Hello... i hate to start a new thread. and i did a quick search and couldnt really find one.. and i need help... badly. IM SABOTAGING MYSELF!! AHHHHHHHHH. ok. now that i got that out of my system.. heres my problem.
I do GREAT during the day. im moving more. . eating WAY less.. eat most of my calories during the day so i can burn them off.. and in the evening i have a nice large salad with lots of veggies. im not deprived! but as soon as i put my daughter to sleep.. and my boyfriend goes to sleep... im in the kitchen rumminging through the fridge and pantry like i havent eaten all day! and i CANT STOP! what happens... is i convince myself i'll only eat a little something. (stupid freaking brain.) and than im feeling so low about it. . that i say too **** with it. ive already messed up my diet.. i'll just start again tommorow... and i eat till im full. and i eat crap like sandwitches and leftovers from my Bf's dinner.. waffels POUNDED with butter and syrup...loaded with calories. .. and i mean LOADED... *sigh* i just feel like crying. and when im doing it.. i will tell myself that its wrong. i should just go to bed, i should go take a shower. i should go get on 3Fc... but my hands keep moving. and i keep eating. . i dont know what to do. . i feel like a freak. IM A FREAK! i cant take this anymore. this internal struggle is getting so much harder to bear.. i know weight loss is something i want so badly.. so why am i sabotaging myself?? i feel like im at war with myself. . and i just want some peace. . how did all you 'losers' (and i mean that in the endearing way) do it? am i the only one that does this? is this just something im going to have to learn to get around??... sigh.... thanks for reading this... i feel like im having my own little pity party here and i just hate it. im just going to go cry.
Location: Ft Campbell KY/Clarksville TN - studying in Vancouver BC
Posts: 65
S/C/G: 220/113/100
Height: 5'5''
I saw this in the new posts and I couldn't not reply, even though this isn't really my haunt.
First off, you're not a freak. This is normal. I've done it as well. I did it at my highest weight, I did at my lowest. I eat stellar during the day and I would wait until everyone was asleep and just binge binge binge. The only thing I found to help was to remove the food entirely. I couldn't have it around. This did mean my partner had to make some changes too (my kids already ate "good" foods), but in the long run he was fine with it (as he was overweight as well and is getting down to a healthier weight) and is currently very happy.
Try talking to your boyfriend. Explain to him that if he leaves his junk food around you're not going to be able to lose weight and you really want to - for your health and other reasons. He needs to be supporting you and while I'm guarenteeing he's not intentionally doing it, the things he eats are helping you sabotage yourself. Once the stuff is removed and you're in a good routine of healthier foods, you'll notice not wanting it as much. This is what really helped me kick it. I'm at the point now where I CAN have small treats in the house (I really enjoy those 100 calorie packs from Nabisco. I've found I can eat 1/2 to 1 and be completely happy) - but it took a LOT of work and it's not over night so try not to be discouraged. Bt's taken me five years, a lot of tears, and a lot of patience to get to this point.
If you're finding the binging to be a huge problem, you might want to see a counseler about it. They can help you get to the root of it.
Hi Lana,
I emphathize with you about the nighttime binging--I think this is my worst time, too.
I noticed in your description, that you seem to be alone when this happens--you put your daughter to bed, and your BF goes to sleep. The same thing happens to me--my husband goes to sleep, and my daughter is busy studying or on the phone with friends (I have noticed that when she is free and we do things together, we do NOT binge!!!).
So sometimes I think that perhaps I am using food because it keeps me "company".
I also know that if I had just salad for dinner, I would starve! I need a good whack of protein a few hours before I go to sleep to keep from getting hungry.
I think Tristesse's suggestions are just great--having low fat snacks around helps me too. I have ices and great tasting teas, and make treats out of them.
Good luck, and don't get down on yourself!
