God, I seriously disgust myself. Can't stop gaining weight and my maternity doc is..
...ashamed of me, and the nutritionist I had to see was completely condescending. Someone please help me out.
The story starts like this. I've been on this website before, infrequently, back when I was about 180/190. I am 5'8 and a half. I was on here earlier this year wanting to seriously lose weight but then I got pregnant. I miscarried in Feb. Became pregnant again and now I am nearly 6 months pregnant.
Anyhow when I got pregnant and was first weighed, I was at 206 lbs. I was totally ashamed. The first 4 months of my pregnancy, I was sick a lot and I didn't gain a lot at all. Then, last month, I got weighed at my monthly visit, and I was already at around 213.
This month, I was weighed and was 223 lbs.. I had gained 8 lbs in a month. My doctor knows I don't like my bf hearing my weight but she said it right in front of him, in shock. Like, "You're 223 lbs now? Oh my, you've gained THIS much???" I nearly died of shame. My bf looked at me but I did not meet his gaze. I know he didn't think I weighed that much, since I'm so tall he probably thought I was more in my late 100's. And, he jokes fat people. Well guess what dude, you're dating a fat girl. I have tried to lie to myself and say I'm not fat, I just am thick with a lot of extra weight and it looks okay because of my height. Well, I'm freakin' obese. Okay. I see it now. I might not appear obese but technically, I am.
So, my doc sends me to the nutrionist along with my bf. The nutrionist is this 5 foot, tiny, petite girl who probably is about my age. I'm 21. She was quite attractive. And quite condescending. She asked me about what I ate and I told her. Stuff like bowls of cereal, 2% milk, basic meals. I know she wanted me to admit to sitting around eating cakes and cookies all day. You could see her skepticism... she told me I need to make sure I exercise daily (I walk all the time!) and eat lean proteins, vegetables, and dairy (I do this all of the time!) rather than snack cakes and etc.
I know she didn't believe me when I said that I don't sitting around eating snack cakes and other crap all of the time.
Plus, all that cheese she was telling me to eat WILL cause you to put on some weight. And WIC makes you get a pound of cheese 3 times a month. Who else is gonna eat it?
God, I was so ashamed. I know they want overweight people to only gain 15-25 lbs through pregnancy. I'll be over that by the time I am done.
My boobs are huge and sagging like cow udders. My arms are huge and even at 190 my arms weren't big. My legs are so stocky and manly now. I used to have slender long legs.. My butt and thighs, which have been huge for awhile now, are even huger. I don't mind the belly; I love the pregnancy belly, it's just beautiful to me. But everything else... urgh, just urgh. I am not healthy. I am not physically healthy and I am not mentally healthy because I feel so bad about myself. And then my younger sister has had two kids and is probably a size 2, shorter, tiny and wears tight and revealing clothes. She sits there and calls me overweight and expresses 'concern' about me since I'm pregnant and will be gaining more. It's just a way for her to put me down. She also thinks my bf must find her more attractive but can't have her because she has a man. She can't comprehend how he would find me attractive because of my weight. She thinks anyone a single pound overweight is repulsive, so you see what sort of mind she has.
So how do I keep my weight down and what do I do and how do I restore my health and sanity. I want to be fit for my son-to-be, not the fat playground mommy who huffs and puffs and can't keep up. I'm young for godsakes. Someone please offer me some support and advice, I feel so low and depressed and disgusting.
Last edited by Fat Melanie; 09-28-2007 at 01:40 AM.
I am sorry that you feel that you are not getting support fast enough. There are a lot of people who lurk all over the forum and read, but don't post. The members who have viewed your post might not have know what to say to you, or what advice to offer, so they didn't comment.
I viewed your post last night, but I was getting ready for bed very late (2am) and was waiting to come back here in the morning when I wasn't so tired.
So, what I am understanding is that you started your pregnancy at 206, and have gained 17 pounds over a 6 month period of pregnancy. Actually, your weight gain of 17 pounds is right there in the normal range of pregnancy weight gain.
I understand that you are upset about being heavy, but you cannot really do anything right now about the weight that you started out with in your pregnancy. If you were 150, 180, or 270 when you got pregnant, then it is what it is. We cannot turn back time.
Most doctors recommend a weight gain of 15-45 pounds for the entire pregnancy, depending on your situation. You showed a large weight gain in a one month time, but then again, there have been months during this pregnancy where you did not gain anything at all. This is completely NORMAL. Our bodies do not work like the charts.
