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Old 04-07-2008, 02:01 PM   #31  
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Many bases have been covered here, but here are a couple more thoughts...

1. Maybe the thought of symphony scared the beejeezus out of her. I mean the whole "what do I wear?" thing.
2. Maybe she doesn't like the symphony.
3. Maybe she had something else going on the day.
4. Maybe she is just a big flirt.

OR...and I hate even typing this...but here it is

When I was young and single I had several friends male and female. One of our male friends had lost around 100 pounds and was interested in one of my female friends. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't go out with him. One day she confided in my...she thought Bryan was lots of fun and he looked great now....but what happens if gains the weight back?? I was shocked at her answer, and my opinion of her went way down. I will add karma bit her in the butt. Bryan met another girl, she is very nice, they married and have 3 great kids, Bryan is also financially successful. Anne on the other hand met a great looking guy, who treated her like crap, left her and their son. Anne has had a rough life trying to support herself and her son and is now the one with the weight problem.

You are right she is one girl. I am sure you find someone and they will be lucky to get a great guy like you!!
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Old 04-07-2008, 04:03 PM   #32  
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Yeah Kate, I've come across that before. Apparently the thought of me ever being fat literally disgusts some people...kinda sad huh? And it's funny you bring that up, I'm pretty sure that's why she said no. It's like, the second I get a girlfriend I'll stop worrying about how I look or something. Funnily enough, I don't work out and diet for other people, I do it for me...go figure. Heh, that's life, looks like it's a good thing I got rejected, if that makes sense.
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Old 04-07-2008, 05:05 PM   #33  
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Heh, that's life, looks like it's a good thing I got rejected, if that makes sense.
Totally makes sense. Sometimes I'm glad that the guys who do ask me out are the ones who have actually taken the time to get to know me. I think of it sort of like reverse selection. That way, I already know that they like who I really am, and I don't feel stupid just being myself.
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Old 04-07-2008, 05:55 PM   #34  
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When she said she didn't want to go out with you did she explicitly say she was not interested in dating you or was she busy/wasn't interested in the opera? Was she like "maybe some other time" and sound like she meant it? Also how long ago did you ask her out? maybe at the time she wasn't interested, and has since reconsidered and has continued flirting in hopes that you'll try again?

I would say she's not playing "hard to get" and if she is she's doing it ALL wrong. These types of games are mainly just not making yourself too available (ie wait for a guy that will ask YOU out, NEVER call him, and in general make sure that it is him pursuing you in the relationship and not the other way around). I can't say I've ever heard of a "game" where a girl turns down a well planned quality date with a guy she wants to go out with. Girls are not THIS strange.

To go along with what everyone else is saying...the first thing that poped into my head was she enjoys the attention. All girls do it (flirt with guys they're not interested in), I personally think it's taking it too far to continue after the guy makes a serious pass.

Also maybe she wants you to just be her guy friend she likes to flirt with and nothing more. I have several girlfriends that do stuff like this....will share a bed with a guyfriend and "cuddle", act flirty, make flirtatious comments, and then get POed when the guy actually makes a move. I personally think it's mean but many girls do it. Maybe she thinks you 2 have some sort of a "mutual understanding".

I would just flat out ask her...tell her that if she isn't interested in dating you that you cannot handle that type of attention. That you either want to be friends or dating and nothing in between. Then if she says Friends do your best to ignore her flirtatious behavior if she continues it (if you ignore it she'll stop eventually).
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Old 04-07-2008, 06:06 PM   #35  
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Maybe the opera freaked her out? I use myself as an example: I love the opera. But if I were in that situation, I would probably back out because I'm be worried that I would make some terrible social faux pas that I knew I wouldn't make if we were, say, at the movie theatres or some local restaurant (not like an expensive one or anything haha). I know it may come across as a lame excuse, but these are certainly thought processes that occur quite often, actually.

Or maybe she is a crazy flirty beeotch. Who knows? Not me. I just always try to figure out a more lenient explanation before dooming anyone to b*tchdom.

But to echo others before me, you should really find out straight from her.
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Old 04-07-2008, 07:22 PM   #36  
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B*tchdom!!!! I love it. Gotta write that one down!

Last edited by Taylor86; 04-07-2008 at 07:22 PM.
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Old 04-08-2008, 12:10 PM   #37  
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I'm not dooming anyone to total b*tchdom. I did what you guys told me, just asked her straight up what was going on. She said that she thought I was good looking and sweet but she told me she couldn't deal with me being fat and was afraid of what would happen if I "let myself go." It's cool though, I've been rejected for 6 years now, that's not so much of a slump as it is a standard...hahaha, I'd hate break it now.
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Old 04-08-2008, 12:18 PM   #38  
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NO WAY!!!
wow i'm proud of you for getting to the meat of it, though -- it can be hard to ask people those sorts of things. didja use my script??

wow, i'm really surprised at that kind of thinking. I guess I shouldn't be, but I am. I'm sorry you went through that. On to the next fish!

