Venting
 

So tonight i was talking to my bff and she nos Ive been dieting for like a yr. I was talking to her about how i wanted to be single 4 awhile so that away I can get to where I can love myself. u cant love others until u love urself. she was like skinny girls have problems to u know? (shes is also a bigger girl that just got married) I am like i know but i want to be HEALTHY and happy. I dont want to be the "fat girl" or "just one of the guys" anymore. And she was like our group of guy friends that we do hang out with, she was like there always going to see you as that girl so y even try. i was like hello i am doing this 4 myself no1 else. thats great u feel good inside but i dont. as far as our guy friends thats fine they want to see me as 1 of the guys thats fine, but i really dont think they can can see me succeed in this weightloss. (cuz they tell me they dont) Yes i know ive lost 102 but they seem me at this weight be4 so they dont notice i have lost weight. Sometimes I dont really think they know i am a girl. lol I have to open there eyes, but she was like y do u care what they think, n i dont but it still be nice to show them off and prove it that i can do this and i will lose the weight. u know??? she just put a damper on my evening. lol So i had to vent. :) Any1 else have this problem :)

You have done a fantastic job at losing! Congratulations! Don't count on the opinions of others, they have their own ideas as to why they think as they do. Keep on what you are doing and eventually people will notice.

Hey youuuu!!!
I'm so glad you're still working towards the weight loss! I haven't talked to ya in ages!!

That's too bad that your friend can't see why you're doing this! Sure, yes, thin people have problems too, everyone does. Granted, I'm willing to bet that not as many thin people have the problem of going into mild panic attacks the way I do sometimes when I go clothing shopping. :D

It must be frustrating for you to have lost as much weight as you have and not have people take notice and be proud of you! I mean, 102 lbs woman, you're a rockstar! Guys are simply capable of being extraordinarily unobservant, and sometimes painfully rude about weight loss efforts, so I would do your damndest to ignore their snide jabs about not believing you're capable of reaching your goals. WE know you can, and that's all that matters. I hope you stick it to 'em and prove them wrong!!! :D

thanks guys, i know we havent talked in ages :) i saw u came back on the other day and it looks like ur doing great on ur weightloss too :)

I have been facing some resistance from friends on my weight loss too. It's a little different 'cause they're more concerned that I'm going anorexic on them. I think it's hard sometimes to have friends that are overweight as well who aren't trying to lose weight because sometimes they are just like 'Be happy with how your body is. I am!' And you can't tell them that it's more about getting healthy and doing things for yourself because you don't want to hurt their self-esteem or seem like you're judging them and because they are in fact beautiful just how they are. I'm still working on how to deal with it, but I think I just keep trying to tell them and myself 'This is something I'm doing for me for my own reasons and I'm not trying to force anything on anyone else. It's just about me.' It's still definitely tricky though.

I can't believe anyone can see you lose 102 pounds and think you can't do it. How absurd - tells you what their opinion is worth! Thankfully, you SO know better :carrot:

It sometimes helps to remember that every one is different. And sometimes what they say is based on their own insecurities and fears and doubts, and not on you.

Ive had this problem before. The thing is, Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. I was a skinny twig when I met him. I slowly started to gain weight little by little and now I am just NOT happy with how I am. I constantly feel like when he checks out other girls (which I honestly dont care cause we tease eachother about looking at other people) and he says they are pretty, I cant help but think that deep down he wishes that I was the same way I was when he met me. Half the people he looks at are skinny anyways, and it just makes me think. I know that he loves me the way I look now, but I cant help but think that maybe he would rather have me look like that. Part of me wants to lose weight for myself, but another part of me also wants to lose weight for him so I can be the whole "package" for him. It kind of sounds stupid but it seems that since I gained weight, I overanalyze things WAY to much, and I know I shouldnt but it finally feels good to find somewhere I can vent out and have people understand exactly what Im talking about.

hey there as i was reading your story it brought bak so many memories- when i was at school i had heaps and heaps of guy friends but no boyfriends and i was just one of the boys u could say? but then i left school lost about 40 pounds so i was skinny and all i needed was one boy to notice (after about 4 weeks of being 40 lbs lighter) and then suddenly it spread like fire and i was noticed and it was all anyone could talk about. your time will come i promise!!

and celigirl88 - i am in the exact same position- when i met him i was skinny and 2 yrs later im not everything you said is my relationship right now. but he is the main reason i will lose weight because i know he loves me but really its not fair on him- he isnt going to just breakup with me cos ive gained- but you can just tell when sumone isnt as attracted anymore. and the other half is we just need to be healthy so we can live a long and happy life!

oh i know my time will come tarryn, and i will have the last laugh (even tho they thing they will) :)

haha you have to tell us the moment something happens,its so exciting and the best feeeling!!:)

Even though I know it happens all the time, I don't understand why people get so defensive over the fact that others are doing something to better themselves. It's not a slight against anyone and yet they act like us losing weight is a personal attack on them. I don't get it. I think a lot of it comes out of anxiety that you'll become a different person on the inside to match the new you on the outside. I really don't know but I think it's ridiculous. Since I've started losing weight, I've had issues with a co-worker I used to get along fabulously with. I miss the way we used to get on but unless she gets her head out of her @$$ it's not going to happen. Hopefully your friend withdraws her head soon.

