you-losing-part-your-old-identity.html)

Here we go again 10-27-2008 10:23 AM

By losing weight are you losing part of your old identity?
 
A great conversation has sparked in the weekly chat, but it got me thinking. Do we all see ourselves this way?

I think we all feel vulnerable in some way as we lose weight. I know I do. I've always been the big girl who everyone was scared of or who could always take care of myself. Now, that I'm getting healthier, I'm realizing that being big has actually been my identity and strange as it sounds has been my comfort. Me changing my lifestyle, in some ways change who I am and especially to others.

Is anyone else coming across this?

Jelbb 10-27-2008 10:39 AM

Hmm. I think being bigger than a lot of my peers in school changed my personality a lot. I have a hardcore facade of being really proud and I've been told that I can be intimidating when people first meet me. :lol:

I'm not sure losing weight will change that, though. I think I'm pretty comfortable in who I am now. :)

jahjah1223 10-27-2008 10:49 AM

I'm much more confident and have been realizing that i deserve more in life .

ValRock 10-27-2008 10:53 AM

I've noticed that my confidence level is directly related to how much I weight. It's really sad but it's very true. My husband has even mentioned that HE doesn't care how much I weight... he will always love me... but he likes the person I am when I weigh what I want to weigh. If that makes sense?

I know when I'm at my goal weight (was there before *sigh*) I'm a much happier, and confident person.

At this weight I just want to hide.

junebug41 10-27-2008 10:54 AM

Yes. It empowered me. It made me mature. I grew up in a lot of ways. When it hit me that I was in fact "doing it", I suddenly had no fear and no desire to cling to the person I once was- for better or for worse. On one hand, I am the same person with most of the same values and many of the same friends. On the other hand, I'm that same person with a stronger core.

Thighs Be Gone 10-27-2008 11:02 AM

I started at a size 18--had been there for several years. I bought my 3rd pair of size 10's last week and they are a little loose! :) Yep, for years I have been the fat mom.

I recently bought some somewhat "sexy" looking tops as well as better looking workout gear. (Black Nike running pants and fitted long-sleeved running tops in bright colors) The problem is I feel sort of self-concious in them. I look at myself in the mirror and like what I see (so does hubby) but feel odd when I find others looking at me that knew me before.

Anyone else felt/feeling this way and what do you do?

Stardutchess 10-27-2008 11:02 AM

I think our personalities are evolving constantly. I am not the same person I was when I was in college. I would like to think I have matured since then. It only makes sense that a person would change while they are slimming down. Priorities are changing, maybe for the first time in a long time you are truly thinking of yourself. People around you will be treating you differently it is only natural to change during this process. Your body is changing too, why wouldn't everything else?

Thighs Be Gone 10-27-2008 11:08 AM

Star, I think your post makes lots of sense. When people ask me, "what are you doing" I have to say, "everything" because I am. I have moved myself to TOP PRIORITY for right now. Nothing, and I do mean nothing comes before my nutrition, exercising and proper sleep habits. In this way, I have basically changed everything. My thoughts have changed about myself and the world around me.

I have made sure my husband and children have had these "basics" plus lots of extras for years while I paid the price. Now, it's time for me take care of myself. I don't want to be obese anymore.

sh3l5 10-27-2008 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jahjah1223 (Post 2426493)
I'm much more confident and have been realizing that i deserve more in life .

im realising the exact same thing....
boyfriend wise....

FreeSpirit 10-27-2008 12:59 PM

I don't think I was losing part of my old identity, I think i was setting my true identity free.

ghost 10-27-2008 01:24 PM

I feel like I'm reclaiming the person that I used to be. Getting my real identity back. I used to be very retro and saucy but when I became overweight I started hiding and couldn't "style" myself the way I used to. So I became very...plain. Now I feel like I'm coming back into myself and willing to take more risks not only with my appearance but in other aspects of my life as well.

In one respect I can see how being heavy gave me a license to hide behind myself. I became a very introverted person, and while I blamed my weight for my insecurities I realize now that I was always the same person inside and out, I just used my fat as an excuse to hide who I really am. I probably missed alot of opportunities doing that, but along the way I've learned some things about myself and about human nature. I'm glad that I have lifelong friends who have loved me through thick and thin and always saw the true me even when I was covered in a layer of blubber.

Here we go again 10-27-2008 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovelypurple (Post 2426737)
I don't think I was losing part of my old identity, I think i was setting my true identity free.

That's a good way to look at it. I've always been the "cool" girl with the guys, I mean I still always got hit on by guys, but already I can see myself demanding more respect as a female. I'm still cool with the guys, but things that I would have led slide, I don't anymore. It's kinda funny that I have the confidence to voice that the topic at hand is not cool. I also am becoming more girlie, not in a weird way, but taking better care of how I dress and look. I'm curious to see how my family will react to me losing weight when I see them in December. I've been in my own bubble out in CA and don't have any people that have known me for years here. I'm curious to see if my old friends and my family will see a change in me looks and personality wise.

junebug41 10-27-2008 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Here we go again (Post 2426791)
That's a good way to look at it. I've always been the "cool" girl with the guys, I mean I still always got hit on by guys, but already I can see myself demanding more respect as a female. I'm still cool with the guys, but things that I would have led slide, I don't anymore.

That's funny, I used to be that girl, too (a real "guy's girl"). Not anymore. I mean, I still have a couple of guy friends through work or that I grew up with, but that situation has changed drastically. I suspect a LOT of it had to do with the fact that I was suddenly "competitive" in the eyes of their girlfriends or females in general. Perhaps the guys started seeing me as more sexually attractive and I was just removed from the category of "just friends". My style changed (and improved) through losing weight, so maybe that contributed to it.

I just remembered something. When I was overweight, I worked for an ice arena. There were a couple of "horsing around" situations with hockey players where I would be playfully tapped on the butt with a hockey stick. I can say that stuff llike that never even remotely happened when I lost weight. I don't know if that was because I was just seen differently or because I commanded more respect. Maybe both.

ghost 10-27-2008 01:46 PM

OMG Heather, how could they not see a change, you've lost two whole feet of yourself in the last few months! Their jaws are going to drop so low they'll need a hydolic lift to get them back up!

misstraveller 10-27-2008 01:54 PM

You know it's really true. people treat me differently when I'm at a lower weight. And you know, you bring up a good point, it makes me self concious that men look at me now sometimes because like many of you I was the fun girl to be around the guys, always the one they went to when they wanted to meet a friend. It's so weird to think that they actually just want to talk to me now instead of a friend.


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