When I was in 2nd grade I went to the doctors with my mom and brothers and in front of everyone he told me I was overweight. I cried right there as he continued to tell me about how he used to be fat and everything I could do to lose the weight(great for a 8 year old). Not only that but it gave my brother amunition for the rest of my childhood. They would call me fat, or a cow, or a pig, or whatever and whenever I would say no I wasn't they would just be like "what did the doctor say". I know you shouldn't blame other people for you problems but I can sincerely tell you part of my weight problem is his fault.
I'm so sorry you guys had to go through that. It's just painful for me to read.
At my highest weight my mother once said to me, "Maybe you should lose weight so you can get a boyfriend." I felt so angry and hurt by that comment because this is coming from my mother! She should be loving and supporting me not making ugly comments like that. Well, now I'm 22 and still have never had a boyfriend so I'm starting to believe she might be right.
CanarySong,
Trust me your weight has noting to do with you not having a boyfriend. I had one (not the greatest) at my heaviest 336. Since then...I've had guys hit on me and I"m still in my 300s. So never think your weight is holding you back from meeting someone. People are always attracted to confidence. So start loving yourself for who you are. Also never let anyone's comments (even from your mother) change the way you feel about yourself. You are a beautiful person and any man worthy would see that and love that first and foremost.
I'm (slowly) starting to learn that it's more about confidence than anything else. I will just focus on improving myself, both inside and out, and hopefully the right guy will come along someday.
Location: Seattle, but an Original CA girl! I miss the sunny days!
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Being Asian my parents do have expectations of what they want their daughter to look like, we're suppose to be petite and slender, yadda yadda yadda....well my dad came home and joked to me one day that him and my mom saw some slender girls, and wished and pondered the fact of why I can't be like them. He said you know our friends daughters are all small and we wish we could see that in you. Things like that were enough to drive me to eat whatever I want. That was years ago, but those words come back to me every so often. I am glad I live on my own!
And he would always talk to me and "analyze" me because he thought he was a ****ing psychiatrist or something. And he would ask me things like "aren't you embarrassed to go to the beach? You should really lose weight." But the worst was he would say, "I would totally like you if you lost weight. You're pretty and I think you'd be hot if you were thin.. and I'm into you, I just think you're too overweight."
I got that line when I was in middle school. The most popular guy in school said something to one of my friends about how if I just lost a little weight, I would be "so hot" and he would want to go out with me. He was a total jerk and I'm pretty sure he's a big loser nowadays... and my husband is WAY hotter than him.
A few things that stick out in my mind are things that my parents said to me. I have a really great relationship with my parents now but sometimes they can be harsh.
I remember when I was probably in 5th grade, they bought a treadmill and made me walk on it every night. I specifically remember my mom telling me that if I was still fat when I got to high school, I would never be happy. I also remember my dad saying something about an obese woman and telling me I would end up like that if I didn't watch myself.
Years later, in college, I had an eating disorder and lost so much weight. I was going to therapy for it and I remember my mom and dad suspecting that I had an ED - my mom felt so bad and said something like "I just feel like it's our fault." And honestly, it WASN'T their fault - it was something that I owned up to and knowingly did and didn't blame it on anybody, just myself.
The thing that still bothers me is that once I gave up my ED, of course I gained weight. And my mom will still make comments every now and then - like when I ordered my wedding dress, she said something like how I had better not gain any weight between then and the wedding, or asking if my bridesmaid dress would still fit for my brother's wedding because it was "obvious I had gained weight." Your daughter had an eating disorder and you STILL say stuff like this? Ugh.
When I was in high school I was asked if I was pregnant by someone who weighed 100 lbs more than me.
About two years ago I went to eat at a Steakhouse with a friend. I felt so happy that I lost 10-15 pounds. There was a group of people sitting at another table. One of women from the group mentioned that my friend and I looked cute together. The guy who was with her made a comment about my weight like "Well he could of gotten a skinnier girl"Yet this guy was fugly and balding. I was pissed. I did not finish my meal. The same guy most of looked at our table again and noticed I wasn't eating. He said "Why is she wasting that food?!"
I cried on the way going home. My friend didn't know what was going on the whole time because he was too busy wolfing down all of his food. Eventually I told my friend who at first thought I was angry with him. He hugged me and said if he would have known what was going on he would have beat up that guy.
Lets see... elementary school things like a kid coloring a picture of a pig and giving it to me - telling me it was a picture of me...
