Negative Reactions
 

I have a slightly strange problem. People I know have been incredibly supportive of me throughout all of this... that is, until yesterday. A couple of the women I work with basically told me that I should stop losing weight. That I'm getting too skinny. That I'm going to waste away to nothing. That I'm exercising too much and not eating enough. They basically attacked my entire lifestyle! I was shocked!

One of the women told me that she's concerned I'm going to get addicted to losing weight, so I should stop now while I still can. She's seen it happen before, she said. Well of course she has, she has teenage daughters and used to work in a high school! I'm not a 14-year-old with anorexia! I told her that I only have about 5 pounds to go until I reach my goal, and I have no intention of going any lower than that. Although I'm VERY content with the progress I've made, I set a goal and I would like to see it through. I don't believe that an extra 5 pounds are going to significantly harm my health or turn me into a stick-person.

Then she got on my case about exercising. Lately I've been going to the gym every weekday for an hour of cardio, plus walking to and from work or to weigh-ins or the mall or the grocery store or whatever (I don't have a car, so I walk EVERYWHERE!). Yes, I exercise a lot. But I was bumped up to a plan with more food specifically for that reason. I'm not starving myself, and I listen to my body, such that when I've exercised a lot and I get REALLY hungry, I sometimes even eat a little bit more than what my plan says. Plus I'm just happy to actually have the energy to push my body this hard for a change. I've never been in shape before, so it's exciting to be able to endure an hour of cardio! And it's not like I'm all skin and bones; I've still got curves and a decent layer of padding on me, which I don't intend to get rid of!

God that was long and rambling. In any case, what are your thoughts? Any advice?

I can't stand how there's this huge obesity epidemic and everyone is afraid of health risks for overweight people, but the second you try to do something about it, there are always well-meaning people jumping down your throat out of fear that you're "destroying your body!"

It's most likely the fact that they've known you at your starting weight for so long that they aren't used to seeing you at a lighter weight, so you look dangerously thin to them, even though you're clearly healthy. People form mental pictures that are hard to shake, and they like those pictures to stay the same, so they get uncomfortable when those pictures are challenged. I honestly don't know what to advise, other than to keep in mind that it's your body and your plan, and YOU know whether or not what you're doing is healthy. Have you been giving off any signals that might have triggered their concern? Is it possible that there is any truth to what they're saying? If not, then the problem lies with their perception, and THEY have to be the ones to get over it. :)

I still can't get over the idea that someone would say you're exercising too much with the amounts you've quoted here. Yes, you do a lot, but exercise is so good for us! If they think you're overdoing it, heaven forbid they ever meet any Olympic athletes or anything.

"Thanks for your input. I'll keep that in mind."

And go on doing what you're doing.

I agree with the Olympic athlete statement... I don't see any of them dropping dead from it.

I don't think I've been giving off any weird signals that they should be concerned about. The worst thing is that they're constantly trying to tempt me with food! They bring in candy and cookies and the like, and say things like, "Oh come on Sarah, you've done so well! Treat yourself!" and then they think I'm sick when I turn them down! In reality, I would LOVE to eat 2 or 3 doughnuts, but I want to get to my goal weight ASAP so that I can get off of this dumb diet and eat normally!

Sometimes, I could swear they want me to fail :(

And MariaMaria: I have the hugest grin on my face right now from picturing saying that to them, with the most sarcastic of tones of course!

Yeah, just "thank you, I will take your ideas into consideration" and then change the subject.

People are intimidated by change.

You could be right that there might be underlying jealousy/sabotage stuff generating those comments, but more likely they don't understand your situation (and your incredible self-control, turning down all those food offerings).

I have to admit, I've looked at your blog before and found myself a little concerned at first blush about the apparent exactness/strictness of your diet -- but it's obviously worked *incredibly* well for you and by now you really know what you're doing. (It made me muse on how many ways there are to succeed at this, even if your way is really foreign to me.)

Anyway, do you think the regimented aspect of your diet, combined with maybe them being like a little like me (really unfamiliar with with the structure of LAWL, don't know what to make of it at first), could also be feeding into their concern? (That plus I agree, they're probably not used to the new and different you.)

That could be it. It is a pretty foreign concept to most people. Strangely, it isn't as strict as it seems. For me, it works perfectly, because the structure was EXACTLY what I needed. I need that list of "Here's which foods are ok, and how much you can have." There's no way I would have succeeded without that.

And there are tons of choices on the program foodwise. I'm not the best spokesperson, at least based on my blog, because I'm a picky eater and tend to eat the same things every day.

In any case, I'm glad I'm almost done. Once I reach my goal, I go into the stabilization phase, where they add more food (which is ever so exciting!). Then there's maintenance, where the list of "OK foods" changes completely. That's where they let you have pretty much anything, and teach you how to eat even the worst of foods in moderation, and without having to worry about gaining the weight back. I suppose it does seem terribly rigid now, but it's a stepwise process, and I definitely don't mind taking my time if it produces results. The way I see it, I abused the privilege of "bad" foods before I started, so I have to earn the right to eat those things back :p

And I really do feel like I've learned a lot. It's only just started to click recently; I'm starting to understand which foods are ok and in which combinations, and it's becoming second nature. I think that's what the program is all about, and it's really exciting to finall "get it"!

Not to be pessimistic, but that could be true...a bit of the ol' Schadenfreude going on, or that female-female cattiness/competition that seems to rear its ugly head for no reason. Oh, well. The important thing is, you know what's working for you. :)

I get the feeling I'll be facing the same thing as you, at any rate. My mother-in-law has already expressed concern about me calorie counting (even though I average about 1600 a day, which is high by most diet standards!), partly because she has battled eating disorders in the past; I know I'll have to deal with concerned comments when I get nearer my goal weight. I wish weight weren't such a big focus in our society!

I know when my sister got down to like 130, my whole family was like "omg you are turning aneroxic" that made me mad when they said that to her, b/c she wasent. They were just used to seeing her as overweight I guess.

Don't let the woman at work get to ya...you are doing great!!!

People should chew on this- before cars. before desk jobs and computers and 8 hours of education behind a DESK a day. Humans WALKED. And they did so everywhere.

Perhaps these well-meaning do-gooders are just trying to justify the way they live their lives or perhaps they got to know you overweight and couldn't imagine a healthier smaller you- so this change is alarming. Don't worry about what they think. ^-~

Try not to let those girls get to you.

everyone here is exactly right. Also, when they tempt you with food, your self control and restraint is probably shining a light on their lack of restraint. That makes them uncomfortable. So in an effort to make them feel more okay with themselves, you are the one with the problem.

Hold your head up! You have done an awesome job, you are living a healthy lifestyle, and you are doing it in such style that you are inspiring jealousy masked as "concern" in others! Good for you!

And I am just about an inch shorter than you with the same goal weight so i have a pretty good idea of what your body is looking like. I was 127 for a while when i was in my best shape ever and I was SMOKIN! Lots of curvesYou are far from unhealthy looking, and you should tune them out so they don't get in the way of your enjoying the hot new you!

Yep, I faced that a couple of times with a few. It could be concern or envy but there will always be someone that's going to say something. Don't let them trip you over, just keep walking :hug:

Heya!

I think you have a right to be annoyed - people are essentially making personal, negative and unecessary comments to a sensible adult who only wants to be healthy and fit.

But.
It isn't just 14 year olds who can fall prey to anorexia -these days, everyone is at risk from eating disorders and body image problems, so there is an element - I know it is annoying! - of caring here.

it's jealousy