[JCaton6680]

Hi - I'm Jill. New here. I don't really know how to introduce myself so I am going to go out on a limb here an post my personal journal entry from yesterday just to let you all know where I am at.

March 26, 2002
258 lbs

Well it has happened. I have hit the proverbial rock bottom, and what’s completely ironic is that no one knows that I am here. I weighed in today at 258 pounds, more than I have ever weighed in my live. This means that I outweigh my boyfriend by 116 pounds. Disgusting. I couldn’t sleep last night. Tossed and turned for about five hours finally getting to sleep around 5 a.m. Of course, this recent bout of depression and self-loathing largely participated with my skipping my classes today. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I don’t know what the **** I should do. I am back on my diet, hopefully how horrible I felt last night and today will motivate me to stick to it this time. I am going to go on a walk since the annoying sun is telling me that I have no excuse not to. I am so depressed and I don’t know what to do about it. I think I’ll get drunk tonight. Maybe that will help. I’m starting this journal as a possible motivational tool. When I feel like binging or skipping my exercise I can read back through this and remind myself what I felt like when I weighed 258 pounds and how I absolutely cannot live like this. I am obviously not happy. I can’t enjoy the gifts of my life - my boyfriend, my education, my friends. Everything revolves around food! I’ve spend the last two weekends not showered locked in my apartment eating. This is not me! I don’t even know where I went. One this has happened though, I am no longer in denial. Being overweight is very negatively impacting what could be a very fabulous life and if I am going to be happy and successful like I have dreamed about my entire twenties , I have to do something about it. So here’s to a new beginning? Again. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow. I have to find a way to get out of Easter dinner on Sunday. I’m scared of the food and not being able to control myself. I don’t think I’ll be confident enough by then.


So that's my lowdown, and yes, I did go out and get horribly drunk last night and wound up at the Wendy's drivethrough at 11 p.m with my boyfriend. I did go on a two mile walk though.

Today I got up and weighed myself at 161!! Holy cow. The upper end of the scale just never quits does it? But on an up side. I have been back on my program (Weight Watcher's) all day. Not one little screw up. I went on my walk and I'm ready to start over? I think I need a little support. Any willing givers?

Jill

[2cute2Bfat]

Boy have you come to the right place. I think all of us in here can relate to everything you wrote. Being fat SUCKS !!!
But... it is not terminal. YOU CAN OVERCOME IT.!!!

Have you been lurking and reading? There are sooo many groups in here and ALL of them would welcome you with open arms. I recommend you read and read and read some more and find a group... or two... and join in.

Share your fears. Share your success. Share yourself.
As they say in AA... put the plug in the jug and get yourself back involved in LIFE. By that I mean... get out of the food. Follow your WW program, drink lots of water, get some form of exercise, and join in here and get involved.

We are all behind you cheering you on.

[JCaton6680]

I needed that. Good advice you got there! Do you know of any chat rooms? I can't seem to get into the ones here.

[2cute2Bfat]

I don't do chat rooms.. sorry.
I barely keep up with the boards. LOL
What seems to be the problem getting into these chats?