I am tired. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of being the ugly girl in my group of friends. I am tired of being the one holding my band back because I am overweight. I need help. I need support.
I am 21 and I need to lose around 150 lbs. I need help creating plans and goals because I don't know where to start. I want to do it naturally without pills or anything like that. I went on pill diets and tea diets and shake diets and I hate them.
I love exercising, but I get discouraged when I can't go as long or fast as I want.
Please help!

Hi Rocker, and

I could have written that post when I was 21. I'm 25 now and applaud you for taking control of this NOW, when you are younger.

OK, so how to start...have you considered babysteps? For example, pick a goal for this week...just one goal. 8 glasses of water a day? 8 servings of fruits and veggies? What is your healthy goal? Do that every day for a week. At the end of the week, add on another goal - maybe 15 min of exercise a day. After you've done that for a week? Add another goal - like getting 80 g of protein a day. You pick the goals.

The great thing about babysteps like that? The small changes REALLY add up for your weight, but they don't feel like a big deal because you're making them so slowly.

Keep posting - can't wait to see you around!

Welcome rocker,

You have taken the first step by being here.

Have you thought about any plans that you may be interested in? Looks like you need to find one that you can stick with for the rest of your life. One that won't make you feel deprived so that you can stick to it. I personally love the freedom that calorie counting gives me, but I am sure there are other good ones out there. Maybe Weight Watchers or if you are not into counting calories or points maybe a Whole Foods or Sonoma based diet.

As for the exercising part. Just hang in there - you will build up your endurance in no time and go longer and faster each time. If someone would have told me 3 months ago that I would be jogging...I would have laughed at them. It is amazing how adaptable our bodies become when we put in the effort.

I hope that you find something that works for you. There is tons of really great people here who can provide lots of support and encouragement. Just hang in there and good luck!

Welcome.
I too could have writen your post well more than a while ago
I am a big fan of getting moving. i find when I move I eat better and fel better and the results of tightening up come fairly quickly.

If you have a plan in mind you can find them All here at 3FC and you will find lots of support in whatever you choose.

Hey there! I am 21 also and I have about 85-90 lbs to lose. I know how frustrating it can be to try to lose weight. I don't want to try to give you "advice" but I can relate to a lot of what you're saying...

First, please don't call yourself ugly. This is something I do to myself often, and I'm trying to change that. I know how difficult it can be to change the way we talk to ourselves. Every day I have to fight with myself to stop calling myself "ugly", "fat", and other horrible names. One of the things that I have found REALLY helps me is to take really good care of myself. Get enough sleep, get up in the morning, get showered & dressed and put on some makeup/do my hair (this sounds silly but sadly, since getting as heavy as I am, I usually stay in my pj's all day because I'm so depressed).

I'm sure other people on here will tell you that weight loss/exercise/healthy eating is not an all-or-nothing thing. This is also something I have to remind myself of every day. I am the type of person that if I screw up and eat too much, for example, I just give up completely. Every day I struggle with this. Even if you can't exercise as long or as fast as you want, doing even a little bit is still good! Sometimes you gotta start small and work your way up.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more or anything.

Thanks for the replies so far...
Now that I know people actually write on these things... Let me give you some more info on me.

I haven't really considered anything yet. I've finally decided to lose weight for myself. It's taken me 8 years to tell myself that it's not ok be fat just because I have a good personality. I've finally admitted that beyond health and activeness I actually want to look good (I hope that doesn't make me sound shallow). I feel like I might have gathered up the motivation to do it this time.
I have a very athletic family. My mother (who is a typical korean mom, pushy and overbearing, yet deeply in love with her children) has put be on diets since I was 11. Every time she sees me she tells me that I haven't lost weight and every time I talk to her on the phone she asks me about my diet and asks if I've lost any weight yet. She's been negative about it and throughout middle school and high school I would get punished for putting on weight. One month I counted that she made me cry 45 times about weight related issues... I'm not really a softie either... It makes her sound like a monster, but recently (since I've been in college) our relationship has improved and at times it's very beautiful. But for her, I'm always fat before her daughter. I know she cares about me, but she has hurt me so much growing up and sometimes I fear that it ruins all hope of me ever having a normal relationship with her. But getting healthy would help rid us of a problem seperating us, then we can address her communication methods.
I dieted HARD this summer. I worked out every weekday an hour a day doing cardio and strength training. I lost about 15 lbs in 3 months and within 4 months I gained it all back and possibly more.
My friends are all very attractive and they are encouraging, but I always feel belittled by them... like a little kid who did something well. I thought to myself, "No, I need some other support." That's why I'm here.
I don't have a game plan... I just knew two things: Get motivated and get support. So I'm here. I just need to move forward now...

