[AlabamaAmy]

My mother is great person and has struggled with her weight all her life. After having my brother about 18 years ago, she never really lost the weight. She's about 5ft 2in and somewhere around 170-200 pounds and is 49 years old. She has always been self conscience and a little depressed about it and i'm sure dad pointing out her fatness doesn't help. Even her brother and her dad say stuff when she's around. Of course, her brother is over weight too. My family is just so respectful i tell ya. Anyway, i'm not overweight but i have been trying to eat better and and shape up (which is a miracle in itself). I honestly can't say what motivated me unless it was just getting on this website and reading what others have to say. My mom isn't exactly computer literate and uses my brother as an excuse for not learning it (he's on it all the time. . . i'd make him get off some since SHE is the mother, but that's another story).

Anyway, right now she's been working 12 hours most every day so i know she has a good excuse now, but it hasn't always been so and i doubt it will continue to be this way. So how do i motivate her to exercise and eat right? She says she eat veggies and very little junk food but thinks eating at night hurts. Which it probably does depending on what it is that she's eating. She's been on MANY diets. . .mostly soup and salad diets and once she'd lose 20 pounds she'd stop losing, get frustrated and quit. I tried to tell her that she didn't need to do the yo-yo diets because eventually she'll get tired of it ane binge. I try to tell her she just needs to eat better and exercise. . .as a lifestyle change. I even casually mentioned that i have lost 12 pounds just from eating a little better and exercising. . . not dieting. I still eat junk food on occassion (which is the difference. . . "occassion" not often). I don't really agree in the "no starch or no meat" or whatever diets that are out there. . . not that they don't work, but i believe that moderation is the key to most everything. So i tried to make it look easy (which i know it's not. . and the hardest part is getting up and doing the exercise. . . it was for me and i know it is for her). I even gave her my WATP 1 & 2 mile DVD and told her how much i liked it, etc. And I told her she could have my stretchie once she started but she hasn't even watched it to see what it's about or anything. I try not to push since she is working a lot but once she stops working so much, what can i do?? I've never been overweight so i don't really "understand" or know how she feels. I don't want to hurt her feelings and sometimes i think she just don't care anymore. . .but her health can't be good. I mean, she says that her blood pressure, cholesterol, etc are fine but. . . . Not sure what else to do to motivate her.

Amy

[Sheila53]

While it's so sweet of you to be concerned about your mother and want to help her, she has to be the one who wants to change her life. The only thing you can do is set an example by eating healthy and exercising. If you need a walking partner, you might want to ask if she wants to walk with you because you'd like someone to talk with, but don't apply any pressure or tell her that she should because "it's good for you." And you might take your father, uncle, and grandfather aside and tell them that their comments are only hurting your mother and making things worse. Believe me, I know. You can be supportive by accepting her the way she is, loving her unconditionally, and letting her make the choice to lose weight or not.

[judyt]

Hi Amy,
I think it is so wonderful that you are trying to help your mother out of true concern for her health! I feel like I can give you alot of insite on this because I came from a family of 8 with everyone except me being thin (even my mother was and still is thin). I grew up being made fun of, not so much by my peers but by certain members of my family and guess what, they did it because they thought they were helping me (did they really think I didn't already know I was fat?). Sadly my mother was the worst, making fun of the way I looked or comparing me to my sister who was very thin and popular. I grew up feeling very isolated and my self esteem was so low that I have suffered with depression and years of counseling . I really feel that I could have made so much more of my life if my self esteem wasn't so shattered.

I did have success losing weight but only after I became an adult and learned that I needed to do this for me. My mother also regrets the way she treated me and we are very close, however I will never forget the pain she has caused me and believe it makes me a better mother to my own child (if my son ever suffers from a weight problem I want to support him for health reasons and I can't even imagine saying anything to hurt him).

Now here I am in my forties and struggling with my weight again but the difference this time is that I have a very supportive husband and a different outlook on life. Your mother can't lose weight for anyone but herself so if there is any way that you can talk to your family about the damage they are doing please do (and by all means show them my post). Also, the walk away the pounds dvds are great! I would also like to suggest Bob Greene's "The Best Life Diet". This book is excellent and focuses on making small changes over time. Check out the 3 fat chicks diet reviews and you will find an excellent review on this diet.

I hope this helps. Good luck!
Judy

[Steelslady]

Originally Posted by Sheila53

If you need a walking partner, you might want to ask if she wants to walk with you because you'd like someone to talk with, but don't apply any pressure or tell her that she should because "it's good for you."

That's exactly what I was going to suggest- ask Mom to be YOUR walking buddy. Tell her it's more fun when someone goes with you, and it goes by quicker.

Do you have a pool? Get a kid's ball, and play water volleyball with her. Buy a hula hoop from Walmart and have a fun competition- challenge her in a fun way to see if she can do it better than you. Buy a jumprope, see if you can have a fun competition with her again. Does she like tennis? Many high schools and towns have tennis courts. Go to a lake or an ocean, and if it's too cold to swim, look for shells or tread the water. How about a walking track? Most high schools have a track- tell her you'd like some company because it makes you feel safer having someone else with you, while walking it. Have a basketball hoop at home? Challenge her to a game or 21 or Around the World. Have any bikes? Go for a bike ride! My mother used to love badminton, and we used to laugh like crazy when we played- never realizing we were getting exercise, knocking the birdies out of the trees. How about a game of horseshoes? Croquet?

Make a veggie platter with a low fat dip and ask her if she'd like some. I know this works in my house with my husband and kids- if I make it, they'll eat it. She may do the same, instead of eating junk food all the time, which is easier to grab because it is already made and all you have to do is grab it and eat. Let's face it, cutting up veggies and fruits takes work- some folks are just too tired at the end of the day to do it, so they grab the fast and easy stuff to chow down. Offer to cook dinner a couple of nights a week, and make something healthy (just make sure it's tasty, lol, or they won't let you cook again).

I praise you for caring so much about your Mom. I did the same, and after awhile, she started liking how she felt after losing most of the weight. She was 65 years old at the time (died at the age of 67 due to kidney cancer and fluid in the lungs), and I got her swimming, going on the treadmill, going for walks, and she was chronically ill most of my life and on oxygen for 16-18 hours a day. She got so much better, that the doctor lowered the time she needed to use her oxygen everyday and she ended up needing less medication because her blood pressure was coming down and other problems were starting to diminish. She passed away 14 years ago, but that was the best year and a half she had (before she got sick from cancer) in over 30 years of her life, to which she was sick for most of it. Even when she had the cancer, she felt a lot better than she would have, had she not done anything to improve her health.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on about my Mom, but just wanted to say I think you're wonderful for loving and caring a lot about her to want to see her healthy. Just make it sound like you want her to join you for other reasons other than her getting into shape and losing weight, and she just may very well join you, and eventually, change her own habits once she starts feeling great from eating healthy and exercising.

Good luck, and let us know if it works! My best to you and your Mom.