3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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-   20-Somethings (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings-56/)
-   -   Do I let him in on this? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/152045-do-i-let-him.html)

JulieJ08 09-22-2008 12:59 PM

I think you might be surprised how good it feels to not keep a secret and refuse to feel embarrassed about something that you know is good for you. It's not the end of the world if he thinks it's silly, it's just his opinion, and if he loves you he won't try to make you feel bad.

e32 09-22-2008 03:44 PM

the mere fact that you have thought this through so well is a great sign. you seem to be very tuned in to what others are thinking and how what you say will make them think/feel. therefore--i would say to trust your instincts about what to say/what not to say (especially in your conversation with your friend).

good luck and let us know how it turns out :)


kelli32 09-22-2008 04:41 PM

My bf and I went to lunch on campus today. He asked why I only got a salad (which I always do so I don't know why he asked) so I took the opportunity to say that I was really trying to be healthier. He got a bacon cheeseburger, fries AND a salad, and when he didn't eat all his salad he said I could have it for dinner- he was teasing me but I could tell he was thinking I was silly. I started riding a bike to classes today and I was whipped by the time I got home from my 3rd trip to campus. He said, "Just make sure you get back on tomorrow!" I'm ready to tell him all about this.. I'll just wait til he asks again though haha.

My friend, that will be a different story- but I'm sure I'll be asking for more advice before the convo, and let you know what happens!

carinna 09-22-2008 05:05 PM

My boyfriend is on the journey with me (although not as dedicated). I think you should do what you feel comfortable with, but with us, there are no secrets.

JulieJ08 09-22-2008 05:36 PM

I think things will be fine with the BF. With the GF, you just have to separate her issues from your own. *Your* weight loss isn't about *her,* even if she thinks it is.

HeatherMcG 09-22-2008 05:40 PM

My husband totally knows and was happy that I found this place. He also would love me either way, however, he does know that I need to lost to be healthier. And for that, he is willing to do anything in the world.

e32 09-22-2008 08:35 PM

:) sounds like your bf is a little envious of your determination...mine can be that way too...he teases me like that when he realizes that i'm doing what he'd like to be doing...

that's great you've been biking to campus. it's one of those easy ways to be more active, that can turn into real lifestyle changes over time!

good for you :)

talk more soon--

xYourBelleMortex 09-22-2008 09:25 PM

Yes, as a matter of fact he is yelling at me right now because I am on here instead of watching Heroes.

Your life. Is your life. You want to get healthy, it is your body. If I did everything that the people in my life wanted me to do - I would still be 270 pounds.

SeminoleGirl 09-22-2008 09:44 PM

Hi Kelli...

You are definitely headed in the right direction with both the BF and the friend...and it's great you realize the likely reason for her lack of support - and indifference to your efforts. I think that it's important for you to be able to be open with the BF...b/c he is in your everyday life.

As for the friend - well, if she isn't on your team/in your corner...you don't have to discuss it with her. If she brings it up...you don't have to take the bait...as she may just want to bring it up so she can belittle the effort. She probably doesn't truly want to hurt you or hold you back...but frankly, many people in her situation (need to lose/want to lose/but won't do anything about it....) simply can't help themselves. It's a rare bird who needs to/wants to lose - and just laughs it off, does nothing and cheers on a friend who IS making progress. Just doesn't happen as much.

Main thing - surround yourself and share your goals and victories with only folks who make you feel better about it...not those who poo-poo what you are doing. ;)

CONGRATS on the biking to class...excellent. Biking is tough - so that's a great step. Also you are doing great just making better choices when eating...maybe BF will get on board by osmosis as you go along! TRuly, there's lots to eat or make at home that is still great and good for you...it doesn't have to be boxed cardboard meals. LOL.

Keep us posted, Kelli! 3FC is a pretty cool place - it's like a whole other group of friends who totally get it! :cool:


Primm 09-22-2008 10:06 PM

Hi Kelli,

Good for you for deciding to have "the talk" with your BF. I did the same thing with my husband. Reason I hesitated was the same as you - he thinks I am stunning (rose-coloured glasses, anyone?!!) and doesn't think I need to lose weight.

When I explained my reasoning, like I want to do this for me, not for anyone else, and I'm eating healthier and exercising and weight loss is just a pleasant side effect of that (OK, I may have downplayed that a little bit!) he's got totally on board. Now, instead of buying chocolate or icecream, he brings home gorgeous looking and tasting fruit he thinks I might like. And he grabs "diet food" like WW rice crackers (I haven't had the heart to tell him I really do just want to eat healthier, not more processed diet stuff!) so that I can munch on it instead of chips etc.

