I have a problem telling people
 

OK, I'm not sure quite why, but I can't stand telling people that I'm trying to lose weight. Perhaps it is because I'm a private person and I don't like to talk a whole lot about myself. My mother knows and so does one friend, but everyone else, I just can't tell. It's hard too, because when I go out with friends or with my sister, we usually end up eating something, which is usually a food I shouldn't be eating (processed foods and other junk). Does anyone else have the same problem? How do you handle it and do you just tell others that you're losing weight?

I'm in the same boat. I don't even like talking about it with my boyfriend (who is the most loving, accepting, supportive person I know). I always feel like people are judging me for my insecurities, and I get even more sensitive about it. I'm more embarrassed about the fact that I am TRYING to lose weight than the fact that there's weight to lose. I dunno how to help us - but I just wanted to say that you're definitely not alone.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'll either have to get over it and just talk to my friends, or see how things will go if I just hold it in.

I don't like to tell people because of the reactions. For one, they suddenly feel the need to tell me I've lost weight when I know I haven't. Or they say I look great and I don't need to lose any weight, which I know is bull. Or when we go out to eat, they like to point out what I shouldn't eat. And like, if we go somewhere and I get a twix, they want to say, "I thought you were on a diet." as if one twix will make me gain those 50lbs back.

But I think the biggest reason I don't like to tell people is because I'm scared I'm going to fail. I mean, I've been big all my life, so I've been trying to lose weight for years. I've just in recent years started having success, but I'm still at the point where you can't really tell. So I don't want to tell people that I'm on a diet and then six months from now, I still look the same. It will look like I don't have any control over my eating habits or something.

Essentially for me, being on a diet...or as I like to call it, a life style change, doesn't have to be common knowledge. When I go out to eat, I get what I want. I just make sure I only go out like twice a month, LOL!

I don't tell people either. I think I've told people of my small goal in passing (10 lbs and then I can get my hair done), but no one really knows how much I intend to lose. I guess it's just too personal for me to want to share with a lot of people.

I'm not shy about it but I don't go out of my way and tell people either. I figure that it's none of their business plus I hate to hear the typical reactions if they do find out. :)

I find I don't like to tell people, my closest friends don't even know. My hubby knows, and I report to him things I am proud of. I agree with caligirl98, I don't tell people because I'm scared I'm going to fail. I also feel uncomfortable when questioned on my diet. Also, I work in a call center which means I sit behind a desk and don't move all day. Some of the women at my work that have announced they are on a diet (WW to be specific), have lost... and gained... not maintained... I don't want to be one of them.

There was also a nosy girl at work that would point out anytime my eating habits changed. I swear if I had a salad one day she would announce it to the entire break room. If I cut my portion size she would then say, "I'm worried that you aren't eating enough."

Then you get the diet tips! As if I don't know how to lose weight... I know how, I've lost weight before... maybe tips on maintenance would be better!

I kind of have the same problem. I don't really tell people that I'm losing weight because they'll just get even more on my case then they already do. For some reason, Reno people I have met do not comprehend ANYTHING having to do with healthy eating and vegetarianism. I recently worked at a restaurant that had NOTHING healthy on their menu, their "healthier options" were still over 750 calories and covered in oil. Anyway, when I would order something for my break it would be the same house salad, no cheese, no croutons, no bacon, low fat dressing on the side. And no matter what I always get looked at like I'm some crazy person! Other girls ordered everything fried from the menu and would give me crap because I literally refuse to eat it.

And somehow people here don't know the definition of vegetarian. "You don't beef? But you can eat chicken right? So&so is a vegetarian but she eats chicken and fish" ummmm that's not being vegetarian sorry. I'm constantly being treated like an outsider by some people because I can survive without eating meet or fried foods. A coworker even asked to taste her food with meat in it and said maybe if I tried it I'll like it again and stop being a vegetarian, because being one doesn't make sense.

AAAAAHHHH people!

So, lets just say when it comes to my lifestyle of eating.. I don't tell anyone I'm a vegetarian unless I have to and that I'm probably the pickiest eater you'll ever meet. blah blah blah, whatever I LOVE being a healthy vegetarian on a diet!

I've been told that too. I also get, "You can eat some meat, we won't tell anyone." It gets really annoying.

You don't have to tell anyone. You can tell just the ones you know and trust or the ones who are going through the same thing. The more people you tell - you might receive unwanted advise!

