[Here we go again]

I don’t know why I feel so down! It’s not TOM had that week ago. I’m house sitting at a house for a week. Last night was my second night. This is the house I lived in for there months two months ago. I first came to CA and to this house as a victim of abuse. Five months later, I’m doing great. I got counseling, starting eating healthy and have lost 20 pounds. I have a lot going for me, great job, great car, great friends, and moving into a new place in a week. I don’t know if it’s because I’m staying at the place that was a refuge for me when I was with complete hopelessness or what. Last night I was there by myself and all I wanted to do was eat. I didn’t go overboard just ate a little bit more than my normal portions and didn’t go workout like I had planned.
I have my workout stuff in the car and will work out before I go to the house. My eating has been fine today. I still just “feel” bad. It may be loneliness , shoot I guess it could be a lot of things.

It's like one minute I feel happy about what I've been through and over come but other times (like this) I feel down.

Thanks for taking the time to read my venting.

[kathleen86]

I know how you feel. I was just like that last night, and ended up eating a bag of popcorn and rice cakes. I'm trying to separate how I'm feeling from what I'm eating but it's hard when you're so used to looking to food when you're down. And who wants to exercise at a time like that?? The only thing I told myself that made me feel better is that it was better than eating a bag of Doritos, which I would have done before I started. And like you said, you didn't go overboard, so don't feel bad about it. Even if you had went overboard, just try to forget it and move on. It's not worth it to let one slip up change you're new life. Don't stay hung up on what happened yesterday, just think about what you're doing right at this moment. That's what I've been doing to get through today. I'm glad you're doing so well now, keep it up! I love your quote by the way!

[Kitegirl24]

Everyone feels this way sometimes, I think - including me (especially on the weekends). IMO it usually happens when your life ventures off-schedule, you're bored, or you just don't know what to do with yourself. It's completely possible that returning to the house prompts you to ALSO return to the mental place you were in while you lived there.

My advice is find something to do - even better if it's exercise! Even though you might not feel like working out, we both know that by the time you're done, you WILL feel better (get those endorphins going!! ) Stay OUT of the kitchen and try to occupy yourself with something productive.

[UrsusMaritimus]

Hey there-

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but I left a psychologically and sexually abusive marriage when I was 23 (four years ago), and although most of the time I feel like I'm doing great, I still go through periods of shame and guilt and sadness. It takes a long time to heal from something like that.

It sounds like you handled last night really well - when those "down times" happen, be kind to yourself and know that they will pass.

And congratulations on all you have done for yourself in the past 5 months!!!

[Here we go again]

Thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I feel better and am determined to workout today and to keep eating the meals I have planned.

UM- you are so right. It takes a lot to leave and to stay gone. I moved 2000 miles away to get away from him. Do you ever get upset anymore?

[UrsusMaritimus]

Yeah, I do - but the sadness is giving way to anger.

Initially when I left, I felt really guilty, like I was abandoning him. He was very manipulative and made me feel like I was responsible for his life as well as my own. I got over that, and then I felt really stupid for ever choosing to be with a person who would treat me that way - again, blaming myself, but this time for making "poor choices."

Now when I think about it, it just makes me really angry, more at him than at myself. I don't have any contact with him (although I heard from a friend that he tried to find me last year, which was creepy), but just knowing he's out there... I don't know, I just don't think he deserves to exist.

My feelings sound more dramatic in writing than they actually are. Most of the time, I'm really happy. I've been in a wonderful relationship for the past two years, with a man who truly loves and respects me. But I'm still really angry (both at my ex and myself), and I'm trying to work through that.

If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me! I know how lonely it can be to go through something like this, even when you're surrounded by supportive people, and even though you recognize how much better off you are now.

That was kind of a long answer - sorry!