Need a good book for a gift! - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

ThePrettyOne · 11-14-2007, 03:23 PM

I have a very good friend. He's overweight by about 60lbs, and for 2 years I've been trying to help him (nicely) to get motivated. He'll get on it for about a week, then give up. His family is Italian (he claims he can't say no to fod), and his girlfriend is about 80lbs overweight with no intentions of losing weight so he doesnt really have the support he needs. He's really down on himself about his weight but I truly believe he wants to lose it. For X-mas I want to put a gift bag together with all "diet" related things to give him a little head start. I wanted to include a book, but not a "diet" book or a cookbook, just a book about getting healthy and weightloss. He's the sentimental kinda of guy, so I think a nice book would be appreciated. I also want to include a calorie counting manual, a pedometer, a magazine subscription voucher (something like Mens Health?I actually don't even know what that is, but the name sounds good!), and a few other fun things!

Glory87 · 11-14-2007, 03:33 PM

This is just my opinion, but I don't think is a very good idea for a Christmas gift. I understand wanting to help someone, but you're basically saying "Merry Christmas! You're fat!" Who wants that kind of proof that a friend thinks you are overweight at the holidays?

Everyone has to start on their own timetable, nagging and reminding and "helping" can just make someone feel worse.

What about a gift subscription to Harry & David's fruit of the month club? Healthy and delicious and a really great gift. Who doesn't love their pears?

ThePrettyOne · 11-14-2007, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glory87

This is just my opinion, but I don't think is a very good idea for a Christmas gift. I understand wanting to help someone, but you're basically saying "Merry Christmas! You're fat!" Who wants that kind of proof that a friend thinks you are overweight at the holidays?

Everyone has to start on their own timetable, nagging and reminding and "helping" can just make someone feel worse.

What about a gift subscription to Harry & David's fruit of the month club? Healthy and delicious and a really great gift. Who doesn't love their pears?

Oh....for anyone else I would NEVER! But we are very close, like brother/sister and this has been the bulk of what we've been talking about for the last 2 years. He gave me full persmission a long time ago to do and say whatever I need to get him into shape and kick him into gear!!

junebug41 · 11-14-2007, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glory87

This is just my opinion, but I don't think is a very good idea for a Christmas gift. I understand wanting to help someone, but you're basically saying "Merry Christmas! You're fat!" Who wants that kind of proof that a friend thinks you are overweight at the holidays?

Everyone has to start on their own timetable, nagging and reminding and "helping" can just make someone feel worse.

What about a gift subscription to Harry & David's fruit of the month club? Healthy and delicious and a really great gift. Who doesn't love their pears?

I completely agree. Sometimes the road to **** is paved with good intentions. I also like the Harry and David idea. I've been on the receiving end of well-meaning friends and family's attempt to "help" me lose weight through Christmas/birthday gifts and I just felt like poo.

JayEll · 11-14-2007, 04:21 PM

Just my opinion... Please don't give him a "diet package." You may think you're close as brother and sister, but even if my actual siblings had given me such a gift when I was obese, it would have broken my heart, and it definitely would have cooled my relationship with the giver.

If you want to give him a diet book, do it out of the blue--and don't make a big deal out of it. Just take it to him and say, "I thought you might like reading this because I found it helpful." But for Christmas... well, I just think it's not a good thing to do.

Here's a thread on a diet book discussion that we had here in Support a little while ago:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=125493

Also, you can read reviews of lots of diet books starting from the 3FC main page!

Jay

mandalinn82 · 11-14-2007, 05:15 PM

What Jay said!

Giving him a book is one thing, but there is something about it being a Christmas present. The "I read this and it was really helpful" phrasing will make it less intimidating.

I definitely wouldn't have wanted that gift from anyone, no matter how close we were. But I'd take a book as a non-gift.

I don't know what makes it different, but I feel like it is!

kaplods · 11-14-2007, 05:32 PM

I agree. A Christmas gift should say "I love you exactly as you are," and should be about indulgence (I do not mean food here, I mean impractical and fun), basically something a person wouldn't buy for themselves. At best a "self-improvement" gift is as thrilling as a pair of socks. Practical, but it doesn't exactly have love and acceptance written all over it. At worst, it sends a message that he's not good enough as he is.