Welcome to 3FC! I'll start by saying I agree with pretty much everything misschris already said--good post!

I'm 25 and have over 150 pounds to lose. I've been overweight since I was like 5 or something--my whole life, basically. It is HARD to change and to lose the weight. Anyone who says it's easy is either lying or has never had to do it. Don't get down on yourself just because you find it hard to stick to something--we have ALL been there. Know that you're not even close to being alone in how you feel

I'd like to invite you over to the Losing Weight in 2008 group--we're just a bunch of chicks trying to start the new year off right and keep it going all year instead of fizzling out. Some people are super strict and gung-ho about it, and others (like me) are making smaller, more gradual changes to try to prevent becoming overwhelmed and frustrated.

Well, it looks to me like you've got the motivation and you definitely have the support here. I guess the next step is to make a plan. What do you think will work for you? Counting points? Counting calories? Doing something like South Beach or YOU on a Diet? Where is your accountability? Will you track it in a journal? Will you be posting here? Also, there are sign ups until the 5th for The Biggest Loser here at 3FC. It's a sub-board of the exercise board if you're interested.

I think the typical Korean mother sounds a LOT like the typical Filipino mother. My fiance has a VERY similar mother. The poor guy seems to never be good enough. And, I don't think I'm good enough for him in her eyes, either. So, I don't deal with it directly but I have an idea of what you're talking about. I don't really have any ideas with how to deal with it because my fiance is in the same boat, but I certainly sympathize.

Anyhoo - get that plan in works and good luck to you! We'll definitely be here for you. Also, I can see where what your friends say will feel like belittling. I'm sure they mean well, though. I wouldn't write them off. They just don't know how to express the right kind of support that you need. They love you, though!

You have already made the first step by coming here. 3FC is a great website to pass time and cravings. It is very difficult, but if you truly want it, then you can do it. I have been struggling with weight issues for as far as I can remember. I've never been a "healthy" weight. Finally, last month, I realized that it has to stop somewhere and I have decided to change my life. I am currently counting calories and that seems to be working out okay. It's hard to stay away from foods that I snack on, but I just keep thinking in the back of my head that if I want to lose weight, then I CAN'T have those things that I normally eat...or as much. I agree with some of the above...start out small and just keep adding to it...before long you will be losing weight and getting in shape!

Well,
My advice is 2 fold, tell your mother that weight is not an open topic. It is hard as a mother to be told these things but it sounds like you need to set this boundry to move forward for yourself. I am a mother so I can say this having heard it AND having to do it. My mother is so so selfish it is outragous at times. an example is that she "skipped" my son's bar mitzvah because it was inconvienent for her to come.

2nd, find and activity you like to do and that you won't burn out doing. It sounds like you are in collage. take advantage of the intermural sports, the gym, the school pool, whatever is there for the taking. Collage towns are great for walking. I am a walker, I pop on my ipod and just go. I listen to audiobooks. many of the books required for school, other than text can be found on audio and are great to listen to while you walk, getting 2 things done at the same time.

as for a plan. find something that sounds like you can do it. i like WW because you can eat anything. many like south beach because after phase 1 it is very liveable. The cafe at school is a killer. make friend with the salad bar first and the hot meal second if you are on the food plan. skip desserst and fried foods. small changes add up and finding a long term solution is the best bet.

The best part is that you are young. Your metabolism should kick in quickly.

Good luck and keep posting.

I am also 20 and have a significant amount of weight to lose. I think the first step is identifying what your main struggles are. I am a multitasker, I always have to be doing something, and I get bored easily. Which aided in my developing a very bad habit of boredom/automatic eating at a young age. So I've tried to think of ways to cut out that excess snacking that I dont need. I've started crocheting while watching TV or a Movie that way I'm relaxing, but I'm still occupying my hands and not reaching for that handful of chips. Kwim?

Also... find the things you love about yourself and look in the mirror and tell yourself those things every single day. Sounds totally stupid, but you know what--its theraputic. If you dont love yourself, why do you expect other people to love you? That was the frame of mind I put myself into. And let me tell you-- I may be plus sized with a less than ideal figure.... but I am beautiful. I am awesome. I am my biggest fan-- let me tell you about why I'm so great I love who I am. Bottom line. Start telling yourself how gorgeous you are, do things that make you feel good, and you'll start glowing. FEELING GOOD is what matters. It doesnt matter what you weigh, it matters how you feel. You dont feel good in the skin you have now? Then work to change it until it is just how you want it to be.

