SO I was hanging out with a couple of my friends the other day. I made a few observations about myself. I am a designated fat friend. I try really hard to make sure people like me. I make sure I am always funny. I make sure I am never boring. I make sure I knock people's socks off with my personality before they realize..GAAASSSSPPP..I am a fatty . Even though I KNOW they realize I am fat. I try to hide behind a smile or a witty comeback. I can't even tell if I am being myself or not, because for the last few years I have been actively hiding my fat behind a smile and a kind ear.
End Rant LOL.
Last edited by sockmonkey70; 06-05-2007 at 11:57 AM.
I was watching 'the view' the other day though (lol). Rosie O'Donnell and the red haired lady (oops forget her name) were talking about how 'pretty' girls just rely on being pretty, while girls who are not stereotypically beautiful are forced to develop a sense of humor, intelligence, and other GREAT personality traits to compensate. They were actually saying pretty girls were at a disadvantage b/c all of their self-esteem is wrapped up in their looks...which will eventually fade and wont be enough to keep friends/boyfriends attention. They were saying it's damaging to call little girls pretty b/c they start to think thats what makes them worthy and not to bother with other more important personality traits.
Not to say you arent pretty of course, b/c from your pic you look GOREGOUS. but i thought this was sort of relevant. The funny and fun personality you've developed while "hiding" could be a great asset!
I feel the need to add something but I am not sure what...
I have felt like the "fat friend" but that was a feeling that I put on myself. I fully recognize that being larger makes some people interact with me differently, It has taken me a long time to realize that it is there problem and not mine.
Alot of the traits that you mention, being witty and outgoing are things that I posess, traits that make up my large personality and make me the likable person that I am... I have never considered them as a defense mechanism...it was interesting to read what you wrote and evaluate how I act around people. I think I just love people, I love being the center of attention...I want people to be watching me, and I want to be involved in everything...even at a size 24 I never shyed away from being the center of attention
I have a friend who lost quite a bit of weight and she changed her personality compeltely...she went from shy and reserved and quiet to doing the craziest things like getting tattoos and so many other things...
I think one thing I know is that I am confident in who I am....I love the woman that I have become...every single pound of me...
I guess I'm okay being the fat friend as long as that gets me remembered...I don't think that when people meet me they would say "oh remember she's the big girl" I know I leave an impression...I would like to think there saying something like "you know she's the one that was hilarious"
okay..I have no idea where that came from...and I don't think it nessarily ties back to what you wrote...apoliges for that..
but thanks for giving me the oppurtunity to think about how I choose to interact with people...
I always feel pressured (by myself not others) to be the jolly fat girl...I am sarcastic and always making a joke and the first one to make fun of ME. In fact, I have a friend who it drives nuts when I jokingly say mean things about myself.
I guess I've always just felt the need to cut people to the chase.
It's a lot easier for me to call me fat then for someone else to. I'd rather be remembered as funny, or a *****, then to be remembered just as "that fat chick"
I've always found it important to be kind, amusing and interested in others. I think all people should strive for these skills, in an attempt to become dynamic and well-rounded individuals. I seek out others who have similar traits - are good listeners, are confident, have good communication skills - it doesn't matter if they're thin, fat, old, young, male, female, introverted, or extroverted. If people rely on their looks for popularity, I generally get pretty bored with them quickly and move on to more interesting people.
Funny, this past week-end we had a discussion with my mother about making joke about ourselves as some kind of self-defence mechanism. I still don't know if it's something overweight people tend to do a lot, or if it's just in individuals' personalities, and 'it happens' that some of those individuals are overweight too.
Anyway, I guess it's not a bad thing to be able todevelop such traits, they will always be useful later on. In the long run, a good sense of humour is important, as long as it's not self-depreciation, but the way I see it, if a person tends to joke about anything and everything, it makes sense to me that she'll also joke about herself. It's the contrary that would be a little worrying, perhaps.
Yup, i too have always been that person in my group of friends..i have finally decided enough id enough, i started attempting to change my ways less then a week ago, so tho there is not much of a change i am on my way ....