I'm private too and don't like to talk about it because I am afraid of failing. I've tried to shed some pounds here and there in the past but as soon as I let someone know it was like they were checking up on me and giving me crap if I had a treat every now and then and that made me want to just give up. I know I need motivation in this and thats what I'm hoping to get from joining here

I think this is REALLY common. I also haven't told anyone except my boyfriend and a few close friends. I think the stigma attached to being overweight carries over into dieting. It's not "cool" to be on a diet - it signifies that you've "failed" to be naturally thin - and EVERYBODY thinks it's their right to comment on what you're doing (which is rarely helpful, even when it's well-intentioned).

I use the "healthy lifestyle" line to deflect questions about why I'm eating differently.

Christ on a pogostick, how PAINFULLY stupid. What the **** business is it of anyone else what you're eating? There are whole COUNTRIES full of people who choose not to eat meat - and, guess what? They have yummy food, and they do not drop dead of poor nutrition. Ack. Sorry you have to deal with the stupidheads.

As to the original post, though - yeah, I've told my coworkers & friends (although I didn't mention it for a few weeks, actually), but I'm NOT telling my parents. I think that would be too upsetting for me - I don't want to disappoint them if it doesn't work out. And also, I'm looking forward to seeing their faces at Christmas time, when I've lost however much I've lost by that point.

Frankly, you have no NEED to tell other people. It's not their business what you eat, or how you're trying to improve your health. If you're comfortable telling them and they are supportive (not something one can count on, unfortunately) then that can help you with social situations where you're encountering food and drinks. But sometimes people feel threatened and try to sabotage you without even realising that's what they're doing, so it can just make life more difficult!

Don't feel bad about wanting to keep this to yourself, if that's how you feel most comfortable! It's really only your affair, when you get right down to it.

In the beginning of my weight loss journey I just told people that i was trying to eat healthier... i even blamed it on my recent gall bladder removal... but then i decided to tell everyone i knew about weight watchers because i am having great results on it and I'm not starving! I really love weight watchers and I tell people... I'm not dieting I'm changing my eating habits and eating healthier!! Most of my friends and family try to keep my healthier eating habits in mind when picking a restaurant when we go out... sometimes it doesn't work but i usually can find something i can eat w/out tons of points. People will eventually start to notice and you can respond with "I'm eating healthier and moving more" or whatever you'd like.

Until I actually started seeing some drastic changes on the scale and in my clothes, I kept kind of private. I tell everyone now. I showed up for a softball game tonight after a month long break for season and I had so many compliments. I felt wonderful. I tell them that I have been working my tail off and that what they said makes it all worth it. I think it is perfectly natural to be scared to tell people; you never know if it is going to stick and if they are going to be judgmental about what you put in your mouth. Good luck@

My DH and mom know. I can't tell me best friend because she gets very p!ssy about it. When I lost the weight the first time, she told me I looked gross and I was skinny in the first place. I weighed 210 pounds!!! She is heavier than me and I know now that she was feeling insecure and jealous. It's like she thought I had no right to be healthy and thin, just because I already weighed a little less than she did.
My other best friend, who is heavier than my first best friend was totally cool with me losing weight though. She made sure I knew that she though I was gorgeous to begin with, but she didn't try to give me a guilt trip about it.

i keep it extreeeemly private too, and i hate even talking about weightloss when it doesnt relate to me! For me its not purely because i dont want to fail, although thats part of it, its because saying to someone i am trying to lose weight means accepting that i was/am fat. And thats really hard when you have spent your over weight life telling yourself that your weight isnt THAT bad.

Sometimes if people invite me to eat bad stuff and i dont want to say im on a diet i say that i cant eat it because of my skin. I have really bad skin, and fatty foods does set it off, so its not a lie as such. And im gradually building myself up to tell some people that i am trying to lose weight. I am just waiting until i have had more success :D

I'm always worried about either the questions like "Ohhhh why do you want to lose weight??" or the arguements "You don't need to lose a pound!"

I don't want to have to argue about my own insecurities and imperfections - and I'm afraid since I'm a 'featherweight' (even though my journey started at 163 lbs and a size 14 jeans) it'll spark a ton of eating disorder theories. Girls dieting in their second year of college always seems very suspicious - so then you get tons of "Oh, you're beautiful the way you are!" and I don't want to have to argue that either.

So alas :( I'm keeping it to myself :( ..And.. well.. All of you ladies and gents ;)

I know what you mean about the eating disorder stuff and "Oh, you're beautiful the way you are!". Never mind I've gone up 5 dress sizes in as many years, right?