He doesn't push me, but he makes it easier for me. He does it because he can see how important this is to me, and that it makes me happy. And I love him for that! So you may be pleasantly surprised by your BF's reaction.

kelli32 09-22-2008 11:23 PM

e32-- I hadn't thought of him being envious! I think you hit the nail on the head. He's always been really proud of me because I'm really determined to be successful in life as far as my career and being a good person. I think he knows that being that driven is something you possess not take on. But being healthy is a decision to change your lifestyle, which he could make too, and isn't. HMM..

Primm-- I hope he responds like your man! I've never been big on sweets but when he gets something at the convienent store he grabs me one too. Before I just didn't eat it, now its like he's challenging my will power. I guess his behavior hasn't changed then, its my interpretation. We went shopping and he bought two huge boxes of ding dongs and honey buns.. and he offers them to me! It's hard enough not to eat one when I realize I'm low on my calories for the day- I dont need him tempting me.

On a side note: I'm so glad I have someone behind me when I say riding a bike is HARD. Its not like the stationary bikes in the gym, its a whole new beast. I said something about that when I got home today and he just kinda chuckled and said "no, not really" whatever. I told him to get a bike and we'll see!

I'm up in arms about my friend for now- I'll keep it to myself until I get another call/text just to remind me I shouldn't be dieting.

sh3l5 09-23-2008 02:13 AM

my boyfriend is starting to eat healthier because i am....
we were checking out contents of calories in McDonalds and Burger Kings....
he was rather suprised....
i think sometimes i feel so alone in my journey....
its so diffficult at times to only eat healthy choices....
its hard and sometimes stenuous....
but so so worth the look i see in the mirror....
i am so set to continue til christmas....

kelli32 09-23-2008 10:30 PM

He was pretty anti-me being healthy today. We saw this really heavy guy at walmart though and he said as long as I don't look like him I'll be fine. I just wanted to throw something at him. If I don't get in the habit of being healthy now I could and probably will end up even heavier and unhealthier.. ugh. I just left it at I hope I never look like a man either and a meek smile. Maybe tomorrow.

SeminoleGirl 09-23-2008 10:44 PM

Now I'm thinking Em32 is onto something...it's like he doesn't want you losing weight, feeling awesome and "leaving him out"...or behind, etc. Of course, guys will never say that out loud. Still...that comment at Wal Mart - he should know that isn't what you need! Ugh....frustrating I'm sure. I do think there may be a hint of worry in this for him...insecurity, just a tiny bit...and the boxes of cupcakes or whatever...not helpful and SOOO tempting. I personally love the Swiss Rolls...and Nutty Bars. BUT, I have NO interest in them anymore - because I am on my way to the me I want to be, and have been in the not too distant past. Think of it that way...which do you want more? Sounds simplistic, but it works for me.

And riding a bike, a REAL bike, is very hard work. It's nothing like a stationary bike at all. Even the smallest hill can be grueling...you are basically pulling your own weight up whatever incline you may be on, and on two narrow tires at that...regardless of being an athlete in college (I was, too) it's still hard. He totally needs a bike, too!!!!

OK - hang in there. Keep us posted. And, I'd say it's a safe bet you will never EVER look like a man! No worries there! :)


tmf718 09-23-2008 11:03 PM

I think all the advice and insight you've received is very good. When I read your post, I completely identified with it. I've been married 22 years, and I've my weight has been up and down, mainly due to depression (right now it's down...yeah!.....2 years maintaining a 60 lb. loss). I tried plenty of things over the years, but when I had to the courage to join a gym and see a nutritionist, I sensed it was going to be different that time. I knew from experience that the smallest things my husband might say would sabotage me. Things like, you're wasting your time going to the gym if you're going to eat that....you're not exercising hard enough, you have to sweat (when I was killing myself just to get in a 1/2 hour of exercise), etc. So for 3 months I didn't say anything and I lost around 25 lbs. He said there was something different about me, but he had no clue I was losing...funny! Then one day he made a remark about me sitting around and getting fat, and I was so mad, I told him what I'd been doing and what I lost. He was stunned. Since he doesn't have a weight problem, he's never understood the struggle. In his own way, he always thought he was being helpful.

Now that I'm down 60 lbs, he never stops complimenting me on how great I look. It goes without saying that those compliments feel empty, but I get my satisfaction from doing this for me. I did it to be happy and healthy, and I feel so much stronger then before. Whatever you decide to tell your BF or GF, just stay focused on yourself and your goals.

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