With my first pregnancy, I lost 4 pounds the first month because I was so sick. I only gained about 1-2 pounds in each of the second and third months. After that, I might gain 2 pounds one month, and 10 the next. It varied completely each month.
The scale doesn't really matter so much during pregnancy, as long as you are living a healthy lifestyle, and the baby is getting what it needs, and you are trying to make better choices.
Are you doing any exercise? I did through all of my pregnancies, and I particularly enjoyed walking, and doing prenatal yoga dvds. (Crunch Yoga Mama is a good one.)
It has been posted in the pregnancy/nursing forum a few times here and there, but I wanted to repeat some of the information.
Most of us have a 5-9 pound baby on average, but our bodies are meant to gain more weight than that-our breasts can gain 1-3 pounds for instance, with the breasts preparing for breastmilk production. (This is why you feel that they are heavy and hanging. They are gearing up to do what they were put on your body to do, feed a child.) Your blood volume actually increases during pregnancy, which causes a small gain. Your uterus, as it grows from the size of a lime (before pregnancy) to the size of a watermelon, actually weighs a few pounds heavier by the time you are 9 months pregnant. You have a few pounds wrapped up in the growing placenta, and the bag of amniotic fluid. Also add in the growing weight of your baby. All in all, if a woman gains 35 pounds during pregnancy, only about 8-10 pounds of that is actual fat stores. Much of the weight comes from the things that I described here, and the weight of the child.
When you have your baby, some of the weight, about 10-15 pounds, goes away immediately from the baby, amniotic fluid, and placenta being removed from your body. During your 6 week postpartum period, your blood volume is returning to normal. Your uterus is contracting and shrinking back to its original size-these things will also cause you to drop a few pounds.
If you nurse, then your breasts will be a couple pounds heavier than normal while you are nursing...which isn't a bad thing, because you will have great cleavage.
The extra fat stores that are left, are there because the body uses fat stores to make milk when the baby is born.
If you are eating well, and getting some safe physical activity, then I wouldn't worry too much about your weight right now. I know this part of pregnancy can be depressing, and you feel like a house, but at 6 moths pregnant, you can't really expect to be thin and fit by the time you have your baby in 3 months. You have to resign yourself to the fact that you are going to gain a few more pounds.
When the baby is born, however, and you have healed from the delivery, the best thing I can advise is to get active. With a newborn it is hard, and I found that taking the baby for walks in the stroller was a good way to get active and keep him/her occupied at the same time. There are also some great videos/dvds out there that are meant for new moms, some which utilize your baby, so they are getting time with you. (Yoga videos, etc. where you have your baby with you.)
I had my third baby last year, and I completely relate. I stay active, eat right, and still gain a ton of weight with each baby-no matter what I do. There is no way, unless I starved, that I could limit my gain to 15-25 pounds. No way. I usually ended up in the 40-60 pound range with them all.
I am trying to lose the weight now for the third time. I understand.
Hey Melanie.
I know you feel horrible about this whole thing, and maybe nothing I can say will make you feel better, but just remember the reason you feel so sucky right now is because you are pregnant. EVERYTHING changes when you're pregnant. Your hormones make you depressed and sad and all upset. Just hold out for 3 more months and you'll have such a huge reward, you won't care about this anymore. I know its hard being pregnant. You're hungry all the time. I wish you luck, though I have no advice...I'm no good at that. But if you need a friend to talk to, PM me. I'd love to chat. Oh, yeah and if you don't like your doc....get a new one. They're everywhere. Or assert yourself and tell your doc to respect your wishes and not to discuss your weight around your bf, or at all. Tell her you know you're gaining too much and you're doing all you can. Its hard enough to get on the scale, much less listen to someone comment rudely about it.
The last thing that you need right now is to be fretting over weight! You *and* your baby will benefit from positive thoughts and emotions -- I really want to encourage you to look at the good things in your life. You are gaining a NORMAL amount of weight for your pregnancy. I didn't. I refused to let my doctor tell me my weight throughout my pregnancy because after a lifetime of dieting and harsh thoughts about my weight, I did not want to saddle my unborn child with that. I gained too much acording to the "charts", but my baby is healthy and I was happier during those nine months than I would have been if I'd let myself agonize over every ounce. Depression and anxiety were not what I wanted to remember about my pregnancy.
