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-   -   How would you take this? (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/143936-how-would-you-take.html)

LynseyLikes2Lose 06-15-2008 01:48 PM

How would you take this?
I work with almost all men. There are over 60 people in the building I work in and I'm one of 3 women. Anyway, one of the guys who I've known a very long time came up to me laughing his butt off and told me, "I've got to tell you something."

One of the guys in his department pointed me out when I walked by earlier in the day and said, "That girl has lost a lot of weight. What is she going to do if she just keeps on losing and then finds out her husband likes fat chicks?"

This guy never talks. He has probably never ever had a girlfriend and is just a strange person. At first I was surprised he said anything at all. Then I was kinda flattered that he noticed my weight loss. But after I thought about it all day I was kinda upset. I know I was big before but he called me fat! Also, I would sure hope, and I know this is true, that my husband would love me for me and not the size I am.

How would you take this comment?

skinnybeach 06-15-2008 01:53 PM

ignore it. If he doesn't normally talk maybe he's just a little off socially...
its sort of a backhanded compliment, i agree with you. It was totally inappropriate but either way, he did notice your weight loss. It always hurts to hear yourself being called fat, whether in present tense of past, but you are over that! Congratulate yourself for your progress and just brush it off!!

JulieRN 06-15-2008 01:56 PM

What a jerk! He probably didn't even realize it either.

What do YOU feel should be done for YOU? If you feel the need to tell him how you feel so he knows, or so he learns, I wonder if it would be worth it. He seems like the kind of guy who just wouldn't get it. If you want to tell him what you think/feel for YOU, then go for it.

Other than that... there are stupid people in this world who stupid *** things that hurt people. We all deal with it.

I would talk with him if you need to, otherwise try to forget about the ignorant jerk.

And don't worry about your husband, he married you, not your fat!

anewme625 06-15-2008 01:58 PM

just 4get him

SoulBliss 06-15-2008 02:04 PM

I'd consider the source. Thoughtless people say thoughtless things, a window into their mind. Scary!

You've done such a great job. You are right near your goal! :cp: Focus on that. ;)

Hart 06-15-2008 02:04 PM

A: How is your weight loss his business? He should mind his own beeswax. If he says anything again tell him to!

B: You are doing a great job, so much so that even negative jealous rude freaks have noticed. Keep going and leave em in your dust!


JulieJ08 06-15-2008 02:21 PM


Originally Posted by LynseyLikes2Lose (Post 2227071)
This guy never talks. He has probably never ever had a girlfriend and is just a strange person.

I think you have the answer right there. 'Nuf said.

Cyn62 06-15-2008 02:31 PM

Lynsey....I have discovered that some guys are born with a disorder called "Jerkitis" It is sparked off when speaking to Females...Once they start, they can't stop...He could also be suffering from "Cranial Rectosis" (smile) Your Husband married you for your heart...The rest is a "Perk"..No matter how much weight you lose, your heart stays the same...Congrats on you weight loss...Keep up the good work...

Suzanne 3FC 06-15-2008 02:34 PM

"Fat" is only a negative word if the person using it is negative. I think the guy who said it sounded more disappointed than negative, so he might be into the larger ladies. Why else would the thought have occurred to him? :lol:

Just a thought :)

kaplods 06-15-2008 02:44 PM

My guess also would be that he persoally has a preference for curvier women. I would further guess that his poor social skills, "strangeness," and inappropriate "thinking out loud" might even be symptoms of something like Asperger's syndrome. A high-level autism, in which a person just doesn't understand the normal rules of social interaction. A person with Asperger's can be incredibly intelligent, and yet completely unable to understand and follow the social rules and standards most people take for granted.

One of the guys in my husband's circle of friends (who have gotten together to play card games, board games and role playing games since high school) has Asperger's. It's very difficult for the guys (and their wives) to tolerate his behavior because it is so odd, but he just can't do better, because social situations make no sense to him. The day after our cat died, he asked us if we were going to get a new cat. He told one of the guys, a new father passing around a photo of his new baby, "Man, that's an ugly kid."

He's unfortunately, not just being rude and thinking it's funny (that's another guy in this circle of friends), he just doesn't understand the distinction between thoughts that should be better left unsaid. He does know that he doesn't "get it" and that stuff he says often makes people angry, but he doesn't understand why it makes people angry, so most of the time he says nothing at all (but when he does speak, man is it usually a doozy).

The guy in your office may need to be reminded when he makes offensive and odd comments that they are inappropriate. He can learn to a degree which comments can't be made in the workplace (especially if his boss or a coworker can give him specific guidance on topics that should be avoided).

Unfortunately his strangeness is probably incurable, though.

luckymommy 06-15-2008 06:39 PM

I haven't read all of your responses, but what would he do if he got a normal personality only to find out his wife likes weirdo's like him? See if he thinks that's a funny joke. :)

vixjean 06-15-2008 09:35 PM

As bad as this sounds, he was paying you a compliment behind your back, wasn't meant for your ears. Then he probably thought it would be cool to add in a silly joke. (In reality he probably hoped that your husband wouldn't like you, so HE could get a date with you - as if he had a chance) Keep your chin up, you look great.

mayness 06-16-2008 06:08 AM

Some people, mostly guys in my experience, just don't think "fat" is an insult. I've noticed that in other cultures, too... if one of my Deaf friends or my Honduran friends call someone fat, I know it's just a descriptive word, like if they told me the person had brown hair or was tall or whatever. Still catches me off guard, though! My sign language teacher even mentioned this, because he knew that hearing people were more sensitive about it and didn't want us to be shocked, heh.

As for the whole comment... that just sounds like a man who hasn't had a successful relationship, which you already assumed. If all you've had are shallow or unhealthy relationships, something like that might be a legitimate concern. Which is pretty sad, really.

LandonsBaby 06-16-2008 05:00 PM

i would chalk it up to him being weird.

KLK 06-16-2008 05:14 PM

Uhhhh... personally, I'd be mad. I probably wouldn't confront him about it or make a scene or anything, but I would be mad. That's a gross comment... who is he to joke around about your marriage?

But I wouldn't make a big to-do about this... he's an a$$hole and probably has nothing going for him in his life; no friends, no girlfriend, no wife, nothing. If you hear he's said something AGAIN about your weightloss, then I would probably put in a "Who do you think you are?" phone call to him.

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