You're hot. You know it. Be proud.

I totally sympathize with being in a mom-dominated Asian family. My mother not only has brains, but beauty -- when she was in her early 20's living in the Philippines, she was not just a beauty queen but an accomplished chemistry professor! I tried very hard in my teen years and early twenties to carve a unique identity for myself outside of that because, while my mother loves me deeply, her Type A personality couldn't help but be critical of the fact that things that came easiest to her were more difficult for me. I have now come to realize that in my situation, there is very little that I can achieve that would make my mother stop *****ing, and I say that with all that love in my heart. It's just who she is, and now I recognize at 27 that her "tough love" is her way of trying to tell me that I am a person destined for great things.

I applaud you because I think that you've reached the most critical step of any personal transformation, and that is to accept that you want to change.

Here's the most practical advice that I can give:
- Choose a method. Yes, diet and exercise is the key, but as you've probably already noticed here at 3FC, there are all types of routes out there to help you learn how to nourish yourself properly -- Weight Watchers, South Beach, low-carb, high-protein, etc. Pick one that fits your lifestyle best and give it at least two weeks. If it truly doesn't fit in with your lifestyle (you may find some are too expensive for you maintain, or that you prefer something more rigid / flexible), find something else and STICK WITH IT.
- Find a buddy who can motivate you. I use the 3FC community, but I've had past successes with going to Weight Watcher meetings and having a gang of friends who worked together.
- Work out smarter, not harder. It sounds like you were busting your butt this summer by clocking in lots of cardio -- was that sustainable for you? If not, consider doing something that may be more suitable to your tastes. I personally like going to Zumba aerobics classes because they're so fun, they don't feel like working out. Yes, I could probably burn a **** of a lot more calories by sticking it out on a rowing machine, but I hate doing that. Consistency is the key.
- Do not neglect the importance of identifying your trigger points. Recently, I realized that I automatically turn to the Food Network whenever I have the remote in my hand. This almost always makes me want to cook something afterwards, which ended up in lots of extra food in the house. I also tend to get fast food breakfasts if I'm hungry and late for work. If you eat out of boredom, figure out how you can make the food less accessible to you. I lost two pounds the week that I moved my husband's chips and chocolate to a shelf that I was out of eye-level.
- Don't ignore your emotional health. Lately, I've been trying to identify the underlying reasons why I overeat. I've journaled a lot about it in the past, but I'm now using a 3FC diet blog. If you feel like giving up because you're frustrated, angry, defeated -- figure out why! Blogging has been a real eye-opener for me, and I hope you find a method that works best for you. Also, people shouldn't make you feel guilty about just being you. In my experience, it is best to come to peace with myself first before trying to repair external relationships. Since I'm a Christian, I'm attempting to accomplish this through the most honest prayers that I have ever made. You might find this through meditation or through counseling.

Anyway, best of luck to you -- I hope to see you around here soon!

I am 29 and I have probally about 100 punds to lose. I too was 21 at the time I thought I was big (I was about 145). I wish I was that now or at least happy with what I was then. My mother put me on diets when I was very young also. I remeber going to lunch in 5th grade and pulling out the richards simmons diet card program my mom made me do. And also going to the store for back to school shopping and mom getting upset because I was in the biggest sizes that you could get for girls at that age.

I finally notice this year I need to get healthy, I always thought that I am not really that unhealthy even though I am overweight. But I saw a few things this year that I didn't like seeing, hearing about myself, and didn't like the way I felt. I too am tired of my back hurting and having to take meds to even walk. (but the funny thing is I still feel like I am not heavy enough to have these types of problems)

I am too a multitasker and work in a very stressful job, and I always find when I am bored I eat.

It is extremely hard for me to open up and talk about my weight problems, I feel embrassed and ashamed. Plus I don't let people see my true feelings, I am the happy, funny, joke cracking gal. I think people are going to make fun of me if I do say what is really is on my mind, I even can't talk to my fiance about the way I feel. I don't have many friends because my schedule for work is a normal schedule that normal people have. And the friends I do have (which are from work) I don't think really understand. But I think this a good place to start talking and know people understand.

So if you want, we can help each other through this process. Just like everyone on this forum.

Hello

I am 24 and I think I have been on a diet since I was about 9. I also have no self convidence. I lost a quite a bit of weight in high school and then put it all back on. I have never been able to be successful again. Just keep your head up and never give up. Yes losing weight is important but remember the person you are means more than anything. Remember you are worth taking care of. Remember that you are in control of your life and you are not alone

thank you guys... you are so sweet!