Hey everyone! Yuck, Wednesday was not a good day for me. I've decided not to go to my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year, so it looks like I won't have to worry about chowing down after all. :(

In addition to all that, I had a meeting with an advisor yesterday at my college. I'd been referred there by my fav prof because she wanted me in the Honors program for English. Well, when I went to the meeting, the advisor spent an hour tearing apart my winter schedule and replacing it with classes she thought I should take. I was so upset about all of it! She made my days longer so I'd have to go from 9:35am to 8pm instead of 5pm, and she swapped out three of the classes I was really excited for and exchanged them with two classes that I absolutely did not want to take next semester. It was the worst! I wanted to be polite, so I didn't say anything bad, but I certainly will NOT be listening to ANY of her advice. And what's more, she didn't even tell me one single thing about the Honors program! So now I'm a little worse for wear and feeling a bit blah.

Question of the Day: I imagine how pretty I will be when I am thin!

KimL1214: Sorry about your tv that sucks! I totally get about coming over here and reading goals and mini-goals, I do that too for inspiration and/or self-flagellation depending on my mood. You're right though, getting to the gym and pushing through the 1st 10 minutes is always the battle won already!

Jelbelle: Yeah I get this and have gone through something similar before and I totally agree: just do what you were going to do before. I hate confrontation so I'd probably have just watched her tear my schedule apart like u did and then just stuck with my original plan. Don't be forced into doing courses you don't want to do yet. Your advisor knows you're aiming for Honors so your course selection is probably fine. What year are you? Sorry about your crap day though! Hugs!!!

Everyone: I hope everyone who was sick or injured is feeling better and stronger and everyone is doing great! Let's go team Phoenix!!!


WARNING: Major Pity Party Ahead:
I'm kind of still in my funk but being very strict with my workouts. I'm at about 720mins (12hrs) so far for the month but I'm seeing signs of cracking diet-wise which I need to curb- i've been eating pretty low-cal (1000-1300) on plan but today was kind of off plan- I'm right about in the mid-1800s from snacking not because I was hungry or even particularly craving snacks but just because I felt kind of ambivalent about being on plan. I know it's not exactly tragic (the 1800+ calories for today) but going off plan is not a good sign, and is actually a horrible symptom of where my head isn't. My mid-week (unofficial) weigh-in yesterday put me at 219 (for Bo discernable reason, I'd been 100% on plan) so added to my already existing funk, plus the fact that my hair is majorly effed up (dry and shedding (possibly from low calories or diet plan, I dunno; it started coincidentally when I jacked down my calories, that's why I linked the two)), I think I'm getting an ingrown toenail, and I made a major eyebrow error yesterday, I'm pretty just over everything right now. And I feel bad because all this is nothing major and it feels really shallow and self-indulgent to whine about these things but since I can't be whiny in real life, I'll put it here, where hopefully you have no expectations of me and can't judge me too much! I need to get it together though, I know this and I will!

thursdays question: This is a particularly meaningful question for me right now especially as I'm kind of teetering on the edge. What I'm doing is staying tightly in control of exercise and having my food strictly planned out a week in advance. So for main meals, there's not much room to be off-plan (snacking is possible though, but don't have anything truely awful around). The main thing however is being rigid with exercise. I still don't love to work out (I borderline dislike it, but I don't love to floss either and yet I do it twice a day so...) and in past attempts I've been better with diet than with exercise but one thing I've learned is that being strict with exercise makes me more disciplined with food. The way I think of it is that I have a new appreciation for what it takes to burn a calorie. If I really felt like I was going to die as I ran that last km or did that last Jillian-circuit, I can't in good conscience bring myself to fall apart completely with what goes in my mouth. Sometimes you do what feels like a killer workout and then you discover you've burned 300 calories or something, definitely makes ME more conscious of what I'm eating.

toastedsmoke – Sorry to hear that you’re having a little bit of a tough time at the moment. We all get a little bit disappointed when we see others losing weight at a faster rate than we are but you need to keep reminding yourself that you’ve already come so far. Losing 58lbs isn’t anything to be disappointed with. Don’t think of what you wrote as a Pity Party at all. There’s never any judgement on this board. Sometimes when all the little things pile up on you at once it can be overwhelming. Just take a step back & Breathe! You’ll be okay and back to your regular self in no time.

ferretgirl – The Tamale fest sounds like it was a bit of a letdown. I’ve never tried a Tamale before. Do you make them often or wait until special occasions when your Mum does?

Laureedee – Hopefully you’re feeling a little bit better now!!

KimL1214 – I think it’s a great idea that you keep a journal and have the opportunity to read over it to see the changes your going through. What do you normally go for when Mexican food is on the agenda? I always seem to struggle staying within my calories.

Jelbelle – Sorry that you had such a bad Wednesday. Is everything okay with your family? We’re all here to help if you need to vent. By the sounds of things, your advisor would be making your life **** if you followed all her recommendations.

