[staja]

I've been big since I hit puberty. At 9 years old. Through junior high and high school it was never a huge issue for me. I wasn't fat, just heavier than all my friends. I still thought I looked fine. Once I graduated high school and went off to college, I started gaining big time. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and I rarely, if ever exercised. My boyfriend at the time was heavy, too. I have no idea how much I weighed then, but I remember buying at least my first size 22 pants, if not size 24s.

Then he and I broke up, I transferred schools, and got sick. Once I transferred, I was walking 3-4 miles on campus everyday, drinking 8-10 cups of water, and eating fairly well for a college student. And, as I said, I was sick. And it turned out, after 6 months of testing, to be my gallbladder. And I had no health insurance to cover the surgery.

So, for a year, I ate no more than 12-18g of fat a day. And went from my size 22-24s to 175 pounds - I think it was a size 16, after my surgery. And I could eat whatever I wanted again...and of course, still no exercise.

Fast forward to now. I am now out of school and single, and ordering in food is so much easier than me cooking for just one. ANd I can't just order a small pizza and a drink. No, I want a medium pizza and mozzarella sticks. And a Diet Coke. And I would always tell myself there would be leftovers. But there never were. So, that brings me to now.

My doctors had been telling me for years I need to lose weight - familiar story, huh? My last doctor had suggested South Beach. I stuck to South Beach for a month and a half and was miserable the whole time. Drastically changing my eating habits, and doing Phase One made me sick. I was a ***** to everyone in my family and at work. But, I lost a bit of weight. Shortly after, I moved, and my SBD days were long gone.

I went for a physical with my current doctor in January. I was fat and depressed and unable to come to terms with what I was doing to my health still. My father passed away in December of heart problems, and here my doctor was telling me my cholesterol was high and my BP was 165/105. She suggested Weght Watchers. For the next two months, my BP luckily dropped, but I gained 6 pounds, bringing me up to 274.

Then it hit me. I was 5'1", and nearly 300 pounds. And if I didn't do something soon, I would make just myself fatter and sicker. So, since I didn't want to cause anymore heartache in my family, I just made the commitment to do WW, and actually go. I needed to realize that losing weight was something I needed to do for me, but I also know that I need to be accountable to someone else. If I were just doing it on my own, slip-ups wouldn't matter to me. I feel like everyone in my weekly meeting is counting on me, as weird as it sounds.