My boyfriend hasn't lost my weight loss either, but my girlfriends have.


So - I think it's safe to say that guys aren't going to notice if you gain or loose, they still see you the same.

Frustrating... yes.... but also good maybe?

Not hearing the whole conversation, it can be hard to tell, but it sounds to me like your friend was asking you not to put your life on hold, while trying to lose weight. Yes, skinny girls do have problems too, and you've got to have your head in the right place before you add in complications, but you shouldn't stress and avoid until things are perfect, because they probably will never be.

Also, trying to force friends or even aquaintences into seeing you differently, often backfires if you don't get the exact reaction you were invisioning. If you try to "show them," you could be very disappointed if it never is a big deal to them one way or another.

Your confidence doesn't have to come from your weight. Your self love doesn't have to come from your weight. And if you're expecting it to, you could end up being thin and insecure and unhappy. Practicing the self love and confidence now, doesn't mean you're sacrificing your goals of health and weight loss for the future. You can have it all.

That doesn't mean you should start dating if you're not ready to, but do be wary of putting your life on hold until you reach some arbitrary point on the scale.

I can honestly say I've been one of those people that was accused of being "jealous" of someone else's weightloss. I'm the type of person who tells you like it is and I'm also very confrontational so I get myself in some business sometimes but anyways.. my friend used to be about my size and now she's probably a size 4. From what I could tell she did most of it fairly healthy. She worked out a LOT I just don't think she ate enough- but that wasn't the issue with me. I could not stand the way she started looking at me(not just me)- like I was this big disgusting blob of what she used to be. She became obsessed with her looks and judging others and when I confronted her about it she told me I was just jealous. I'm sorry.. jealous of your new mirror fettish? No. I've made a vow not to get so caught up in my weight loss that I forget about my life and that the people in it are amazing. I've got a pretty good balance so far!

u guys are right on so many things, but i want ppl to notice n eventually i know they will. i just get so excited that u know i lose a cpl of pds here and there n i want to tell all my friends and its not like im rubbing it in there face, i dont want to think that i am, ive always supported my friends in anything they say or did and it feels like im not being backed up on this. i am afraid that if i get to my ultimate goal of 145-150lbs i will lose all of them cuz i know i will be a diff person inside and out. ill have more self confidence and more out going. and i think they rather have the "fat girl", "1 of the guys around", or "fat friend". i watched rachel ray a few months back where a lady lost 200 lbs using surgery and she lost majority her friends and her family cuz ppl thought she was rubbing it in and she wasnt so im going to post it so u guys can watch i think i was a good segment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6056Vzcc8I

Cutie -
Your friend is right in her intentions I think, but maybe not her delivery. And I agree with you, you have to want to do it for yourself, but GOSH won't it feel good to slip into those size 10 jeans and prance around? I do it for myself, and I don't think that showing others you look good and how far you've come is a bad motivation either! In addition of course to being healthy and feeling better about yourself.... You go girl! Show em it can be done!

celigirl88:
I know, I know, we're doing this for ourselves.
Absolutely we are. I will feel... 100 times more fantastic when I've lost the weight that I want to lose. We ARE doing this for ourselves.
But I don't think it's necessary to pretend like PART of us isn't doing it because we want our man to feel proud and boastful and superior by having a gorgeous chica like us on his arm... and the more I feel like my man thinks that, the better I feel about myself. :p
Thankfully, I met my guy when I was about a mediocre weight (155ish?) so the fact that I was 163 for a bit was barely noticeable to him... but remembering what it was like to be 138 lbs... I know I can look better, and I want to! ;)

CC:
I think you'll probably hit a point where you start going down in sizes, and people will start taking notice all of a sudden. And I bet you anything that they will TAKE NOTICE until your ears fall off with the compliments. ;) Keep on truckin' baby.
And totally post that Rachel Ray thinger.

oh i did, the only ppl that are supporting me in my weight loss is my mom , my grandma, 1 one gf thats my moms age, and YOU GUYS :) other ppl just either dont say anything or they come across like im doing this to back at them or to make them feel worse about themselves idk. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6056Vzcc8I

Tarryn- I know he would never break up with me either. Sometimes I just dont think how I need to be happy myself. I dont think it understands how it is to be one weight your whole life, and then having to adjust your life because of your weight. He constanstly tells me how much he loves me the way I am, but I know deep down he missed the old me, and I miss her too. Therefore, everytime I think "I dont wanna go to the gym today, or I really want that last bit of cake" I think of how happy both of us will be when my weight journey is over :)

Jelbb- I totally agree with everything you said. So lets make ourselves look good for US and our MAN!!!