Thursday’s Question – I actually thought about this question for a while as my motivation waxes and wanes more often than I’d like. When I hit a rough patch I just remind myself that I’m working towards leading a life less ordinary. I crave adventure and new experiences. When I think about all the things that I’m striving for, it just reaffirms why I’m doing this.

toastedsmoke: I don't think you're being whiny! It's just when things-- even small ones-- start to pile on, it can really be the straw to break the camel's back, and we DON'T want that. Just try to refocus yourself, like with Kim's question; remember all the reasons you're doing this, and how all of us here are rooting for you and wanting you to continue on track! And yeah, the advisor was a pain in my behind. I suppose I'm still a freshman, but I don't know how credits translates. Technically speaking, this is my second year.

oOPeanutOo: I think that's exactly what she was trying to do! Ha XD Well, for Thanksgiving my grandparents asked if I would prefer to invite the extended family or just have the four of us, and I said I wanted it to just be the four of us, because I really don't like the extended family. It's really awkward and just unbearable to be around them; they don't have senses of humor! Ugh! And last year they had to set up two tables, because the dining table wasn't big enough, and I got seated with a bunch of people I didn't know, and they didn't speak one word to me, and I was completely separated from my main family. I don't want that to happen again, I would rather just spend it alone than all of them. =( sorry for the rant!

Everyone else: It's so quiet! WHY!

Aaaagh! Jelbelle, you've convinced me that the time has really come to post again. I don't know how the week gets away from me like it does.

I've been kind of struggling this week (against or with what I really couldn't say, but not really with my weight loss), and I'm feeling kind of down. Maybe it's because the sun sets at 4 pm. Maybe it's because I overanalyze myself and every relationship in my life. Or maybe it's because I allow myself to agonize over future decisions that are still months away. I guess I could summarize my thoughts about this week in a series of wishes: I wish that I was more outgoing. I wish that I could just relax and enjoy the moment more easily. Is it possible to learn to do that or are people just born knowing how? Also, I wish I wasn't the kind of person who wants so badly to be in a relationship. I feel ashamed of the fact that I want to get married, especially because I'm not even currently dating anyone. I just feel like wanting something you don't have is kind of pathetic, even though that is clearly not true!

Anyways, I mostly just wish that I was more comfortable with myself, and I am trying to work on that.

Toastedsmoke: I'm really interested in that round the world trip, and I love the idea of going to Madagascar. I think if I had to choose just one place on each continent (taking into account where I've already been and where I know I'll be going within the next year and assuming that money's no object), I'd probably do the following: Madagascar, Poland (I really want to go to the Białowieża National Park), Bhutan, Indonesia, Brazil, and Prince Edward Island (did I mention that I'm strangely obsessed with Anne of Green Gables?). On that note, Gilbert Blythe is definitely my ultimate fantasy in terms of literary love interests, but I'd fight you for Mr. Knightley if Gilbert turned out to be unavailable. I also kind of have the hots for Roger Hamley from Wives and Daughters, but he's not quite so desirable as the others. I like the constancy of the former two!

princessdi86: I don't have a Forever21 around here, but I'll keep it in mind for when I head back to the States. Thanks for the suggestions! And your purse sounds awesome. I also like the sound of your hair dye; I used to dye mine dark in high school, and I loved the way that it looked.

oOPeanutOo: Thanks for the Melbourne/Sydney suggestions! What kinds of adventures and new experiences were you alluding to in your last post? They sound mysterious and exciting!

KimL1214: I'm sorry about your Great Aunt. My thoughts are with you and your family. I agree with you about the importance of having a funeral. All of my grandparents passed away within a year of each other last year, and I didn't go to the funeral of one of my grandfathers because I was sick of dealing with death. I really regret it now. Even though it's sad and hard, I think grieving with the rest of the family is important and can even bring something good (a stronger family bond) out of the pain.

Jelbelle: I don't know where you go to college, but I found that at my last school (a large state university), advisors were often best ignored. In all seriousness, I often went into advisory meetings better informed about core curriculum requirements and course prerequisites than the advisors themselves. I think you're right to ignore her. Of course, that doesn't make having to sit through the b.s. any easier. I hope that the rest of your week was a bit less frustrating!



As for Thursday's question, there are two things that keep me going when my motivation flags: I want to be the outdoors fitness queen that I see in my dreams, and I want to look hot. I hope the latter doesn't make me sound too shallow; I'm just trying to be honest! But seriously, I'd love to hike the Appalachian Trail and be all one with the woods, and being out of shape interferes with such plans.

Hey Team Phoenix! Today is actually a much better day than yesterday or than I've seen this week. I don't know whether it's a natural Friday high or if I've just kind of gotten over myself and just realized that the goal by New Year is to be lighter than I am now or at the very least, not heavier than I am now. Onederland will come in it's time, and I just need to take each lb as it comes, and chill out. It's not a competition. <Exhales>! Anyway, I'm kind of happier now that I've taken the pressure off New Years', I don't feel as much like I'm failing or like I have to do comparisons, everyone's journey is individual and unique to them. Now if I could just bottle this thought and these feelings and have a daily sip of them before every meal! <sighs> Thank you guys soooooo much for your support and kindness and understanding and advice, it's sooooo appreciated and I'm really glad I have my team Phoenix!

