I have a problem telling people

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  • My DH and mom know. I can't tell me best friend because she gets very p!ssy about it. When I lost the weight the first time, she told me I looked gross and I was skinny in the first place. I weighed 210 pounds!!! She is heavier than me and I know now that she was feeling insecure and jealous. It's like she thought I had no right to be healthy and thin, just because I already weighed a little less than she did.
    My other best friend, who is heavier than my first best friend was totally cool with me losing weight though. She made sure I knew that she though I was gorgeous to begin with, but she didn't try to give me a guilt trip about it.
  • i didnt tell anyone....
    people are noticing tho....
    after loosing the last 16lns in 2 months i have people telling me ive lost weiht....
    they ask me my secrets and ask me if i am trying to....
    my responce is always i have no secrets and theres more to go yet....
    i have no idea how to take these compliments....

    so yer my healthy eating (becuase ive never dieted) wasnt kept private but the fact i was trying to loose weight was....
  • i keep it extreeeemly private too, and i hate even talking about weightloss when it doesnt relate to me! For me its not purely because i dont want to fail, although thats part of it, its because saying to someone i am trying to lose weight means accepting that i was/am fat. And thats really hard when you have spent your over weight life telling yourself that your weight isnt THAT bad.

    Sometimes if people invite me to eat bad stuff and i dont want to say im on a diet i say that i cant eat it because of my skin. I have really bad skin, and fatty foods does set it off, so its not a lie as such. And im gradually building myself up to tell some people that i am trying to lose weight. I am just waiting until i have had more success
  • I'm always worried about either the questions like "Ohhhh why do you want to lose weight??" or the arguements "You don't need to lose a pound!"

    I don't want to have to argue about my own insecurities and imperfections - and I'm afraid since I'm a 'featherweight' (even though my journey started at 163 lbs and a size 14 jeans) it'll spark a ton of eating disorder theories. Girls dieting in their second year of college always seems very suspicious - so then you get tons of "Oh, you're beautiful the way you are!" and I don't want to have to argue that either.

    So alas I'm keeping it to myself ..And.. well.. All of you ladies and gents
  • I know what you mean about the eating disorder stuff and "Oh, you're beautiful the way you are!". Never mind I've gone up 5 dress sizes in as many years, right?

    Not wanting to tell people in case I fail is another one I can totally relate to.

    My BF knows, well actually he's doing this with me. I've also told a close friend who is trying to get in shape herself. Some people at work have figured out my WOE, because they noticed the lack of rice/pasta/potatoes in my lunches. Aren't they observant... I didn't really feel like discussing it with them, but they were nice about it.

    All in all, I too want to keep it mostly to myself until the results are really obvious.
  • I have told a few people but they dont really know how much I plan to lose. Actually that is one of my biggest motivations because they support me. Its mainly friends and family but they compliment me and tell me how good im doing. Even some folks at my job noticed that I lost weight but I do agree that its not easy to just talk to anyone about it.

    I say if you dont want to its ok that is what 3fatchick is for...LOL your chatting with people who actually understand what your going through which makes it much easier!!!
  • My family and close friends know, it's not a secret to me as much as I just don't mention it.

    However, I think there is definitely an element of embarrassment when a person says "You've lost weight! Are you on a diet? You look great!" Then the inevitable feelings of, well, duh I'm on a diet or changing my life and thanks a lot for making me think I looked disgustingly hideous before. Even worse if the person is a skinny/in shape person, it's uncomfortable for me on a whole nother level...I don't know why. I feel like they can see through me, like I'm a fat person dressed in a healthy person's clothing.
  • Quote: My family and close friends know, it's not a secret to me as much as I just don't mention it.

    However, I think there is definitely an element of embarrassment when a person says "You've lost weight! Are you on a diet? You look great!" Then the inevitable feelings of, well, duh I'm on a diet or changing my life and thanks a lot for making me think I looked disgustingly hideous before. Even worse if the person is a skinny/in shape person, it's uncomfortable for me on a whole nother level...I don't know why. I feel like they can see through me, like I'm a fat person dressed in a healthy person's clothing.
    I feel like that too! I have told my sister and my workout buddy. Partially because my eating habits DRASTICALLY changed and so did the weight. I started requesting certain foods at family functions and I was questioned, "Are you on a diet because you really don't need to be!!" Like 225lbs of fat on a 5'2 frame is healthy? RIIGHT. I just don't because people tend to be like oh you have lost so much weight when I have lost like a size or 2lbs..
  • I tell the ones I want to know- close friends, close family- or those who notice- "you look like you've lost weight!?!" I figure, why try to hide it? But it's not something I'm very vocal about. I feel it's just one more to admit I failed previously at..well..eating horribly!
  • YES, this is a problem for me as well. Like you said, my biggest problem is going out with friends. My friends all have relatively healthy eating habits and are thin enough that they can afford to eat pretty much whatever they want whenever they want (how annoying, hehe), and the hardest thing is trying to eat healthy when I'm with them. Before I started trying to lose weight, I never even noticed all of the ridiculous things my friends eat - and that I USED to eat when I was with them. When we hang out, there's always chips and salsa (and soda), or ice cream, or cookies or something. They always want to go out for dinner (it's so hard to stay on plan at restaurants!) and if we're driving around, someone always suggests that we stop at Taco Bell or some other place for food. They know that I always went along with stuff like that before, so I'm sure it looks suspicious that I've suddenly started to say "no" all the time.

