Well, my first instinct was: DTMFA (google it if necessary). But I'll try to be more informative.

I absolutely think you need to kick him out, 100%. Even if you want to somehow make it work with him, you don't need to dump him altogether (well, I think maybe you do, but for the sake of argument)... you just need to make him get his own place and do his own chores and shopping and stuff. You need to do it for HIS sake, if he's ever going to have a normal life and be able to support himself like an adult.

Love isn't enough. You need/deserve a partner, a teammate, and he certainly can't hold up his end of the deal right now.

Right now I'm supporting my husband financially (until we move to a new city), but he's supporting me in other ways while I finish up my degree (emotional support, and he does EVERYTHING around the house, I do nothing but cook :D). Most importantly, he's always, ALWAYS, respectful of me and expresses that he's grateful for what I do. I might feel differently if I weren't absolutely sure that he can support himself if necessary, and will get a good, full-time job again once we move.

As for the cheating (I call it that too!).. there's a huge difference between looking at porn and chatting with 18 year old girls that you meet on dating sites. I think you have every right to be mad, and this would be a dealbreaker for me, for sure.

repeat this kick him to the curb kick him to the curb
look into places that finance privately instead of thru banks or credit unions or start saving for a junker
heck i'd cut the internet off on him lol

just to add to the rest.

i know what its like to be attached to a man that you know you need to get rid of but just cant. IT AINT WORTH IT GIRL! dump him, dump him, dump him.

1) any man that is okay living with you and allowing you to take care of him isnt a man he's a boy and a loser. :devil:
2) he has the audacity to be meeting other women under the roof you pay for. oh no girlfriend you should kick his tail out and play "call tyrone'" by erykah badu while you are doing so. :mad:
3) you are smart and beautiful and deserving of someone who can be productive in this life. you have many years to find the right one. but think about this...if you stay with this one you'll not only be taking care of him later on...but his kids and your family too. cause he knows what hes doing and is using you and you'll never truly be happy.
keep me updated

Ohhhh girl!

I have the same thing to say as everyone else.

The only thing I can really add to it is this. As far as you feeling like this might be your ONLY chance:

We've all been there and done that. Every time you "fall in love" it seems like it is the end all and be all. Guess what? For that moment it is, but rest assured, no matter how much the heartache makes you feel like this is IT, it's really not. You will find someone that comes along that will make you forget how bad you WERE hurting when the sky was falling down around you.

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You." I know it sounds weird but seriously, GREAT book.

You should be treated the way you KNOW you deserve to be treated. If he's sitting on his *** at home all day (pardon my french) then you should be coming home to a clean house, chores done... thats the LEAST someone can do when the other person is supporting them. Its all about RESPECT.

Also, follow your gut. If your gut tells you something is wrong (like when you found those ads the SECOND time) then it probably is.

You're too good for that honey! Kick his booty to the curb!!!!! Let one of his 18 year old "friends" come support him and see how long they put up with that mess!

P.S. Think about how you would want your DAUGHTER to be treated like a man. If she was being treated the way he's treating you, you'd be flying through the roof!

I have been with my bf for 8 years in May. I have almost all of the problems you do! I'm almost in tears reading your post because it seems like you're describing my relationship. My man plays video games 24/7 online and not. He stays up all hours of the night. I havent found any personal ad's yet so not sure about that part but he just stopped going to work last august and he only works seasonal work. He's a pool guy, installing, fixing, opening/closing ect... We fought over unemployment which he didnt care enough to call or claim it so I supported him for almost 5 months with no income from him. Finally get got his unemployment and was lucky enough to be invited back to work with his same employer. well that was two weeks ago. He went back on Tues. 4/15, through Sat 4/19 and HASN'T RETURNED to work since! He's not going so they will "fire" him so he can sit at home and collect his measly 140 bucks a week on unemployment!:mad: I'm sick of the teenage/college boy attitude. We need to grow up and I'm taking steps in that direction and he's refusing. We live together and don't have enough to rent out own place so we're renting a room at my dad's house, which he is a trucker and never home so it's not like we're living WITH my dad... just at his house- and dad needs the financial help anyways... different story there... I'm sick and tired of the sh*t and Feel hopeless and angry. Sex life is non existant all my fault b/c i have no desire at all.... NONE... we fight over that all the time too. I know we have our routine set and i also feel like i can't live without him... I dont get butterflies or think of him all day long or think he's perfect. We get along really well when we're not fighting about money or sex or jobs. We have fun together and are great friends but i don't feel we're right for each other anymore and I need someone more supportive and more mature. :cry:
SO i feel for you and I have read all the other posts and it just seems so much easier said than done and makes me sick to my stomach to think about...:?:

Kate - First... :hug:
This guy sucks and needs to go! My best friend is going through almost the same thing but she has 3 kids. You don't want to be where she is now. It got worse...way worse. She has been supporting his broke *** for seven....YES, SEVEN!!!! years. She has tried to leave but then feels bad. I don't get it. He is disrespectful, rude, selfish, demanding, and he is a liar.

