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Old 10-30-2008, 01:20 PM   #1  
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I've totally fallen off the wagon the past couple of weeks. I figured that a good way to help myself climb back onto the wagon would be to confess/vent about what's been going on. That way, at least in my mind, the issue would be more real, unignoreable, and I could climb back onto the wagon somehow. I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

It all started when I went to visit my younger sister at dental school for a ceremony the class of '12 was having.

Now, we may be sisters, but we are very different. We come from a very middle class background. Both of our parents are immigrants and worked very hard for their modest home and belongings. We were never poor, and were lucky enough to have everything we needed. But talking to my sister you would think that we were on food stamps. She was always embarassed of our house and of our belongings and for that reason never invited anyone over.

As she has got older, it seems her problem has gotten worse. It has become obvious that she's not only embarassed of her background, she's embarassed of her family. Here are a few examples from the visit:
  • We were staying at her apartment since we're not really hotel people and there aren't really a lot of choices in SmallTown, U.S.A and my youngest sister [14] threw a mini tantrum about sleeping arrangements. The middle sister then blew up at us saying "Good grief, why couldn't you guys have just shelled out the $100 and stayed at a hotel."
  • Moving on from there she proceded to introduce us to her class via class picture. It went something like this: "This is "Michael Smith", his family is oh so rich and he drives a Mercedes." She would go on and on at length about the upper class colleagues and mention a brief blurb about the not so well-to-do classmates.
  • I had recently injured my foot (another reason for falling off the wagon, - foot pain = even less fun to exercise) and I had to wear flats to the ceremony. I chose to wear a sundress and nice leather sandals to the ceremony since it was 90 outside. She proceeded to look at me with utter disgust and ask "Are you seriously wearing that?"
  • After growing up together for 20 years you would think that she would know that I really don't give a rats a** about fashion or designer labels. I would rather go for classics that are comfortable than have to blow $$$$$ on a new wardrobe every season.
  • Following the ceremony all the students were milling about the grounds socializing with their families and friends. Whenever my sister would see someone she knew she would run over - with us in tow - and the friend would be like "Hi, I'm Jennifer. These are my parents Jack and Jill, and my sister/brother, etc." My sister would talk it up with these people for 5-10 minutes while we would stand around awkwardly before she would go, "Oh, by the way, this is my mom and those are my sisters."
  • We went out to eat to celebrate the ceremony and her accomplishments and she actually scoffed at my calorie counting. That was the worst I think. I have always struggled with my weight, and she knows it, while she has been pretty slim all her life.

  • Basically, the whole weekend she made me (and I'm pretty sure my mother too) feel pretty worthless. It's true, I'm not rich. I guess I could best be described as sort of hippy-ish. I really don't care about fashion, name-brands, main-stream TV/entertainment. I prefer the outdoors, reading, gardening, etc. I have a career that I enjoy and leaves me time to live life, but does not necessarily pay mega bucks. I live in a cozy little house (which she criticized as well for having siding) as opposed to a giant McMansion. And I am happy with that. I've never wanted things, what good will they do me? Things can always be taken away, knowledge and experiences can't. I just don't understand her position I guess...

    All of that, plus the foot injury (which the HMO is soooo expeditiously taking care of) has totally sideswiped any progress I might have been making. The past few weeks have been nothing but no working out coupled with serious bingeing. I'm afraid to step on the scale

    Argh, I shouldn't let it get to me that much, but emotions are sooooo hard to control.

    I apologize again for the rambling, I just had to get it out.
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    Old 10-30-2008, 01:29 PM   #2  
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    really, it just sounds like your sister needs to get a grip on what's really important. hopefully in the next few years she'll realize what she's doing/has done to her family that's just trying to support her and change what she's doing.
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    Old 10-30-2008, 04:57 PM   #3  
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    Excuse me if I am being too forward but it kinda sounds like she hasn't "Grown up" yet. She is still clinging to superficial things and is obviously measuring her life in dollar signs. Give her a bit and I bet you will start to see a change in her. My sis just turned 17 and this year I saw a major mature-ing going on with her.
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    Old 10-30-2008, 05:20 PM   #4  
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by HeatherMcG View Post
    Excuse me if I am being too forward but it kinda sounds like she hasn't "Grown up" yet. She is still clinging to superficial things and is obviously measuring her life in dollar signs. Give her a bit and I bet you will start to see a change in her. My sis just turned 17 and this year I saw a major mature-ing going on with her.
    I really hope you're right. I'd like to get my sister back. We haven't spoken since the trip and I really don't see that changing any time soon. It would be nice for her to "grown up" a bit, instead of saying that I'm just jealous that she's going to be a rich dentist and saying that if I'd made different personal decisions I could have had that life too. True, but not everyone wants that kind of life...
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    Old 10-30-2008, 06:29 PM   #5  
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    A kind of life where you estrange your closest family from you by your own behaviour? Where you only find friends that are not truly friends because they are too superficial to really care? No, thank you very much .

