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-   -   Girls confuse the begeezus outta me (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/139062-girls-confuse-begeezus-outta-me.html)

griffogrubb 04-06-2008 12:14 AM

Girls confuse the begeezus outta me
 
Hey, so I wanna ask you girls a question. I recently asked out a girl and she turned me down, but I don't get the way she still acts. She holds my hand whenever I give her a high five, makes time for me to hang out with her when I know she's busy, she leans in whenever I talk to her. Whenever she hugs me she wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body against mine, stuff like that. Needless to say, I'm a little confused. Maybe I'm just an ignorant boob, I dunno. I hate when girls play their stupid little games and are like "oooo, if I don't go out with him it will make him want me more" b.s. With me, it'll make me not wanna ever go out with you ever again, ever. I just decided I'm gonna ignore it all, but I'm just curious of what all you lovely ladies think.

HarpoChicoGroucho 04-06-2008 12:33 AM

I think she probably has an interest in you, but she's holding back. It could be a variety of reasons, some of which may not have anything at all to do with how she feels with you. There have been times where I have liked someone, and have flirted, and have shown interest, but really have not be interested in a relationship. She could be in that situation. I'm like that right now. I just stopped seeing someone, not because I'm not attracted to him or like being around him, but because I just need to be alone right now. I don't think I'll be hanging out with him anymore, but if I did, I'd probably still hug and cuddle with him because I like being physical with a guy. If you REALLY like her, I would recommend you wait it out, for she may just need some time to sort out her issues about dating or being in a relationship. But if she's a dime a dozen, I would move on. But I for one, never act that way with a guy I'm not attracted to. My strictly platonic guy friends get quick hugs and no cuddling or extended physical contact.

Taylor86 04-06-2008 12:46 AM

Honestly, she's probably not worth your time.

audreymonroe 04-06-2008 12:50 AM

On the one hand, I completely agree with Harpo. I think there may also be another explaination, and that may be (gulp) her (at the moment) low-self esteem? She may not be ready for a guy at all, but she may be "cuddly" on you because it makes her feel wanted, and safe. I know a few years ago I acted like that with a guy friend of mine, and have since apologized for it. This is just another perspective, to help you assess what she may be doing. I wish you the best of luck, Griffo - you are an attractive and deserving guy!!!

tiggy123 04-06-2008 02:13 AM

I agree with Audrey here, some kind of confidence issue is probably the cause of her odd behavior. Hope you'll find someone great for you Griff!

just keep swimming 04-06-2008 02:53 AM

Hey, girls confuse me too, and I am one. :)

junebug41 04-06-2008 03:37 AM

It seems like she knows that you are easy access for when she feels like flirting and you will let her do it. Maybe she doesn't want to date, but still wants to have her fun. I get the impression you are a nice guy (a good thing in the end!), but she picked up on it and is taking advantage. Just my 2 cents...

broadabroad 04-06-2008 07:46 AM

It's very difficult to make a sensible comment here, without knowing her side of the story. Is she tactile with other people too? There could be all kinds of things going on - you obviously feel that she was giving you definite 'Hey, I fancy you' type vibes - and maybe she was. Or maybe she was just playing at flirting with someone she isn't serious about wanting (because some girls do that. As do some boys) because she enjoys the attention or thinks it's harmless and friendly fun. Or maybe she's treating you the same as she does other platonic friends, and you're just reading something into it because you fancy her.

Could be any of these things. Perhaps she IS doing the mind games thing - if so, that sucks, and you're quite right not to bother going down that road. But on the other hand, maybe you misread her behaviour.

(And I do get it - I was pretty much in the same bemused headspace a couple of weeks ago when a gorgeous girl I know [whom I'm 95% sure is straight, and who's definitely married with a kid] was VERY huggy and tactile with me, and seemed to be all playing footsie with me under the table, and I was very '....er, right, um, is this...er...no, surely not, but...er...' And, yes, it was a bit of a puzzler, and frustrating - but I like her enormously, and I don't think she WAS actually flirting with me. Although, man, will I ever kick myself if I later find out I'm wrong.)