Jelbelle: I get what you mean about being between a freshman and a sophomore. I'm sure by now you're over the whole thing and are going to just register for what you wanted originally. About thanksgiving, sorry about the situation, I totally get it. Personally, I prefer to do holiday dinners with just my immediate family (parents and brother), but sometimes extended family gets involved and to be honest, I don't mind my dad's family (in small doses). But I get where you're coming from- sitting at a table where no one talks to you like you're Jilly-No Mates and then having to pretend to smile and look engaged so that no one draws attention to the fact that you seem to have no conversation or social skills. Yes I've definitely been there with my mom's side of the family and I'd rather avoid another experience like that,so I definitely understand. <shudders>

Nienna: This will be rather long because there is nothing you said above that I can't 110% identify with and that I don't feel as well. First about having a major decision coming up, I totally get it, and I suspect that our decisions might be similar (i.e. what next?! -maybe i'm wrong). I've always been someone who plans and overanalyzes and has back up plans up to Plan G in case plans A-F fail and now I'm coming to a crossroads in life where it's like I have to make a major decision soon and it freaks me out. Very stressful!! Then Second, about wishing you were more outgoing and in a relationshop and wanting to get married. ME TOO!!!! I feel like deep down I'm an outgoing and friendly person but it doesn't come through and so maybe I don't attract people, and so that makes me even more shy to go out and seem like I have no friends in public situations, which makes me antisocial, which means I never meet anyone, which means I'm going to end up single and alone...ARHHHH! My parents met when my mom was 17 and my dad 19 (and got married at 26 and 28 respectively) and so I feel the pressure to at least meet someone potential; especially since I don't see myself as a whirlwhind romance+marriage type. And of course, I have to pretend like I don't care that I'm single or that my mind isn't on marriage right now, but it totally is. And yes, I'm a strong, educated, independent young woman but I want a good man, darnit, and kids too at some point! It really sucks and I feel pathetic too (although when I was reading what you wrote, I didn't think you were pathetic at all, but feeling that way too, I can see why you would feel that) believe me I understand. THIRDLY Ooooh, Roger Hamley from Wives and Daughters is a good one. Ok you can have Gilbert and Mr. Knightley if you let me have Roger Hamley. I ADORE him in spite of his temporarily bad judgement. He is perfect! You know who else I wouldn't throw out of bed but would never marry, Mr. Thornton from North and South, he has kind of a dark, cold, misunderstood Mr. Darcy vibe going, and it's strange because I usually don't go for the bad boy (re: Roger Hamley). I'm actually wavering between Roger and Mr. Knightley, if I had Mr. Knightley, I wouldn't be stressed about what decision to make about my future, he'd know exactly the right thing for me to do and wouldn't hesitate to tell me, and he IS always right... hmmm. something to think about lol! FOURTHLY, about the round the world trip, those are some really interesting places. About your Anne obsession, I can sympathise. I actually still thought she was real after I was wayyyy to old to do so (can you say 15) mostly because I loved her sooo much and kept hoping I could go visit her (or at least Rilla (of Ingleside)) before she died! Ridiculous, I know!

I also second Jelbelle's shout out to everyone- please come back and let's hang!

Nienna: I certainly will ignore her. She "advised" me to take technical writing, which is not in the field I'm going into, and it just made me so angry that it is her job to guide people and she doesn't even know what she's talking about! And also, I don't think the desire to be hot makes you shallow. =) I find it's more of an acceptance within ourselves. We want to like what we see, is that so bad? Nope!

toastedsmoke: Yes! It is the worst situation, they try to make it awkward, I'm certain they do =( I think, why should I let that drag my holiday down? My mom said we could have a Thanksgiving after Thanksgiving, just the two of us. So I figure I'll just pass on the family dinner and just celebrate a separate day. I know if I go I'll just end up angry or irrirated and I don't need to put myself through that.

P.S.: I'm a BIG Mr. Darcy fan, so if I can pick someone, can I have him? :D

Jelbelle – I know family dynamics can be difficult at times. I don’t talk to a lot of my extended family so I’d probably rather chew my own arm off than have to spend time with them. I think it was a bit inconsiderate to make you sit with people you didn’t know in any case.

Nienna – Sorry to hear that you’re having a bit of a tough week. I wish I could offer you some helpful advice but I feel a lot of the same things.
When it comes to the new experiences, I want to be more adventurous and try things that I’ve never had the guts to do before. Some things I want to try are: rock climbing, skydiving, white water rafting, climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge & snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef. I lack the confidence to participate in these activities at my current weight.

toastedsmoke – It’s good to hear that you’re having a better day! Taking the pressure off yourself will make things easier in the long run. I’m going to use some of your advice for myself and just “take each pound as it comes”.

