I think I'm almost at my breaking point
 

and I thought I'd post here, maybe someone else is feeling this way. I struggle on/off with binging then restricting. Well today I saw this lady jogging and she looked so healthy and fit and I so desperatly wanted to be in that position. I honestly can't keep doing these things to my body, I know it's not safe and not healthy. And to add something else into the mix, dh and I have been trying to concieve for almost two years now and I know that if I were all of a sudden to fall pregnant that my body would not be at it's best for a baby and for that I feel very guilty:( . Anyone else out there trying to conceive, or are at their breaking point....... I feel so vulnerable right now

Kyra honey,
You are below my goal weight. You are at a healthy weight by anyone's estimation! I'm not trying to belittle your angst, but you have to keep perspective... You don't appear to be out of control. Could it be that you're upset about something you can't control (conception) and blaming it on something you think you should be able to control (eating)?

I'm far from a therapist, but maybe think about it. If it is all about eating, how about a healthy weight loss system with plenty of support? I go to Metabolic Research Center, but others have success with Weight Watchers, L.A. Weight Loss, Jenny Craig. The important part (for me) is supporting and being supported by others who are working toward a common goal.

Hope this helps.

Bingeing and restricting can be about more than just losing and gaining weight. I was just on the chicks in control group and read a sticky about Binge Eating Disorder and Compulsive Eating Disorder. That hit close to home for me. :( "The Taming of the Chew" is a really great book that might give you some insight into why you feel the way you do. It has exercises in it to think about your own life and change your behaviour. I'm sure there are other books too and I'm pretty sure the Chick in Control site has a book list.

Hang in there. :hug:

bikinidreader~thanks for the info, I think I'll go check out that thread when I have a little more time, and I need to pm you yet too..... busy me:dizzy:

michelle~you really think that I am below my goal weight? I'm only 5'5 so I consider myself fairly short. I thought at 130lbs I looked better... but then again, it's hard to trust what yourself believes and thinks at times!!!Thanks for the support, and I do honestly believe that is what I need.... TONNES and TONNES of support!!! I don't think that having not being able to conceive has much to do with my disordered eating as I have had this problem since I was about 16 years old (wow, I never realized it had been that long:( ) I remember back in highschool when I lost 30 lbs in a few months.... not healthy unfortunately.

Thanks ladies! Is there anyone else out there also ttc and still trying to lose weight and be healthy?

Well, Kyra........ for what it is worth I think that your weight is fine. And don't you dare say you are fairly short because I am an inch shorter!!!
Certainly 125 should make you very thin. But, I don't know what your "build" is because 125 can look very different on people of various builds and also can vary depending on how muscular one is.

But, regardless, I am sending you tonnes of {{{good vibes}}}.

It's not the weight that is as important as the body FAT percentage! 5 pounds of muscle takes up about a third of the space as 5 pounds of fat. You should have a professional measure your bodyfat with caliburs and then you can decide how much more fat you want to lose. Also try to find a lifestyle that you can live with as far as your relationship with food. I think the reason we binge is because we restrict ourselves too much...and then go hogwild. But if you eat small amounts every 3-4 hours throughout the day your body will not get hungry and you'll be less likely to over eat. As far as the weight goes. You shouldn't be discouraged because many of us have so much more to lose than that. But I know what you mean about getting to a comfortable weight for your body. I am 5'7" and I am comfortable at 132-135. And I would like to keep it there.

;)

Kyra,
I agree with everyone. Yes, I think you are at a healthy weight. What I didn't understand was you may have a significant eating disorder. When I think of binging and restricting, I think of overeating and then trying to diet for an hour. This is what I have done for quite a while. :o I know how to lose it, but just never got serious about it. If you are feeling desperately out of control, there might be deeper issues....

Keep asking for and getting support! :hug: I'll be around for a long time.

Hi Kyra :hug: I'm about your height and at 130-135, I looked just right, too, though at your weight, you are definitely healthy. We are not ttc, but one of the main reasons I am getting in shape and losing weight now is because in about a year or two, DH and I want to start ttc. I know that losing weight will help me get pregnant easier (studies have shown that women who are in a healthy weight range have an easier time conceiving because being overweight can affect ovulation), and when we do get pregnant, being in shape will make for an easier pregnancy. So my heart goes out to you!

I also had an eating disorder (it's how I lost all my weight in the first place) and it is hard now, when I am trying to lose weight the healthy way, to not go back to my old ways. It's a hard habit to break, but if you lose weight the healthy way, you will have a much easier time keeping it off, especially if you adopt it as a lifestyle and not just a temporary change.

TTC for 2 yrs is quite awhile. Have you visited a fertility specialist? I wish I could hug you, because my heart really wants a baby right now, but it's just not the right time for us. I know it's hard to focus on the goal, but just think of all the good you are doing for your future baby!

Wow, you girls are the best, thanks so much for the words of wisdom and support!

Michelle~thanks girl, I'll definately join you, I think I'll be here for quite some time, even if I do lose the weight, just for support, thanks so much:)

2fat4myjeans~thanks for responding, and knowing the pain of wanting a baby. When you and your dh start trying let me know and I'll be there to support you, I've been through it all and hopefully I can help you then. I have an appt with a fertility specialist in July and I guess they are going to start testing and then possibly on to IUI or IVF. My goal was to be fit and HEALTHY by then so my body would be ready for whatever it will have to go through next. PM me if you have any ttc questions or need support in anyway, cause I'll probably be asking alot more questions and needing support on my weight loss journey!!!

Hi Kyra, I'm glad you're going to see a fertility doc in June. I hope it works! I'm sending baby dust your way. :carrot: I have heard over and over again that pregnancy is much easier if you are fit and healthy, and I hope to get there just like you. Good luck!!! Please post if you get a positive preg test and feel free to PM me for any support you might need. :D

if these feelings are recurring and fairly frequent, id talk to a professional about it. thats how my anxiety was prior to my diagnosis. 4 years later, im able to handle it VERY well on my own without medication. just remember, that ultimately there is NOTHING WRONG with seeking professional help..that was a huge barrier for me to cross..

but i hope youre doing better and that this message finds you well. take care of yourself. :)

Thanks cecillia, I know that getting help is the best thing to do, it's just kinda akward and hard to do as I work in a Mental Health facility so I basically know all the councellors and psychiatrists in the area which would mean meeting with someone I know and that's what is kinda holding me back right now