Once in high school when I had first started to gain weight (couldn't have been more than 150bs) a grown man saw a picture of me when I was younger and said "Wow, you used to be really cute, what happened?"
I've had people yell at me from their cars. That's always nice.
One of my faves was wedding dress shopping - enough to cause anybody anxiety. I went into one shop and asked if they had any plus sized dresses - they said we have some and proceeded to show me some 12's and 14's - told me they could order larger sized & then asked me to wear gloves if I do try any of them on (I guess they figured the snickers I'd be eating while I was trying on dresses that clearly wouldn't fit me might melt and somehow stain their samples). I was so humiliated and furious.
One of my faves was wedding dress shopping - enough to cause anybody anxiety. I went into one shop and asked if they had any plus sized dresses - they said we have some and proceeded to show me some 12's and 14's - told me they could order larger sized & then asked me to wear gloves if I do try any of them on (I guess they figured the snickers I'd be eating while I was trying on dresses that clearly wouldn't fit me might melt and somehow stain their samples). I was so humiliated and furious.
Yeah I hated wedding dress shopping, too. Obviously I was not going to fit into their version of 12's or 14's, which is usually the european size, so it's smaller anyway. But I did want to tell you that everywhere I tried on wedding gowns, I had to wear gloves as well, to protect the sample dresses as much as possible, not because they thought I was going to smear food all over it (this is what they told me) since people just naturally have dirt and oils on their hands. That may have been their reasoning at the store you went to!
Thanks Anna -nobody else made me do it so I figured it was either just that store or just me. I seem to remember a skinny girl trying on dresses w/o gloves but it could have just been my rage & not reality. *LOL*
Well, I have been through the pregnant questions. Once a waitress asked me if it was okay for the baby after I ordered a beer. Also, I have been called fat a** a time or two by supposed loved ones. But something that stands in my memory more than anything::
I played basketball in middle school. I was number 33. I was in the 6th grade and it was in the middle of a ballgame I heard this boy shout out, "HAHA! Look at number 33!" And then someone else start laughing. I know this was because of my weight and the smallness of those darn uniforms. His ovice still echoes in my head....15 years later.
Thanks Anna -nobody else made me do it so I figured it was either just that store or just me. I seem to remember a skinny girl trying on dresses w/o gloves but it could have just been my rage & not reality. *LOL*
Haha, aww, I can imagine how it would have made you feel bad. If they hadn't explained it to me, I probably would have wondered what was wrong with me! The store I bought my dress from always made people wear gloves when they tried on the sample dresses, but only if they caught you in time - I would be in there a few times and look at the dresses without gloves, but if they caught me, I always had to put on the michael jackson gloves.
I remember once, I wasn't too big at the time, but I was lying on the floor in our den on my stomach eating take-out while watching television, and my dad walked by and said, "Wow, you look really wide, you should stop eating that food and try to lose some weight". I just stopped eating and walked away. That made my mom furious!!!
I've gotten the oh you're pretty but would be nicer small comments, but nothing from random strangers and thankfully no "when are you due" comments!!!
few years ago I had an arm x-ray in the office (long story). We were holding it up to the window to see the hairline fracture, and another lady held her arm up in the same position behind the x-ray. My bones showed above and below her arm. Her ARM, flesh and all. Two comments were made -- One, I was right, I would be dead and buried, turned to ash and my ash would still weigh more than some of my still living peers. Two, if we were horses I'd be a Clydesdale while the other lady would be more like a Shetland Pony.
Nice to know there's a reason I carry so much more weight than others who appear to be about the same size.
Well, I have been through the pregnant questions. Once a waitress asked me if it was okay for the baby after I ordered a beer. Also, I have been called fat a** a time or two by supposed loved ones. But something that stands in my memory more than anything::
I played basketball in middle school. I was number 33. I was in the 6th grade and it was in the middle of a ballgame I heard this boy shout out, "HAHA! Look at number 33!" And then someone else start laughing. I know this was because of my weight and the smallness of those darn uniforms. His ovice still echoes in my head....15 years later.
So glad you all are here
I LOVE your avatar picture!
I have one similar to yours: When I was in 7th grade basketball, we were told to dig out a uniform. Well, by the time I got to the pile, there were nothing but mediums left. I finally mustered the gumption to tell my coach this and she gathered everyone around and in her most irritated tone said, "It appears that Jennifer needs an.. (pause while she glances at me)... extra large uniform. Whoever has it needs to give it to her." Boy, that was a fun moment while the changing of the uniform ceremony took place in front of the entire team..."