How is everyone else doing? Hopefully everyone is on track this week but if not, please let us all know so we can help you out!!

princessdi86 – I’d choose wisely on which Kangaroo you choose to pat. A lot of the ones in the wild will kick you if they feel like they’re being threatened. Best to stick to the Kangaroos at the Zoo. I went to the States when I was really young so I don’t count that as having “been” because I can’t remember it. I do have plans to visit within the next 5 years and do all the touristy things Los Angeles and New York have to offer.
Your week sounds like it’s been incredibly frustrating!! I can’t believe someone had the audacity to steal your Blackberry out of your purse. That’s crazy. Hopefully everything will work out for your boyfriend. It’s a bit rough when they really like him for the job but a ticket is getting in the way. Make sure you keep us all updated as to whether he gets the job. How did your Mum’s birthday go??

My Sunday is almost coming to end which means work tomorrow for me. I’m not too excited about it as it’s going to be a full on week for me. Hopefully the stress doesn’t get to me and I can stay on plan.

Don’t forget to Weigh-In guys!!

Lost 3.4lbs this week!! I'm in shock that I'm so close to Onederland! I haven't been in Onderland since I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL!

Well, it's been awhile since I've been on here. Just as an update.. I'm still sick, diagnosed with a horrible sinus infection. Haven't been running/working out at all since I can't breathe WHATSOEVER. On top of being sick, we are having some absolutely brutal personnel issues at my office which have been adding on a lot of stress to my daily life. It's been an incredibly rough two weeks to say the least. But I am down five pounds this week!! :)

I pinky promise that I will try my hardest to get on here more this week! I miss chatting with you ladies! :)

Jelbelle – Awesome loss! Make sure you let us all know when you hit Onederland.

excitedtolose – Sinus infections are horrible!! I have all year round nasty allergies so can sympathise with what you’re going through. Sorry that your under so much stress as well. Congrats on the 5lbs though.

KimL1214 – No need to apologise to any of us! You’ve had a really rough week and the fact that you’re even posting now is great. Hopefully you got all your reading done before falling asleep.

I had one of those days where I just should have stayed in bed! Work was hectic and one of my friends is having a minor meltdown so I’m trying my best to juggle everyone else’s needs while staying on plan. I’ll readily admit that I don’t always have the right words when people are upset (it’s not my strong point) but hopefully just listening will get her through this crisis.

a little friendly competition never hurt anyone ;)

I missed weigh-in yesterday! After 13 hours of driving saturday, I ended up driving all day yesterday too going shopping with my boyfriends mom. My Vaca was very fun and I managed to pretty much maintain. Today it feels great to relax...I'm still trying to decide if I want to workout or not. lol

KimL1214 – Unfortunately the crisis continues but I’m still on plan so that’s a plus.

JennieLovesKisses – It’s good to hear that your vacation was fun and relaxing. Did you get a chance to catch up with family like you wanted?

Monday’s Question – I think my opinion of Lingerie ads changes depending on my mood. Some of the time I think “wow, she could really use a burger” but that’s my own jealousy creeping into the equation.

Jelbelle: <begrudgingly> I suppose you can have Mr. Darcy. lol. I find myself unwilling to make a decision. I want them all. Hahaha. Congrats on being SO close to Onederland! As well as you've been doing, you could be there by the start of December! :carrot::carrot::carrot: Go you!!!!

princessdi86: Thanks so much for the encouragement. I haven't 100% given up hope I can make Onederland this year. But I'm also trying very hard not to fixate on that. I definitely think like your mom in a way. I think there's definitely a lot to manifestation. Negative thinking rarely yields the most positive results. Thanks so much. I'm pushing for Onederland and hoping really hard and putting in the work, so hopefully it pays off. But even if it doesn't, I'll still be better of for it. Sorry about your blackberry! That completely SUCKS! Your boyfriend's prospective job situation is also definitely in my prayers. So sending general positive vibes your way.

excitedtolose: I'm so sorry, you've been unwell. That really sucks! Please look after yourself and feel better soon. On the bright side, congrats on the loss!!!

KimL1214: I'm really sorry about what you're going through. Please take heart and look after yourself emotionally. :hug::hug:

oOPeanutOo: Sorry about your crap day and your friend's situation. I personally think sometimes (as the "great" Ronan Keating probably not originally said:) "You say it best, when you say nothing at all." I too think I suck at advice giving and knowing what to say in difficult situations so usually I rarely say anything, and whatdoyouknow, people always call me to tell me their problems or just offload on me. So sometimes, just being there to listen and not judge and not say anything trite or offer shallow advice, is just the thing. I'm sure you're being a great friend and your friend appreciates it.