    For example, the other day my friends and I had just gone roller-skating together and I was really hungry, so we all agreed that we could stop for burritos at this mexican grille nearby. They aren't the healthiest foods per se, but I had eaten light meals all that day so I figured I'd be okay if I got one with grilled vegetables and skipped the cheese, sour cream, guac, etc. I'm a vegetarian, too, so the lack of meat didn't raise any eyebrows. But my friends took one look at my order and they're all asking "What? Why didn't you get any cheese? I thought you loved cheese!" Of course they don't know I'm trying to eat healthier, so they weren't trying to be rude or anything... They probably just thought I forgot to order the cheese or something. But it put me in the most AWKWARD situation. I didn't know what to say! I think I just mumbled something about not liking the cheese at that place and tried to forget about it.

    I don't know why I'm embarrassed or afraid to tell my friends... I guess it's for all of the reasons you all have listed. To want to lose weigh implies that there IS something "wrong" with me, or that I've "failed" somehow, which makes me feel vulnerable. I usually try to ignore the fact that I'm the biggest of all my friends. Also, I'm worried that they would scrutinize every bite of food that I eat, or make comments about things I eat, OR of course, in the event that I should fail at it, or it takes longer than I expected (let's hope that doesn't happen, but ya never know), then they'd all know that I was a failure, or might even try to offer me diet advice (yuck!).

    I guess I'm just a private person in that respect, and I don't like the idea of people knowing all about something like this. If a friend asks me if I'm trying to lose weight (or if I've lost weight) I'll probably be honest with them... It's not that I don't trust them, and I know that they're not my enemies and they'll be happy for me, but for now I guess I prefer to think of it as MY journey. Something I have to do by myself!
  • I'm really open about what I'm eating and why or discussing obesity, weight loss, health etc., but I think it's important that the choice to talk about it (or not) is yours, and you should be free to make it without guilt or pressure. In an ideal world, you would never feel that you have to (or can't) discuss it.

    But in the real world, that isn't always true. Friends and family (well meaning or not) sometimes pry and/or criticise and we can sometimes feel guilty enough or badgered enough to go against our better judgement and preference.

    Wanting to discuss or wanting not to discuss are both normal. Usually, as I said, I'm very open, but sometimes I DON'T want to talk about it. Right now, I'm visiting family in Illinois, and my mother and sisters and I have been talking about diet and exercise. So far, the discussions have all been very positive and supportive, but I know from past experience that it can "turn ugly" very quickly, so I'm prepared to end the discussion when/if I need to.

    If too many "you should"s get thrown at me, I will try to change the topic, and if I have to, I'll say outright "I'm not willing to discuss this anymore."

    Stand strong and confidently make your choice. You don't have to discuss anything you don't wish to with anyone. You also don't have to explain or justify your choices (either the choice to lose weight or the choice to discuss it) unless you want to.
  • Another thing I wanted to mention is that even in "eating" situations it is possible to make good choices without having to explain or justify them. This wasn't your initial question, but I know it sometimes comes up that a person feels pressured to eat what everyone else is eating or what they're used to eating to avoid people "knowing" that they're "on a diet."

    For example, when I'm eating out with friends and looking for the best "diet' option, I don't make it obvious that that's what I'm doing. Even if they all know I'm "dieting," if I say "Mm, that salad on the menu looks really good, I think I'll have that," no one questions it, but if I'm obviously looking for something I "can have on my diet," I tend to get people telling me I should "splurge, just this once."

    When people go out, they want to know you're having a good time, so if they think you're sacrificing, they're likely to encourage you to "take a break" from the "diet" because people think of diets as restrictive. However, if you present your choice as your first choice (that just happens to be healthy) people don't question it.
  • Quote: My family and close friends know, it's not a secret to me as much as I just don't mention it.

    However, I think there is definitely an element of embarrassment when a person says "You've lost weight! Are you on a diet? You look great!" Then the inevitable feelings of, well, duh I'm on a diet or changing my life and thanks a lot for making me think I looked disgustingly hideous before. Even worse if the person is a skinny/in shape person, it's uncomfortable for me on a whole nother level...I don't know why. I feel like they can see through me, like I'm a fat person dressed in a healthy person's clothing.
    Yeah it is kinda embarassing, i think it feels better when you are doing something physical and people are like "wow, you did pretty good there!" and you just grin and are like "yep, ive been practicing! "
  • I'm pretty mum about my weight loss struggle (and boy what a struggle it is!). I rarely talk about dieting but most people catch on because I'm at the gym all the time.
  • My close friends and my family know, as well as my co-workers (I work in a bakery. egads!). While my friends and family have refrained from saying anything stupid, I get the run of the mill "Thanks a lot." comments from my co-workers.
    "Honey you don't need to lose weight."
    "Oh honey you're not fat!"
    "Oh hon, you worry too much"

    why do they always call me honey?

    anyway, I've stopped mentioning it. The last time I mentioned it people looked me up and down all day long just to make sure I wasn't lying when I said I'd lost 15lbs already.