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-   -   Feeling bigger now than I did before.. (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/145005-feeling-bigger-now-than-i-did-before.html)

HardCandy 06-28-2008 04:33 PM

Feeling bigger now than I did before..
Hey everybody. Happy Saturday. It's storming as usual (I live in FL) so I'm stuck inside a little bored. I got to thinking about something I thought was kinda weird. When I was at my highest weight, I never felt huge. I never felt bad about my body really. I didn't *love* what I saw but I was comfortable. Now I feel completely out of place in my skin. I've lost almost 100 lbs and NOW when I look in the mirror, I SEE the fat girl. That just doesn't make sense to me. I keep fretting over it because I'm about 40 something pounds away from goal and I keep wondering how much my body can possibly change from now to then. lol In the back of my mind I've got it figured I'm going to be fat forever, no matter how much weight I've lost. This logic is so flawed.... considering I got into a size 12 pair of jeans yesterday. Ofcourse I was ecstatic and still am.. but I can't think of anything other what I see in the mirror. My mind is playing tricks on me perhaps. Just thought I'd see if I'm the only odd bird or if anyone else experienced the same. Did it change as you got closer to goal? Or.. :?: I'm a fairly confident person and my body has never really gotten in the way.... I went swimming when I was heavy, etc. Ofcourse I wasn't wearing mini skirts and tube tops but I wasn't ashamed. NOW I cover myself up constantly and wear clothes so that no one can see my figure. LOL I just don't get it... I hope it's just a phase I'll get through. I can't get my head wrapped around it.

Have a great weekend! :carrot:

dancingirl81 06-28-2008 05:45 PM

it seems like it takes our minds and our eyes twice as long to adjust as does to lose the weight itself...

i had to laugh about seeing the fat girl in mirror - that's what i spent all of yesterday morning seeing. i was meeting friends for lunch and changed clothes more times than i would have to go out with my bf. the number on the scale was fine... but i kept seeing things as they used to be.

congrats on the size 12 pants and your weight loss so far!!

pipernoswiper 06-28-2008 07:15 PM

yeah i totally understand what you are saying. and when i tell people that i still see the same reflection in the mirror that i saw when i was 322 lbs, well they usually get this dumb founded look on their face and say "WHAT !you've got to be kidding."
but i'm not kidding.......that's what i see. and every morning when i go to put my jean shorts on...and i do mean every morning......i hold them up and think omg these are never going to fit me.....but so far so good, because i can zip them up and therefore the weight loss must be real.
so no you are not alone. funny thing is, i wanted to post about this along time ago, but was afraid people would think i was silly.........thanks for the post. feels good to share.

on the other hand when i was 322 lbs. i never felt like i was or thought it looked like i was, it wasnt until i saw myself in my wedding pictures standing beside all my bridesmaids that a light bulb went off. now i cant seem to get those pictures out of my head.

HardCandy 06-28-2008 07:30 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies. It's good to know I'm not alone....

Piper, I do the same exact thing. I am shocked every single time clothes that don't look like they would fit me, DO in fact fit and are even too big sometimes. I always think, "magic trickster pants, they change sizes to mess around with me". Seriously, my body image is so skewed. lol

scorpio88 06-28-2008 07:34 PM

I know what you mean! I remember at my highest weight few years ago I was 165lb, and I never really felt as big as I do now. I think it's because you're more conscious now about what you look like then before and you start to notice little things that you didn't in the past. I originally set my goal to 125lb, but with only 15lb to go, and the fact that when I'm 135-145, I look the exact same, I lowered it to 120, and possibly 115 (lowest I'd go). I know what you mean when you say you feel like you'll always be the fat girl no matter how much you weigh.

Just keep your head up, and keep dropping those pounds! On the plus side, you've lost almost 100lb, that's something to be PROUD of. Congrats, honestly I could never do that.

ahill1979 06-28-2008 08:52 PM

I have been going through the same thing. I never felt as grossly fat at 305 lbs as I do now at 195 lbs. It makes no sense to me. I feel worse about my body now than ever. I still see the size 28 reflection every time I look in the mirror not the size 16 that I really am. I always get clothes off the rack that are 2 or 3 sizes to big because they look like they will fit when I hold them up. I feel crazy about this stuff sometimes. I thought that I would feel better about my body by now. I hope that it comes soon.