In other news, ok ladies, so I have in a sense gained 7ish lbs in the last couple of days... well BMI-wise at least because um... I've shrunk an inch-ish. Twice in the last few days, I've got officially measured for height (as opposed to having a friend do it) and it turns out I'm 1.71m which is basically like 5'7 and a tiny bit of change. Sighs... so it turns out my BMI is like 1.some more than I thought I was. All of a sudden I feel shorter even though I'm no different than I was last week, it's only I've always thought I was 5'8... I know I haven't shrank or anything, I just haven't gotten my height measurement properly/professionally taken since I was maybe 15ish and 5'6. Although I'm tempted to continue to lie to myself that I'm taller than I am so I can have a better-seeming BMI reading, it would be a lie and not real at all, so I'm changing my height on my Ipod food recording app I use, my wii and on here, which makes it suddenly true. :'( I'm tempted to also now change my goal weight, but I won't... at least not till I actually get there. The way the 160s look to me right now, to be honest, they might as well be like the 120s so I'll just keep the ultimate goal there and see how it goes once I actually get there.


Monday's Question: I think the first thing I probably think is, "I want her boobs... and abs!" Then my second thought is "darn you VS, for not stocking above a DD." I'm not that bugged by the models in the ads, they're meatier than the average model and really, I don't think I'd want to do the work required to have a lower than 18 BMI so I don't really consider them what I'm working towards. But then, the annual VS Fashion show is actually must-watch tv for me. And also to put it in context, I love all the modelling/fashion shows ANTM, Project Runway, Make me a supermodel, if it's about fashion/modelling I'll watch it.

Tuesday's Question: I think more and more, men are catching up with women on the issues with body image but not as much. In general, a fat/obese man is not seen as being as tragic as a fat/obese woman. Additionally, sad to say, if he happens to be wealthy or successful, he probably won't have that much of a problem picking up somewhat attractive members of the opposite sex, especially if he's the gregarious, funny, fat guy- then he's a total teddy bear. A fat woman on the other hand, does not have this opportunity. No matter how successful or wealthy or funny she is, it is hard to bypass the label of being at best "the fat friend," or to even be thought of us attractive. I think this is why for women, the issue is deeper-rooted, in my opinion. But yes, being the sister to an obese, formerly thin older brother, I say it is DEFINITELY becoming an issue for guys too.

toastedsmoke: Haha! I'm sorry! If I had to go for another, I'm not sure I'd know who to put second. Most books I like to read aren't littered with characters that have tons of personality. I certaintly would not want to have any knight from the round table, or a Dante, or a Dr. Faustus. Maybe a J. Alfred Prufrock =P but he's much too old. And thanks ^_^ I can hardly believe I've made it this far, and that I'm so close again! I think you can DEFINITELY make it to Onderland by the end of the year. I think you'll be well into it!

Monday's Question: Usually I'm just a "Yeah whatever" thinker. I stare at her body and think of how likely it is that she's that sexy all the time, or what kind of person she is. I'm not friends with any big time supermodels, so who am I to say they're all artificial?

Tuesday's Question: I think that there is growing pressure on males to be thin and good looking too. Although, I do believe in the fat males being treated better than fat females, I think they struggle with the weight of societal demands just as well, especially in my generation. When I was in high school there was this big to do about a growing number of anorexic males that went to the school after a boy collapsed and had to go to the ER. (To this day he's still skeletal...so I don't think that hospital stay helped to turn his mind around). No matter which "clique" you fell under it was always important to be thin or fit. The preps and jocks were always more muscular, the punks and the emos were always stick thin (you know, so they could fit in their girl pants). So yeah, I think guys have just as much problem with body image, but they might be less likely to admit to it.

Thursday Question~ What tips or tricks do you have to stay motivated when your willpower falters?
No set tips or tricks besides my thinking mind. I'll have to think about my food and activity choices and think about the desired/possible outcomes to try and motivate me to make the right choices.

Peanut: Tamales take hours to make, so Mom usually just makes around holidays (leftover Thanksgiving turkey in Nov or chicken/pork/beef for Christmas). I'm sure Dad or I will help ;)

Monday Question~ When a Victoria’s Secret lingerie ad (or any bra and panties ad) comes on, and you see the models, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
haha.. I feel self-conscious watching half-dressed girls on tv if the bf is with me. I probably look at her body first (likes and/or dislikes) then her clothes (likes and/or dislikes)... so I decide if I like or don't like her looks, then same with her clothes, then decide if I like and would wear what she's wearing (yes/no, why/why not). There's other undie commercials on now with fuller-figure women and they are having fun dancing in their undies and what-not. Those make me smile (and maybe still make me feel a little awkward). Maybe because they seem so comfortable in their skin...

Tuesday Question~ There are lots of arguments in the media about how men are becoming just as sexualized and have just as many issues with body image as women. Do you agree or disagree?
This may be true but to a lesser extent and I'd even say men have a choice in this, where we don't (or we're made to feel we don't). I think most men fit in the middle (not a supermodel, not ugly) and most women feel they don't have a middle (there's only hot or ugly). Of course most of us fit "in the middle", but we may feel that we have to be one or the other. I don't think men feel as much of that pressure (to be hot or else they're ugly), but I think a lot has to do with media. Guys aren't bombarded with beautiful, perfect examples of how they should look (tv/ads) each day as women are.

toastedsmoke – Thanks for that advice! Hopefully the loss of an inch doesn’t get to you too much. If I was you I’d just take it in my stride and keep moving forward. Don’t let it ruin your mindset about the goals you’re trying to achieve.

ferretgirl – Wow!! I didn’t realise that they took that long to make. I bet they’re worth the wait though

Tuesday’s Question: I totally agree with what everyone else has been saying! It seems to be more socially acceptable for a guy to carry extra weight than a girl.

