dating and dieting

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  • Emilia,

    It's all about your personality. Guys in college are pretty shallow sometimes, especially some of the guys you are probably around (fraternity brothers...need I say more?). Be yourself, be confident, be a wonderful KD Lady, and the guys worth having will come out of the woodwork. I was a size 16-18 all through college and had 2 great boyfriend and dated several other guys seriously. Good luck and enjoy this time!
    Ta kala diokomen!
  • I can relate
    I can sympathize with your feelings, having been overweight if not obese for the vast majority of my life. But I agree with some previous posters, I would suggest you really try to work on your self-esteem. Consciously strive to see yourself as someone with true worth in all areas of life.

    I know my experiences in my teens through early twenties were hindered by my size at times. In high school it seemed about 99.5% of the boys were completely shallow. The one skinny phase I had in those years (130 lbs on me actually looks pretty skinny now that I look back), yep, all of a sudden I got a boyfriend (although not someone from my school, it was actually a friend of my older brother, so even cooler!).

    In college it was kind of the same; a guy here or there would show interest but oftentimes I wasn't interested in them. I did start to have a number of guy friends during that time, though, which I think overall increased my confidence and comfort level just being myself around guys.

    After college, when I moved to the South, I met the man for me. He was interested in me from day one, and thought I was beautiful (I was definitely overweight at the time, about size 18-20). He's since told me that though he noticed that I was "a little bit bigger" (nice subtle phrasing), he still found me very attractive and fell in love with the entire package, looks, personality and all. He's seen me as small as my lowest adult weight 3 years ago (in the 160's, which I think looks good on me), all the way until now, which is plain scary, the largest size of my life. And it's strained us mostly because I am so uncomfortable & unhappy with myself. I can honestly say I am doing this about 99% solely for myself!

    I wish you the best & hope that you can start to see yourself in a better light, right where you are at today.
  • It would be impossible to count the many times Mr. Right could have been right in front of me ... yet b/c of insecurity and "Eww ... why would he want me" ... feelings I couldn't face it ... (I'd litterally make a dash from someone ready to approach me ... or open my cell and act like I'm talking as they stood and waited to see when I'd get off the phone). One time I had the strength to be cordial and pass out my number ... and of course never answered the 3 times he called that week ... I didn't want to date ... fat ... my logic... I want to attract men, only when I felt attractive ... but as I have matured, and seen first hand beautiful men, who like me as I am ... now ... I've realized ... those are the good ones!!!
  • Tell me about it... I was 125 and thought I was HUGE. At 200 I'm positively dying inside.

    My last SO broke up with me because of my weight. He had put me on all sorts of diet pills and diets, made me work out 3 hours a day... Less than a year after having our daughter (and only 3 months working out) I went from 180 to 137.

    He stopping being nice, started being very abusive, I gained the weight back and then some, he left me and started dating a Hooters girl.

    It's been 5 years and I am absolutely petrified to date. Sad thing is, I am totally in love with someone but it doesn't matter because I am so paranoid that I will be rejected because of my body. It's making me really think about myself though. Why would I want to be with someone who only cares about the physical part of me? I'm much more than my outward appearance.

    This is why I am taking things one day at a time. I can only do that much. Today I didn't eat so well, but I am working out and drinking extra water so I haven't hurt myself too badly.

    This time around, I want to be happy enough with myself that I WANT to date and can actively try. Maybe this time next year I'll be happy and with Richard. Who knows?
  • I can totally sympathize.

    Not only am I overweight but I am also 6'3" tall, making finding someone even harder.

    I'm 20 and still have never had a boyfriend. I can't do anything about my height but I'm hoping my change in weight will give my dating life some hope.
  • Quote: It would be impossible to count the many times Mr. Right could have been right in front of me ... yet b/c of insecurity and "Eww ... why would he want me" ... feelings I couldn't face it ... (I'd litterally make a dash from someone ready to approach me ... or open my cell and act like I'm talking as they stood and waited to see when I'd get off the phone). One time I had the strength to be cordial and pass out my number ... and of course never answered the 3 times he called that week ... I didn't want to date ... fat ... my logic... I want to attract men, only when I felt attractive ... but as I have matured, and seen first hand beautiful men, who like me as I am ... now ... I've realized ... those are the good ones!!!
    I feel/do the same thing! Guys will hit on me when I go out, but I feel too uncomfortable or intimidated to talk to them. I dont even want to date b/c I dont want to be the "fat gf". I start to worry about irrational things like "will his friends make fun of him for dating a fat girl?" or "he's probably just talking to me b/c he's drinking. if he calls me later and we meet up, he'll probably be disappointed"

    Thanks for all the advice and sympathizing, guys! It really helps to know others feel the same way. I know it's a self esteem issue, but "just being more confident" is easier said than done! It's something I dont really know how to achieve or even work on...
  • Ella! I'd kill to be 155 again! LOL! And A size 12 is nothing to be ashamed of!! The weight you've ALREADY lost should give you confidence- and maybe a little more self esteem??? Because I think that maybe an issue here too! Maybe stop thinking so much about your weight-- and focus on features that you do like! And figure out ways to enhance them. That will help you feel more beautiful!
    I think you mistake other people thinking your not attractive with YOU not thinking you're attractive. My fiance was once 60 lbs overweight...before I met him. And when I saw the pics I still thought he was adorable!! He's down to 185 now and looks great... but he knows I'd love him even if he was at 250! And if you are ever with a guy that makes you feel your fat/unattractive...kick his @$$ to the Curb!! More than likely he's imposing his own self conscience on you! LOOVE YOOU sweetie, because YOU are never going to get away from yourself.
  • I think you're not giving guys enough credit; many are interested in much more than superficial looks! Think about what you would want in a boyfriend. Is it just that he has 6-pack abs? I doubt it! Most people have insecurities about their bodies, including guys.

    I was about your size through college and was also in a sorority and surrounded by thinner women most of the time. However, a lot of them had much more trouble than me finding boyfriends. I think it's just because I project a lot of self-confidence (I fake it even when I don't feel it). My husband hates when I don't feel comfortable with my body, but it fortunately doesn't happen too often anymore.

    One of the benefits of having a great partner is that he or she usually makes you feel more attractive than you do when you're alone. At least, that has been my experience. I agree with the other posters that confidence is essential, and if you have to fake it at first, that's fine. I bet when you see how much more attention you get, your confidence will grow!