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Old 12-31-2007, 05:14 PM   #1
Smiling_Sara
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,106

S/C/G: 278/see ticker/150

Height: 5'4

Default What is the matter with me? Afraid of Love? :(

I'm 29, and have never really dated. I'm so shy when meeting new ppl it's almost like I clam up and freeze. I'm hoping some ppl here can help me out a little as to why this is? I'm a homebody and don't get out much. I enjoy being at home watching sports and reading, and cruising the internet. I talk on forums and end up falling for ppl that live so far away that it would never work out romanticly. I don't know if this is a defense mechanism so I can ensure that i won't get heartbroken, even though I end up heartbroken bc these guys I fall for I can' be with anyways. Ppl have told me that I should try online dating and I actually set up an acct on a free site and I got some emails from ppl and this one guy has really peeked my interest. He wants me to call him but I just can't bring myself to. I even pondered a month before getting back to him to ask him if he had any sort of IM service so I could get to know him a little better first. (Since that is how my last 4 years of love interests have been, through IM first, then phone convo's ) but he said he didn't and to please call him.

This makes me feel just awful. I'm 29 and by this time in my life I really wanted to be settled down and to have had children and whole 9 yards already, but alas, I"m here, terrified of dating. In high school I was always the "friend" to the guys, they all wanted the tiny little things ad girlfriends and not the heavy girl. So, I don't know if that is a stigma to that since I'm even about 70 lbs heavier than what I was in HS? Maybe I feel like I can't date until I am smaller bc if I can't stand to look at me body than how can I expect anyone else to? I look in the mirror and I do believe I am good looking, and pretty, and many ppl have told me that, but I also sometimes feel like how can anyone be attracted to me? It's strange, I know.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I just know that I wish I had found my mate by now and I don't want to get hurt. I know this is kind of all over the place but if anyone has anything to say for encouragement or even to kick my butt over please do. I need it going into 2008 AND the very last year of my 20's
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