[Sandi]

1. I have trouble with my eyes. The fat of my eyelids makes it hard for me to focus on someone for a long period of time. The fat makes them heavy.
   
2. I have lost my looks. My face is so fat, I have so many chins, that everything else is just lost.
3. My shape is round. When I look in the mirror, I am shocked at how big I am and that there is no hiding my weight anymore. I don’t look good no matter what the outfit looks like.
4. I am always by far the biggest person in the room.
5. For once, I’d like to live life without the “if I lose weight” annotation. I am tired of waiting to see what my life will be like, only to live day after day the same.
6. I would like to go back to being the positive person that I am. I am a bright ray of sunshine that is being hidden by lbs and lbs of flesh. I sparkle, but no one can see it because of the fat.
7. I am done with everything being hindered by the fat. I want life to be what it is, good or bad, without the fat.
8. For once, I am going to finish what I start
9. I want people to admire me for what I have accomplished (losing the weight), not pity me because I am still fat.
10. I don’t want the people closest to me to worry about losing me.
11. I don’t want to die and have people say, “well, she was so fat, you knew it was just a matter of time”
12. I am sick and tired of being…a failure…a quitter…fat
13. Leg cramps
14. I want to wrestle with my son and my husband
15. I want to live without the cloak of fear that my fat gives me.
16. I want my son to be able to jump in my lap and stay there. I don’t want him to have to get up because he is hurting Mommy.
17. I want to be able to sit on the floor and not cramp up. And then I want to be able to get off the floor with some dignity, not have to crawl to something that I can use to hang on to so I can get up.
18. Simple tasks are so hard..
    a. Tying my shoes
    b. Picking something up off the floor
    c. Cleaning myself
    d. Shopping
    e. Walking
    f. Going upstairs for something
    g. Gardening
    h. Sex
19. I want to be able to do the things that my weight prevents me from doing (Or if I do them, I am miserable)
    a. Travel
    b. The beach
    c. Booths at restaurants
    d. Amusement Rides
    e. Baseball games
    f. Hockey games
    g. Riding in other people’s cars
    h. Washing the car
    i. Shopping
20. I want to be able to do my fair share, not have to do less because I can’t handle it.
21. I want to live to see my son grow up, graduate, get married, give me grandchildren.
22. I want to grow old with my husband and not have to have him be my caretaker because of my weight.
23. I want my family to be proud of me.
24. I want to be proud of me.
25. I want to feel light…small.
26. I want to feel my age, not 20 or 30 years older.
27. I want to TRY.
28. I want to be the Best me I can be
29. For once in my life, I want to be the inspiration, not the joke.

[rockinrobin]

Oh Sandi. As soon as I stop nodding my head in agreement with you and wipe away the tears, maybe then, just maybe I'll be able to type something half way coherent here.

That has got to be one of the most heartfelt, brutally honest things I have ever seen. I think I may have just fallen in love with you in fact.

That is one print worthy post. And that's exactly what I'm going to do - I think everyone here should. What an incredible list and I swear to you, not too long ago, I could have written it word for word. To a T. But instead of that, today I was able to write a post in the goal section here. And not too long from now my dear, you can do the very same thing. And I have no doubt that you will. No doubt at all. I look forward to that immensely.

[Shy Moment]

Sandi
That was so wonderful. While I don't have as much weight to lose as some people do, I see myself in so much of what you said.

I don't recognize the person in the mirror

I just wanted to hide when I saw a picture of myself.

I don't go places because I am fat and I don't want anyone to see me

My husband thinks I am beautiful but I don't want him to look at me

My pretty face is lost in the middle of all the fat surrounding it.

While round is a shape lol, I don't want to be round.

I hate to shower because I hate to touch myself. I still shower lol.

I know I have to die someday but not because I am so over weight.

I want to go to the beach and not feel like I am being stared at

I want to go anywhere and buy clothes, not hunt for the big sizes.

I want to be healthy

These were some of my thoughts 24lbs ago. Things are better than they were then. They will be even better tomorrow.

[Lyn2007]

I so agree with all you wrote. I feel the same way.

And me, I just want to be able to clean my house in jeans and a t-shirt, like a normal person, and not have to sit down and rest exhausted after vacuuming one room.

Lyn
TWENTY TWO pounds gone!
My Blog:
www.escapefromobesity.blogspot.com

[SuchAPrettyFace]

Aw, Sandi. I don't think you're a failure.

I will post mine later.

[CLCSC145]

Sandi, you speak for all of us. Thank you.

[GirlyGirlSebas]

Ditto, ditto, ditto! I can relate to every single thing you said.

[Slashnl]

Gosh, I'm right there with you. Thank you Sandi for the honesty. You're not alone!

[hellokitty81668]

Sandi, You are not a failure......... You are a work in progress!! You can do this! I believe in you!! cheryl

[LaurieDawn]

Sandi - I've been thinking about you so much lately, and have even thought of posting a question about your progress, but hesitated because I didn't know if it would be welcomed. I have so much admiration for you - you are always here, always honest, always making this forum better. You say that your sparkle is hidden, but I'll testify that it's not hidden from us.

I LOVE your post. Robin is right about how motivating it is - I have printed it out, just as I printed out her post this morning. It is so brutally honest, and will help remind me of why this journey is so important. And, for some reason, I seem to need constant reminders.

Thanks for all that you do and all that you are. I was following your progress with so much excitement up until a week or two ago when you stopped posting about it. You are so committed to this - and I know that you WILL find the key that will make the difference. Then, I will have your goal post to print out and read along with Robin's and Lisa's.

[Sheila53]

Thank you for such an honest, profound and heartfelt post, Sandi. You've expressed so eloquently what most, if not all, of us have gone through.

Whether you can accept it or not, you already ARE an inspiration for those of us here.

[Lovely]

[Glory87]

Hey Sandi - this one is DEFINITELY not true:

I would like to go back to being the positive person that I am. I am a bright ray of sunshine that is being hidden by lbs and lbs of flesh. I sparkle, but no one can see it because of the fat.

You do sparkle and I can see it easily. Your post was touching, I want this so much for you. You are definitely one of my favorite posters, if you want a diet buddy or someone to vent to or share recipes with or heck - call me on the phone if you need a pep talk to step away from an offplan food plan (or let you know if is okay), just PM me.

Jen

[Lifeguard]

My, the line about being failure just struck something in me. I have so often felt that my weight is concrete proof of how much of a failure I am.

We'll both get there.

[LisaMarie71]

This is such an incredible post, not just because it speaks to and for ALL of us (we've been there or we are there now), but also because it's just another indication of what a wonderful person you are, Sandi. As the others have said, you DO sparkle. Your honesty and your willingness to share your feelings and your struggles here are so valuable to so many of us. You're an amazing, important part of this board, and this weight loss journey wouldn't be the same without you for ANY of us. We all want to be there for you just as you've been there for us. I want so much for you to make the changes that will give you a better life, because you deserve it so much. And you WILL make those changes. Robin said she could've written that same post a year ago, and I could've as well. Now I'm a different person, but I'm the same inside. And you'll get there too. But thank God you'll be the same person inside, because that's something that definitely doesn't need to change!