One more thing for your consideration - sometimes guys think you dig them when you DON'T. And in those circumstances, if you are a nice person, you generally try to say 'no' as kindly as possible.

Unfortunately, trying to protect the guy's ego by avoiding a bald "Look, dude, I don't want to do you. Get over it" or whatever, and continuing to be nice to him can then lead to him being all "WTF? Pr*ck Tease! B*tch!" etc etc. When actually, you're just trying to let him down gently.

Not saying that's what's going on, but I know that I've been in the position of pissing guys off that way a couple of times just because I was trying to be nice about the 'Thanks, but no thanks' thing.

irishfairy 04-06-2008 08:05 AM

some girls just enjoy the attention...its sad and terrible. I don't know how many times I have told friends that they were leading a guy on, they are always like no he knows we are just friends. on the other hand she could like you and just not want a relationship who knows? I don't understand girls either

griffogrubb 04-06-2008 08:23 AM

Haha, sorry, I just find it funny that girls don't even understand girls sometimes. If she's just doing it because she wants attention, it would actually kinda p.o. me a lil bit. I've known the girl for a while and she knows I used to be bigger and that girls used to treat me like crap. So, if she's leading me on or whatever, then I don't need that kind of girl in my life anyway. We have a lot of the same friends, as far her treating me differently then other guys, she pays more attention to me (at least when I'm around), so yeah. And, yes, I'm your stereotypical nice guy-I just find it really hard to treat people horribly these days I guess. Even with all of that though, I'm kinda past the point where rejection affects me at all. So, I would've rather asked her out and see what happened then miss out on something that could've been great, even if only for a little while. Oh, that and I love you girls!

bargoo 04-06-2008 08:30 AM

Where did you invite her to go ? Did you ask her out to a particular event ? Such as a movie or dinner ? Or did you say "hey babe ya wanna go out sometime ? " She may be waiting for something more definite .

griffogrubb 04-06-2008 08:42 AM

Hahaha, that's great, I hope guys really don't ask girls out like that. The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra is doing their spring masterpiece thingamajig and I asked to go to me with that on one of the night's they were playing. I know that may sound like a weird date idea and I might've shot myself in the foot by asking her to go to that, but I figured it was original and something that would've been memorable for both of us. I mean, how many times does a guy ask you to dinner and an orchestra?

bargoo 04-06-2008 08:54 AM

Well, I would have gone, but maybe she doesn't like the symphony try something more ordinary like going out for pizza ? Or she might feel more comfortable on a double date with another couple.

shrinkinglizzy 04-06-2008 09:14 AM

dude, it's not just that girls are confusing. if you ask me, all people are confusing. and i'm in a grad program for psychology!

oh, and here's a thought -- why don't you ask her? She might be the expert on herself. "Hey, Barbara, I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I like/respect you and I'd rather be honest with you about what's going on here. I was a little confused when you turned me down for the symphony, and in general, I'm not sure I'm reading your signals right. Hey, I might just be an idiot guy who doesn't get it, but can you explain it to me? Use small words and short sentences, please." (that last part was for humor's sake. you gotta use some humor. i'm sure your not an idiot guy and can understand more than short sentences.)

Keep us posted!!

S

Sgirl 04-06-2008 11:44 AM

I was just about to post something similar to the other psych person. I think men and women analyze each other too much outside of each other and we would all benefit from a little more honesty on both sides of the fence. You can hypothesize to death and literally kill a friendship by what you THINK is going on. I know it's WAY easier said than done, but if you really value her as a friend the next time she tries to hold your hand or press her body against you maybe tell her how confused her behavior makes you feel because she is acting like she's attracted to you, but then says "no" when being asked out. I can anticipate you might wonder why you "have" to be the bigger person here and by no means do you "have" to be, but if you want to REALLY know what is going on, honesty is the best policy.


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