You said "... I can't stop gaining weight ..." You're right, you can't and you shouldn't. If your doctor feels you should be doing things differently then she should discuss it in a professional tone, but ultimately every pregnancy is different and you only have so much control over what's happening in your body. Being so down on yourself is dangerous and fruitless.
I sincerely hope that you can start to think about the beauty of what's happening inside and just enjoy the feeling of creating life.
Having never been pregnant theres not a whole lot that I can say, other than that your weight gain seems perfectly normal, and I hope you're feeling better about all of it - Don't let your sister's crazies get inside your head, they're so hard to dislodge.
With my second pregnancy I weighed about the same as you at the beginning and had wished I'd started smaller. However I think you just have to accept that further weight gain is inevitable, it would not be healthy for you or the baby otherwise. I put on about 50lbs and also managed 8lb one month (it was over the Christmas period and my 9th month). I felt disgusted in myself for doing that but hey a couple of weeks later I delivered a very healthy daughter which was all that really mattered.
The cheese thing didn't help the weight at all but I ate loads as it was what I craved. Strangely I hardly ever bothered with cheese either before or after and I'm sure the craving was my body telling me I needed the calcium.
So don't feel down on yourself, enjoy your pregnancy and your baby when she arrives and then think about getting the weight off.
Sorry to hear that you're feeling down during this really exciting period of your life.
I don't do pregnancy, but I do see doctors, and can understand how awful it is to feel being put down when you need to feel support. Instead of giving you an embarrassing public quiz about your eating, your dietitian might better have told you that it takes about 12 calories to maintain each pound of weight (when not pregnant and not gaining), and suggest that you use someplace like fitday on this site to type in your daily eating so you can see where your 2676 daily calories are coming from. There may be some surprises for you that allow you to chop 100 cals here, 100 cals there. It's not magic once the information is available to you in your own way of seeing it.
There's an immediate small step you can take. You might observe that other people changed their 3fc name to one of their positive images of themselves. You could use Walking Melanie or any of the other positive images you have of yourself.
Good luck on getting the support you need, and SUPER GOOD LUCK on the continued success of your pregnancy.
I am 4 mos pregnant and now weigh in the range of a small elephant...I stopped working around month 2.5 and paid for it with much less physical activity. The weight gain is particularly scary for me because I am also a type 2 diabetic...you think YOU have stuff to worry about :P hehe jk. The only thing I can recommend is to keep a fitness and food journal. A great free one is at FitDay.com Often, we actually consume at least 2-3 times the amount of food we "remember" eating. I, like you, don't sit around eating snack cakes and chips...but I will have second helpings of food at mealtimes. I will also graze on fruit a lot, take a bite (or three) of my b/fs food if we are eating out...we just have to remember that it all ads up. Many of us also have the bad habit of eating high calorie packed food...so it may seem like we ate far less than our thin counter parts, but our smaller portions are actually just jam packed with more calories/fat/carbs, etc. I am looking at my pregnancy as not a time to lose weight (no matter how much i'd love to) but rather a time to learn to get healthy. Remember also, that your body gets used to doing activities, so you have to step it up from time to time. I used to walk and ride my bike to and from everywhere i went and i still gained weight. I just wasn't doing ENOUGH for MY body.
The last thing I have to say, is do some local and internet research for midwives, doualas, & obgyn in your area. You are going to need a support network of women for this pregnancy and a Douala is a great way to get that. Fortuantely, a close friend of mine was in this play called Birth and it was all about pregnancy and birth and CHOICES. I learned so much. If you do not like your doc, or they make you feel uncomfortable YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KEEP HER. You have choices when it comes to your entire pregnancy and birth so if you EVER have an inkling that something is not right...it probably isn't.
Take care, and good luck to us both :P
Here's my suggestion -- find a new OB. One who respects you as a person. It's not too late, and if they lack sensitivity to that degree, you need somebody else. I would also just leave boyfriend behind. He doesn't need to go to the appointments with you unless you want him there.
Avoid everyone around you who is negative and that goes double for the sister expressing "concern." Dang, she actually said those things to you???? Words fail me. But I would be "too busy" to see her at all. Any lie will do... this is not a time for confrontations. If she actually says things like that to you, you do not need her in your life.
This is a time to go within and love yourself. I want you to imagine a pink bubble of love around your baby every day, and extend that bubble of love around yourself.