gabbnteach 06-28-2008 09:31 PM

I am amazed to see so many women who feel the same way I do (although it helps) :) I never see the weight loss in the mirror. I do, however, see it in pictures, and that helps me tremendously! I also buy clothes that are still too big and am astounded when they hang on me lol I think (hope) I will adjust and begin to feel like others say I look... Good luck to us all ;)

Silverstar33 06-28-2008 10:01 PM

Yes, it is so hard... I'm a bit confused myself. I was a size 10, and I don't remember exploding out of my size 10 pants, but after a 20 lb weight loss, I feel like my size 10s are a little big, but 8s make feel uncomfortabley tight. Now people have been kind enough to comment on my weight loss, but I'm more dissatisfied with my legs and stomach than I was before. Let's hope we keep making progress and what we see in the mirror starts to match the numbers on the scale.

HardCandy 06-28-2008 10:31 PM

I'm really glad I made this topic...it's good to feel not so alone, not that I'd wish the feeling on anyone but we are in this together, for sure.

illbehotoneday 06-28-2008 10:39 PM

OMG. I just read that to my girlfriend and she was like "thats so you" I started out at 258. I never really saw how big I was. I knew I was fat, but I didn't feel really huge. I was comfortable. Now I've lost almost 80lbs I weigh about the same as you now and I feel huge. I look in the mirror and see these ROLLSSS and I'm like, how can another 30-40lbs make me look skinny??

goodness, I wish I knew if this was just a phase because I'm going through the same thing. My gf just said, "thats why many people put the weight back on" and lately I've felt myself eating more....wtf is up with that?!?

well goodluck with everything and I guess we'll just have to keep going and see what that 40lbs does.

pipernoswiper: I agree with the picture thing. it wasn't until I saw pictures could I really see the difference.

sh3l5 06-29-2008 03:08 AM

i too am the same....
at 196lbs i felt fine....
now i feel very uncomfortable....
i have 13lbs left to my original goal....
but like many others I am contemplating changing this....
depending on what i feel like by the time ive hit it....
(SOON hopefully!)

Kimmygoal 06-29-2008 04:23 AM

Pictures are really funny, aren't they? I'm not photogenic, so I would never get in them... But when I finally saw myself with my niece... Holy Cow. I hated it. And the more I've lost, the more uncomfortable I've been with my body.

It's like I've suddenly realized ... not what I WAS.. but what I USED to be. That weight I took for granted. I was just looking at one member's blog ... and she was making excuses for looking so white and not so great in her thinner before pix... and I thought, "Geez, you look GREAT."

Our minds play tricks on us with body image. When we're thin, we don't appreciate it.. Or we're convinced we're fat... And when we're fat we just kinda give up and assume it's hopeless, until we start losing weight.

sh3l5 06-29-2008 05:04 AM

so is anyone actually looking in the mirror and seeing the real you....
seeing the weight thats come off....
and feeling confident....

GradPhase 06-29-2008 05:15 AM

When I look in the mirror at my side - I love my body to pieces, and I can't stop staring. From any other angle, from any picture, from any view of my jeans before putting them on - it's the exact opposite. I was okay with my increasingly tight tshirts and guys jeans. I wasn't happy with them, but I was accepting of whatever it was. Now that I know I can change it, I could make a twelve page list of all the parts I hate about my body now, and want to change.

Now that I see that it -is- possible, everything stands out sooo much more. I magnify in to it, and can't take the focus off. I hate it.

What I'llbehotoneday's girlfriend said about that being the reason so many people gain weight back made so much sense to me. It was a complete light bulb moment (so thanks for sharing that).

Just earlier today I was thinking about all the things I hated about my body and the reaction it gets from guys now, and all the negative changes that I've been going through.

But it's making me realize that the only thing negative about it all is my view on it. It's not negative that I can wake up at five am and run a couple of miles, which I could never do before. It's not negative that I can buy women's jeans again, and look good in them. It's not negative that people find me attractive now. The only negative part would be if I went back to eating garbage because I was too impatient to give myself a break, and time to adapt to my changing self.

Great thread, ladies.

preetyladyserenity 06-29-2008 05:50 AM

I feel the same. I was 140 kg (now 110 kg) and used to wear size 28 for years. I look a my size 18 jeans and tops and I am always like "That tiny thing can't possibly fit me!"

That aside, I am also greatly aware that I have a lot of loose skin in tummy, legs and hands. My GP estimates that when I reach my goal weight at 76kg and remove it I will drop to 67-66 kg.

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