[valpal23]

Originally Posted by BornToFly

I'm 29, and have never really dated.

I'm 23 and in pretty much the same situation as you. I thought I'd grow out of whatever is holding me back once I got out of highschool but nothings really changed yet. I dont know if I'll feel the same way if I'm in the same situation when I'm 29 but right now I'd rather just take one day at a time and take advantage of all the time I've got to focus on what I want and appreciate the freedom. waiting out life isnt the easiest thing but we've still got it pretty good

[nelie]

I was really in the same boat as you...

I went to college and 'dated' a couple guys. Really it just involved me hanging around guys that really liked me but if they tried to get too close, then I'd dump them. I went out with one guy for 3 months without kissing him, then he tried to kiss me so I dumped him.

After college, I found it hard to meet people and ended up dating a friend at the age of 28. It was hard to start the relationship because uhh it took me months of not getting cues and he had to really put himself out there for me to get it. The relationship lasted a little under a year and after that, I didn't want to really date any more. I ended up going out on a couple dates that just didn't feel right to me.

Then at the age of 30, I started dating another long time friend. Again, it took months of cues from him and really him saying "I think we should date" for me to get it. I was so oblivious We ended up dating for a little over a year and then getting married.

Honestly, I never really thought I'd get married because of how I was. I was shy and really wasn't open to other people.

I think you do have to put yourself out there a little bit. Yes, you may get hurt. It happens. It is ok though, you will survive and learn from it. Also, feel free to express your feelings. Tell whoever you are dating that you need to take it slow at first. A lot of things that people seemed to have learned in high school, us shy girls need to learn later on in life and that is ok.

[Lyn2007]

When I was single, I met most of the men I dated just in the course of real life, and not "looking." I met them at work, at college classes, and at church. I met some at groups I went to (like the Audobon society) or out walking at the park. I think if you are shy and clam up, it is important to get some social practice. The easiest way to do tis is join a club or group. You can look in your local paper or just look online for groups that have the same interests as you have. ALso you can meet people by volunteering at, say, the local hospital, nursing home, or animal shelter. Very good ways to meet NICE people. Focus on making new friends, not on finding a boyfriend. It will give oyu good practice and you will get better and better at relaxing and having conversation in groups or in public.

As for online dating, that doesnt solve your problem of social anxiety, so I would try the groups first. But nothing wrong with online dating if you are CAREFUL. I met my husband online and we lived 2000 miles apart, he moved here to be with me and we have been married almost 3 years.

Good luck

[Ookpik]

I think I am in the same boat as you. I haven't had much experience with men, and I think I have been using my weight as a sort of "armor". I wouldn't even go on dating sites and post a profile because I didn't think I could bear the disappointment a man would inevitably feel once he got a look at me.

Last year, I decided to lose weight for reasons completely unrelated to finding a man, and along with shedding the weight I lost a bit of the shyness and gained some confidence. Eventually I did join a few dating sites and posted pics on them, and have gotten quite a few responses. This was an ego boost if nothing else...the guys all live too far away. I am trying to get used to male attention, by putting myself out there a bit more and meeting new people, flirting a little. I was quite bold (for me) with one guy recently that I was interested in, but it didn't work out, so I decided to just focus on myself and my goals for awhile and forget about men for the time being. But I do feel the "armor" disappearing, bit by bit.