I am sending you hugs and love over the internet. Your baby boy will be here in your arms sooner than you think. By that time, you will be healing yourself emotionally from all of this. Feel free to PM me if you ever need support or reply to this thread.
I agree. Fit day or a site like that might be a really good idea. Will let you see what you are eating and how much. Weight gain is different for each woman. So I really can't help you there, I didn't gain much when I was expecting. Some people do, some people don't. I do know fit day will help you see what you are taking in and help you make sure you have your four basic food groups covered each day.
Wow, Mel? Are you still here or are you really gone? Please don't take it personally that not everyone responds. You asked for nutritional advice while you are pregnant. You spoke with a nutritionist. That's the best person to give you advice.
I can provide you with some support. Or anyone else who is in your situation and reads this. I have a 21 month old and a 7 month old. After baby #1 I had gained 23 pounds, and after #2, another 12 pounds (on the morning he was born, I was a total of 56 pounds heavier than before I was ever pregnant).
My doctor was fantastic. She could maybe sense that I was sensitive about my weight, and based on all the urine testing, blood pressure, etc. measures, things were fine from my perspective as well as the baby's. Therefore, she never brought up the weight gain. But I do remember a 9 pound month. Boy was that shocking. One thing no one told me was that I would probably not gain much weight at all during my third trimester. If I knew that I would have been able to relax more.
Your doctor may be extra cautious with you since you had a miscarriage. She may not be presenting herself in a very caring manner, but I think in your situation it is best to follow the advice you are given. Perhaps you can communicate to your health care professionals that you are aware that you are gaining too much weight from a health perspective, so if they could speak with you in a neutral, non-judgmental manner, that would be the most beneficial.
Best of luck with the remainder of your pregnancy. Oh and one final thing, I NEVER let my husband know how much I weighed. When the anesthesiologist asked me how much I weighed when I was in labor, I made my husband plug his ears. Honestly, that's just something I'm really sensitive about. I'm sure he has an idea, but I just want to keep the actual number a secret. I understand how you feel about your boyfriend knowing. But once you have the baby, the weight might just fall off! (It hasn't with me, but I'm working at it now).
I agree with a PP, maybe see if you can get a new OB. I wouldn't go to one that wasn't supportive. Maybe there is a different one in the practice?
When I was pg with Chandler I started at 334, I lost 18 lb the first tri due to m/s. Then gained that back and ended my pg'cy up 5 lb total... But 2 wks post partum I was down 40 lb, and I didn't BF either. Granted I delievered at 38 wks, but still I had a very healthy 7 lb 3 oz boy!
A couple ideas... Get how to eat when you are expecting. It's by the What to Expect When You're Expecting person. It would give you some ideas. I think the idea of a food journal that you can print would be awesome. THEN YOU CAN PRINT IT AND GIVE IT TO YOUR OB! Then he will see you are not at home eatting bon bons and ****. Don't get the cheese all beacuse you have WIC that says you should. You don't need it. I know I was/am a cheese a holic! Try and do soups and sandwiches for lunch and chicken breast for dinner with some fruit and veggies. For Breakfast could you do an "instant breakfast" like carnation? That would limit your calorie intake a bit and leave you satisfied? I lived on cereal when I was pg. I ate a ton of shreaded wheat and raisin ran. I craved the fiber for some reason, which helped keep me full.
If you're interested, I found a great predictor which tells you how much you should weigh at any point in your pregnant. I plugged it in with your details, although I had to guess what week you were at when you made your oroiginal post - I put in 26 weeks. And it said your ideal weight at that point was 225 lbs. So you are actually UNDER what you should be!!
I'm almost 38 weeks right now and I've gained almost 50 lbs which sometimes shocks me. I've been known to put on 5 lbs in ONE WEEK!!
But all I can do is eat well, when my conscience pricks me and try not to worry about it. I can worry about losing it after baby has arrived. You still have plenty of time to make sure you are eating well during the rest of your pregnancy!! But it really does sound like you are doing fine.
I can relate to a lot of your story. I just got through my first pregnancy and my daughter is just a little over 3 months. I gained WAY too much weight during pregancy....if I tell you, you'll be shocked. 80lbs!! Here it is three + months later and I am still way too heavy. I feel so unhealthy too and totally disgusted. I feel like my eating is totally out of control and how I cope with everything in my life. I want to change but I just haven't been able to yet.
God, I seriously disgust myself. Can't stop gaining weight and my maternity doc is..
I usually ended up in the 40-60 pound range with them all. 