Also, you make a lot of excuses for him in your post. You say his italian family and heavy wife aren't the support he needs, but that is a big assumption on your part. Just like the rest of us, if he really wanted to lose the weight, he woud find the support he needed. Maybe his wife would join him, if he got serious about losing weight (maybe not), but the choice is his, and the timing has to be his.

It's frustrating when someone we love and respect isn't "living up to their potential," according to OUR definition, but if he's an intelligent human being, then the choice is his. If and when he asks for help, you give it, but pushing the matter is disrespectful, in my opinion.

ANOther · 11-14-2007, 06:28 PM

I third the Harry & David (or a box of Honeybells or some other kind of fruit). A subscription to Men's Health may also be ok (I assume it's more than just diet/fitness stuff) but unless he asks you specifically to get him a diet or fitness-related book or other such items, stay off the issue for Xmas

Glory87 · 11-14-2007, 06:49 PM

Heh, Men's Health is like Cosmo for guys, it's hilarious!

GatorgalstuckinGA · 11-14-2007, 06:58 PM

I'm going with jay and madalinn and everyone else. A diet book for christmas. I'm sorry...but if a close friend or family member gave me that..i would be offended. I agree its ok if you give it later on..you can even read it frist and tell him, this was a great book with great ideas...but for christmas...it really should be something that's about that person...even if you are concerned about his health

almostheaven · 11-14-2007, 07:04 PM

Second and third...and fourth, fifth...

We say things sometimes to keep the peace too. So while he may have told you it's no big deal, think of how you might feel if the roles were reversed? Honestly think about it. Would you feel hurt? Most people would. Our weight isn't generally something we like to talk about even if we say we don't mind talking about it...because we do, usually. And while you'd still be friends, he'd smile and thank you for the gift, inwardly he'd be battling emotions that he'd likely keep to himself. Emotions that would only further hinder him in any weightloss efforts he would attempt.

The truest friend is there for you, helps you when you need and ask for help. They won't try to push you into it or give subtle "hints" they think you need. Just be a friend, be there for him. Make offers that he walk with you, or join you for dinner and cook a nice healthy meal to show him that healthy food doesn't have to be bland.

missy3gal · 11-14-2007, 08:03 PM

What about a basket of things that relate to an interest and will get him moving? Is he a curious kind of person? Putting a basket together with things for letterboxing would be fun and it would get him to walk and hike a little. Same with geocoaching. Did he used to play racketball and he gave it up--or some other sport? Most people enjoy a basket filled with things that that tap into their interest and desires that are unnoticed even by themselves. He may have a desire to lose weight, but you know--we have to find that way ourselves.

ThePrettyOne · 11-15-2007, 09:04 AM

Guys I didn't mean like a "Dieting for Dummies" "You're Fat, Deal With It" book.....just a nice inspirational, health related book!

For the record, he knows he's fat, he forces me to talk about it with him and FORCES me to push him. Honestly I think he has dominatrix fantasies because he seems to like me more when I am mean to him than when I am nice

missy3gal · 11-15-2007, 09:11 AM

What about Dr. Ozs new book (You: Staying Young: The Owner's Manual for Extending Your Warranty) about eating right so that you age slowly. I saw a copy of it at SAMs Club and it looks very good and motivating. It also appeals to people's vanity, so will interest many. A friend saw him on Oprah discussing it a few days ago and is very excited about giving the life approach a try. It seems easy to read with anecdotes and other things that inspire people.

veggielover · 11-15-2007, 09:21 AM

Double edge sword, reading what most people have to say. To some people, not saying anything or motivating someone is "dishonest" or "unsupportive". To others, saying something or implying something about their weight is "rude", "unwarranted" or whatever....

Honestly, I try my best not to be "unsupportive" but I find it so hard to talk about other people's weight issues. Sometimes we cross the line even when we don't intend to, and this is why 99% of the time I'd let them handle it themselves. I'd just get them fruit baskets if they really want to be healthy and have a treat, but most of my friends prefer sweets and such. I don;t kow, how about a fine bottle of wine or a fruit basket from dean and deluca's? I'm all out of ideas, but I like the concept of a book (a diet book? maybe not?)..