Serf (Ellen)
Don't beat yourself up over this. Alot of us have been there and I still "fall off" sometimes. Just recently I was eating alot of cereal and I mean a 3-4 serving bpwl at night then going back for seconds sometimes. I don't know why I was doing this but I used Lent as my wqy to stop it. I am soneone who hates to fail at challenges so I joined the lent challenge and now I still want cereal bu tit is just not as bad.
I am like you if at the computer I can still eat. Have you tried reading or find a type of hobby or craft that you like. I now have some 75%cooa chocolate and sometimes with all natural peanut butter before that I was having a small banana and peanut butter. i find he peanut butter fills me up and if I think of eating anylore I get nausous.
Evening is a tough time for me too, but it's been much better since I've been working with it rather than against it. Instead of three meals a day with little or no snacking, I eat about five to eight small meals (or large snacks), and spread them out as evenly through the day as I can. This helps keep my blood sugar on an even keel, and I don't get that rebound hunger at night from starving all day.
Newer research shows that it does not matter when you eat your calories, but rather many people often choose foods the evenings that are higher in fat and calories than the foods they choose earlier in the day. Eating too light a dinner, might be setting you up to crave fat, sugar and salt at night.
Carb cravings are a big problem for me, especially at night, so I have customized my food plan to minimize carbohydrate cravings, and describe it as "high fiber, high volume, low calorie, low glycemic whole foods," (inspired by Weight Watcher's Core, Neanderthin, Southbeach diet, Volumetrics and other "good carb" diets). Basically I limit carbohydrates like rice, bread, and potatoes, and try to choose "real" foods that still resemble something found in nature (no cheeto tree, so no cheetos).
The other big change I made was no more free-for-all binging. If I eat something I hadn't intended to, I don't get to keep eating until I go to bed. If I'm still hungry, I can find something else to eat, but it has to be back to "real foods." The other night, I felt like I was eating non-stop, and I definitely exceeded my calorie average for the week, but I stuck to fruit, cheese, rye crispbread, and raw vegetables with hummus and South Beach ranch dressing. In the morning, I was sure I would see a gain, at least temporarily from just the water weight of the food, but instead I had a loss.
Cleaning out the kitchen helps alot. Since BF is eating things that you want to avoid, you might even want to consider buying a foot locker or steamer style trunk and having BF keep his stash in there (maybe even with a lock).
For a while we kept my husband's snacks in a file cabinet drawer behind a table. If I (or he) wanted to eat them, I had to move furniture to get them.
He didn't like that, so he started putting them in a closed box by his chair.
Now that we're both watching what we're eating, we just don't keep it in the house.
I did the same thing last night when I couldn't sleep and decided to get up. I was hungry too, as usual, and I ate low-fat/low-sugar/high-fiber food. Although I should not have ate so much and so late, it could have been worse. I'm not sure why we do this. Thank goodness I had no junk food in the house! Today is a new day. Try eating more protein at dinner to keep you full. Tonight, I'm going to have a healthy snack about an hour or so before bed so I'm not going to bed hungry. Maybe this will help us to stop the late night eating/bingeing. A banana is filling and a better choice than junk. Healthy cereal is filling and satisfying. Don't beat yourself up, you'll do better today. Get rid of the junk food and stock up with healthy food that way you'll have no other choice than to eat healthy. Make up some FF/SF jelly with FF cool whip for a snack, that helps too. We can do this one day at a time, one meal at a time, one pound at a time.
I'm new here; I hope my post comes through. This forum is fantastic!
First of all - YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. Many, many of us have these issues. You are not alone. Also, never apologize for posting something like this. This is exactly what this site is here for.
I definitely agree with the other posters about getting protein with your dinner. That is absolutely vital for me to feel full and sated - at every meal.
One thing to do is to plan a snack for that time of night and have some safe go-to snacks. The 100-calorie bags of popcorn are one of my favorites. Crunchy, salty and volume! How about a few laughing cow cheeses and whole-wheat crackers? A 100-calorie English muffin with some reduced calorie jam? There are lots of options. A nice cup of tea can also do wonders.
