Yep, life is risky. Just can't get around that, even sitting home doing nothing is a risk, but a lot of the risks are mental/emotional/perceptual. If you keep it casual, semi-platonic, what is so risky about asking a coworker out to dinner or a movie. If you had no interest in him (say he was even a female coworker) would it be awkward to ask him (or her) to stop for drinks after work, or go see a movie? Even if he says no, it doesn't have to be a big deal (just like if a female coworker said no thanks to a platonic invitation).

woah! major thing, "I have only known him for a few months and we have never hung out together."

thats a real test, coz if u cna hang out as firends, BUT only you two give a real judge to how u will be, think of it like a first date but with stablisers (training wheels) becuase u dont have that awkwardness, and u cna actually be silly and ur "jsut friends" however, theres stil that change of the kiss goodnight/goodbye

i almost always (i think bar one GF) go out with girls ive been friends with first

i like to get to know girls first, past the fact ive mentally seen her naked HAHA, i want to see her mentality naked (see the word play... delicious haha)

wana know if u can jsut hang out and its not :?:

if u choose somot to do heres a tip... guys brain insider

pick somthing ur not great at, but he might be

say bowling, he can help you = closeness, sillyness etc..

but alos it s abit of a ego stroke, and that may tip it for him to think hey she kicks ***, we have a good time, she likes having me around, and come to think of it i am pretty good, could ask her out...

:)

It's ok. You can refer to me directly. i don't mind :)

I just didn't understand that statement. I only asked what you meant.

I've had some pretty embarassing "rejection moments," but I don't really regret them. Don't get me wrong, rejection sucks, but it doesn't suck any less for guy, and I think junebug41 is right, there are women and men out there who are living lonely lives because their fear of rejection is stronger than their desire for someone in their life. I know they exist not only because I know some of these people personally, but because I used to be one.

I remember telling friends there was "no way, I'd ever be so desperate as to place a personal ad." Only after seeing my thin attractive cousin meet her husband this way, did I consider it. Even so, it was still a baby-step for me because rejection (both by me and the men who responded to the ad) was a little less personal and easier to bear when you didn't have to look someone in the eye to do it. Making the step to meeting people in real life was a giant step (and scared the crap out of me).

I remember reading a psych study once that most college couples interviewed thought the "other" had made the first move. The woman may have waited for the guy to ask her out, but most guys say they won't ask a girl out unless they've already gotten some signal from the girl that she is interested. That fear of rejection is pretty powerful stuff.

Yep. Men can be shy. DH was. I made the first move. I invited him out to go with me and a group of friends to play pool. That night before we left he asked me for my number.

Oh I believe shy men exist. My dad was one of them. But he eventually asked my mom out (she basically was like, here's my number, let's go skiing sometime. ;) ) and the rest is history...

I think the main thing is that there are always signals coming from both sides. I mean some women might think the man did all the pursuing, but it's probably unlikely, there's always little signals, bits of flirting that will lead the guy on.

Sigh. At the same time it's hard. I've come to the conclusion that I'm definitely crushing on one of my friends here. And I know he's shy, but I also have no idea if he's actually interested or if I just have a crush. I tend to crush on guys who have no real interest in me... And of course it goes nowhere anyway because I inherited my dad's shyness and basically would never make a first move unless I knew there was definite interest.

yeah and just to add I had to kiss my ex first! we were spending SOOO much time together and NOTHING. he came over and he kept leaning in and getting really really really close and then hed look away. repeat about 30 times. then he went home for the night. and then he called me and asked me to come over and said theres something i forgot to give you. then when i got there we started talking and he leaned in really really really close and looked away. rolls eyes. haha at that point i was like ok...if i want to do this, im going to have to do this. so next time he came in really really really close I snuck a quick kiss and then pulled back and looked at him. then he had ALL the courage he needed and came back for more. lol. a few years into our relationship he was still talking about how great it was that i did that :) of course he turned out to be a total shmuck for other reasons that are besides the point here :)


so is there an updated? what did you decide?

Hee! There IS an update----- I totally asked him out and he said yes!!! We went out today and it was great, I am still in shock that I mustered the courage and the way he answered made me feel good about my decision! :D

OMG! fantastic news! go you!

So glad the date went well! Yay!

:carrot: :cb: :carrot: for you!

That's great!

Go Charlotte!!!

oh yay! that is so exciting