I can say that I've never felt put in the "fat friend" role by someone else...but I think that to an extent, I've put myself there at times. I was never one to be self-deprecating or make fun of myself (at least in direct regard to my weight), because I was always too completely mortified about it to draw any further attention to it. But, I do think it's possible that being fat for much of my life may have caused me to develop a different personality than I otherwise would've: one that relies more on being funny, witty & clever. And I'm glad I have developed some of that! Now I just want to get the rest of me to match up. (-:
I hope I'm not anyone's "fat friend" but I DO make the effort to be as witty, funny, and interesting as possible so that people will be my friend.
The thing is, I did the same stuff even when I was thin. I wasn't very popular in elementary or middle school - in fact, hating me was COOL - so once I got more popular, I tried to do everything I could to keep it that way. Over the years, I've tried to surround myself with like-minded people, but I always want others to like me... and therefore go out of my way to make that happen.
And oh... I do crack plenty of self-deprecating fat jokes. I feel so self conscious about my weight that I obsess constantly and will continue to obsess until I fit my thin clothes. I know it's bad, but at least I'm not anorexic or bulemic.
Don't get me wrong, I considered myself quick witted and humorous before I was errrrr..larger, but now.. I feel like that is the only thing I have got going for me and I try EXTRA hard to make sure people like me, because deep down in the back of my mind, I feel like if people don't like me then all they ever think of me is that I am fat (Silly, I know) That is probhably another reason I make fun of myself too..like lizziness mentioned..to cut people to the chase. Like they can't see I am fat, I have to go ahead and call attention to the fact myself.
I wonder if OTHER people see me as the fat friend, or just that girl that tries to make everyone smile. I really hope it is the latter!
Yeah I make fun of myself so that no one else will! I want to make sure I get to it first! I have this bizarre "yeah I KNOW I'M FAT, WHAT NOW!!!" attitude... it's mostly to keep myself from allowing the unkind words of others to hurt me. Some people don't get why I call myself fat and think I'm just "normal sized" - I LOVE THOSE PEOPLE. Hahaha.
I'd have to say that none of my friends have ever thought of me as the "fat friend," thank goodness. I was definitely not cool in middle school, partially because I was fat and partially because I was quiet and kind of weird. Back then, I really didn't feel all that fat because I just didn't give a heck about what people thought and I suppose I tried to be as weird as possible. As a result, my friends ended up being mostly other people who had the "weird" label on them.
So when high school came along and I somehow suddenly became cool (not popular, but cool), I kept the same group of friends and I know none of them ever thought of me as being the fat one. Unfortunately, I started thinking I was! That's probably when I developed my sense of humor, which is quite sarcastic and occasionally witty. There have been plenty of times when I've made fun of my weight. Like others have said, it doesn't bother me so much if I say that I'm fat than if someone else says it. I will fully admit to that being a defense mechanism. My sense of humor and other personality traits, though, I'm not certain if they developed as a result of being heavy or not. I do know this -- I don't use it to draw people away from my appearance these days. Since I graduated high school, I've kind of redeveloped that f-u attitude towards those who would dislike me simply because I'm fat. I figure if they're really that shallow, they aren't worth knowing.
Even stranger, is being the "fat friend" when you're no longer the "fat friend." Though I'm still considerably chubby and no where close to my "goal weight." Its weird being hit on and not being expected to be nice or funny or overly accommodating... I definitely think that's my personality though, its a role-- the nice funny one-- that I've grown really comfortable with.
Strangely enough, I thought I craved the "hot girl" attention-- the looks, the cat calls, the guys offering to buy me drinks... I actually HATE it. I can't stand when someone "hits on me." I mean I'm in no way a super model, but its so weird... Sometimes I think I'd rather go unnoticed and not have to be the "pretty one." Like the guy said on Celebrity Fit club (Ross I believe) its so comfortable being the funny fat person sometimes.
Tales of the designated fat friends
. Even though I KNOW they realize I am fat. I try to hide behind a smile or a witty comeback. I can't even tell if I am being myself or not, because for the last few years I have been actively hiding my fat behind a smile and a kind ear.
I have never considered them as a defense mechanism...it was interesting to read what you wrote and evaluate how I act around people. I think I just love people, I love being the center of attention...I want people to be watching me, and I want to be involved in everything...even at a size 24 I never shyed away from being the center of attention 