As for the car situation... my friend, same one, had really bad credit...like 540. She got a loan and a brand new car...granted the interest rate is ridiculous. However, it may be worth it to get your life back on track without this guy.

I don't think you can trust him with the personal ads. Esp. since you called him out and he did it again. That is just ridiculous. He will continue to do this behind your back. I had a guy friend that did the same thing to his many gfs. I learned so many things from this guy that I never thought someone would do. He seemed SOO nice and sweet but he did the most jacked up things. OMG...I could go on for days...but I won't. I'm really sorry you are going through this. You deserve much better and are beautiful! He is not your "last chance at love." Very far from!

In the meantime, you could do something to jack up his Internet connection so he will not be able to access his ads... :devil:

thanks so much for your replies and PMs!! made me cry!! :) *hugs*

i feel like i *know* i need to kick him out... and i feel so confident in that decision... until he is in the room with me. and then, it all goes to crap.

big news, however - i got a car!!! apparently - a dealer was willing to finance me!! woohoo! got the car today!

strike one! :)

GOOD! That is one positive! Now you really don't need him. Maybe you could print one of his ads and hold it while you tell him what you need to. I'm sure you would feel what you need to holding that while asking him to leave. He doesn't care about you. I think the whole weight thing is just to make you feel sorry for him because he probably knows you would be sympathetic to that. Good luck!! BE STRONG! I know you are...you stab people with needles for a living...:D

Awesome!
 

YAY! I'm so glad you got a car!!! Now the pressure of your decision is off.

If I were you (and I HAVE been, more than once), I wouldn't stress out too much about the big decision of throwing him out or not. You are the one holding ALL the cards in the situation, and I'm pretty sure it won't take you too long to get to the point where you don't even care about him anymore. Then it's super easy, you'll be like, don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you!!!!!

Just make sure you keep reading these posts and hearing the TRUTH about him, because it will happen that much faster.

One more thought, as far as worrying about finding someone else, it is NOT going to be hard. In fact, you could walk down the street and probably find 5 guys who don't work who would LOVE for you to support them, and THEY would probably clean the frickin house while you are slaving away at work, AND not cyber-cheat on you!!!!!! (like the Beyonce song..."You must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me. I could find another you in a minute, matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute, baby").

Of COURSE what you really need is a real man, and you (a beautiful girl with a great job and a NEW CAR:carrot:) can surely find one of those!!

I'm with Kara on this. You have the car situation taken care of. To me, this is the universe setting you up to realize that you are an INDEPENDENT woman and that you are able to obtain the things that you've been stressed out about WITHOUT his help.

I know how you feel about making up your mind then losing it once he's in the room. I can't access myspace right now, but some time over the weekend I will post a bulletin one of my friends put up about relationships. It's a gentle "reminder" of things we sometimes forget. I typically don't repost that kind of crap but it was good.

Again, like someone else said, you're only going to be mad at yourself a year from now when you're in the same relationship you knew you should've let go of a year prior!!!! You can never change someone. They're the only person that can do that.... so if he's doing this now, I can't really see it getting much better permanently. You have to make the decision as to whether or not you're going to enable his behavior or if you want a change.

Keep your chin up, doll!

I'm just wondering..has he been overseas, like to a war zone?? Because that could be why he's so lazy w/no motivation. I'm not saying all military guys are like that..I just know from a few friends that their hubby's and bf's are like that after a deployment, but they usually get counseling. Plus, that is just weird that the Marines wont take him back..

Having a personal ad is no excuse for anything. That is just crossing the line. I agree with everyone else, you should kick him out. It just doesnt sound like he respects you at all. You are beautiful, and you'll find someone who treats you like a queen and worships the ground you walk on.

Trust me, not all guys are cheaters or jerks.

I am fairly new here, but this topic caught my attention, because I've been nearly exactly where you are.

I won't reiterate what everyone else has (essentially this man is behaving like a giant succubus!) I will say that the only way I was able to stay strong in this position and remain confident in my decision to get the guy out of my house and life, was to focus on how disrespected I felt by his daily decision to leech off of me and take advantage of me. I thought about people I love like friends and family and how, because I truly care for them and I'm a generally decent person, I would never sit around and expect them to cover my bases financially or otherwise. I can't fathom it.

I also thought about how uncomplicated my life would be without someone laying around making messes and eating my food. (turns out, a lot less complicated! And liberating! Wooo!)

My ex was also doing some online canoodling (via that evil Myspace!) and that sealed the deal for me.

Ok, I will reiterate, you're beautiful! Believe me, this guy is not it for you. I can't wait for you to feel appreciated and as an equal partner in a relationship. It will happen and it is fantastic!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'.

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.

You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.


You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him -he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them..."

Originally Posted by Feral:
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'.

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.

You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you,speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.


You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him -he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them..."

Thats pretty good.