Not wanting to tell people in case I fail is another one I can totally relate to.

My BF knows, well actually he's doing this with me. :) I've also told a close friend who is trying to get in shape herself. Some people at work have figured out my WOE, because they noticed the lack of rice/pasta/potatoes in my lunches. Aren't they observant... I didn't really feel like discussing it with them, but they were nice about it.

All in all, I too want to keep it mostly to myself until the results are really obvious.

I have told a few people but they dont really know how much I plan to lose. Actually that is one of my biggest motivations because they support me. Its mainly friends and family but they compliment me and tell me how good im doing. Even some folks at my job noticed that I lost weight but I do agree that its not easy to just talk to anyone about it.

I say if you dont want to its ok that is what 3fatchick is for...LOL your chatting with people who actually understand what your going through which makes it much easier!!!

My family and close friends know, it's not a secret to me as much as I just don't mention it.

However, I think there is definitely an element of embarrassment when a person says "You've lost weight! Are you on a diet? You look great!" Then the inevitable feelings of, well, duh I'm on a diet or changing my life and thanks a lot for making me think I looked disgustingly hideous before. Even worse if the person is a skinny/in shape person, it's uncomfortable for me on a whole nother level...I don't know why. I feel like they can see through me, like I'm a fat person dressed in a healthy person's clothing.

I feel like that too! I have told my sister and my workout buddy. Partially because my eating habits DRASTICALLY changed and so did the weight. I started requesting certain foods at family functions and I was questioned, "Are you on a diet because you really don't need to be!!" Like 225lbs of fat on a 5'2 frame is healthy? RIIGHT. I just don't because people tend to be like oh you have lost so much weight when I have lost like a size or 2lbs..

I tell the ones I want to know- close friends, close family- or those who notice- "you look like you've lost weight!?!" I figure, why try to hide it? But it's not something I'm very vocal about. I feel it's just one more to admit I failed previously at..well..eating horribly!

YES, this is a problem for me as well. Like you said, my biggest problem is going out with friends. My friends all have relatively healthy eating habits and are thin enough that they can afford to eat pretty much whatever they want whenever they want (how annoying, hehe), and the hardest thing is trying to eat healthy when I'm with them. Before I started trying to lose weight, I never even noticed all of the ridiculous things my friends eat - and that I USED to eat when I was with them. When we hang out, there's always chips and salsa (and soda), or ice cream, or cookies or something. They always want to go out for dinner (it's so hard to stay on plan at restaurants!) and if we're driving around, someone always suggests that we stop at Taco Bell or some other place for food. They know that I always went along with stuff like that before, so I'm sure it looks suspicious that I've suddenly started to say "no" all the time.

For example, the other day my friends and I had just gone roller-skating together and I was really hungry, so we all agreed that we could stop for burritos at this mexican grille nearby. They aren't the healthiest foods per se, but I had eaten light meals all that day so I figured I'd be okay if I got one with grilled vegetables and skipped the cheese, sour cream, guac, etc. I'm a vegetarian, too, so the lack of meat didn't raise any eyebrows. But my friends took one look at my order and they're all asking "What? Why didn't you get any cheese? I thought you loved cheese!" Of course they don't know I'm trying to eat healthier, so they weren't trying to be rude or anything... They probably just thought I forgot to order the cheese or something. But it put me in the most AWKWARD situation. I didn't know what to say! I think I just mumbled something about not liking the cheese at that place and tried to forget about it.

I don't know why I'm embarrassed or afraid to tell my friends... I guess it's for all of the reasons you all have listed. To want to lose weigh implies that there IS something "wrong" with me, or that I've "failed" somehow, which makes me feel vulnerable. I usually try to ignore the fact that I'm the biggest of all my friends. Also, I'm worried that they would scrutinize every bite of food that I eat, or make comments about things I eat, OR of course, in the event that I should fail at it, or it takes longer than I expected (let's hope that doesn't happen, but ya never know), then they'd all know that I was a failure, or might even try to offer me diet advice (yuck!).

I guess I'm just a private person in that respect, and I don't like the idea of people knowing all about something like this. If a friend asks me if I'm trying to lose weight (or if I've lost weight) I'll probably be honest with them... It's not that I don't trust them, and I know that they're not my enemies and they'll be happy for me, but for now I guess I prefer to think of it as MY journey. Something I have to do by myself! :)

I'm really open about what I'm eating and why or discussing obesity, weight loss, health etc., but I think it's important that the choice to talk about it (or not) is yours, and you should be free to make it without guilt or pressure. In an ideal world, you would never feel that you have to (or can't) discuss it.