    It sounds like it was not a nice week-end at all, which is a shame in itself. But that is not because of you... you have done nothing wrong. I can imagine it is hard on you... stuff to do with family is never something you can let slide by easily. I really hope your sister changes because this sounds like a very unpleasant situation.
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    Old 10-31-2008, 04:58 PM   #6  
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    I'm so sorry you had such an unpleasant weekend with your sister. She does sound very immature and a bit materialistic.

    Ya know, I was hoping to read some juicy spill, but instead I read a post about a person who sounds like she really has a wonderful life, sans the immature sister. You know who you are, you accept where you came from, and you are making the most of what you have. That is amazing! You find joy in the simple things and don't focus on things out of your control. It's unfortunate that you sister has not yet found that balance, and it sounds like she is overcompensating for the "material things" she doesn't have by focusing on what other's have. I wouldn't be mad at her but instead feel sorry for her because a life based only on material things and appearances is a shallow life. Hopefully she realizes this sooner rather than later.
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    Old 10-31-2008, 10:50 PM   #7  
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    These ladies have pretty much said it all.

    If your sister doesn't change her immature, materialistic ways... she's going to wake up in ten years with a pile of regret over an alienated family. She's going to realize that as much money as she can get won't bring her all the happiness she thinks it will... and at that point, it'll be your, and your family's choice as to whether to forgive this period of her life or not.

    In the meantime, tell her to take her labels and McMansion and Mercedes-moron friends and stuff 'em where the sun don't shine.

    ...or take the high road, and just maintain radio silence.

    I agree with Bella, by the way. You sound like you've got a fantastic life, and appreciate what you've got. Such a great way to live. Hope your foot's feeling better.. I got achilles tendonitis once... foot pain (slash, crutches...) are exercise killers...
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    Old 11-01-2008, 12:08 AM   #8  
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    It does sound like your sister is immature and needs to get a grip.

    But also I'd just like to say that there is nothing wrong with enjoying and wanting the nicer things in life. I don't think things should be valued over people - and especially over family - but I do think there's a middle ground there.

    I'm not saying that you are this way, but I know several people who are almost as snobbish about their "plain" lifestyle as others are about their materialistic ones. After a while it gets a bit old - the attitude that "I'm better than you because I'm enlightened enough that I don't care a whit about popular culture." I actually have drifted apart from my best friend in college because her lifestyle is SO minimalist and she cares so little about presenting herself nicely that we just have nothing in common any more. I got tired of trying to talk to her about something I'd read in the news or seen on TV and having her say (with that tone of mild superiority) "Oh, I NEVER watch TV." or "Oh, I NEVER read the news." After a while, being judged tends to push enough buttons that I bite back and probably appear more materialistic and snotty than I really am.

    As I said, I think your sister is somewhat immature and needs to remember that her family is her family - and deserves more respect. But I also think you might need to cut her *a little* slack over the wanting things aspect - since you are obviously coming from polar opposite points of view.

    .

    Last edited by PhotoChick; 11-01-2008 at 12:10 AM.
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    Old 11-02-2008, 10:36 PM   #9  
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    Yes yes yes. With everyone.

    You have the upper hand here - you can see what she dosen't. You appreciate what you have, you have "got it". And you're lucky.

    My sister is the say way - in the immaturity wise. And she's always trying to one-up me. It's tough, but you just have to remember, you have the upper hand becasue you see through all the bull sh!t.

    Keep on keepin on, and she'll come around eventually, hopefully... I'm hoping my sister will too....
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