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Old 07-12-2008, 10:25 PM   #1  
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Default UGH just found out this guy I've liked for awhile is a bad kisser

to make a long story short I have had a thing for this guy for almost a year. There were some flirty text messages and some flirting going on, but nothing ever came of it. For whatever reason I never compleatly got over him, I mean I had dated other guys in the past year, but would keep comming back to checking up on his internet profiles (secretly of course) and thinking about him.

Anyway I kind of unexpectedly ran into him last night, we were at a mutual friends apt chilling and drinking. I was kind of shocked when he started actually hitting on me. He's kind of the awkward nice guy and would try to flirt with me but it wasn't that smooth, but I thought it was cute anyway.

So we were standing there and he kind of signaled for me to come close to him. I hated this, it was such a cop out, I was thinking if you want to kiss me just man up and go for it. But I gave in, because I had a thing for him and really wanted to kiss him. I moved in then he leaned in for the kiss and lets just say that the mini- makeout session was underwhelming. He was a little to aggressive with his tongue and wasn't paying attention to me at all. Usually if a guy is doing something you don't like you can sort of gracefully steer him in the right direction, he'll pick up on the cues and oblige you. This guy just kept doing what he was doing reguardlss...it really wasn't very passionate at all...he didn't even seem to notice that I wasn't enjoying it that much. Then tried to put his hand down my pants (in the back) and I stopped him. He also asked if I wanted to go over to his place...usually a guy will at least wait until they know you are into making out with him before they ask you to leave. I wasn't tempted in the least (although I NEVER go home with guys). I mean it wasn't a VERY BAD kiss but it really wasn't good either.

After liking this guy for awhile the experience was just overall dissappointing. I wanted to call up a bunch of my girlfriends to vent but most of them know this guy or know people who do and I don't want to take any chances, so I thought I'd post it here to get it out of my system. Because I am physically attracted to the guy, I really expected the kiss to be good. In the past I've only had bad kisses with guys who I was still making up my mind about. I don't know, I guess it happens.
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:29 PM   #2  
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Ah, well...If you like him, it may be worth working with him to help him learn what feels good to you.

I am curious about this though:

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Originally Posted by Catherine999 View Post
Because I am physically attracted to the guy, I really expected the kiss to be good. In the past I've only had bad kisses with guys who I was still making up my mind about. I don't know, I guess it happens.
Because *you* find him physically attractive, you expected him to be a good kisser? Whaaa?
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:31 PM   #3  
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Sounds to me like he maybe isn't very experienced. By not noticing you weren't into it, I bet he was SO self conscious of himself and doing what he thought he should be doing. If you like him, don't let this deter you--boys can pretty easily be trained over time
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:33 PM   #4  
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of course! hot guys are always good kissers i guess we assume hot guys to have had lots of opportunities to practice
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:41 PM   #5  
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The thing about kissing is that a bad kisser can be shaped into a good one with practice and a little learning. My ex was a so-so kisser when we first kissed, but by the time we broke up, he was AWESOME. He asked me a lot of questions about what he was doing wrong/right (he was inexperienced) and I was honest. I've kissed quite a few guys since him, and none of them even come close. All that practice is fun too.
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:46 PM   #6  
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Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'd probably be a terrible kisser too. I'm 21 and haven't kissed anyone or been on a date, I mean maybe it's the same with him. People look at me and are literally shocked when they found out I used to weigh almost 300 lbs, maybe he has something like that going on-just some food for thought

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Old 07-12-2008, 10:48 PM   #7  
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If he's a great guy, the bad kissing is nuthin', easy to fix. Being nervous can make guys do stupid things. If he's not so great, the bad kissing is the least of the problems. It sounds like you hardly know him anyway.

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Old 07-12-2008, 10:51 PM   #8  
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Thanks guys I would like to again say that the kiss wasn't necessarily bad, it just wasn't good. I do think that he was a little nervous. I realize it's idiotic, but I guess part of me kind of thought that since I was feeling the chemistry the kiss would come easy. I really haven't had too many kisses where there really wasn't that much to work with. I really am attracted to him, he's tall, kind of a beefcake with red hair and just really funny. I also think after liking him for awhile I had high expectations.

I was a little peeved that he tried to take me home, but I'm not that annoyed because most guys at least try. He gave up on it once I said no the first time. It really didn't even feel like he was relaxing and enjoying the kiss, I think he might have been trying too hard.

I really hope that in the next few days he tries to call me or send me a text. If does I'll be willing to give it a little time. When I left my gut feeling was that he really liked me and would call, he did ask if I was up here all summer and commented that he didn't have alot to do this summer. I'm going to feel like crap if he doesn't, which will just mean that he was only looking for a little action that night and I happened to be around.

