Ok - has anyone out there started dating after losing a signifigant amount of weight and had loose skin ?? I'm sure there are - but what experiences have you had when you get intimate in response to the skin ???? Did they run screaming from the room - did you discuss it up front ????? Um - can anyone reassure me that it will not be as bad as I think it will be ?? I know that "if he's the man you think he is then he will like you for who you are not what you look like naked " speech. I want actual experiences.
Does the guy know that you've lost weight and are in the process of losing more? (That alone is a topic worthy of a thread - at what point in dating do you announce that your body is in the midst of change?)
I once asked a very close guy friend about what most men have to say about less-than-perfectly-perky breasts. The only breast we see in media is the perfect perky orb, which I didn't have even as a non-overweight youngster. Anyway, my guy friend said that most men are so happy to be seeing females nude that they don't care. Another guy once said that the unsexy part about most women is their insecurity about their body, not the actual body itself.
I don't have much more input than that, and I've put a moratorium on dating until I can find men that impress me a little more than the last few dates I've been on. LOL
No exact experiences as of yet. But, we live in hope. I have my eye on this guy right now and I would tell him beforehand and I don't think that he would judge my body. That is what I think you really need to look for, someone who will not judge you or your body. Find that type of guy and there are no worries.
If you tell him upfront then it would be doubtful that he would run screaming as he would have an inkling as to what he is about to see. Also, you should let any guy who would "run away" do just that; run a thousand miles away from you. Who the heck wants that kind of person anyway!?!
I had lost 75 lbs before I started dating DH and I had some loose skin already. After losing another 70 lbs, it is really showing. He did know that I had lost weight because he knew me when I was at my highest weight and he never mentioned the loose skin but then again I was 290 when we started dating so if he didn't run then, I'm not sure he'd run Also, I mentioned the loose skin to him about 40 lbs ago and showed it to him and he said "that is just a little bit" and he also says it doesn't bother him.
Also, I know as someone who has lost a lot of weight, you may feel that guys will judge you for not having a perfect body, but who does? Really? We all have our own imperfections.
...I know that "if he's the man you think he is then he will like you for who you are not what you look like naked " speech...
OK, so I won't say it because you know it.
I don't have a loose skin story but I did have a breast reduction before meeting my DH. It was many many years ago when they used to do really big anchor incisions. Now they are much much smaller incisions so the scarring is minimal. Mine though are really big and raised. It's been 18 years and they are still pink and raised. To me they look like earth worms, YUCK!, so no low cut tops or pretty bathing suits or bras for me.
Anyway, I was reeeeeeeallllly worried that my then BF (now DH) would be totally grossed out by my breasts and was really scared to tell him. He had no problem with them and obviously fell in love with me despite my earthworm boobs.
I know you're worried but I know the right guy for you will totally not care at all!
I don't have that much experience with men, but from what I have experienced, they are usually too busy feeling and touching and putting their hands on said body to seriously pay attention to loose skin and non-perky breasts (mine seriously aren't--the price to pay when you develop them at 8 and are too young to be careful enough about them, grrr). It's true that being insecure will likely be more of a 'turn-off' than having lost weight. Unless maybe you're dating a very shallow guy who really doesn't want anything else than a perfect girlfriend, but that kind of attitude will rear its head way before it's time to be naked in front of each other, so you would know.
So yeah, anyway--keep him in the palm of your hand, so to say, and loose skin will really be the least of his worries.
I am in a similar position and wondering the same thing. I started seeing a guy a few weeks ago (I’m not sure what we “are” right now but that is another tread for another time). He has been a friend of my sisters for years so he knows that I have lost a lot of weight, he is also trying to lose weight because he is heavy so it’s almost been a bonding thing were we talk about weight loss and eating habits. But I’m still extremely nervous about if things get more serious the extra skin problem. He hasn’t lost enough to have extra skin, I’ve mentioned that I wanted to eventually get mine removed so he knows I have some. But I’m afraid of him freaking out if things get more personal. More specifically he is spending the night next weekend after we go to a wedding and (um . . . this is going to sound like a cheesey pick up line) I can’t get out of my dress by myself (the straps cross my back and there is a zipper and um it’s just bad). So I’m afraid that he is going to freak out helping me get out of it, seeing the fact that I’m going to have a strapless body suit thing on to hid all of my bumbs, ect.
Sorry if this wasn’t more help, I think it was just a tangent about my own problems but hopefully it helps you realize you aren't alone! Good luck!
I lost weight in 2000/2001, I met my DF in 2003. I dated quite a few guys (I hope my mom doesn't read this ) between that... I had a baby in 2006 and I haven't had any surgury (and I still have loose skin).
Here's what I figure if a guy has an issue with loose skin, he's not worth keeping... Most guys don't have perfect bodies either!
So if not being confident is a turnoff - which I do agree with - how the **** do I relax and act confident when I am so grossed out by my own body ???? I have been like this since I was a teenager - even when my weight was NOT an issue. I am crazy about this guy and he is so going to run.
Witchy, maybe you can just hate it as little as possible and "act as if"? You're stuck with your body for the rest of your life, might as well find a way to be at peace with it.
When I weighed in the mid 300s, I hated myself, I hated my body, I used to tell myself negative things all the time. Then one day I decided I had enough and I started telling myself positive things and squashing negative thoughts.
I haven't mentioned to most of the guys I've dated that I've lost 135 pounds -- and the ones that have got a feel of my body (only a couple have seen most of it) never have asked about the skin. But I can tell you not one of them seemed to be turned off by it. And the more you date (at least for me anyway) the less self-conscious you feel. The first guy I dated (I was 23) -- I wouldn't be seen by him without full clothing on (he NEVER got to see my boobs even in my bra) -- this last guy I'm dating -- my shirt came off without hesitation and he didn't seem at all bothered by my saggy boobs. I'm uncomfortable walking around not covered up, but he's seen plenty. I really think guys don't care that much. If they are so turned on by you to start taking your clothes off in the first place, I can't see why they'd run out of the room after they finished the task.
Loose skin and dating - AHHHHHH !!!!!
Also, I mentioned the loose skin to him about 40 lbs ago and showed it to him and he said "that is just a little bit" and he also says it doesn't bother him.