But in the real world, that isn't always true. Friends and family (well meaning or not) sometimes pry and/or criticise and we can sometimes feel guilty enough or badgered enough to go against our better judgement and preference.

Wanting to discuss or wanting not to discuss are both normal. Usually, as I said, I'm very open, but sometimes I DON'T want to talk about it. Right now, I'm visiting family in Illinois, and my mother and sisters and I have been talking about diet and exercise. So far, the discussions have all been very positive and supportive, but I know from past experience that it can "turn ugly" very quickly, so I'm prepared to end the discussion when/if I need to.

If too many "you should"s get thrown at me, I will try to change the topic, and if I have to, I'll say outright "I'm not willing to discuss this anymore."

Stand strong and confidently make your choice. You don't have to discuss anything you don't wish to with anyone. You also don't have to explain or justify your choices (either the choice to lose weight or the choice to discuss it) unless you want to.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that even in "eating" situations it is possible to make good choices without having to explain or justify them. This wasn't your initial question, but I know it sometimes comes up that a person feels pressured to eat what everyone else is eating or what they're used to eating to avoid people "knowing" that they're "on a diet."

For example, when I'm eating out with friends and looking for the best "diet' option, I don't make it obvious that that's what I'm doing. Even if they all know I'm "dieting," if I say "Mm, that salad on the menu looks really good, I think I'll have that," no one questions it, but if I'm obviously looking for something I "can have on my diet," I tend to get people telling me I should "splurge, just this once."

When people go out, they want to know you're having a good time, so if they think you're sacrificing, they're likely to encourage you to "take a break" from the "diet" because people think of diets as restrictive. However, if you present your choice as your first choice (that just happens to be healthy) people don't question it.

Yeah it is kinda embarassing, i think it feels better when you are doing something physical and people are like "wow, you did pretty good there!" and you just grin and are like "yep, ive been practicing! :D"

I'm pretty mum about my weight loss struggle (and boy what a struggle it is!). I rarely talk about dieting but most people catch on because I'm at the gym all the time.

My close friends and my family know, as well as my co-workers (I work in a bakery. egads!). While my friends and family have refrained from saying anything stupid, I get the run of the mill "Thanks a lot." comments from my co-workers.
"Honey you don't need to lose weight."
"Oh honey you're not fat!"
"Oh hon, you worry too much"

why do they always call me honey?

anyway, I've stopped mentioning it. The last time I mentioned it people looked me up and down all day long just to make sure I wasn't lying when I said I'd lost 15lbs already.

I really appreciate everyone's response and advice. It made me realize that if I don't want to, I don't have to explain myself. I have 3FC to guide me along the way :)

Star2Be, my friends are very similar to yours. Most of my friends are either thin or very fit, and they like to eat a lot. They're mainly guys. I hang out with maybe 1 or 2 female friends, but it's a rare occasion. We usually go get some pizza at a place that doesn't serve the healthiest options or the dreaded taco bell. I usually end up getting a 7 layer burrito without cheese or sour cream, which is the best option I could find to fit my lifestyle. I usually open it up and eat the insides and forgo the tortilla (that actually gets my friends questioning, but I tell them some weird explanation). My friends also like for us to get together and cook. Their idea of cooking is to put cheese on almost everything (pasta, veggies, bread, etc). I try to make myself a plate before they go cheese crazy. When they ask, I usually tell them that the ingredients in the cheese didn't specify whether or not there was rennet in it. That usually gets them to change the subject. It's still tough though, I try to get us to do things as far away from food as possible. We usually end up going to the park and walking around for a few hours, which is wonderful exercise.

Hi All, I always tell my friends that i am eating healthy food. And i am firm with my answer if somebody offers me junk food like chips i just say NO thank you. And the magical words...I am opting for healthy foods these days. Even if some one is skinny can opt to eat healthy food. All you have to say is no to junk food. I like to put a 100 cal snack or a fruit in my bag when ever i go out with my friends.This works for me. Hope it does to you too. I never think as dieting ...as diets don't work. I think as eating healthy with right portion.

sometimes people are surprising though! I told my friend i was going to the gym...and she was like "you're going to be a lean, mean, fighting machine!" i was like, yep i am :D i suppose it depends on how well you know the person, as to whether you want to tell them or not

Me too! This is the only group of people I have really mentioned it to. If its uncomfortable for you, then this is the group for you for sure. I think it's pretty common among us.