S
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Old 04-08-2008, 12:38 PM   #39  
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Yeesh, well better to know rather than wonder I guess. Still...I'm amazed. I know there are people like that...I don't know why it shocks me anymore. But you seem like such a sweet guy; it baffles me what her priorities are. You will find a girl with her head screwed on correctly sooner or later! I know that sort of comment doesn't bear much weight when you're getting rejected by someone...but seriously, someone is going to notice what a catch you are sooner or later.
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Old 04-08-2008, 01:28 PM   #40  
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At least you know now....I had a guy who I really like who was playing games with me for the better part of last year...drove me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY...I wish I would have found out earlier.

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I've been rejected for 6 years now, that's not so much of a slump as it is a standard...hahaha, I'd hate break it now.
Hey thats not a good attitude to have....if you approach a girl and believe she will turn you down before you even ask she probably will...confidence is key.

Good things come to people who can take rejection...whether it's applying to 10 jobs you might not get or asking out 10 girls. If you put the time into applying to 10 jobs that are slightly above your qualifications (ie research the companies, draft a diffrent resume/cover letter tailored to what the company is looking for, prepare for interviews etc) odds are you will get one of them....which would make you better off then someone that only applies to jobs they are overqualified for because they can't handle rejection. If you confidently and thoughtfully ask out 10 girls odds are at least one will say yes. Keep your head held high...theres no shame in it...what is the basketball quote.....you miss 100% of the shots you never take, be proud of yourself for taking a chance.
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Old 04-08-2008, 01:57 PM   #41  
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Oh ok I know this one.I was that way with my guy for months...3 years later he hates when I remind him what a weirdo I was LOL. Well I didn't want to fall for anyone and I had some DUMB reasons so I loved being with him but I also tried not to like him but we kissed and went out every night...blah blah blah. Then after months of him just being absolutely AMAZING to me I just couldn't hold back anymore. But one thing that helped is he NEVER gave up on me he was annoyed and still tried everyday. He was never pushy and he never showed that he was frustrated he just new I was worth the wait and time. So maybe that is what she is doing. But do not be a doormat ok!

OR maybe she is just a flirty girl and that is just the type of friend she is to guys. That is something you need to watch for.

Good Luck in your pursuit.
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Old 04-08-2008, 01:59 PM   #42  
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Quote:
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I'm not dooming anyone to total b*tchdom. I did what you guys told me, just asked her straight up what was going on. She said that she thought I was good looking and sweet but she told me she couldn't deal with me being fat and was afraid of what would happen if I "let myself go." It's cool though, I've been rejected for 6 years now, that's not so much of a slump as it is a standard...hahaha, I'd hate break it now.

Wow that isn't nice of her at all. What about her she won't always be pretty, I hope she know that! You deserve someone who will support you through thick and thin (no pun intended, but there is is LOL)
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Old 04-08-2008, 02:15 PM   #43  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by griffogrubb View Post
I'm not dooming anyone to total b*tchdom. I did what you guys told me, just asked her straight up what was going on. She said that she thought I was good looking and sweet but she told me she couldn't deal with me being fat and was afraid of what would happen if I "let myself go."
Wow... REALLY?! ... REALLY?! ... I don't think I have any words...

If you aren't dooming her to total b*tchdom, then boy, I will. How shallow. How pathetically shallow. She has a whole site full of chicks who have now banished her to the land of total b*tchdom. She's practically queen of the land for doing that.

Quote:
It's cool though, I've been rejected for 6 years now, that's not so much of a slump as it is a standard...hahaha, I'd hate break it now.
Hey now! Don't make me mad. I'm going to use your own words against you, mister. You've said before that any guy would be lucky to date all of us nice fabulous chicks on 3FC, so I must reverse it and use it on you. Any girl would be lucky, LUCKY, you hear me, to date you. Do not let this one miserable person bring you down. You are worthy of finding someone who actually cares about you. I swear on all that is good and holy there are a million women out there who are more than willing to date you. Chin up!
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Old 04-08-2008, 02:43 PM   #44  
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Yup. Doomed to b*tchdom.....who is with me?

And, yes....she won't always be pretty.

At least you know now and not later after you are really hurt.

I am proud of you. I think you did the right thing, but I know it sucks and I am sorry.

You're a great guy with a lot of life's hard lessons already behind you and I know that there is a girl who is as wonderful as you just waiting to be found.
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Old 04-08-2008, 03:26 PM   #45  
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Hahaha, that's great Faeire. I wasn't being serious when I was talking about rejection though, I'm just really sarcastiac and like to have fun. That just helped me laugh something as horrible as that off, that's all. I know what I've done with myself, I'm very proud of what I've accomplished and very confident in who I am and the character that I possess. And no one, no stupid girl or ignorant jerk can take that away from me unless I let them-and that's just not happening.
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