I haven’t been counting calories today so I have no idea if I’m over my regular 1500. I wouldn’t say I’ve been out of control to any extent but I just didn’t feel like weighing and counting everything today. I hope it doesn’t become a trend and I just needed the day to get my headspace right.

I'm feeling much better this week. Thanks for all the support! I started exercising again (I had been putting it off for a couple of weeks), and the difference in my mood is incredible. I have to remember to do cardio every day, lest I fall into another annoying funk.

Toastedsmoke: Thanks for taking the time to write out such a nice response! Everything you said sounds like it could have come straight out of my own mouth. I also tend to develop 5 zillion plans at the same time, but unlike yours, mine aren't backups to the backup. Rather, they're based on wildly different interest and desires and would take me and my life in completely different directions. My newest brilliant idea is to pursue a Masters in Nutrition, re-involve myself in the world of sustainable agriculture, and then use those knowledge bases to work in humanitarian aid. Of course, I only came up with that one yesterday, so only time will tell if it beats out the park ranger idea, the going-back-to-school-for-wildlife-biology idea, the get-certified-as-a-teacher idea, become-an-RN idea, and the just-keep-doing-random-but-interesting-short-term-stuff idea. And when it comes to relationships, I know that wanting one doesn't make me pathetic, and I also know that my happiness isn't completely dependent on getting married or dating ... BUT I still find it hard to shake the feeling that actually looking or hoping for a relationship is somehow shameful. That being said, I'm feeling a lot better this week, and it was really nice to see that someone so completely understands all the things that were on my mind.
I'm glad that you've been able to relax a little bit and take some of the pressure off of New Years'. You are so close to Onederland, and you are doing wonderfully with your weight loss. (Congrats again on winning the last 5 lb challenge!) You'll be there soon, perhaps even sooner than you expect. And if you ever need a reminder of all the things you said in your post a few days ago, just let us know, and one of us will pm it to you! Not quite as good as being able to bottle positive thoughts and feelings, but a solid second.
I'm sorry about the height "shrinkage" ... that's happened to me, too, in the past, and it's definitely frustrating. Just remember that nothing can take away from the changes you've already made in your life and the things you have already accomplished, not even realizing that your bmi is a little bit higher than you previously thought.

Jelbelle: Congrats on an amazing loss last week! I'm excited that you're so close to Onederland! On another note, all this talk of your advisor has made me curious about what you're studying and why and all that kind of stuff. I know that you're studying English, but do you have any particular focus (creative writing, lit, etc)? And do you want to do something specific with your degree once you graduate or are you studying English for the love of it? I chose Classics when I was in college, and I loved every minute of it, even though I don't plan on actually working in any of the fields that such a degree more obviously prepares one for. I'm always interested in how other people decide to go about their studies. Also, you can have Mr. Darcy! I've never enjoyed P&P as much as S&S, Persuasion, and Emma, and I remember finding Darcy a bit annoying. I would fight you for Edward Ferrars, though! Or Captain Wentworth.

oOPeanutOo: Your future plans sound awesome! I'm still not sure about the whole skydiving thing, as I'm terrified of heights, but the rafting and especially the snorkeling sound wonderful.

PrincessDi: The peacoat sounds cute! I kind of wish I could go shopping with you. I love having cute clothes, but I hate trying them on and such, and I feel like you'd be good at encouraging/forcing people to try on things they normally would overlook. I'm living in Finland right now, and I'm not really sure when I'll be going back to the States. The soonest would be next September, but I suspect that I'll probably stay overseas longer than that. I'm really sorry about your Blackberry, and I hope that everything works out with your boyfriend's potential new job. Keep us updated!

excitedtolose: Congrats on your five pound loss! I hope that you feel better soon and that some of your work problems are resolved in the next few days.

KimL1214: Yes, I'm feeling much better. Thank you for reminding me that it's natural for people to want to be around one another and such. I hope that this week is a bit easier for you. Thank you so much for all that you do for our BL Challenge. I really appreciate all your hard work, and you shouldn't feel the need to apologize at all!