I do think that he is not that experienced like someone above mentioned. He's the kind of guy who is the nice guy who has alot of girls who are friends.
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:54 PM   #9  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by griffogrubb View Post
Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'd probably be a terrible kisser too. I'm 21 and haven't kissed anyone or been on a date, I mean maybe it's the same with him. People look at me and are literally shocked when they found out I used to weigh almost 300 lbs, maybe he has something like that going on-just some food for thought

awww...I know he has been in at least one serious relationship, so he's had to have had some experience. Apparently this girl didn't teach him much. Although I'm hoping that maybe once we get more comfortable he'll loosen up a little.

I'm sure you'll get some practice in the future.
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:56 PM   #10  
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Catherine, why not send him a text yourself and tell him you enjoyed hanging out with him or that you are thinking of him? Why wait for *him* to call/text?
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:57 PM   #11  
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If he's a great guy, the bad kissing is nuthin', easy to fix. Being nervous can make guys do stupid things. If he's not so great, the bad kissing is the least of the problems. It sounds like you hardly know him anyway.
I know him a little, in the beginning we went to a few parties together and chatted it up. I also am really good friends with one of his good friends (a girl) and she's told me alot about him. I've also seen him say/do a few things that really tell you alot about someone. So I wouldn't say I know alot about him but definately enough to be attracted to him and to have reason to believe he's a nice genuine guy.
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Old 07-12-2008, 11:03 PM   #12  
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Catherine, why not send him a text yourself and tell him you enjoyed hanging out with him or that you are thinking of him? Why wait for *him* to call/text?
I'm going to wait and see if he does it on his own. I might be a little old school but I don't want to seem desperate. I honestly believe that if he does like me he will contact me...if not he just doesn't like me, or doesn't like me enough.

He's not that awkward that he would not call/text a girl he made out with, who he's been sort of friends with for awhile. A girl who is good friends with one of his best friends..if he wants something to happen.

I would also like to add, that I am by no means a kissing master. I don't want this post to come off as snobby. I'm not making out with guys left and right rating each one on a scale of one to ten. I know I can definately be soft and follow a guys lead which is usually enough. With that being said I know enough to know that this guy lacked some basic skills, and it was the type of kiss that most girls wouldn't enjoy.
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Old 07-12-2008, 11:16 PM   #13  
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My guy was too nervous to call me the night after things took their first step. He didn't want to seem possessive. Guys these days have it a LOT harder!!

My guys' thought process was that of someone going after a 'modern' chick. He sees me as a hardworking "Anything you can do I can do better" type of female, who works hard for mutual respect in this world, so he was trying to respect my boundaries and my space and give me the right to decide if HE was worthy or not.

Little did he know, when it comes to relationships I'm ENTIRELY old fashioned and a hopeless romantic! So we spent an extra MONTH dancing in circles, with no one leading! It got so frustrating that on our way home from somewhere one night I just yelled out "I LIKE YOU, OKAY?!" and it's been true love ever since

So what I'm saying is - give your guy a break. They're torn between the chivalrous ideals they were raised on (ie : open the car door for her, and insist on fixing everything for her) and the feminist movement that's being screamed in their faces (if you treat her like she -can't- or -shouldn't- do something, she'll castrate you before doing it herself). It's a confusing world for men!


Annnnnd - I totally agree with the above people. A bad kisser? NO PROBLEM! Sure, at first, it's a complete turn off - but once you teach him how YOU like it? They aim to please
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Old 07-12-2008, 11:24 PM   #14  
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Being in a relationship before is no guarantee of good kissing or other makeout skills. Mainly because there is no objectively good. I had to unteach my husband what he had learned with prior relationships. What his prior girlfriends had liked (or had not complained about, at any rate) didn't matter to me, I had to tell and show him what I liked.

In my experience, the guy that seems "intuitively" good actually has had a lot of practice. Sometimes way too much practice.

The one guy I dated who was an amazing kisser from the very first kiss, was also the biggest son of a blankety, blank.
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Old 07-12-2008, 11:28 PM   #15  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine999 View Post
I know him a little, in the beginning we went to a few parties together and chatted it up. I also am really good friends with one of his good friends (a girl) and she's told me alot about him. I've also seen him say/do a few things that really tell you alot about someone. So I wouldn't say I know alot about him but definately enough to be attracted to him and to have reason to believe he's a nice genuine guy.
That's great, then definitely give him a chance. I don't think it's possible to overestimate how many feet a nervous guy can shove in his mouth, so to speak

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