Then there is the emotional side. Everyone is asleep and you are alone with yourself. Are you eating to try and fill a void that you are feeling in your life? Is there something bothering you that will trickle its way back through your consciousness if you don't anesthetize yourself with food? If you are bored, what would you really like to be doing? If you can hold out without eating for a few minutes and really try and tell what the feelings are that are associated with your nighttime eating, you might learn a lot about why you feel compelled to do it. This is NOT an easy thing to do, so if it doesn’t work the first time, don’t beat yourself up, but try again when you are ready.
Thanks for all of the support and Ideas. i will definatly try to add some protien to my salad in the evening. and see if that curbs the impulse to want to eat-- as far as me eating because im alone.. perhaps theres something to that. i dont know. im mostly alone during the day too,-- im a stay at home mom, and my baby is about 9 mos old. --- so, i dont know. im frustrated, but everyday is a new day.. and im putting forth my best effort. . im really feeling like this is just too hard.. and im working on changing my attitude.. i know i can do it. showing myself a little tough love... if i can get through that first day... its a little easier.. because than i dont want to screw up what i have already acomplished.. ya know? i do appreciate all the help though. . . thank you very much..
You are most certainly not a freak! Many of us have compulsive eating issues, it's what got us where we are. Everyday is a new beginning, so please don't be so hard on yourself.
Have you checked out Overeaters Anonymous? Or perhaps since you are a new mom on your own much of the day, is there an opportunity for you to socialize and network with other moms in your area? Perhaps having some in-person group support and camaraderie will help.
Regardless, for being brave enough to give voice to your pain. I hope venting it out has helped in some small measure.
I do the exact same thing! I feel out of control. My mind tells me to go ahead.....when I know darm good and well not to. Then I go through this "my diet is ruined" thing and it all goes to ****. I can't just stop when I am full, I have to keep eating and eating and eating, all the while my husband is looking out of the corner of his eye thinking to himself "I can't believe how much food she can put away". He doesn't say much but I know he is thinking it. Heck, I would be too if I were him watching him eat literally tons of stuff. I wish I could stop too........
Night time was certainly the worst for me as far as eating 'junk'. I have worked out that it was simply 'habit' that would start it off, then I basically ate without thinking for the rest of the time.
I had to do something drastic to break the habit, and I did what someone else mentioned. I didn't bring any junk food into the house for probably 6 or more months. Hubby lost too much weight at first, and we had to add more carbs and protein to his meals for a while. I was very lucky that he was happy for me to do this and it certainly has done him no harm either. He is much healthier than he was before. His skin has cleared up and he has far fewer headaches or problems with allergies. So, this kind of lifestyle can help the whole family!
I didn't stop having 'treats' altogether, I found healthier snacks to have IF I needed/wanted them. I also had other treats OUTSIDE the house at first, but because nights were a problem for me I had to remove all temptation for a while. After a while I didn't even want other types of treats. I was happy with the healthy ones I was having, so I took them with me wherever we went. I am now able to have all sorts of junk food around and not be tempted by it, which is a major turning point in my life.
I also totally agree with the others about adding protein to your meals. It definitely helps to curb the hunger pangs. There are so many lean meats out there and egg whites are a wonderful source of low calorie protein. I make egg white omelettes with veggies and a little meat sometimes as well. YUM!
I can sooooooo completely relate to this!! Many nights I had just grazed and grazed. Often not even remembering all I had eaten. It is habit....and the only one it was hurting was ME.
What I do now is plan..plan..plan. I have an early dinner and then have a night time snack between 7:30 and 8:00 each night. I just finished a cup of Kashi Go lean Crunch cereal (dry) for my evening snack. I am full and I am up for two more hours or so before bed, so its all good. Things I have include celery and baby carrots with salsa, dry cereal, 100 pack snack pack, frozen sugar free treat (Skinny cow Fudge bars are great and are only 110 calories!), or a few cups of Smart balance microwave popcorn.
I totally feel for you, but know that others have been where you are and you CAN get past this!
Compulsive night time eating...?
Night time binging