Nienna: Thank you! ^_^ Yeah, I'm an English major, minoring in Creative Writing. I do love English, but I'm using my degree to become an editor. I love to write, so I guess you could say my real desire is to become an author, but that doesn't always pay the bills, so I have a day job planned when I'm not off being the masked pen-wielder. In the wrong run I'll probably end up going back to school somewhere down the road for a business degree, because I really want to own a publishing company. I'm actually not an enormous fan of literature. I only read P&P for a class, and I liked it, but I probably wouldn't pick up Jane Austen on my own time. If I had to read something I'd prefer it be -1700 works, and there's a lack of boyfriend material characters there, I'd say ;)

Ahh! I hate Shakespeare! I would also never teach, ever lol. I hate children, of all ages! Kudos to those who can ;)

Nienna – It’s nice to hear that you’re doing better this week. I have the same fear of heights but I’ve decided that I can’t keep being afraid of trying new things.

Jelbelle – I never understood Shakespeare when I had to study it in school. I needed to get the book that had the original Shakespeare text on one side and then a modern day translation on the other.

KimL1214 – I didn’t end up adding up my calories. I was definitely over because I ate foods that I typically wouldn’t touch. The scale was up this morning but I’m hoping that I’m just holding on to some water. Congrats on reaching your 10% goal, that’s awesome!! I have to admit, I did need to Google what piercing you got and all I can say is OUCH!!!

Today has been a much better day for me food wise. I decided that I’d cook up a bit of a storm so that I had enough for 2 days worth of food. I figure that I won’t have to worry about what I’ll be eating tomorrow and I know that it will all be within my calories.

Wednesday & Thursday Question: When it comes to advice, the main thing that I follow is that we’re all human and we’re going to have good days and bad days. We all have it in ourselves to shake off the bad days and pick ourselves up. I’m not perfect but I’m learning that if I just keep going I’ll get to where I want to be. My second piece of advice would be to Start Reading Labels. I had never bothered reading ingredients or calories on things before I started this lifestyle change. I’d just pick up whatever I wanted and throw it in the basket. Now I probably spend an extra 15minutes in the shops comparing labels and working out whether or not it will fit into my plan.

Wednesday & Thursday Question:
1. Before I go to the grocery store to do the dreaded grocery buying, I plan out my lunches/dinners for the next two weeks. That way I know what I will be eating and what the caloric/nutritional information is. Even though I sometimes will stray from the schedule I've mapped out and have a date night out to dinner with the future hubby, it's nice to have an idea of the meals I can make, and that I'm still eating healthy.
2. If you are counting calories, count EVERYTHING. Yes, milk is great for you, but it is still calories. Yes, vegetables are great for you too, but are still calories. If you are in this for the long haul you need to give it your best shot on everything.

Hmm.. pretty excited to have gained 5.5 lbs over night... was even more excited for TOM to be here this morning. Ugh. I've just been having the crappiest two weeks ever. Future hubby has quit smoking, so anyone that has had to deal with that will understand the frustration that comes with their irritability over EVERYTHING. lol. But I'm soo happy for Jay, since he is doing this for him this time and is a week and a half in! :) Just wish he wasn't so darn irritable over everything.

We are going out for a surprise date night on Friday. Jay moved to Michigan from Las Vegas about two years ago, and has never been to Windsor, Canada. He is a web designer and signed two new clients this week so I wanted to take him out to celebrate that, his not smoking, and his support for me with my diet. So I'm kidnapping him and taking him across the border into Canada. We are going to this amazing sushi restaurant that I have heard nothing but RAVE reviews about called Hikari. I'm super, super excited to go, but it's been hard keeping the secret rendezvous from Jay. All he knows is that we are having date night. The only thing I have left to do is find our passports without him knowing. Haha

Any of you ladies have big plans for the weekend?

Jelbelle: Yes I agree, nary a romantic figure to be found in the readings you mentioned! I am jealous, my outlandish dream is to work in publishing as an editor (do it a bit freelance on the side currently)- I don't even particularly want to write, I realize I'm too lazy for that. But I love other people's work and ideas and trying to make it better. Unfortunately I studied Biochem and French and then compounded that with public health, so yeah, nothing to do with what I'd actually love to be doing. :( I too am hoping I can be in Onederland by the end of the year. Fingers TIGHTLY crossed!

Nienna: Persuasion is actually my favourite Jane Austen, followed by P&P. My least fave is S&S, my fingers ITCHED to smack Marianne, I mean honestly! I think all your possible ideas sound really good, even though diverse. But I definitely see how that could make it harder and more risky making a decision. I always try to remember that I'm stressing for nothing, because I'll choose what I'll choose and what'll be will be, irrespective of the stress but it's tough! Re the 5-lb challenge: thanks! I was so pleased! How's stuff going for you this week?

KimL1214: I think I'll follow your advice and keep the overall goal weight where it is for now. I hope everything is going better for you now. About your piercing, ouch!

oOPeanutOo: I think you're totally right about good days and bad days. That's pretty good advice. And yay you for being back on plan! What did you make (re: cooking up a storm)?

excitedtolose: 5.5 lbs overnight + time of month! Yes they're probably linked but even when you know, it still 100% SUCKS!!!! Sorry. I think your advice is really key. I too have found planning out every meal a week in advance is really helpful to staying on plan. And with the second one too, you're so right: for the longest time I used to count the cereal but not the milk and then I realized the milk had MORE calories than the cereal eek! And then switched to skim milk lite (i.e. white-colored water/ milk wash)... ah well... The surprise date night sounds such a good idea: taking him across the border... hmmm I might steal that someday when it becomes relevant. Ah well.. Have fun this weekend!


