[Cheryl14]

I have to say that as I have read through this thread I have found myself thinking about the MANY times in my life that I have run into sabotage...AND NOT RECOGNIZED IT!! I'll bet THAT'S why I gained over 100 pounds!

- didn't want to appear ungrateful, impolite
- wanted to BLEND IN with the group
- wanted to bond with friends and their habits
- didn't want to offend well-wishers

ETC. ETC. ETC.

Honestly, I think I was on some other planet until a few years ago when I finally got my head in gear and began to stand up for myself!!

Combatting sabotage for me has first meant caring for myself enough to think of my own needs and wants and desires. This is very new territory for me, because I have spent a lifetime thinking of everyone else FIRST. I STILL stay up late and wake up early so that I have time FOR ME that is just for me. It is still very difficult for me to not try to constantly make everyone's life a great life as I deny myself what I want. I struggle with this DAILY.

After I realized that I was a worthwhile person and deserved to be happy, I began to get better at asking for what I needed from others. It is still very hard for me to rely on others and ask for help, but I am working on it. Part of my asking for help plan has been in explaining to my MIL why I can't have seconds of her delicious food. I have also explained to my husband that if I continue to be his late-night eating buddy, I will NOT lose the weight that I want to lose. With my friends I have to tell them that I will be at Happy Hour but I will be drinking water and passing up the 1/2 price appetizers. I have to act friendly, speak kindly but firmly, and project confidence in my choice to do things that will HELP my effort and not thwart it. It is EXHAUSTING to me!

Losing weight has shown me that I AM a worthwhile person. When I was 275 pounds I did not believe that I was.

[Reddalice]

With a lot of heavy "big-is-beautiful-and-healthy" members in my family... it is hard... and enraging! At my 3 yr old cousins birthday dinner, I turned down extra lasagna. This was met by the hounds with things like, "Good god, really now! One extra cup won't kill you." "Loosen up a little bit." "One cup won't make you fat." "You deserve good food sometimes." and my own person favorite, "you would turn down food I made for you...?"

Unfortunately with things like this floating around my head constantly, I am always battle ready- but do not act on it. I don't need to defend myself, it really isn't anyone business. I keep in mind, smug yes, when I'm sliding into a swim suite for the 4th of July... you will be gawking with that extra cup of lasagna. All those food pushers? I figure they are doing because A: they don't want to be alienated for their food habits, misery loves company. or B: they don't want to see you deprived. Either way, I dig my heels in everyday with a visual of what I am becomming and what I am leaving behind and why that extra cup isn't worth it.

[sweetnsassyfied]

WoW thats harsh harping Reddalice! It sounds as if you have some very outspoken fem fatale's in your family. But I am willing to bet you can give as good as you get! I would have my responses at the ready for the next get together and some of the ones given here were great!

Like when they say:

"Loosen up a little bit."

Response:

"Loosen? Loosen!! You wouldnt believe how loose my pants are getting!! And all because I can say No to just one more!" ( then walk away with a huge smile on your face... dont give em time to reply.)

"One cup won't make you fat."

Response:

"Nope it wont. But one hundred-one cups will. Gotta draw the line somewhere. Here is good." (and draw a line with your finger along your waist or mouth and laugh. turning that slam into a funny.)

"You deserve good food sometimes."

Response:

"I deserve Great food ALL the time! Thats why I eat the way I do because I deserve to!"

Your all time fav along with my all time fav way to respond.

"you would turn down food I made for you...?"

"I didnt turn it down are you kidding me??!!?? I ate it, I LOVED it! It was the best thing on the whole table! ( Big whole-hearted hug here, complimented with a kiss on the cheek ) Thank you for making it for me. But more importantly thank you for thinking of me. ( or if its a Mom or Grandma ) Thank you for loving me as only you can. I love you too."


This last one is the one that kicked me in the head. It read so harsh, so brutal. Perhaps its just this medium and it didnt sound the way I read it too. Boy I hope so.

"Good god, really now! One extra cup won't kill you."

(( I can see the roll of the eyes, hear the disdain in the voice when reading this sentence. And if I am correct in this... Here's where I would give as good as I got. ))

"Why would you care what I am eating or what I am not??!! If your so sure it wont kill me, YOU eat it and lets find out!"


Some people will never understand the subtle difference between indulging and over-indulging. An indulgence is something to be savored and enjoyed. An over-indulgence goes without saying. Or at least for me guilt and remorse.

[Kery]

Originally Posted by sweetnsassyfied

"You deserve good food sometimes."

Yeah, we'll be SO miserable and our lives won't be worth living anymore if we can't get our regular line of cookie-powder.

[JayEll]

Kery

Jay

[funnygirl33]

In European culture I think our culture is all about eating. Nobody says lets go walking, everyone says lets go for a pizza, for a bite and so....its hard. Even when we go walking we end up at the restaurant of some kind.

Its much harder because people are use to eat and socialize. I can’t find lots of people just for walking......they have to have final goal – food.

I try to avoid that kind of things or at the beginning I say that I am not going to eat so we agree on that before we go. And if someone can’t deal with the fact that I will drink only water until day eat – I don’t go. That’s it.

I was really nervous about that before but now I choose more friendly people for a company and go less in restaurants and fast food joints. I try to think positive – most of them thon think about what are doing to me by saying – eat, eat. That is better because if I got negative thinking about people then I just want to eat.

When somebody says – you deserve – I say – see were that got me to ....and I just say – I don’t eat that. I don’t explain anything to anyone and I got aggressive if they nag me. I have the right to do whatever I want with my life. Usually that is enough. If not – I dont care if they will hate me. Too pleasing to other got me where I am.