Today has kind of been blegh for me. Literally. I felt a little stomach flu-y yesterday but last night was AWFUL and today has been as well (though getting a bit better gradually). And the bad part was like I've been eating super-restrictively all week because I have a bday party tonight and was going to go to town (well not too much, but a little) and now I feel like yuck. I had a plain scrambled egg (fried with canola spray) and have been sucking down a green tea with mint+lemon and ginger tea mix, it's miraculous really, although I still definitely don't feel up to a big meal. Fingers crossed though, because I've been looking forward to cake and party food for a while... <sigh>


Wednesday/Thursday Question: I think my advice would be 1.) do not underestimate the value of exercise, it might not lose you that much weight by itself BUT it keeps you motivated to watch what you eat. 2.) Take each meal as an opportunity for a good decision. Ok so breakfast was a bust, a real grease fest. But all is not lost! Lunch is an opportunity for a good decision as is dinner. And of course there's always the next day with a fresh clean slate!

Hi everyone, sorry I have been MIA again. I have been SUPER busy with work. Also, my best friend just had a baby so I have been spending all of my free time with my precious beautiful baby "niece" :) I am doing fine as far as weight loss goes. I am down to 293 so far this week. Hopefully this means that I am on target to teach 100 lbs lost by Christmas still (or a little more). I will be happy with just the 100 though. Well, I hope everyone is doing well! I will probably be MIA a good bit over the next 2 months since this is my busy season (everyone wanting to get pictures for Christmas cards). Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. I will update y'all on 1 of my 2 cheat days for the year (Thanksgiving day and Christmas day). I am worried that I am going to have some serious tummy problems after my meal since my body is so used to having a low fat diet ...haha... Oh well :) How are you all doing?

P.S I just bumped my ultimate goal fro 180 to 190. I talked to a lot of my friends who have seen me at every weight and we decided together that 180 might be a bit too boney for me. I will reevaluate when I get there though. The lowest I have weighed at this height was 160... when I was anorexic and skeletal. I lost my menstrual cycle then and was just plain sick. I think 30 lbs heavier than that is a better goal for now. Like I said, I will reevaluate... with the help of family and friends... when I get there. If I think I could get to 180 and be healthy and look good then I will :)

Hope all is well with everyone. I've been having a very rough Nov. thus far. I'm trying to take all my losses in stride and get back on track. :)

excitedtolose – Your date night sounds pretty fun! Hopefully you’ve managed to still keep the location a secret.

toastedsmoke – I ended up making a Zucchini Slice, Roasted up a whole heap of vegetables and grilled some marinated chicken breast. I also made a huge batch of Pasta Sauce to freeze so that I’d have something ready to go in under 15 minutes when I get held up at work. How are you feeling today? Did you have a good time at the party?

southernbelle102 – Congrats on becoming an “aunt”. I bet you’re already spoiling her like crazy.

JMfan – Sorry that November hasn’t been the greatest month for you. Hopefully things turn around pretty quickly for you.

It’s Friday night for me at the moment and I’m trying to resist the urge to eat some Chocolate Chips that are sitting in the cupboard. I only keep a small amount of chocolate in the house now as I used to be able to eat a whole family block in one day. I figure that if I keep myself distracted I won’t feel the need to eat. I’ll see how that pans out...

toastedsmoke -- i know! ugh. even though i know it is because of the TOM, it was still the most disappointing thing to see as i have been WAYYY under calories for the week. i hate how many calories milk has!!! i'm a soy milk drinker, usually silk brand, and have found that that has been a good substitute for real milk and is totally worth the extra calories. it most definitely makes up in flavor that that milk wash skim lite is. i get these cute 8.5 oz "milk boxes" and have those for my morning snack three days a week. have you tried using yogurt with your cereal? sounds different, but it was much more filling to me than cereal and milk, and depending on the yogurt you use, can be LESS calories, which is always a great thing. :)

oOPeanutOo -- Yes! I have managed to keep it secret, and alas the day is here finally! i swear, he must have asked me at like 1,000 times what we were doing tonight. it's taking a heck of a lot of will power to not give in and tell him, as i have never been able to keep a secret from him before lol. i'm excited for sushi! hopefully, i can keep it under calories, if not i'm sure it will balance out with the huge amounts that i have been under daily this week.

One year: Hopefully I'll have a job -_- in Detroit, going to school with the husband, and close to my goal! VERY close! I'll also be pretty close to my BA!

Five years: Being a starving artist in Manhattan.

Ten years: Hopefully I'm not starving anymore, still in Manhattan, being awesome at my cubicle at Penguin Publishing and having a better, more fulfilled life than anyone in my graduating class. Ten year reunion, here I come! (Everyone can see how sexy and thiny I am!)